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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
  
| My DIL suffers from anxiety and now that she is 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, it is starting to really kick in. When it does she hides from every one because apparently she will kind of lose it - yell and scream. Her dad would just let it happen until she calmed down, but she doesn't want my husband and I to see her this way. What can I do for her? I really enjoy her company and think she is a good person. I want so bad to help ease her anxiety.
Edited by GLP 2017-06-13 2:42 PM
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  That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
 
| Therapy and drugs, in the correct combination. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Sounds like she may needing to see a Psychiatrist, this is not healthy at all, I would be worried about the baby's well being once its born. How is her husband with all this? | |
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Veteran
Posts: 233
| Magnesium and a b-complex can make a world of difference in anxiety. After the baby is weaned, valerian root is awesome.
Her hormones are really whacked out right now. Ask her what she needs from y'all, if she would rather y'all helped her nest, stay out of her space, or if she wants you to ignore that she's pregnant. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| Whiteboy - 2017-06-13 2:47 PM
Therapy and drugs, in the correct combination.
Same. Along with whole/real foods and exercise. Letting her know she has your 100% support will help too. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | obviously drug therapy should be avoided until after she has the baby, and especially if she is choosing to breastfeed.
Breathing exercises help with anxiety. I have horrible anxiety, and have to take meds to cope with it. They definitely help. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2017-06-13 2:58 PM obviously drug therapy should be avoided until after she has the baby, and especially if she is choosing to breastfeed. Breathing exercises help with anxiety. I have horrible anxiety, and have to take meds to cope with it. They definitely help.
I agree no drugs.. | |
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That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| I also recomend the following:
Methylfolate from www.methylpro.com
A good Multi Vitamin
Good Nutrition - Leafy Greens
Good Exercise - Get heartrate up for 30 mins at least 3 times a week
Magnexium 300-400 mg at bedtime
Omega-3 Fatty Acid 1000-2000 mg
N-acetylcysteine
Vitamin D
Creatine
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Thank you for all your replies.
They lived with us from September to May when they bought their own place. She has not been on meds since she found out she was pregnant.
We have never seen the loss of control so I assume she may be over that, but her family is a drama family and ours is NOT.
She has a psychiatrist, but she isn't wild about her.
My son is good with her I think, he has never had to evenly remotely deal this kind of thing, so I told her she would have to tell him how to help her.
He had to go out of town for a week and I think that plus her mother coming to stay with her plus worry about child birth has just become a lot for her.
I don't want to intrude, but I think y'all have given me some good suggestions.
Since we live really close by, do you think it would be a good idea if I asked her to walk with me in the evenings when it cools off and try to get her to go to lunch with me on my off days?
She does go with the guys to check cattle and the baby calves just love her. They come up to her before they go to the guys, lol.
She is a good kid, just had a bad childhood. And I can tend to want to mother hen people.
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| hoofs_in_motion - 2017-06-13 2:58 PM
obviously drug therapy should be avoided until after she has the baby, and especially if she is choosing to breastfeed.
Breathing exercises help with anxiety. I have horrible anxiety, and have to take meds to cope with it. They definitely help.
Hoofs, when the attacks hit, she goes into hiding to be alone. I don't think this is good for her, but I don't want to make her even more uncomfortable. I want to be a good supportive MIL, not the nosy, busybody one. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help or is it better if I just check on her and leave her alone? | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 399
| So, coming from someone who has horrible anxiety and I used to yell and scream and cry when i was overwhelmed; I have to point out that both my parents have high anxiety and that was how they dealt with the it was to yell and scream and freak out. SO fast forward yes, I am on medication and do therapy but due to the fact that I am trying to get pregnant I am being weaned off the medication and My husband is a saint. I would find a therapist that she is the most comfortable with and can have open conversations with. What I liked was that my therapist would let me call her at first so we didn't sit in the awkward silence of her office and then I could call her if I was having a panic attack. Now I go to her office and we make a list of the things that have made me anxious in the past week and then I make a list of what I can control and what I cannot control in regards to each situation. This has helped immensely because once I wrote it down on paper that I could not control things they suddenly were not as big of a deal anymore. ( I am hoping this post makes sense as I am typing on my phone and it is hard to read up higher) | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Having anxiety sucks. You know in the middle of freaking out and crying and screaming that there is no reason to be afraid, yet you lack the self control to shut off the over whemling emotions you feel all at once.
