|
|
  Snake Charmer
Posts: 1632
   
Location: Texas | To make a long story short, I was adopted at birth. My "mother" has always made sure to tell people I was her adopted child. Fast forward 50 years, my mother has been a psycho witch my whole life. For the past 8 years she has been putting up with my brother and his son stealing, doing drugs, etc while living with her. Two weeks ago, she called my hysterical over the grandson being high and stealing I called the police. She promptly called me back, chewed me out, and said for me to just forget about her, that I had a mother. (My birth mother) since then she has called up several people telling them she's through with me.
Now she has started calling me again. I'm not picking up, and she's not leaving messages. How would you guys handle this situation? |
|
| |
|
 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Change my phone number and my name and my address. Nobody deserves to be put through that crap. |
|
| |
|
 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Wow, that is a terrible situation to be in. I would walk away, that said I have witnessed many adults keep trying to have the kind of relationship with their parents despite the bad treatment. I don't think you would be any worse off without her. Hugs |
|
| |
|
 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 575
| I think it really depends on where you're at emotionally. To be frank, I think your adoptive mother sounds quite awful. No mother should ever say things like that to her children no matter what the circumstances. I think you have every right to hold your ground and not accept her calls. Or if you didn't want to deal with the calls, it's incredibly easy to block a number. I cut a parent out of my life many years ago, and even after his death, I do not regret it. His presence did not add value to my life, and it was very draining to keep him around. You don't NEED to keep toxic people in your life, not even family. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 865
| Read the book titled "mean mothers". Do a google search and you can find it. After reading the book then make a decision on your mother. My guess is you will be done with her and the abuse and hopefully create a happy life for yourself. Good luck and always treat yourself well! |
|
| |
|
 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | rpreast - 2016-10-04 2:58 PM I think it really depends on where you're at emotionally. To be frank, I think your adoptive mother sounds quite awful. No mother should ever say things like that to her children no matter what the circumstances. I think you have every right to hold your ground and not accept her calls. Or if you didn't want to deal with the calls, it's incredibly easy to block a number. I cut a parent out of my life many years ago, and even after his death, I do not regret it. His presence did not add value to my life, and it was very draining to keep him around. You don't NEED to keep toxic people in your life, not even family.
I agree with this.
No offense, but she sounds nothing like a mother and sounds very unstable at that. |
|
| |
|
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | No advice, but just wanted to say I hope that this woman is ashamed of herself for saying what she said to you, just sending you hugs  |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 808
| I had a father like that, I have not talked to him in 6 years and those 6 years have been pure bliss without his hatred and mean spirit. |
|
| |
|
Snake Charmer
Posts: 1632
Location: Texas | Thank you guys for the replies. Since I posted this she has called three times, and finally left a message. Said she just wanted to see if I was feeling better. I was sick two weeks ago. Acts like nothing is wrong. As usual. I'm just done. Tired of being treated like a second rate pos. |
|
| |
|
 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Bless your heart, no one deserves to be treated like this. I hope you find peace in your decision, and like someone else said, this woman isn't a mother by my definition. Reading these posts makes me so so thankful for my momma and daddy. . . . |
|
| |
|
 Take a Picture
Posts: 12842
| Sounds like she is doing drugs with the others. |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | I too was adopted. I have found both my bio parents. I just found the birth father 2 weeks ago. Put some distance between you and your adopted mother. She sounds like she wants to have drama to keep herself a victim and hero. |
|
| |
|
 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | She sounds like she needs some medication. Seriously. There's some type of mental illness there that YOU can't fix.
If she wants to be taken advantage of by her son and grandson, that's on her, not you. Don't get involved and if she calls you to cry about it, tell her there's nothing you can do, that she has to be the one to take care of it. Don't engage her.
I feel terrible that she's put you through that, but you sometimes have to cut people out of your life when they do nothing but bring you down. |
|
| |
|
 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | classicpotatochip - 2016-10-04 4:57 PM Change my phone number and my name and my address. Nobody deserves to be put through that crap.
agreed......i completely cut my mother out of my life, she was similar to that. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 2128
| I am currently not speaking to my mother because of the emotional games she tries to play and the drama she causes. I decided that I am leaving it totally up to her to have a part in my life. If she made an attempt to contact me I would speak to her however I wont participate in any negativity or foolishness. Unfortunatly I am having to be the adult in this situation. You have to set boundaries and not allow yourself to be mistreated. It sounds like your mother is enabling your other family members. I know a situation similar with my husbands side. You cant tell her anything. You tried to do the right thing by calling the cops but ended up being the "bad guy". Distance yourself and do not allow her to belittle you. You do not deserve that, noone does. |
|
| |
|
 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4642
Location: Texas | Cut her out of your life... Don't waste your time with toxic people, even if they are your adopted family. |
|
| |
|
 Just a Yankee
Posts: 1239
Location: Some where I haven't left yet | I have recently had to do that with my sister. I've shed tears, but in the end it's her life and only she can change it. (physical, emotional abuse and we won't even talk about what happens to her children) I would make a report to the Department of Human Services for Elder abuse - then put space between you and her. "Love at a distance" |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | Unless you are absolutely sure you don't ever want to hear from her again... take her calls, say hello, stay engaged until she starts whining or complaining (about you are anyone else). As soon as that starts, interrupt her by saying "I have to go now. It's been nice talking to you." and hang up. No ifs, ands, or buts, just hang up. She'll either get mad enough to be the one to cut ties or she'll learn to be pleasantly focused on having a good relationship with you. I've had to use this with family and friends and ex-husbands at different times. One was my mother and we went through several periods where I couldn't do anything right by her opinion. We often didn't agree on things but that didn't mean I had to let her ruin my day. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 788
| Pray about it is all I know to tell you. This woman clearly needs some help of her own, but completely shutting her out may not be the solution. But, it depends on if she feels bad for what she did to you. Since she is calling you she may have realized what she did was terrible. Which in no way means you should just act like nothing happened. Some space is really needed here, but its up to you how much space. It is one thing to over-react in a situation (we have all done that at some point in our lives) but going out and telling other people that you are a horrible person for trying to do the right thing is going over board. You cant forgive someone if they do not see a problem with the way they acted, which means you need to get away from her. But, she does need to know that what she did really hurt you and your relationship with her should not be like that, and you will not tolerate it. Good luck and Prayers for you! |
|
| |
|
 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | My mother has a lot of mental problems. Her standard is to blame me or my dad for everything wrong in her life. I have finally gotten to a point where the ground rules are: if she is pleasant when she calls me or stops by I will talk to her. When she starts getting nasty I remind her that I refuse to listen to that crap and I hang up or ask her to leave. I've explained the rules to her and I will not argue with her for any reason. Anything nasty comes out of her mouth and I hang up. I've had to call the cops on her and make her leave my property twice over the years. Now she knows if she can't control herself and be nice she stays away.I also don't expect meaningful conversations or emotional support of any kind from my mother. |
|
| |
Folks on-line