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| I'm sure someone has delt with supportive husband/boyfriend and or family. How'd you deal with it?
In my case, my parents hate the horses, didn't so much used to but I assume they thought I'd grow out of it. I pay for all my own stuff, which btw is HARD when you wanna take care of them the right way. They are ruining horses for me, because hearing them complain just is starting to not be worth it! I'm so overwhelmed.
My good horse that I just bought a yr ago is hurt, and all I hear is you ruined him, he's crippled, he sucks, he's never won you any money, sell him, you never have money, you waste all your money.
My parents are very well off, very capable of helping me out. Any time I ever need something which isn't often, if ever (example my truck transmission went out it's my only vehicle, I asked to BORROW the money so I can have something to drive and was told 'no sell your horses and pay for it') the response is 'sell those worthless horses'
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  Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
 
Location: Texas | I'm basically a professional at removing negative people from my life. Looks like you've got some hard decisions to make, or learn to not give a rats rear end what people think. | |
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| BarrelRacing4Christ - 2017-06-04 9:55 PM
I'm basically a professional at removing negative people from my life. Looks like you've got some hard decisions to make, or learn to not give a rats rear end what people think.
I could use some pointers apparently, I normally just let it roll off my back but tonight I was so upset over it I cried and cried and I pray and pray but what can I do? They are my parents.
I finished my first semester of college they paid for, I was very appreciative, time to reenroll and I was told tonight 'sell your horses and pay for yourself to go' | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
 
Location: OH. IO | Do you live with your parents?do you work?do you make enough to support yourself?how old are you? | |
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| jake16 - 2017-06-04 10:05 PM
Do you live with your parents?do you work?do you make enough to support yourself?how old are you?
Yes I live in our apartment, I'm 21, I have a full time job making enough to support myself and my 3 horses very well. But when things pop up like my transmission blowing up $2800 rebuild I don't have the money on hand. I don't ask for favors, I don't need hand outs but it would be nice if when I needed help I could count on my parents.
Without a truck I have no way to work, no way to barn etc.
OH AND HERES A KICKER! my mom currently keeps her horse (trail horse pasture ornament) here that I take care FOR HER with no help from her at all, says she doesn't need too, even though when she boarded it she paid $500 a month.
We moved January from a house with pastures to no house with pasture so luckily my boyfriend parents were nice enough to let me build a barn and keep my horses in their pastures. | |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12842
| Will try to keep this short. Grew up on a ranch. My brother always had the best show calves. I rode our ranch horses. I did well with what I had. Won a trip to the first state 4-H horse show in Texas. If it had not been for the other kid that also went, I would not have gotten to go. Married a man that knew nothing about horses and he would not let me ride. (Very controlling). He died in 2002 and my horses were very old. He even gave away my horse trailer. Had to buy new horses. My neighbor keeps telling me I am too old to ride. I am old but at a clinic at Joseys Pam told me to distance myself from negative people. Good advice. (Kind of hard when they are your parents). My trainer is the only person who has ever encouraged me. I rode at the Josey Reunion and may not have been the oldest person there but close. I was proud of my runs there. I have been riding since I was 3. I will not quit til I am in the nursing home. All I can say is that your victories are much more meaningful if you have to overcome adversity. I do have one suggestion. Find a boyfriend who wants you to be the very best you can be. I was sitting next to a very young couple. The guy knew nothing about horses but he was at least trying. He videoed her runs. He had taken her hunting and let her shoot the big buck they saw because he wanted her to be successful. There is some guy out there who will support you. Go find him. If you don't have a job, find one and then don't worry about whether others support you. Good luck. Didn't meant this to be so long. You create your own destiny. | |
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| streakysox - 2017-06-04 10:20 PM
Will try to keep this short. Grew up on a ranch. My brother always had the best show calves. I rode our ranch horses. I did well with what I had. Won a trip to the first state 4-H horse show in Texas. If it had not been for the other kid that also went, I would not have gotten to go. Married a man that knew nothing about horses and he would not let me ride. (Very controlling). He died in 2002 and my horses were very old. He even gave away my horse trailer. Had to buy new horses. My neighbor keeps telling me I am too old to ride. I am old but at a clinic at Joseys Pam told me to distance myself from negative people. Good advice. (Kind of hard when they are your parents). My trainer is the only person who has ever encouraged me. I rode at the Josey Reunion and may not have been the oldest person there but close. I was proud of my runs there. I have been riding since I was 3. I will not quit til I am in the nursing home. All I can say is that your victories are much more meaningful if you have to overcome adversity. I do have one suggestion. Find a boyfriend who wants you to be the very best you can be. I was sitting next to a very young couple. The guy knew nothing about horses but he was at least trying. He videoed her runs. He had taken her hunting and let her shoot the big buck they saw because he wanted her to be successful. There is some guy out there who will support you. Go find him. If you don't have a job, find one and then don't worry about whether others support you. Good luck. Didn't meant this to be so long. You create your own destiny.