Anxiety shows itself in many different ways not just hyperventilating and rocking back and forth:
*Unpredicatble bouts of anger
*Nit-Pickiness (OCD) and even a hypersensitivity to disarray, chaos, messes and change.
*Talking extremely fast, stumbling over their words
*Not talking at all, being silent
*Sitting rigid, starring into space, zoning out.
Here is how you can help her:
*When she has an attack and is crying or screaming, remind her where she is at. Try and get her to a low spot like the floor,etc.
*Find 5 things she can see, four things she can touch, three things she can hear, two things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste. (water, etc.) Say something like: You are home. You are at the intersection of, you are in the parking lot of. You are safe. No one can get you. Nothing can hurt you. Make her look at colors. Make her feel the ground she is sitting on. Make her feel her own shirt, her own skin. Make her feel her face, her eyes, anything. Make her smell the air outside and pick out different smells she can look for. My husband carries around essential oils for me just in case. I have learned ot manage pretty well but they were so helpful starting out.
*Lastly, make her sip water. Remind her how to sip water and how to feel the coolness of it.
*Give her a blanket or a piece of clothing to cover herself sort of like a shield. Make her feel it. Tell her to take the blanket and feel it. (I have a saddle blanket that I used to hide under.)
*Make her look you in the eye and use soft tones while talking to her and make her repete them back to you. DO NOT TOUCH HER. Again, remind her that she is safe with you.
*Sit beside her and breathe. Say okay, we are going to take a big breathe in and make that breath loud so she can follow along. Tell her to hold it and then release slowly. Repete all of this until she is finished crying/screaming and becomes still.
*Ask her permission to hold her hand and begin rubbing her hand while you remind her when you are at and that she is safe.
*Ask to give her a hug and give her the biggest hug you can find inside yourself. Tell her she's safe. Let her being to cry but don't allow her to become hysterical. Tell her it's okay. Remind her where she is at constantly.
This is called Grounding.
After an episode the perosn will feel drained and embaressed. They will feel like they just ran a 15k and lost. They will literally want to hide from the world. Grab a warm rag and wipe their face. Make sure she drinks water and make sure she gets to bed safely. Give her a cool rag to put over her eyes. Make sure the room is dark and put on a box fan or some quiet music.
I would suggest buying a heavy weighted blanket for this exercise. People with anxiety feel much safer under a security blanket with weight. It helps calm them.
I would suggest buying a bedspread with weight to it as well. She will sleep much better.
As far as anxiety about birth, I would suggest you open up to her about your experience during labor and then suggest a parenting class to give her more confidence. Reassure her that she will be a great mom. Never let her doubt herself or her abilities just because hse has anxiety. People with anxiety are not psycotic, but it takes a village to keep them from becoming one. She will eventually learn how to ground herself and her attacks will become less frequent and less severe. She will feel much safer knwing you and her husband can ground her. She will know she is safe and the attacks won't be as bad or as frequent. She is going through lots of changes in her life. I can see why her attacks are more severe.
I love how motherly you are to your DIL. I have had conversations with you before about her and your grandchild. You are doing the right thing by educating yourself on this topic instead of pointing fingers and judging her. 
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| IRunOnFaith - 2017-06-13 4:09 PM
Having anxiety sucks. You know in the middle of freaking out and crying and screaming that there is no reason to be afraid, yet you lack the self control to shut off the over whemling emotions you feel all at once.
Anxiety shows itself in many different ways not just hyperventilating and rocking back and forth:
*Unpredicatble bouts of anger
*Nit-Pickiness (OCD) and even a hypersensitivity to disarray, chaos, messes and change.
*Talking extremely fast, stumbling over their words
*Not talking at all, being silent
*Sitting rigid, starring into space, zoning out.
Here is how you can help her:
*When she has an attack and is crying or screaming, remind her where she is at. Try and get her to a low spot like the floor,etc.
*Find 5 things she can see, four things she can touch, three things she can hear, two things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste. (water, etc.) Say something like: You are home. You are at the intersection of, you are in the parking lot of. You are safe. No one can get you. Nothing can hurt you. Make her look at colors. Make her feel the ground she is sitting on. Make her feel her own shirt, her own skin. Make her feel her face, her eyes, anything. Make her smell the air outside and pick out different smells she can look for. My husband carries around essential oils for me just in case. I have learned ot manage pretty well but they were so helpful starting out.
