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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| I have an 8 yr old son (from previous marriage) he started playing baseball (coach pitch) my ex husband is this big time (self proclaimed ) baseball coach.. to be fair, he does give private lessons in his spare time, but anyway, he was really pushing for the boy to play... my son loves baseball so I was all about it. Well he's turned into a very arrogant little twerp! He's really gifted and can play extremely well (for an 8 yr old). The team really needs him. End of the school year, his grades started slipping, I told my ex if the boy doesn't pick up his grades there will be missed games, practices etc etc... well, he failed to make the year end advanced reading reward trip because he lied about reading the books and he failed the tests.. ex husband and I discussed this before, that if he didn't make his average, he would miss an upcoming game... well, we found put Friday he didn't make it.. my ex picked him up from school that day and he said he didn't have the heart to make him skip the next game because he was so bummed out.. that game was today.. I stupidly went along with my ex and was going to allow him to play today. ..
I drove down to pick up the kids at the bus stop and long story short, my son was having a major attitude with me... happens a lot lately! I asked him to take the trash can out of the pickup and he said no! So my younger son said he would, I said fine! Well 8yr old decided to get out and go shove my 5yr old down on the ground.. I lost it! I spanked him and told him he wasn't playing in tonight's game! My mother lives with us and I told her he wasn't going and why, she tried to talk me out of my decision I kinda blew up at her for butting in, this is my son, my choice and I'm sick of his attitude and his arrogance! He needs to learn. I don't want to raise a jerk! Then I called my ex and was met with the same resistance.. I was so upset I just burst into tears! But I put my foot down and he didn't play tonight! We got thru this evening alright, but now here come the group text messages from the coaches and other parents and I saw that my mother was in there texting too! Saying how good the boys played tonight EVEN THOUGH not everyone showed up and the team had to be shuffled around because of "someone's absence etc etc... to be honest, it really miffed me!
I'm not sure what I'm even asking, kinda just venting! I don't feel like I've made the wrong choice in suspending him from the game... honestly he should have been suspended anyway for lying about his reading, like we had discussed! |
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 Country Fried Chicken Gal
Posts: 7697
  
| Stick to your guns! I'd have done the same thing. Mine wouldn't have played either. I'm pretty sure I would've also responded with a pretty sarcastic and/or rude response to the group text. That sh*t don't fly with me. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | Actions have consequences. Good for you for sticking to it. You did the right thing!! Your son was warned and now he has to pay the price.
I would fire back to the other parents that your son missed the game because of his negative behaviour. That while you think having a hobby is important, raising a boy to be well educated, respectful, and appreciative of what he has is MORE important. That he will continue to miss games if his attitude doesn't change.
You're a good mom so don't be pressured to give in. Bad behaviour should never be rewarded. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Stick to your guns! And don't pay attention to social media. Who cares what they say/think. Your mom should be ashamed of herself not backing you, the MOM! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You did good mom, its the tough love that we have to do at times to keep things in their place when dealing with what you just went threw, theres no reason for him being this way and then to pick on his younger brother for no reason, he needed the attitude ajustment he got from you.  |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| palgal - 2017-05-16 8:17 PM
 Stick to your guns!  I'd have done the same thing.  Mine wouldn't have played either.  I'm pretty sure I would've also responded with a pretty sarcastic and/or rude response to the group text.  That sh*t don't fly with me. Â
I totally thought about responding too but decided I wasn't in the right frame of mind and my filter was broken! He's got 3 games left for the season. It's going to be totally up to him if he makes them or not.. I told him that. School work and testing is pretty much done so his behavior will be the deciding factor. I just feel like I've lost my sweet boy as soon as he started playing ball and hearing how awesome he was at it and people ohhing & ahhhing over his pitches and batting.. sure he's much further ahead of the other boys because his dad has pretty much been drilling him since he was 5 on baseball .. I'd love to see him be successful at it but I want him to stay grounded and treat me with respect. |
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Expert
Posts: 1694
Location: Willows, CA | Not my place to comment, but I will. You are right in every way. If the talent is there, it will be there going forward. Honesty and courtesy are forever. Stick to your standards. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Good for you momma, hang in there |
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 Peat and Repeat
Posts: 2773
Location: IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD AT LEAST THEY KNOW ME HERE |
Good for you and glad you tore his butt up!! "huge smile"
Stay the course lady you're doing just fine
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | He will thank you for this later. |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Stick to your guns.
Not only did he allow his grade to slip, he LIED about it.
Time to hand out the tough love.
Edited by kasaj2000 2017-05-17 4:12 AM
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| kasaj2000 - 2017-05-17 4:11 AM
Stick to your guns.Â
Not only did he allow his grade to slip, he LIED about it.
Time to hand out the tough love.