Thankfully, I have a great boyfriend who isn't a horse person but he supports me 110% I honestly think if it wasn't for him I'd have a mental break down! He helps me when he can, i am very thankful for him. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 509
| I have dealt with this my whole life just stick with the ultimate goal keep your dreams to yourself if it's a burden financially keep one good horse.im fifty now my parents don't say negative things anymore they go along with it.i have really struggled all my life to show and ride. My husband doesn't even ask how I did at a show when I come home! I didn't show for five years my horses that were good got to much age one filly died one crippled up and one was a junker my mom never noticed I wasn't showing lol I just set my goals and keep it to myself! | |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-04 10:14 PM jake16 - 2017-06-04 10:05 PM Do you live with your parents?do you work?do you make enough to support yourself?how old are you? Yes I live in our apartment, I'm 21, I have a full time job making enough to support myself and my 3 horses very well. But when things pop up like my transmission blowing up $2800 rebuild I don't have the money on hand. I don't ask for favors, I don't need hand outs but it would be nice if when I needed help I could count on my parents. Without a truck I have no way to work, no way to barn etc. OH AND HERES A KICKER! my mom currently keeps her horse (trail horse pasture ornament ) here that I take care FOR HER with no help from her at all, says she doesn't need too, even though when she boarded it she paid $500 a month. We moved January from a house with pastures to no house with pasture so luckily my boyfriend parents were nice enough to let me build a barn and keep my horses in their pastures.
When you say "our" apartment, do you mean WITH your parents or your own ??? If you live on your own, I know that they are your parents, but the first thing I would do is give my mother written notice to either move her horse or start paying for it's care. Of course, if you live with your parents that scenario will not work. Then, if you have a full time job, etc, apply for a loan to get your truck fixed. There are times that you do have to make HARD decisions....do you REALLY need three horses? | |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | NJJ - 2017-06-05 6:36 AM
Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-04 10:14 PM jake16 - 2017-06-04 10:05 PM Do you live with your parents?do you work?do you make enough to support yourself?how old are you? Yes I live in our apartment, I'm 21, I have a full time job making enough to support myself and my 3 horses very well. But when things pop up like my transmission blowing up $2800 rebuild I don't have the money on hand. I don't ask for favors, I don't need hand outs but it would be nice if when I needed help I could count on my parents. Without a truck I have no way to work, no way to barn etc. OH AND HERES A KICKER! my mom currently keeps her horse (trail horse pasture ornament ) here that I take care FOR HER with no help from her at all, says she doesn't need too, even though when she boarded it she paid $500 a month. We moved January from a house with pastures to no house with pasture so luckily my boyfriend parents were nice enough to let me build a barn and keep my horses in their pastures.
Agree with NJJ here.....3 horses is quite a handful when you are trying to get through school. When I was in college and working full time I would get done with school, come home and ride/practice at home and then run off to work. My mom frequently cooled out my horse for me and took care of him afterwards so I could get to work on time and I am SO grateful she was there for me.
You may need to reorganize your priorities, especially if you depend on your parents for housing. You may need to sit down with them and determine how college is getting paid for. Everyone needs to know who is accountable for what. Lay out the options and get everything on the table. Hopefully that will clear up any tension and give you a clear mind on how to proceed going forward (selling g a horse? Cutting parents out of your life?) | |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Obviously you and your folks prioritize differently, when it comes to horses. In my opinion, those differences shouldn't drive a wedge between you and them. You sound very young. To me, they sound realistic.
Owning horses obviously is an expensive hobby/passion. Unexpected expenses will always pop up randomly, sometimes involving horses.
If you are going to own horses, you need to be prepared for things like a $5K bill for colic surgery at the drop of a hat. Your folks see your owning not one, but 3 horses that drain your finances every month, and those horses don't earn you anything, so I can identify with their sentiments, even though you find the comments hurtful. You say that your parents are very well off. There's a reason for that, and maybe this is one way for them to show you how to get ahead, just like they did. Whether they can afford to loan you money for unanticipated expenses is none of your business. I don't look at their lack of willingness to loan you money for unanticipated expenses as not being " supportive". In this case, " supportive" is a warm and fuzzy way of saying "enabling", because it sounds that their unwillingness to loan you that $2800 is their way of getting a message across to you. If you are a self-reliant adult, determined to own horses, then I think you need to be able to be truly self-reliant. Just because you work, pay the rent, and pay for your own food, gas, insurance, utilities, doesn't necessarily mean you are independent and supporting yourself.
You asked for advice on how to deal with an "unsupportive" boyfriend and family. Here's my advice: figure out a way to make some extra money. Sell one or two horses. Take on a second job, maybe for 10-20 more hours a week. Put that money away so you can deal with the unanticipated expenses, whether it's your pickup or the horse(s). It won't take long to build up a nice emergency fund, and maybe at some point you can go back to working only at your regular job.
After all of that, the real benefit to you will be the awesome feeling you get from hard work, saving, and real independence. Trust me.....that can be very contagious.
Edited by Bear 2017-06-05 9:42 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | Your family is "unsupportive" because they won't give you money?? My god, and we wonder why they call us the entitled generation....
