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 Expert
Posts: 1304
 
| What do you do when someone won't make a compromise in a relationship, friendship, etc? May seem like an easy question to most but when it's something big, and you don't want to make the decision to choose between option A or B and you want to compromise, but the other person won't compromise between two situations..how do you handle that? How do you convey the benefits of a compromise? How do you deal with this in general and what's a positive, effective way to approach it? I'd like realistic answers that are respectful and not stooping to how the other person, not wanting to compromise, is acting. |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
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Location: Texas | Honestly, I would probably walk away from this friendship/relationship. If it always has to be 'their' way, that is not a person that I want to deal with. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| If they won't compromise, then you can't either, I would have to walk away from the relationship based on what info you have supplied. It's hard - I know - I've been there. |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | There are a lot of people in this world to have to live or be around someone that is a pain. If it has to be their way all the time you will regret this relationship the longer it goes on. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| You all have made some good/true points..I feel that when I even dabble around this topic my heart or feelings look like their pleading my case and not facts, etc so I'm trying to figure out an effective way to approach coming to an agreement and the benefits instead of just feelings talking. |
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Location: Not Where I Want to Be | for those of you that automatically say "walk away"
What if your option, whether it be A or B is the wrong one?
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | To me the question is whether or not they NEVER compromise or is it just a few times. And honestly what if your friend won't compromise because they know they are right. Depends on the issue. There have been a number of times with my husband I have had to force the issue and he admits later I was right to do it that way. That being said when it is something small and I don't have to be right or am not 100 percent certain on it then I generally give in pretty easy. |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | You have to pick your battles.
I'm in that situation right now...I caved, not happy about the situation and 'just dealing' with it. It is a family situation that was supposed to help out for a few months, turned into (currently) 6 months.
Question is, can you deal with it or walk away. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | there is simply not enough info to just say leave.Is it an ongoing issue?Is it a life changing situation.will someone be hurt by the compromise? Do you feel you are genuinely trying to compromise,or do you just want your way? Life is short,pick your battles,choose to be happy.If the situation is not gonna go your way,and you just cant live with it,move on,be happy,and let the other person be happy as well. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you for all of the responses. Honestly..I think it's going to come down to me picking between someone I love and my dog. I feel we can compromise, but I don't think he feels that way. I've made a pros and cons list for leaving things the way they are, having it his way, and then a compromise so maybe we can lay this all out on the table. If he's not willing to compromise over a dog, I'm not so sure I'm really important to him or not..I hope it doesn't get to that point but I feel that it's going to.
ETA: I'm not getting rid of my dog.
Edited by blccwgl55 2016-05-22 11:41 AM
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | blccwgl55 - 2016-05-22 12:40 PM Thank you for all of the responses. Honestly..I think it's going to come down to me picking between someone I love and my dog. I feel we can compromise, but I don't think he feels that way. I've made a pros and cons list for leaving things the way they are, having it his way, and then a compromise so maybe we can lay this all out on the table. If he's not willing to compromise over a dog, I'm not so sure I'm really important to him or not..I hope it doesn't get to that point but I feel that it's going to. ETA: I'm not getting rid of my dog.
well,that just made it TONS easier for me...I wouldnt ever give up my dogs,FOR ANYONE.im thinking he knew about the dog,so,he would be gone,thats a simple one for me lol.Its a shame you are having to choose,and that you will be hurt no matter what emotionally,im sorry |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | it depends. Does the dog practically put him in the hospital over an allergy? Is the dog a bad one? does he bite? have you allowed the dog to chew up his things or potty all over? It could be he is more frustrated with you to allow a dog to misbehave. If the guy just doesn't want to be tied to a dog or can't handle dog breath then he needs to go. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 331
Location: Oklahoma | Nope would NEVER give up my dogs! They are a part of the FAMILY. My husband knew I had and will always have dogs. He knew if he wanted me he had to take my dogs. Good luck - sorry you are being put in this situation. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| My dog generally speaking doesn't like men, especially on the younger side. My dog has ran and pooped everywhere in the past out of fright and I believe spite. I totally understand that that is a problem. Unfortunately he's not the kind of dog you can physically discipline, like the plenty of dogs I've had before. The boyfriend spanked him for pooping and it's been even worse since then. It also doesn't help that he doesn't like dogs sleeping with him, etc so there's a distance between them that I'm not sure can be fixed. MY compromise, would be that if we were to live together that the dog would obviously remain 100% my responsibility as it's always been, he could stay outside or kenneled, in a room if cold during the day while we're gone. He could spend some time with me in the evening on my lap watching TV, etc, and then kenneled/in his own bed at night. He doesn't do this behavior anymore because he's not dealt with him alone since. Bradley does hide or goes in my room if he comes over. I feel my compromise is fair because he won't be inside alone/around him a lot to where he could continue this behavior. The pooping really went on in the beginning when he would try to go to my apartment before me or walk him for me when I wasn't there. He hasn't been alone with him so we don't face this issue anymore. It doesn't help that both him and the dog could care less to be around eachother so here we are! I know that his pottying like that in the beginning is an issue and really gave my boyfriend a bad taste in his mouth but it was so long ago (2014), and you have to put forth effort to try and mend the relationship because dogs don't forget. I don't feel this is something that I should have to choose between. If Bradley continued this behavior now or was a biter, I'd understand..
