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 Expert
Posts: 3534
   
Location: Stuck in a cubicle having tropical thoughts | I need advice from mom's who have stopped working to stay at home. I have a great, corporate salary job with amazing benefits, 401K where they match dollar for dollar up to 6%, paid holidays, I've been there 11.5 years so I'm up to 20 paid vacation days a year. I only have a 2year associate degree in accounting and prior to this job I had no experience. I make a really decent pay check for my education, experience and the fact I work in a town next to where I grew up. I still live near both sides of my family. Hubby and I paid off my horse trailer and one of our vehicles while I was pregnant so we've been able to save a little over the last year. Since I work, him and I both save some each month. We were just able to get some of the cedar siding on our house fixed and we have an in-ground pool and had to buy a new motor. SInce I work, we are able to save to pay for those extras. If I quit, it's going to be living paycheck to paycheck on my husbands income. I have a little saved and I should be able to pay for propane for the furnace and horse feed for the next year, but eventually my savings will be gone and not replenished.
Our daughter is 9 months old now. We've been talking about me quitting ever since I was pregnant. Our first daughter was stillborn 3 weeks before her due date. I think since we lost our first one, we take absolutely nothing for granted and enjoy every moment. We'd like to have a little extra money to do fun things with our rainbow daughter. We've started a college fund and I had a savings account I opened when I sold a horse 2 years ago. A seperate account so I don't touch it and I've been trying to put $100 a month in there and hoping by the time our daughter is 10-12years old, I'll have a nice little stash to buy her a finished horse. If I quit working, I'm not sure where we'll find the extra money to add to these two savings accounts. My job is super easy for me, especially for what I get paid to do it, but it does take time and focus to get it done. My job lets me work from home 2 days a week but the working from home is getting harder to do because she's more active and I have to work at night or on the weekends to make up for it. She is babysat in the house, one day a week each grandma comes and the third day we have a close friend, but school is out in a couple weeks and for that friend to keep babysitting, she has to be able to bring her 3 children. Her kids are well behaved, but they are still kids ages between 8-13 and it's a little nerve wrecking thinking all those humans will be in our house without us here while we are at work.
And for the last 3 months, on the days I go in to the office, I just feel sick to my stomach all day. Just missing her and I feel like I could go to the bathroom constantly and somedays I have to take pepto or chew antacids to calm my stomach. My stomach is only like this on the days I go in. I know she's in good hands with her Grandma's but I still miss her. She's a baby. Hubby and I were talking and we were thinking I should turn in my notice for June 2nd to be my last day. We get memorial day paid and I accrue my vacation days monthly. If I make it 4 more weeks, that will be another 2 days I'll accrue and I'll have enough accrued vacation days that I'll have almost another 2 weeks of pay. They will pay me for anything I've accrued. Or I've thought about turning in the notice to leave in just 2 more weeks and start staying home mid-May.
Anyway, I need advice. I feel anxious about thinking about telling my boss I need to quit and super anxious about stopping working. I've always had a job, sometimes 2 jobs, since I was 16 and I've always paid my own bills. I bring home a really decent paycheck and it makes life a little easier to be able to afford to do fun things. But, I'm also anxious everyday I go in the office and just miss this little girl so much. My hubby wants me to be home with her but also understands it will be a huge impact financially. Also since it's summer and there are more things to do outside to the property, him and I are both getting pretty exhausted and we're thinking if I don't work and can slowing work on the outside stuff through the week, we both won't be so tired and he'll have more free time on the weekend because most of the work will be done.
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 Saint Stacey
 
| I was a stay at home mom for 19 years. Yes, it was difficult financially for awhile. But I wouldn't have traded it for the world. You don't realize how hard of a job it really is unless you do it. But the rewards in watching all the firsts are soooo worth it!
We did it because we didn't want a day care raising our daughter. You can't really put a price on being able to teach your kids the morals and values that your family has if they are essentially being raised by someone else that spends more waking hours with them than you do.