I sold every horse I owned to pay for college. And my parents COULD afford it. They didn't OWE me that. They should have to forego vacations and things they want to do/buy so that I can keep barrel racing/rodeoing while attending college? No, if anyone should be making a sacrifice at this point in my life, it's me. It is a privilege to attend college, not a right.
And when I sold those horses, I bought a dink prospect, finally got him going decent and was able to start going to barrel races again. Needed money for a house down payment, guess what was put up for sale first?
I think your parents are trying to give you a dose of reality. Horses are a luxury item. A vehicle you drive daily is a necessity. Priorities.
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| It's the apartment on the property. I don't live in the house with them but yes I live under one of there roofs, for free.
1 horse isn't mine, I have a 2 yr old that is getting sent off end of this month for 30 days then coming home and being sold, then I have my open horse. The funds to care for my two and even my moms isn't the problem, the problem is I can't stand to go home or have any kinds of problems and try to vent to my parents or ask for help and I'm told 'sell the worthless horses' | |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| In my opinion you are being a little unrealistic. I've had to sell horses I really didn't want to sell to pay for unexpected expenses. Its part of being an adult. Your parents don't owe you anything. Sometimes in life, we temporarily live like we have to so later on we can live like we want to. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | BamaCanChaser - 2017-06-05 10:25 AM Your family is "unsupportive" because they won't give you money?? My god, and we wonder why they call us the entitled generation.... I sold every horse I owned to pay for college. And my parents COULD afford it. They didn't OWE me that. They should have to forego vacations and things they want to do/buy so that I can keep barrel racing/rodeoing while attending college? No, if anyone should be making a sacrifice at this point in my life, it's me. It is a privilege to attend college, not a right. And when I sold those horses, I bought a dink prospect, finally got him going decent and was able to start going to barrel races again. Needed money for a house down payment, guess what was put up for sale first? I think your parents are trying to give you a dose of reality. Horses are a luxury item. A vehicle you drive daily is a necessity. Priorities.
You young lady have a very good head on your shoulders, your parents did very good.. You have your priorities in order and your parents must be very very proud of you.. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 10:30 AM
It's the apartment on the property. I don't live in the house with them but yes I live under one of there roofs, for free.
1 horse isn't mine, I have a 2 yr old that is getting sent off end of this month for 30 days then coming home and being sold, then I have my open horse. The funds to care for my two and even my moms isn't the problem, the problem is I can't stand to go home or have any kinds of problems and try to vent to my parents or ask for help and I'm told 'sell the worthless horses'
Ok, so you are still living off them. They are trying to teach you a lesson. They are literally paying your rent.
Adulting is hard. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 5293
| The way I read it, its NOT the OP is asking for money or handouts,its the fact that the parents are being NEGATIVE when it comes to horses by calling them worthless and other things. I am not against a parent teaching someone a lesson, but you don't have to be an A$$-H doing it!!! You can advise someone that horses may not be a good financial choice WITHOUT making it a personal insult. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | FLITASTIC - 2017-06-05 11:03 AM
The way I read it, its NOT the OP is asking for money or handouts,its the fact that the parents are being NEGATIVE when it comes to horses by calling them worthless and other things. I am not against a parent teaching someone a lesson, but you don't have to be an A$$-H doing it!!! You can advise someone that horses may not be a good financial choice WITHOUT making it a personal insult.
I'm sure we've all experienced parents being ass hats (from our perspective) from time to time. Even great parents are sometimes perceived that way.
Actually, she is already getting money and handouts, and she's miffed that they made comments about the horses when she wanted help with the $2800 bill. | |
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| FLITASTIC - 2017-06-05 11:03 AM
The way I read it, its NOT the OP is asking for money or handouts,its the fact that the parents are being NEGATIVE when it comes to horses by calling them worthless and other things. I am not against a parent teaching someone a lesson, but you don't have to be an A$$-H doing it!!! You can advise someone that horses may not be a good financial choice WITHOUT making it a personal insult.
THANK YOU!!! This is my entire point!
My boyfriend pays rent for the apartment, granted it's not $800 but we still have the responsibility of paying!
I'm sorry if I'm not willing to sell my 40k horse, when I KNOW I will NEVER be able to afford and have paid off a horse of that price and caliber. I'm not trying to sound bratty but I've dreamed of having this barrel horse my entire life! Why would I give that up to go to college for a year to be a vet tech and still scrub by, and wish of having the open horse I have now??
I only have one other horse to sell, which I already planned on selling to make some money but I'm sorry if it's selfish of me to want to keep my once in a life time horse.
I do everything else on my own I don't see why I can't have ONE thing for me?? Just one!! That's all I ask! | |
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| FLITASTIC - 2017-06-05 10:03 AM
The way I read it, its NOT the OP is asking for money or handouts,its the fact that the parents are being NEGATIVE when it comes to horses by calling them worthless and other things. I am not against a parent teaching someone a lesson, but you don't have to be an A$$-H doing it!!! You can advise someone that horses may not be a good financial choice WITHOUT making it a personal insult.
I agree with you! No matter what they feel they should not approach it with those types of comments which can be very hurtful. | |
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