Edited to fix my grammar
Edited by blccwgl55 2016-05-22 12:44 PM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Being devils advocate here.
If you are not willing to re home the dog, then you must not care about the relationship either.
I get where he is coming from, if the dog is going to have accidents or deliberately soiling in the house you two are living together, his belongings could be ruined, then what is he supposed to do.
He may like a clean house, and if the dog keeps doing his thing in the house, it is hard to get that smell out.
Do I think it is fair for the dog to be kenneled as much as you are saying, absolutely not, he may be thinking this way too.
Do I think it is appropriate that during the evening you are cuddled up with the dog instead of your man, nope. As this is telling me the priority is the dog not the relationship.
I think there is possibly some underlying issues |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| I understand where you're coming from as well. We've had some issues that I've gotten over and forgiven him for so I guess I'm bitter and don't understand why he can't do the same for me. He wants a dog and I just feel like I'm going to be upset when he gets a dog, but we couldn't keep mine. I've seriously considered rehoming him but it worries me because he's a rescue and I'm afraid for finding him a good match. I also feel that this dog has been my responsibility and I would feel incredibly guilty for rehoming him. I also get upset because I don't feel like my boyfriend has tried to be nice to him, and I feel upset with my dog because of the way he acted in the past too. It feels like a lose-lose situation for me. I'm trying to consider all options, it's just really hard.. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| I also wanted to add I didn't mean spend the whole entire evening with him. My boyfriend and I sit on separate couches, not cuddling a lot of times watching TV, doing work, etc and don't have to be up eachother's butts so I meant when we're not spending time together in that sense. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | How long have you been with your boyfriend, did you have the dog befor your boyfriend? I would have a problem too if I had to choose, if the boyfriend is going to be a life long partner and the dog is in your life for only the dog years that he has left, I really think the boyfriend should just bite the bullet and try to be friends with your dog, if the boyfriend is planning to be with you for the rest of his life. Thats not fair for the dog to have to be rehome again, the boyfriend should love you for having such a big heart. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| We've been together since the fall of 2014. We had a bump in the road and split for about a month in January, but it made our relationship better when we got back together. I've had Bradley since the fall of 2012. I understand why he doesn't like him, but I just don't understand why we can't compromise and he has to understand that you can't be nice to a dog once and him like you. I'm going to talk to him about it and suggest some things, but we'll see. I came on here to ask because I have too many animal-loving people in my life and they wouldn't understand, nor would I want anyone to feel badly towards him. I think we're both very serious, but this is our main problem. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | blccwgl55 - 2016-05-22 1:30 PM We've been together since the fall of 2014. We had a bump in the road and split for about a month in January, but it made our relationship better when we got back together. I've had Bradley since the fall of 2012. I understand why he doesn't like him, but I just don't understand why we can't compromise and he has to understand that you can't be nice to a dog once and him like you. I'm going to talk to him about it and suggest some things, but we'll see. I came on here to ask because I have too many animal-loving people in my life and they wouldn't understand, nor would I want anyone to feel badly towards him. I think we're both very serious, but this is our main problem. How old is the dog and what breed? You have had this dog way to long to be rehoming him, just not fair I think for him. Ask your boyfriend to help you on this, ask him what he would do if he were in your place. He must know that you love this dog..
Edit to add: If hes really an animal lover he should know how your feeling. 
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2016-05-22 1:39 PM
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