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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 520
| I can't be the only one. It is just such a stressful time of year for me. All of our family is out of state, so usually means being away for week between visiting my family then my husbands, which means leaving the animals with a sitter. Then I just worry about bad weather, what if the sitter can't get here if it snows. And of course looks like its going to rain while we are gone... I have two horse's blanketed that will need to be put in if it rains hard. The one horse is a pssm horse and won't be getting exercised which adds to the stress.
I just hate the holiday itself. Its just give me give me give me. This is not the reason behind the holiday. I am completely fine giving presents to the children, but I really wish we would stop with the presents for the adults. Its just spending money on presents I can't really afford, then giving them to people like my father in law that will just open it look at it and set it aside no matter how hard to try to get him something he might like.
I guess I am just being selfish. I just want to stay home relax and enjoy my animals. I am already having migraines, dizzy spells, heart burn, my face is broken out ugh |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
  
| I am trying to get both sides of my family to quit giving gifts to the adults. We have so much fun just visiting and having a good meal. To me that is the gift. I know it would be nice to not have to travel to different families every holiday, but after losing my beloved Mother in law a few weeks ago, I realize it is just a matter of time until we won't have my parents and FIL around. Hugs to you and good wishes sent you way.  |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
 
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Thats so sad that the Hoildays have you feeling this way, but think of it this way its just once a year and just a few days out of your life you do this.. Me I just buy gifts for all my Grandkids and give gift card's to my grown boys and their wifes so they can get what they really want and this way I dont feel like I wasted money on something they dont like. And on my husbands parents we get them eatable things like a fruit basket, cookie basket, things they can eat and enjoy..We use to travel to family in our younger days for the Holidays but since my parents have passed its not the same anymore, so enjoy what you have now.. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| We just do the kids and I said no more traveling years ago. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 520
| I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said. |
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  Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | I'm sorry that you feel that way about Christmas... I personally really enjoy the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Presents have never really been a big thing in my family. I grew up with very little money so I learned to be very thankful for anything that was given to me. There were many years that my family didn't have anything under the tree because we couldn't afford anything. I really just cherish having my family and loved ones around me. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM
I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
Something similar happened to me. I had to learn to forgive him and let it go. Was NOT easy, but I did it. I have not forgotten, but I didn't want to deal with drama and that seemed to be the only way to move on. Once I decided to forgive, I felt the weight lift and a kind of peace. You both need to just decide what is best for your relationship and go that. Maybe don't travel at Christmas, but wait for a better time when you don't have to worry about the animals and weather, and then visit.
I am going to tell everyone this Christmas that next year I am only buying for the children. The rest of the family can do what they want gift wise and so will I. I bet they will be relieved to have the decision made for them and not buy for us. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 520
| GLP - 2016-12-10 12:08 PM
Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM
I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
Something similar happened to me. I had to learn to forgive him and let it go. Was NOT easy, but I did it. I have not forgotten, but I didn't want to deal with drama and that seemed to be the only way to move on. Once I decided to forgive, I felt the weight lift and a kind of peace. You both need to just decide what is best for your relationship and go that. Maybe don't travel at Christmas, but wait for a better time when you don't have to worry about the animals and weather, and then visit.
I am going to tell everyone this Christmas that next year I am only buying for the children. The rest of the family can do what they want gift wise and so will I. I bet they will be relieved to have the decision made for them and not buy for us.
I sure won't forget about it, I have a feeling we will be always walking on eggshells with them. Its a very very odd relationship with his family anyways. My husband's mother and his father (now her ex) are on much closer terms than either one are to my husband. Always has been like that.
I think this year just has to be the last year for presents, its just too much for us. Just between the sitter and gas money for our truck, usually costs us $500 for a trip. Add presents on top of it and we are pretty strained. My family was talking about coming closer to here next year and doing thanksgiving and Christmas celebration at the same time. We of course will still have to travel for my husband's family, but will still be less stressful that traveling 10 hours to one state then 4 hours right to another state after that. |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | You two just need to get backbones and figure out what works best for you and do it. It's not Christmas that is bad it is how your decisions on Christmas are affecting you. If you can't afford it, don't spend so much. Only give gifts to the kids or set a budget and stick to it for presents. Maybe take turns which family to go to each year. I've never understood why people stress themselves out over something that should be fun. If someone tries to give you grief about your decisions just say this is what we decided and we are sticking to it. Most people will eventually get over it. Good luck and hopefully you can find a way to enjoy it. |
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 Ms. Elvis
Posts: 9606
Location: Running barrels or watching nascar | You're not the only one. |
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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
| I love the season, the holiday's, the decorations!
The hubb and I simplified our gift giving routines many eons ago. No kids - one present to each other.
A few years ago I learned how to decorate a very tasty cookie recipe and I send out many, many of these (400 this year) to my friends and family. It's expensive in time, but it's not a big pressure to match anyone else in $$$'s spent. As I decorate each cookie I'm thinking about good friends and good times. Christmas cookie time has become my therapy!
