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Member
Posts: 6
| To remain anonymous, I'm on here under a new name. I really need to just vent and get this out and see what people think. This is such a long story but here goes.. for many years, all I ever wanted to do was ride and barrel race. It was all I did in my free time. It was my dream to eventually have my own place and not have to board.
I met someone not into horses, fell in love, bought 40 acres and a house? and got married. I was estatic. Over a couple years the marriage turned emotionally abusive, to the point my desire to ride faded and I almost dreaded it because of the conflict it caused in my house hold. Over the years my marriage fell apart. He left and we divorced. My open horse basically fell apart with my marriage. I spent a long time trying to figure him out. After much money and frustration, I have up trying on him. Fast forward a couple years.
I'm maintaining the house, etc on my own. It's overwhelming sometimes trying to keep up on everything. I'm in process of building myself an arena, round pen, etc. I have no good place to ride. I have a couple horses and zero desire to ride. I always find excuses. I work 40 hours a week and drive another 10, so my time is limited as is. My job is stressful and been that way more so the last year. My divorce was a good thing but it changed me and I don't think I'm quite healed from the damage done.
I'm so lost right now. I can't decide if this is how life is? Am I just stressed? Depressed?
My interest in riding and racing seems to have left with the divorce, although it was fading before that. I love my horses, but just don't really care if I ride right now. I'm busting my butt to build an arena etc. And I'm not sure why.
I see so much on Facebook about so and so and all the ride time they get. It irritates me to no end that I have to struggle sooo **** hard just to have something as simple as a round pen and so many people have husband's who handle these things for them. I'm maintaining everything by. Myself. It's frustrating. I'm finding that someday doing simple things is so overwhelming. Tonight great example. Should I try riding? Should I mow lawn? Should I clean house? Build arena? I have so many things to do, some days I just don't do any.
I just don't know what to do, something has to give. I can't tell if this is just life and how it is or if I'm unmotivated from depression.
Any thoughts? Comments? Things to think about?
I finally have all I wanted and I don't even care. That just blows my own mind.
Edited by Confusedncrazy 2017-05-31 9:56 PM
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
 
| Hugs, you have been down a tough road. That is a lot to maintain by yourself, I would be overwhelmed too. Is it an option to sell and downsize to a more manageable place? | |
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 Texas Taco
Posts: 7499
Location: Bandera, TX | You are an amazingly strong and successful woman. Being able to keep a place this big and maintain it by yourself is a huge accomplishment!!! You were able to get out of a bad marriage rather than just make due and be miserable. Another huge accomplishment!!!
Life, work, horses are all very tiring.... so stressful. While I have a man to help build fence and unload hay, I pay for it all. It is overwhelming at times. I have 5 horses, 3 are crippled, one is getting old, and I'm not as excited about the shiny pretty new horse as I
should be. But you know what, it's ok. They are expensive and a lot of work, but I love them. Love petting them, and talking to them. That is ok.
Do what feels right to you. Cut yourself some slack, be proud of who
you are and what you have accomplished. One day at a time. Hold your head up high and hug your horses. | |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | Getting out of a marriage like that causes a lot of mixed feelings. It's tough, and will take a while for you to fit all the pieces together again. Give yourself some time.
Maybe lower your expectations for the time being. Ride your horse just for fun and relaxation until you feel the spark come back. Take the pressure off.
As far as cleaning the house, just do what's necessary. The laundry will still be there tomorrow. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Thank you. I'm sure trying. Once I get things done, it should get easier. Ie an arena is one time deal and done.
It's just so upsetting to me that my drive is so dismal after so many years of wanting it. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Nita - 2017-06-01 1:33 AM
Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time.
I understand what you are saying totally. But I will say that the trailer park person could do the same thing if they too busy their butt like I have. I don't magically just have these things.
I think speaking to someone may help, good suggestion. | |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | do you have enough room for a room mate? some crazy horse person who only wants to ride. riding alone is hard. i seem to want to just do the work every day and riding is an after thought.... unless one of my nieces or 4h kids are around. there is also a lady here who has grown up and being a young adult at the moment she has given up having a horse. She is a joy to ask to come ride with me. Maybe you can find your joy back in sharing it with someone?
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Suck it up buttercup. I work 60-70 hours a week and relocate every 6 months to a year. I'm currently divorcing my husband. I ride every day.
Sit down with a notepad and write down 20 things that you want to do. Then circle five of those as your most important. Throw the others away. Then devote all your energy into making those five things happen, daily.
If you have to sell your place and get a smaller one that's turn key, do it.
If you have to buy an arena kit and round pen kit, cheaply, and make it work, do it.
Honestly I'm happy with a tilled barrel patch with a 12 ft section of board fence behind each barrel. An arena is not necessary.
If you have to buy yourself a red sports car to feel better, do it.
Relocate closer to your job so you don't have the drive.