*Lastly, make her sip water. Remind her how to sip water and how to feel the coolness of it.
*Give her a blanket or a piece of clothing to cover herself sort of like a shield. Make her feel it. Tell her to take the blanket and feel it. (I have a saddle blanket that I used to hide under.)
*Make her look you in the eye and use soft tones while talking to her and make her repete them back to you. DO NOT TOUCH HER. Again, remind her that she is safe with you.
*Sit beside her and breathe. Say okay, we are going to take a big breathe in and make that breath loud so she can follow along. Tell her to hold it and then release slowly. Repete all of this until she is finished crying/screaming and becomes still.
*Ask her permission to hold her hand and begin rubbing her hand while you remind her when you are at and that she is safe.
*Ask to give her a hug and give her the biggest hug you can find inside yourself. Tell her she's safe. Let her being to cry but don't allow her to become hysterical. Tell her it's okay. Remind her where she is at constantly.
This is called Grounding.
After an episode the perosn will feel drained and embaressed. They will feel like they just ran a 15k and lost. They will literally want to hide from the world. Grab a warm rag and wipe their face. Make sure she drinks water and make sure she gets to bed safely. Give her a cool rag to put over her eyes. Make sure the room is dark and put on a box fan or some quiet music.
I would suggest buying a heavy weighted blanket for this exercise. People with anxiety feel much safer under a security blanket with weight. It helps calm them.
I would suggest buying a bedspread with weight to it as well. She will sleep much better.
As far as anxiety about birth, I would suggest you open up to her about your experience during labor and then suggest a parenting class to give her more confidence. Reassure her that she will be a great mom. Never let her doubt herself or her abilities just because hse has anxiety. People with anxiety are not psycotic, but it takes a village to keep them from becoming one. She will eventually learn how to ground herself and her attacks will become less frequent and less severe. She will feel much safer knwing you and her husband can ground her. She will know she is safe and the attacks won't be as bad or as frequent. She is going through lots of changes in her life. I can see why her attacks are more severe.
I love how motherly you are to your DIL. I have had conversations with you before about her and your grandchild. You are doing the right thing by educating yourself on this topic instead of pointing fingers and judging her.
Bless your heart! Thank you so very much. I am going to print this whole thing out and give it to my son so he can know how to help her. She couldn't sleep until he came home and then when he did get home, I think they both slept 12 or more hours.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| IRunOnFaith - 2017-06-13 4:09 PM Having anxiety sucks. You know in the middle of freaking out and crying and screaming that there is no reason to be afraid, yet you lack the self control to shut off the over whemling emotions you feel all at once.
Anxiety shows itself in many different ways not just hyperventilating and rocking back and forth:
*Unpredicatble bouts of anger
*Nit-Pickiness (OCD) and even a hypersensitivity to disarray, chaos, messes and change.
*Talking extremely fast, stumbling over their words
*Not talking at all, being silent
*Sitting rigid, starring into space, zoning out.
Here is how you can help her:
*When she has an attack and is crying or screaming, remind her where she is at. Try and get her to a low spot like the floor,etc.
*Find 5 things she can see, four things she can touch, three things she can hear, two things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste. (water, etc.) Say something like: You are home. You are at the intersection of, you are in the parking lot of. You are safe. No one can get you. Nothing can hurt you. Make her look at colors. Make her feel the ground she is sitting on. Make her feel her own shirt, her own skin. Make her feel her face, her eyes, anything. Make her smell the air outside and pick out different smells she can look for. My husband carries around essential oils for me just in case. I have learned ot manage pretty well but they were so helpful starting out.
*Lastly, make her sip water. Remind her how to sip water and how to feel the coolness of it.
*Give her a blanket or a piece of clothing to cover herself sort of like a shield. Make her feel it. Tell her to take the blanket and feel it. (I have a saddle blanket that I used to hide under.)
*Make her look you in the eye and use soft tones while talking to her and make her repete them back to you. DO NOT TOUCH HER. Again, remind her that she is safe with you.