But by the same token, if you can't afford to stay at home or it isn't for you, that's ok. We all need to simply be fine with whatever path we take. | |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | I'm a stay at home mom. It is a big adjustment. I went from a really good paying job to staying home with my three kids. There will be some changes in store. When I worked we went out to eat a lot and I still spent $100 a week on groceries. Until recently, even with my 3 kids I was still spending $100 week on groceries. Amazing the difference when you have time to plan your meals and shopping trips out better so that you can save some money. We don't go out a lot. Now my kids are 10, 7 and 5 and eating more so I can't quite keep it that low but I still keep the costs down. You do have to realize that everything you do takes longer when you have kids around. LOL. Financially things will be tighter but you will also find ways to save money if you want.I never thought I would want to be a stay at mom but I do love it. Also with my husband's job it makes it really nice for me to stay home. He works long hours and now with his new job he travels a lot. Also we have never sent our kids to school in the district we live in so I have to drop off and pick them up every day. Not sure what I'm going to do this fall when my youngest goes to school. I've thought about a part time job but not sure what will work for my schedule. Whatever you decide good luck. There are definitely strong opinions on this subject either way. ?? | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I was a stay at home mom of my 4. They were a year apart so although I always wanted to be at home with them and had no real career path, just a job to pay bills, it was an easy decision to stay home because my income would have barely covered day care. I think you have answered your own question with the fact that you are missing her to the point of feeling ill about it. Many moms need to work for their own sanity and are probably bettter parents for it, you sound like the opposite though. She is only little once and even though she is with great sitters, you do miss a lot. Nothing is permanent, you can go back to work when she is in school. Yes, you may be giving up a great job, but you will be gaining much more. We were dead broke the first years of our marriage, I worked weekends and a couple evenings a week while my husband kept them. Once he stated making more I quit. Time goes by fast.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-05-07 3:40 PM
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | I would love to get to stay home with my future kids. I picked the wrong career and have way too many student loans for that to be feasible. But I sure would love to be able to do it. My mom was a teacher so her schedule and ours were so similar. I loved it because she got just as much holiday time off as we did, and summers.. we spent a ton of time together. My job is not going to be that way at all. | |
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Expert
Posts: 3534
Location: Stuck in a cubicle having tropical thoughts | So far we've been lucky enough to have her babysat in our house by family and friends. If she would have had to go to daycare or a sitters house, that would be the line and I'd already have quit. As exhausting as working is and I feel sick leaving her when I go to work, I am happy that she gets to have a special relationship with her Grandma's since they can each watch her one day a week. But that third day I'm in the office and it's a friend babysitting her, that is the worst day of the week.
I know we eat out or pick food up to go or have pizza delivered way to much, but part of the reason we do that is that we both work and we are just to exhausted sometimes to even figure out what to make for dinner, let alone fix it. I know we'll have to give up the eating out but I'm hoping if I'm not working, that won't be as hard since I'll have more time to plan and prepare dinner. We do like to go to a nicer, fancier restaurant on the spur of the moment and I know we'll miss that.
Just tonight, after running to my aunt's and my parents, we made a couple stops and decided to order a pizza to pick up on the drive home. WHile there getting pizza, they had fresh made chocloate chip cookes. A dozen for $3.25. Cholcoate chip cookies are my husbands favorite. We spent $18.50 on pizza and cookies, spur of the moment. If I'm not working, we'll barely be able to buy that pizza, let alone those cookies. That extra cushion of money, to not worry about spending that $3.50 on cookies is something we've gotten used to since we've gotten married.
I think we can make it work, I'm just super anxious either way. I know I'll enjoy every moment with this little girl, but there is a little bit of me that feels worried that i'm stuck on an island. I know when I took the 12 weeks FMLA for maternity leave, the days we'd go to the grocery store were the only days I'd see other people all week and I'd be excited about putting on makeup just to go grocery shopping! | |
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  Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4553
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Keep the job.so many are losing there homes with all the floods and fires.going on.there is no such as thing as a steady permanent job. You can make it work. There are no guarantees . | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Your heart and your head are having a fight!
I know just how you feel. My son will be three in July. It's natural to want to have eyes on them at all times. It does get better as they get a little older. I still miss him a lot, but not to the point of feeling sick and crying anymore like when he was an infant.
It was an easier decision for me, because I had (at the time) almost twenty years into our retirement system. It has a snowball effect where there is a big difference between those last five or six years. So, it would be crazy for me to walk away from that now. The way I thought about is like this, it's the difference between being financially able to give my son a great childhood or (if I live long enough) becoming a burden to him. I can retire while he's about seven with a full, great retirement income plus be able to support myself into my golden years. Ultimately, that's how I decided not to retire and fought through the first couple of tough years. Like you, I have reliable family he stays with.