The world is made of options and we might die today. Don't die wishing you'd done it differently. Do what is right for you, we only get one life. | |
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 Queen Bee Cat Owner
Posts: 3629
Location: Way up North | I don't have as many things going on as you do but I can relate to the overwhelm. Between working full time, running my own business, trying to keep horses rode and hauled, house/outside work, family and friends demands, etc. I have been feeling really stressed.
I have found, for myself, it isn't the work that is overwhelming, it is keeping up with others expectations. Everyone wants you to do something for them to make them happy, and while you need to foster good relationships there has to be a happy medium. I am trying to get better about saying no when I need to and not feeling guilty.
I have also started a 3 things rule. I have to pick the 3 most important things I want to accomplish that day and be satisfied that I get them done. The 'I need to get this done' list is never ending and I got caught up feeling miserable when the list wasn't finished. Especially when working on my business I get really stressed I am not getting things made fast enough so I have to focus on the 3 rule and just keep going.
And as others have said, you can't do everything. Set some goals, figure out what those will take, and dump the extra time and energy drains. You can always pick those things up later. The house cleaning will wait too
ETA-to those posts on Facebook, I have decided if they lived half of the crazy, awesome, busy lives they work so hard to make it seem they wouldn't have so much time to be on facebook making themselves look fabulous
Edited by AllAroundRider 2017-06-01 9:41 AM
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | I understand what you are going through. While I'm not divorced, I did just go through some very traumatic life events (death of my mom and my father in law within 4 months). It affected me for over a year (lost my mom Oct 2015 and father in law Feb 2016) and I finally dug myself out from the bottom of the pit this spring. I had the same feelings you are experiencing and I think you have depression or possibly PTSD. I have a really cool horse out in the pasture, but I had no desire to ride, compete, nothing. We've worked hard to build up our place, have an arena, etc. It frustrated me that I wanted nothing to do with it. I knew deep down inside that this was not the person I wanted to continue to be, so I decided to change myself. I turned to my Savior and turned my troubles over to him. I let him carry my burdens. I also changed my diet, my outlook on life, simplified my day to day activities, and prayed like I had never prayed before. I'm so much happier now than what I was 5 months ago. I enjoy going out and training my horse and looking forward to competing this year after about a 1.5 year hiatus. I think its important to do things in life that feeds your soul. If that doesn't include horses at this time than thats OK. If you need the help of a therapist and anti-depressants to get through this, that's ok too. If you need to focus on one task at a time than do it. Don't stretch yourself thin. You don't have to do everything every single day.
I don't know you, but I'm sending my prayers for you and a cyber hug. You can get through this.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | classicpotatochip - 2017-06-01 7:53 AM Suck it up buttercup. I work 60-70 hours a week and relocate every 6 months to a year. I'm currently divorcing my husband. I ride every day. Sit down with a notepad and write down 20 things that you want to do. Then circle five of those as your most important. Throw the others away. Then devote all your energy into making those five things happen, daily. If you have to sell your place and get a smaller one that's turn key, do it. If you have to buy an arena kit and round pen kit, cheaply, and make it work, do it. Honestly I'm happy with a tilled barrel patch with a 12 ft section of board fence behind each barrel. An arena is not necessary. If you have to buy yourself a red sports car to feel better, do it. Relocate closer to your job so you don't have the drive. The world is made of options and we might die today. Don't die wishing you'd done it differently. Do what is right for you, we only get one life.
Thats how my arena is, its tilled, I do have lights up and planed on bulding a fence around my arena but I kinda like it better without fencing its easier to work the ground.. So simple this way  Sorry to hear about you and your husband.. | |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Single here.
Down size.
You don't need a round pen, you don't need an arena to ride.
For me it is picking one project a week that needs to be done.
I have just one horse I ride, others are just on feed bill.
The weeks that I work 60+ hrs a week, he just doesn't get rode.
make sure you are eating right, getting enough supliments.
Ive added vit D, B12, C, Magnesium. These seamed to have helped me the most.
Life is what it is, you can't judge the value of your life compared to what others are talking about, esp on FB.
Set your goal for each week, day if that is all that is manageable, even if it's just getting on your horse for 30 min.
Its your life, we do have any do overs,,,,,,,,
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| Get off Facebook/instagram/social media. If not forever, at least take a break. Don't compare your life to others.
When you get home do what you want to do. Mow? Go mow. Read a book and drink a glass of wine? Do that. Take a week long break and do what you want. A week break is not going to hurt anything or get you behind on anything. During your break write a list of things you want to do (WANT to-not have to) then start planning on how you will accomplish what you want. Plan your work and work your plan.
