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 BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9884
    
Location: Missouri | My daughter is 18 years old and in the past 4 years we have lost alot of people. My husbands Grandmother, two weeks later my mother, five months later my brothers 11 year old daughter to cancer. Then the following year she lost a fellow student. The next year we lost my best friend who was like a second mother to her and five months later my mothers husband of 30 years, who was as good as a father to me and the only grandfather she had known, besides my biological dad.
Sunday evening, her best friends brother who is 17, fell asleep on the way home from deer hunting, ran off the rode and died from his injuries Monday evening. He was not wearing a seat belt and was less than 5 miles from home. They were very close and only didn't date due to the friendship between his sister and her. He had told her he was taking her to her senior prom this year.
She is over come with grief to the point of unhealthyness and has cried almost non stop for 2 days. I drover her to the hospital Monday to say goodbye, as his family graciously shared him with all that came. I sat in the hall and watched young person after young person attempt to deal with this senseless tragedy. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever witnessed and I felt completely helpless.
They have offered grief counseling to the students and a help line for those who need to talk over the holidays and I advised her to call, as I feel like she may need more professional help this time.
She is a beliver in Christ. My heart breaks for her. |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | I am so sorry. Many hugs and prayers to your daughter in helping her cope with all the tragedy and loss. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | this will be the toughest one for her to come back from.She is at an age that is diffucult to believe life will go on.I would let her spend as much time as possible with her best friend,his sister,as possible.If she can grieve with his family,perhaps she can witness them healing,and heal with them.
Keep a close eye on her,and if needed take her in to the doctor.This is gonna be a long process.Be there for her,and just listen.
She is in my prayers as well as this young mans family. |
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BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9884
Location: Missouri |
She wanted to be with her friend yesterday, but they were spending the day with family. Twice yesterday I know that my daughters friends at different times came to check on her. Two of them were there when I got home from work.
She has been saying she loved him and can't go on without him in her life. We had a discussion last night about that. A year ago my husbands uncle took his own life and she has stated many times how selfish an act that was. I am worried about her and do believe she may need professional help. I pray she is not entertaining the idea. I think she is smarter than that and really doesn't believe that it is an option. However she's said more than once that it's pointless to go on. |
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  Independent Cuss
Posts: 3978
Location: Dearing, GA | When I was 15, I found my father dead on the floor, and seemed to go on a spiral of losing people from there. I understand what she feels, and if she wants to chat I will be here.
The best thing my mom did for me is force me to go to a place called Camp Good Grief. I was there for three days (overnight), and met a dozen other kids who had experienced various kinds of losses. I was given coping mechanisms that I still use to this day, and that was almost 10 years ago.
I will pray for your daughter to find peace. Push her to talk to someone. |
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 Some Kind of Trouble
Posts: 4430
| Just praying for her. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Im glad to hear you have an eye on that.Trust me at her age she truly believes and feels it is useless to go on. I would keep her in my sights and make sure someone is with her at all times right now. I am speaking from personal experiance,so i understand her thought process very well.Im sure she loves him,and at her age,it seems as though her life is over.let her know how much you love her and need her in your life.right now she is devistated,and it may take years to move on. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | Thank you for comming here to share this. I saw on FB yesterday something horrible had happened but didnt want to ask. hugs and prayers Tbred for you and your daughter. |
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BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9884
Location: Missouri | luluwhit - 2016-11-23 9:40 AM Thank you for comming here to share this. I saw on FB yesterday something horrible had happened but didnt want to ask. hugs and prayers Tbred for you and your daughter.
Thank you. This has effected me in a way that I didn't think it would as well. I am close to his sister since the girls have been friends for so long. She calls me momma :) I didn't really know her brother Logan, but being at the hospital all day Monday and witnessing the despare of his friends and family has really been emotional. I so wanted to be able to hug each child as I'm sure they would have wanted their mother to comfort them.
When they ushered everyone that was there into a large waiting room and announced he was not going to survive, 30 students just stood there. They didn't know if they should leave or stay. Then one by one they started to break down. It's so hard for young men to show emotion and they all seemed to gravitate to one side of the room and wept together but seperately. Oh my gosh I wanted to hug those boys and just hold them. I held my daughter for what seems like an eternity. |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | I have no suggestions... Praying for your daughter. |
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
Location: Pacific Northwest | I'm so, so sorry for your daughter. I come from a really small school, and in the span of only about 6 years, we lost 10 people. Some I was close to, some I wasn't, but with it being a small school it had a ripple effect no matter what. It's not easy, and even though I've been graduated for almost 10 years now there are still people where their loss has stayed with me.
I definitely think she needs to see some sort of counselor. My grandpa was killed in a horrific accident, that both my parents witnessed, and if they hadn't gone to counseling I don't think my dad (it was his dad who died) would have made it. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 762
Location: NC | Major prayers!! I lost a few people in immediate family in about a years time, including my father in front of my mom and i. I was a few years older, but no matter what its still so hard. |
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | Sending prayers your way. |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Prayers, that is a lot for anyone to handle, yourself included and most definitely for an 18 year old.
You said she is a believer - do you have a regular church? Talking with a pastor or youth leader may be a good place to start, but I feel eventually a therapist may be beneficial, but she may not be open to talking to a stranger just yet.
But yes, keep a watchful eye. |
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"Heck's Coming With Me"
Posts: 10797
Location: Kansas | I'm useless in situations of this nature but I do understand despair. Is there anything you can do to distract her......a getaway to a beach or resort.....movies, restaurants, shopping..... anything that could take her mind off the tragedy. If she can see a light at the end of the tunnel it will gradually make a difference. |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | Just listen and hold her. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Prayers. Hug her tight. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | My son has had a very bad year this year and I worried about him constantly after his father died in March. I still want him to see a psychologist but he won't go. I pray for him daily and come here often asking for y'all to pray too.
I had a horrible car wreck when I had just turned 17; my best friend was killed and my injuries were extensive. I was in the hospital for 2 months and unable to attend her funeral; they didn't tell me she was gone for several weeks because my doctors weren't sure I would live thru the trauma of that news. My parents took me to a psychologist after I got out of the hospital, but I only went twice because I didn't "see the need in telling my troubles to someone I didn't know and I was FINE". Now I want Chandler to go desperately but he knows about my not going after my wreck so. . . I felt (and still feel) guilty because I lived and Debbie didn't. I don't know why I'm here and she's been gone for 30 years. I said all that to say prayer is so powerful but if at all possible convince her to see a counselor.
I will be praying for your whole family and the friend's family. Pray God's mighty hand of peace and protection over everyone involved in this whole terrible situation. People her age should have the world by the tale, not dealing with this.
Edited by Chandler's Mom 2016-11-23 7:24 PM
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 Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | Hugs and prayers for you both |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| First of all, prayers for everyone. I suggest grief counseling and counseling from your minister. You might explain that her friend needs her to be strong right now too because I am sure she does. |
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Folks on-line