*Sit beside her and breathe. Say okay, we are going to take a big breathe in and make that breath loud so she can follow along. Tell her to hold it and then release slowly. Repete all of this until she is finished crying/screaming and becomes still.
*Ask her permission to hold her hand and begin rubbing her hand while you remind her when you are at and that she is safe.
*Ask to give her a hug and give her the biggest hug you can find inside yourself. Tell her she's safe. Let her being to cry but don't allow her to become hysterical. Tell her it's okay. Remind her where she is at constantly.
This is called Grounding.
After an episode the perosn will feel drained and embaressed. They will feel like they just ran a 15k and lost. They will literally want to hide from the world. Grab a warm rag and wipe their face. Make sure she drinks water and make sure she gets to bed safely. Give her a cool rag to put over her eyes. Make sure the room is dark and put on a box fan or some quiet music.
I would suggest buying a heavy weighted blanket for this exercise. People with anxiety feel much safer under a security blanket with weight. It helps calm them.
I would suggest buying a bedspread with weight to it as well. She will sleep much better.
As far as anxiety about birth, I would suggest you open up to her about your experience during labor and then suggest a parenting class to give her more confidence. Reassure her that she will be a great mom. Never let her doubt herself or her abilities just because hse has anxiety. People with anxiety are not psycotic, but it takes a village to keep them from becoming one. She will eventually learn how to ground herself and her attacks will become less frequent and less severe. She will feel much safer knwing you and her husband can ground her. She will know she is safe and the attacks won't be as bad or as frequent. She is going through lots of changes in her life. I can see why her attacks are more severe.
I love how motherly you are to your DIL. I have had conversations with you before about her and your grandchild. You are doing the right thing by educating yourself on this topic instead of pointing fingers and judging her.
This is all dead on. You can KNOW you are being irrational (afraid, nervous, angry, etc. etc.) and yet you cannot move past the feelings. It is EXTREMELY scary to feel like you can't control your own mind/feelings. And I believe you can't understand it if you've never felt it. So do not judge, but learn and help in a positive way. Which is what you are trying to do. :) | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-13 1:05 PM
hoofs_in_motion - 2017-06-13 2:58 PM obviously drug therapy should be avoided until after she has the baby, and especially if she is choosing to breastfeed. Breathing exercises help with anxiety. I have horrible anxiety, and have to take meds to cope with it. They definitely help.
I agree no drugs..
I also agree no drugs. Whoever said correct eating, exercise, and vitamins is on the right track. Also, some anxiety about being pregnant, the baby's future, finances, time constraints, etc is totally normal while pregnant as much as we try to avoid it. It's amazing what a negative impact sugar and processed food has on our bodies and mental state.
If she is aware that she snaps at people and gets angry she is coping with it in her way but I also agree that it's not healthy for baby. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| I want to thank each and every one of you who responded. I am sure we will be using many of these suggestions. | |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | GLP - 2017-06-13 4:20 PM IRunOnFaith - 2017-06-13 4:09 PM Having anxiety sucks. You know in the middle of freaking out and crying and screaming that there is no reason to be afraid, yet you lack the self control to shut off the over whemling emotions you feel all at once.
Anxiety shows itself in many different ways not just hyperventilating and rocking back and forth:
*Unpredicatble bouts of anger
*Nit-Pickiness (OCD) and even a hypersensitivity to disarray, chaos, messes and change.
*Talking extremely fast, stumbling over their words
*Not talking at all, being silent
*Sitting rigid, starring into space, zoning out.
Here is how you can help her:
*When she has an attack and is crying or screaming, remind her where she is at. Try and get her to a low spot like the floor,etc.
*Find 5 things she can see, four things she can touch, three things she can hear, two things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste. (water, etc.) Say something like: You are home. You are at the intersection of, you are in the parking lot of. You are safe. No one can get you. Nothing can hurt you. Make her look at colors. Make her feel the ground she is sitting on. Make her feel her own shirt, her own skin. Make her feel her face, her eyes, anything. Make her smell the air outside and pick out different smells she can look for. My husband carries around essential oils for me just in case. I have learned ot manage pretty well but they were so helpful starting out.
*Lastly, make her sip water. Remind her how to sip water and how to feel the coolness of it.