Good luck. Sometimes we need a break from the constant stress of doing it all. Xoxo! | |
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 Some Kind of Trouble
Posts: 4430
| I don't have anything to add, but this thread is full of some wonderful advice for anyone struggling... I need to implement a lot of it myself, so thanks! I'm single, trying to maintain my property and horses and ride and barrel race while working to keep my head above water and keep it all together also.. it's more than hard some days. PM me if you ever need an ear! | |
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| Life can really stink sometimes. My grandmother used to say if everyone put their problems on a tree and you could pick the ones you want, you would pick your own. Sometimes things feel overwhelming and the grass always looks greener in someone else's pasture... but most of the time it's fertilized with BS! Don't believe everything you see on Facebook.
Its normal to feel depressed after a life changing event but eventually as days go by you should start to heal. I would talk to your doctor if you have been feeling this way for a while. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.
Until you start to feel better its just one foot after the other day by day. Do what you can and certainly don't stress about riding. | |
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Member
Posts: 37
| Been there, done that. You are depressed. I was going thru all the same emotions you just talked about. I finally talked to my doctor and she started me on anti-depressants and that really helped. I still have to talk myself into riding and doing things, but it's easier. Once I saddle up and start riding I really do enjoy it. You have to start somewhere, I would talk to your doctor. My struggle right now is that I have way to many horses, so by the time I buy feed and hay, I don't have anything left over to go anywhere. But, I'm horrible at selling so haven't figured that out yet. Start slow and just get out there again. The mess in the house will still be there and truly I really don't worry about that much anymore. Also, I let my horses out on the lawn to eat grass and that helps with the lawn mowing. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 6:20 AM
Nita - 2017-06-01 1:33 AM
Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time.
I understand what you are saying totally. But I will say that the trailer park person could do the same thing if they too busy their butt like I have. I don't magically just have these things.
I think speaking to someone may help, good suggestion.
I think you're focusing on the wrong part of my analogy. I have no doubt that you've worked hard for what you have.
What I was saying is there will always be people who have it easier than you, have more or better things or just look happier. You need to focus on what you DO have. And you have a lot.
Like someone else suggested, maybe you need to stay off of Facebook.
I grew up with a parent who sounds much like you and I have had to train myself to think positively and be thankful. It's a daily struggle to stay upbeat.
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Nita - 2017-06-01 10:53 AM
Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 6:20 AM
Nita - 2017-06-01 1:33 AM
Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time.
I understand what you are saying totally. But I will say that the trailer park person could do the same thing if they too busy their butt like I have. I don't magically just have these things.
I think speaking to someone may help, good suggestion.
I think you're focusing on the wrong part of my analogy. I have no doubt that you've worked hard for what you have.
What I was saying is there will always be people who have it easier than you, have more or better things or just look happier. You need to focus on what you DO have. And you have a lot.
Like someone else suggested, maybe you need to stay off of Facebook.
I grew up with a parent who sounds much like you and I have had to train myself to think positively and be thankful. It's a daily struggle to stay upbeat.
Right. I'd love to find a job that would land me in one spot. I've applied and applied, but it's looking more every day like me and this pipeline world are stuck together like glue.
I'd love to be home somewhere, rather than loading up my stuff and my horses and taking a chance on a new part of the country. Someday I'll find that opportunity I sure hope!
Being caught up in materials gets us unhappiness, if those materials start using us instead of the other way around.
I'm here to tell you that the defensiveness as to "anyone can do it", just isn't so. You're very blessed to have the opportunity to work hard, because you have your health. You have your freedom. You have your intelligence. You have a lot to be thankful for.
If you're struggling with the size and scope of your responsibilities, then it's time to recalibrate. There's no shame in it. I'm constantly seeking ways to generate more time in my day.
Prioritize and pounce. You've got to, or else you're going to end up a tired old bitter sucker. Realize what makes you happy and do it. You've only got today, tomorrow's not promised. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1141
Location: Somewhere across the SABINE | I totally understand the part about not having any desire to ride or do anything. After having our son, I suffered from postpartum. I wanted to drive into a pine tree and make it all go away, everything my husband and I have worked towards all of our lives. He went with me to the doctor and I got help. Im medicated for depression, sometimes its not enough.
When I was single, I lived at home with my parents but neither of them could take care of our place and horses. I always rode out in the pasture. I didnt have a tractor, so i would find a smooth spot and ride there until the horse and I got it worked up on our own lol. My dad eventually hired some guys to build an arena out of portable panels. I was in heaven....then the time changed and I couldnt ride in the dark....so I bought some halogen lights on a stand and duct taped them to a 2x4 and wired that to the panels where I would have enough light to work my horses.
Now im 100 pounds heavier than I was then, we have our own home and land and too many horses.
Im fighting a similar battle myself. You are your own worst enemy couldnt be a more true statement. I still enjoy going to run barrels, but I feel guilty for doing it. I told you all of that to say- just keep swimming!!
I agree with another poster that said to find a friend to come ride with you, it sure makes it more fun :)
Definitely get with your doctor about a possible med change or new meds and possibly a therapist. | |
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