Yep! The LYING would have probably put me out of the games as a child for the season. My dad didn't tolerate lying. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Ugg for the other parents. Good for you! When one of my girls was around 12 she could get very hard on her horses mouth, an issue I had been discussing with her. At the end of the year finals her horse made a very wide turn because she was leaning and did not set him up right. She came out just sawing away on his mouth. I reached up and yanked her off her horse and said no second run, you are done on this horse-cost her the buckle. Other parents thought I was over reacting, how could I cost her the buckle blah blah blah. She never yanked on a horse again.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-05-17 6:48 AM
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | I'm dealing with this with my 9 year old daughter. She has missed out on her activities because of lying etc. Her friends say I'm mean, but I refuse to allow her to have fun if she can't help out with her chores and the lying. |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Thanks ya'll. He still hasn't apologized to me about the incident, and he really didn't seem overly disappointed by missing his game.. he's got another coming up Friday and I sure hope he pulls himself together before then, I believe there are 3 games left in the season. My theory is that his father thinks and has always thought we live in a little rinky dink farm town... i.e. hillbilly central... which is far from it! We love our little town, it is a farming town and yes, we have a very small school but it's great and safe! Dad lives in a big city and thinks they have a much better program but it's about an hour away.. he's put a bug in my son's ear about playing out there instead. Which won't happen, and I put THAT bug in his father's ear! |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian |  Good for you .... Being a parent is not easy with easy choices....but you made the choice to teach that little boy that there are and WILL be consequences for his actions now and throughout his life..... Hopefully, he has learned that life isn't "fair" when you make bad choices!
Edited by NJJ 2017-05-17 7:38 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm. |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | I would try hard not to worry about what the other parents are gritching about. You're raising a kid and want to raise one with a work ethic, respect for others (which includes his parents and how his actions affect his teammates) and how to invest in himself to make things happen. Making decisions like going back on your word, caving in the moment, he's learning he can act any way he chooses and the adults in his life will let him get what he wants anyway. The inconsistent parenting is going to damage him. And those allowing it are teaching him lying in itself - I lied, you can go to the game/my values are only expressed words that are never put into action and quickly forgotten/my words don't matter/your behavior doesn't matter, etc. etc. Toothless tigers. He'll learn to play/guilt mom and dad and grandma for what he wants - trust me - see it daily. My husband is a child and adolescent therapist and a most common thread that has to be undone is the family has let the tail wag the dog for too long.
Doesn't have to be snarky or shaming, just truths. The rules are, in order to do this, you must do that. How bad do you want to do that....then you must do this first. Period. Hold your ground, he'll rise to meet you.
Assuming the boy isn't struggling with any any deficit or insecurity in his learning, and he's not acting out/starting to show signs of problems with the 2 household rules/the divorce, etc. then I'd move forward assuming he's testing limits as kids do and taking advantage of an open door policy when his parents offer it.  |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Tough Love Momma. Tough Love. |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Tilt The Kilt - 2017-05-17 7:55 AM
I would try hard not to worry about what the other parents are gritching about. Â You're raising a kid and want to raise one with a work ethic, respect for others (which includes his parents and how his actions affect his teammates) and how to invest in himself to make things happen. Â Making decisions like going back on your word, caving in the moment, he's learning he can act any way he chooses and the adults in his life will let him get what he wants anyway. Â The inconsistent parenting is going to damage him. Â And those allowing it are teaching him lying in itself - I lied, you can go to the game/my values are only expressed words that are never put into action and quickly forgotten/my words don't matter/your behavior doesn't matter, etc. etc. Â Toothless tigers. Â He'll learn to play/guilt mom and dad and grandma for what he wants - trust me - see it daily. Â My husband is a child and adolescent therapist and a most common thread that has to be undone is the family has let the tail wag the dog for too long.
Doesn't have to be snarky or shaming, just truths.  The rules are, in order to do this, you must do that.  How bad do you want to do that....then you must do this first.  Period.  Hold your ground, he'll rise to meet you.Â
Assuming the boy isn't struggling with any any deficit or insecurity in his learning, and he's not acting out/starting to show signs of problems with the 2 household rules/the divorce, etc. then I'd move forward assuming he's testing limits as kids do and taking advantage of an open door policy when his parents offer it. Â
I agree... we've been way to lenient with him.. his grades were stellar up until baseball started, to be honest. His dad fills his head with baseball this , ball that, you are the best on that pathetic team etc etc.. I know this because, my daughter tells me the things that are said at his home! I'm all about my kids having confidence and being built up, but with that, they also need to be taught to stay humble and most importantly, respectful! The boy asked me this morning for $2 I asked what for? He said to buy a jersey at school. I almost gave it to him, but then I told him, you know what, no.. you haven't even apologized to me about yesterday, he muttered out a apology, then asked well where's my bday money? Lol! I said I'm in charge of that too buddy and you aren't getting a dime today. When I dropped them off at school, he wouldn't even say goodbye to me and he obviously was really upset! I couldn't help but question my decision on my way home. I've just gotta believe I'm doing right by him and I really hope this ugly ungrateful, snooty phase will pass! |
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