*Give her a blanket or a piece of clothing to cover herself sort of like a shield. Make her feel it. Tell her to take the blanket and feel it. (I have a saddle blanket that I used to hide under.)
*Make her look you in the eye and use soft tones while talking to her and make her repete them back to you. DO NOT TOUCH HER. Again, remind her that she is safe with you.
*Sit beside her and breathe. Say okay, we are going to take a big breathe in and make that breath loud so she can follow along. Tell her to hold it and then release slowly. Repete all of this until she is finished crying/screaming and becomes still.
*Ask her permission to hold her hand and begin rubbing her hand while you remind her when you are at and that she is safe.
*Ask to give her a hug and give her the biggest hug you can find inside yourself. Tell her she's safe. Let her being to cry but don't allow her to become hysterical. Tell her it's okay. Remind her where she is at constantly.
This is called Grounding.
After an episode the perosn will feel drained and embaressed. They will feel like they just ran a 15k and lost. They will literally want to hide from the world. Grab a warm rag and wipe their face. Make sure she drinks water and make sure she gets to bed safely. Give her a cool rag to put over her eyes. Make sure the room is dark and put on a box fan or some quiet music.
I would suggest buying a heavy weighted blanket for this exercise. People with anxiety feel much safer under a security blanket with weight. It helps calm them.
I would suggest buying a bedspread with weight to it as well. She will sleep much better.
As far as anxiety about birth, I would suggest you open up to her about your experience during labor and then suggest a parenting class to give her more confidence. Reassure her that she will be a great mom. Never let her doubt herself or her abilities just because hse has anxiety. People with anxiety are not psycotic, but it takes a village to keep them from becoming one. She will eventually learn how to ground herself and her attacks will become less frequent and less severe. She will feel much safer knwing you and her husband can ground her. She will know she is safe and the attacks won't be as bad or as frequent. She is going through lots of changes in her life. I can see why her attacks are more severe.
I love how motherly you are to your DIL. I have had conversations with you before about her and your grandchild. You are doing the right thing by educating yourself on this topic instead of pointing fingers and judging her.
Bless your heart! Thank you so very much. I am going to print this whole thing out and give it to my son so he can know how to help her. She couldn't sleep until he came home and then when he did get home, I think they both slept 12 or more hours.
You may also tell your son that leaving a person alone after an episode is the worst thing to do. Hold them until they fall asleep or if you do leave and they are still awake make sure you clearly tell them wehre you are going and that you will be back in X amount of time.
For example: I am going to the kitchen to get you some ice to chew on. I will be back in less than one minute. You are safe. You are in bed. You are home. I am not leaving you.
It's very helpful to a person during an attack to know exaclty what is going on in the simplest way you can say it.
When she wakes up make her eat and drink. Don't talk about anything that happened unless she initiates. You can ask things like did the mess make you feel like you've lost control? Did the change in plans make you anxious? Never ask an open ended question like why did you freak out? The answer will always be "I don't know". Try and help her realize her triggers so she can learn to control the triggers. Tell her that next time if she feels overwhelmed with something like cleaning the house that you can help her. This may make her feel like a failure for not being able to do it on her own. Be sure you tell her that she isn't a failure.
If you help her realize her triggers and learn to control the attacks then to me, that is a greater weapon for her to use againt her own emotions than any medication I can think of.  | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Im gonna keep this short however I may also PM YOU. Im another that deals with anxiety.before she shuts the door on everything get her calcium and vitamin D checked.if calcium is high and vitamin D low look up parathyroid issues.alot of people just get pushed off by it being anxiety because it's easier for the doctor.get these other tests done AND BE FIRM ABOUT IT TO YOUR DOCTOR! | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state |
https://www.jewelneverbroken.com | |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | GLP - 2017-06-13 2:40 PM
My DIL suffers from anxiety and now that she is 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, it is starting to really kick in. When it does she hides from every one because apparently she will kind of lose it - yell and scream. Her dad would just let it happen until she calmed down, but she doesn't want my husband and I to see her this way. What can I do for her? I really enjoy her company and think she is a good person. I want so bad to help ease her anxiety.
What a wonderful MIL---I bet there's more than one person on here that wishes we would've had you in our lives! Bless you for wanting to figure out the best way to help her. Sounds like you got some good advice, so I'll just say a prayer for y'all.  | |
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