I do understand the over commercialization of Christmas and how that has damaged it's real meaning. Long before Christianity this time of the year was celebrated for the ending of one year and the beginning of the light for a new year. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| I am sorry that you feel that way. My mother was killed in an automobile accident on December 21, 49 years ago. Christmas is difficult but I love Christmas. The way I handle it is to give to others. Some I do not even know. I had inlaws who were not the easiest to get along with but I dealt with it. I am so blessed on a daily basis that giving back one day out of the year is a tiny price. |
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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| I find myself dreading it more and more as the years pass. starting with trying to carry on some kind of Christmas Spirit when my husband turned in to a raging Scrooge starting before out anniversary in October, getting worse each day until Christmas morning when he would greet me with a bright and happy "Merry Christmas!" By then I wanted to punch him in BOTH eyes. While I spent time stressing over his selfish daughter and his step daughter, cleaning, decorating, baking, cooking (all by my self), turns out HE was stressed out thinking that I wanted some big, extravagant gift. I finally gave him a free pass and begged him to just not get crabby, that would the best gift he could get me.
I do end up enjoying the family visit but the past 16 years have been spent with him trying to make me feel guilty for NOT going to his daughter's just down the road since I final got wise and cut her out of my life. She was 30 at the time and disrespected me beyond disrespect after all my years of bending over backwards to lease and accommodate her and her dad), while he watched and eventually said that I had it coming!
I come from a large family so gift giving can be a burden and we all pretty much agree to focus on the kids. For my siblings and adult nieces and nephews I have found that something to eat is always well received. When we had a booming business we would give gift cards to a restaurant, before that, I baked. These days I plant a garden and can lots of extra, so that is what they get an seem to really appreciate. It is time consuming but takes the pressure off the holiday season.
One of the best ideas I have heard is a family that only gives things that they have made themselves.....this rings true to the season for me.
Hugs to all my Holiday dreaders out there!!  |
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"Heck's Coming With Me"
Posts: 10797
Location: Kansas | I stopped enjoying Christmas when my brothers and sisters retreated into celebrating with their own families. It was headed that way anyway and when mom died that was the end of it. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
| Wow just WOW. No one understands dysfunctional family dynamics more than me but to say you hate Christmas??? You should really 're-evaluate what Christmas means. |
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Regular
Posts: 95
| No, it's not Christmas you hate. That's just the excuse for the hate. Why hate? Why that choice? Well I know why, you already told us. Every day is the same for me. Circumstances and emotions vary sure, but all in all I am thankful for each one I get alive and everything/everyone that I choose to have around me. Everything really is your choice. I wish you the best! |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM
I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
Yeah, I definitely wouldn't be spending my hard-earned money on ungrateful jerks who think so little of me. If my in-laws had done things like that, hubby would be visiting them by himself, my butt would be sitting at home!
You are not required to put yourself through that. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | iloveequine40 - 2016-12-11 9:45 AM Wow just WOW. No one understands dysfunctional family dynamics more than me but to say you hate Christmas??? You should really 're-evaluate what Christmas means.
This all the way^^^^ its not Christmas that some of you hate, its the way you are spending it, if this is the way you feel then change what you are doing.. Christmas is the best thing at the end of a year.. |
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 Poor Cracker Girl
Posts: 12150
Location: Feeding mosquitos, FL | I feel your pain.
My husband and I are the only ones who live away from both sides of the family, his and mine, plus we have no kids. So we always have to travel. That's usually fine - I'm lucky to have great friends who are willing to feed my horses for me just about any time and my dogs travel great.
But the scheduling is a bear. We have to fit three large family celebrations plus Christmas with his immediate family into three, maybe four, days every single year. This year is especially bad. The family members don't seem to get that we can't just load up and drive eight hours two weekends in a row so NO you can't schedule the celebration the weekend before Christmas. And then to be told that I'm just being really selfish by not coming down and celebrating with the family on December 18th! Sorry not sorry ya'll - I have to impose on my friends to feed for me, pack up my dogs, drive down, and sleep on somebodys couch to make an appearance. You have to walk down three whole houses or maybe drive a whole 45 minutes. Who's the selfish one here?
Wow. That got bitter.
Anyway, I feel your pain. We usually come home exhausted, fat, and grumpy only to have to get up and go to work the next day. It's still worth it (mostly because my family is awesome!) but sometimes I wonder. Luckily, my husband is totally ok with missing out on one of his family Christmas' celebrations this year and hasn't put any pressure on me to make it happen. He's a wonderful sainted human being. That's really been the trick to getting through Christmas with our sanity intact - we've agreed to do only the things we can actually get to, only buy the presents we can afford, and the rest of it can go hang. It would be nice to do more, buy more, etc. etc. but we've finally recognized our limits. |
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 Too Skinny
Posts: 8009
Location: LA Lower Alabama | We tried the Christmas with his family this year and mine the next but realized real quick it was too much trouble. We give cards with a family photo of us and don't expect anything in return. There is a lot of divorce on my side of the family so they do Dirty Santa and only buy for kids 18 and under that are still in school. We don't let it stress us out because if it did I would stop going Anywhere and do just us and be fine. Hang in there. Even if you don't believe you can make up your own reason for the season. |
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