You do have a sweet job situation with lots of benefits most people would claw someone's eyes out to get into a position like that, so it's going to be difficult to give up, whatever you decide to do. I wish I had more advice. But, I hope it at least gave you some more to consider. | |
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Regular
Posts: 65
| Not all working mothers parent successful children, just like not all "stay at home" mothers do. I was a stay at home mom to 3, ages 36, 30, 23, my life's biggest blessings! All are college grads, successful, wonderful young ladies. I started a career in sales with retirement, insurances, vacation pay, making good money. We thought it would be best for me to stay home. We had savings that lasted 8 years. I didn't regret the decision to be a full time mom until later in life. Life is not guaranteed, anything can happen. Divorce, new job, mortgage payment, car payments, insurances, everyday living, etc. I went back to work after years off. Now I will be working forever to catch up. I'm 58 now and will have to work until well into my early seventy's to have a decent retirement. Life happens.
Working or not working comes with ones own choice. Whether it is to support your family's financial load or its for your own ambitions, they are all valid. There is no right or wrong in it. I think it's all about balance. In today's world women are incredibly valuable in the workplace and dare I say, necessary. Working Mom's provide structure, finances, and more than enough love to their children. You'll make the best decision for you and your family.
Everyone has an opinion and this is mine.
Edited by Justahorse-n-around 2017-05-08 1:56 AM
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 403
Location: Armuchee, GA, NW section of Ga | I may be a downer, but hear me out. Just something to think about. All my kids are grown and left the home many years ago. Sure I thought that I would have loved to stay at home with them, but the reality of life is financially it would have been impossible. Divorce happens, even if you think it will not happen to you.... If I had a better education perhaps it would have been easier. It wasnt until I married for a 3rd n final time was I able to return to school and achieve really great jobs & financial freedom. But going back to work after a certain age or after kids start school will be very difficult. I was 39-40 returning to school. When attempting/ returning to the work force, Not only will you have years of not learning job skills, but you will be a older adult with a less education competing against younger/more educated people for any jobs that are available then. I must admit too, my personality is altho I love my kids, now I do not think that I could stay at home n not work. My grandkids who I enjoy, seem to drive me crazy. And I cant wait for their parent to pick them up. A driven person may eventually resent the child because they sacrificed for them, a career & financial gain. Even your spouse may eventually resent your lack of job bringing in $$$ to help out the household. So think carefully, weigh the options and look to your future, best of luck for all. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| I am a stay at home mom. I think my work is important but most people do not. If you can swing it, keep your job. Maybe go down to part time or something, but keep working. The only reason I suggest this is the fact that the work force is tough to get back into once you are out if it for a while. | |
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 The One
Posts: 7997
Location: South Georgia | I'd keep the job and continue working. Once your child is a little bit older and in school, you'll have much more of a pressure taken from your shoulders. That's just my opinion, but I think its important to contribute equally to a household financially, and you never know when an emergency will arise and your income would have been able to save you if you had kept your career. Not to mention, you are fully vested and you've made a reputation for yourself so your career is reliable and dependable. And, hopefully it were not to happen to you, but if you were to get divorced or something of the sort, you'd still have your career and your financial stability to stand on your own. If you take an extended break, you may not be able to get a career of equal quality as the one you say you have currently. It will not always be as difficult as it is with such a young child. It will get better. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | I will give the father side of this. Keep your job. My wife and I raised 3 kids. We have put all three of them thru college. Since we both worked we could afford it. They have all started life without any college debt. My wife is in the school system and she only has 4 years left to be able to retire. She will make more on retirement than she did when working. She also had health care all those years that did not cost us anything. Also as she says that she has been able to stay in the " land of the living" going ot work not just just watching TV or being on FB all day. If you think that you are stressed now. What til you see what stess is like when you are short on money every month trying to pay bills. Lots of people make it work both ways. Just remeber that if you stay home your husband will expect housework to be done when he gets home as you will not have an excuse that you were too busy. Its easy to fall into that trap. | |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Before you do anything, read this book. Seriously. This is the funniest most real life thing I've ever read about being a mom.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N3JKY1D/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encodin... | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | As much as I love my daughter....there is absolutely no way in heck I could be a stay at home mom, she would cause me to RIP MY HAIR OUT lol. | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Is there any way you could go part-time??
It would just scare me to death to have to depend on somebody else for an income as you just never know what life might throw at you. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| BS Hauler - 2017-05-08 9:29 AM
I will give the father side of this. Keep your job. My wife and I raised 3 kids. We have put all three of them thru college. Since we both worked we could afford it. They have all started life without any college debt. My wife is in the school system and she only has 4 years left to be able to retire. She will make more on retirement than she did when working. She also had health care all those years that did not cost us anything. Also as she says that she has been able to stay in the " land of the living" going ot work not just just watching TV or being on FB all day. If you think that you are stressed now. What til you see what stess is like when you are short on money every month trying to pay bills. Lots of people make it work both ways. Just remeber that if you stay home your husband will expect housework to be done when he gets home as you will not have an excuse that you were too busy. Its easy to fall into that trap.
I was a stay at home mom and let me tell you that I did not watch TV all day nor was I on the phone talking all day. No internet back then. I was the one that taught my kids their manners, ABC's, counting and reading before Kindergarten. I cleaned and grocery shopped and cooked. I took them everywhere with me. We had to sacrifice for sure- I gave up horses for several years in the beginning and again when the kids were showing cattle. I don't regret one minute of it and neither does my husband who also made sacrifices for me to take care of our kids. He was fortunate enough to get a good paying job with lots of overtime at the refinery. He wanted to cowboy but we realized that wouldn't pay our bills.
I have no problem with working moms, I realize that in today's world it's not feasible for many families. I do have a problem with people who think stay at home moms sit on their butts watching TV and are on Facebook all day.
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| GLP - 2017-05-08 11:20 AM BS Hauler - 2017-05-08 9:29 AM I will give the father side of this. Keep your job. My wife and I raised 3 kids. We have put all three of them thru college. Since we both worked we could afford it. They have all started life without any college debt. My wife is in the school system and she only has 4 years left to be able to retire. She will make more on retirement than she did when working. She also had health care all those years that did not cost us anything. Also as she says that she has been able to stay in the " land of the living" going ot work not just just watching TV or being on FB all day. If you think that you are stressed now. What til you see what stess is like when you are short on money every month trying to pay bills. Lots of people make it work both ways. Just remeber that if you stay home your husband will expect housework to be done when he gets home as you will not have an excuse that you were too busy. Its easy to fall into that trap. I was a stay at home mom and let me tell you that I did not watch TV all day nor was I on the phone talking all day. No internet back then. I was the one that taught my kids their manners, ABC's, counting and reading before Kindergarten. I cleaned and grocery shopped and cooked. I took them everywhere with me. We had to sacrifice for sure- I gave up horses for several years in the beginning and again when the kids were showing cattle. I don't regret one minute of it and neither does my husband who also made sacrifices for me to take care of our kids. He was fortunate enough to get a good paying job with lots of overtime at the refinery. He wanted to cowboy but we realized that wouldn't pay our bills. I have no problem with working moms, I realize that in today's world it's not feasible for many families. I do have a problem with people who think stay at home moms sit on their butts watching TV and are on Facebook all day.
Yep, not much tv watching for me either with 4 little ones. Same as you, they went everywhere with me. Not everything of value is measured in dollars, there is value in taking care of your children/family. If finances are tight it certainly is a trade off to go to one income, one stress for a different type of stress but there are also times you will be so glad you are there and did not miss. I was dependent on my husband and it never scared me. It definitely is smart to consider the "what ifs" and how you would be able to take care of your self and I certainly did that but I did not let the "what if's" keep me from doing what was needed and worked for our family. My husband worked long hours to advance in his career and me working would not have changed that. You can go a little stir crazy if you don't get involved, I was on the board of preschool PTA's, volunteered at their schools, I stayed very busy. There is no right or wrong answer. I have not worked since those part time jobs 25 years ago, we have a very strong healthy and fun marriage. We sacrificed a lot for me to stay home, no trips, no eating out but the return was far greater. | |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Would they allow you to go part time for a year? Maybe two? | |
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Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | BS Hauler - 2017-05-08 7:29 AM
I will give the father side of this. Keep your job. My wife and I raised 3 kids. We have put all three of them thru college. Since we both worked we could afford it. They have all started life without any college debt. My wife is in the school system and she only has 4 years left to be able to retire. She will make more on retirement than she did when working. She also had health care all those years that did not cost us anything. Also as she says that she has been able to stay in the " land of the living" going ot work not just just watching TV or being on FB all day. If you think that you are stressed now. What til you see what stess is like when you are short on money every month trying to pay bills. Lots of people make it work both ways. Just remeber that if you stay home your husband will expect housework to be done when he gets home as you will not have an excuse that you were too busy. Its easy to fall into that trap.
Before my husband and I ever got married we decided that if we had kids one of us would stay home with them. We just felt strongly that if we were going to have kids it was important for one of us to be there. Otherwise we both just would have worked instead of having kids. It was either/or for us, not both. Its definitely a decision that should be made with your spouse. It is a chance I'm taking by not working in case something were to happen. But in all honesty anything can happen in life so while we try to plan for the future, none of us know what is in store for us. | |
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