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Regular
Posts: 65
| How many other states have the "6 Month" Rule, can't drive with anyone other then a sibling or anyone over 20 years of age I believe? I'm curious how many parents have enforced that and their teenage driver. Or are you letting your kids drive and thinking the 6month rule blows....lol.
I don't like the rule, but I understand the reasoning behind it and we enforce it with our daughter. She has since drove a group of friends to a function, when she said they all had rides. She lost her driving privileges other then school and home. Then after a month or so, we gave her some privileges back, but no driving friends, you only have a few more months. Well today, she did it again and (I have a tracking app on her phone) she turned the GPS off so I could not see where she was going. Am I a crazy fricken mom for enforcing this rule and putting a tracking App on her phone? Because I sure feel like it, problem is, she has been so dishonest so many time, there is ZERO trust left...hence the tracking app.
I'm tired and frustrated with my teenager. More sooooo disappointed then angry at this point.
I think I need a drink, surely that will help me :0) | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
  
Location: Southeast Louisiana | I don't think the six month rule is the problem. She should follow your rules, whatever they are, or lose privileges. Follow through and come down hard on her. Take her to school and pick her up after when she starts following rules in all other aspects, she can earn some trust and privilege back.
Or, sell her car and make her ride a bike. Because, that's what happens to dishonest people. Life is hard if you choose to be a liar. | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
 
Location: OH. IO | Laws are laws,if she is allowed to break laws now she is gonna break laws later.Rules are rules like it or not.Whos responsible for those kids if something goes horribly wrong and they end up dead...IT HAPPENS. Since shes broke the law twice already,IF SHE WERE MINE,she would now wait another year to drive.That would give her PLENTY of time to think about how bad she really wants to drive AND to show she can be responsible and not a liar.Thats my take on it. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | jake16 - 2017-06-21 6:50 PM Laws are laws,if she is allowed to break laws now she is gonna break laws later.Rules are rules like it or not.Whos responsible for those kids if something goes horribly wrong and they end up dead...IT HAPPENS. Since shes broke the law twice already,IF SHE WERE MINE,she would now wait another year to drive.That would give her PLENTY of time to think about how bad she really wants to drive AND to show she can be responsible and not a liar.Thats my take on it.
Ditto Ditto Ditto to what jake 16 wrote.. A few years back I think it was 4 or 5 kids went on a joy ride with a 16 year old driving that took the car without permission and killed them all, it was horrible and they all from Stockdale a really small town.. | |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Not a parent myself, but I say drop the hammer. HARD. Laws are laws, like it or not. If I had done this as a teen my life (as I knew it) would have ended.  | |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I agree that your problem is not with the law but with your daughter...... she doesn't respect the law OR your rules. You already gave her TWO chances. If she were mine, her happy butt would be riding the bus to school, biking or walking. If it was too far to walk she would get driven there and back....and would lose her driving privileges for a VERY long time. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | She needs to respect you and the law, sounds like she dont respect either, so I would be coming down on her pretty hard if I was dealing with a teen like her. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | NJJ - 2017-06-21 7:31 PM I agree that your problem is not with the law but with your daughter...... she doesn't respect the law OR your rules. You already gave her TWO chances. If she were mine, her happy butt would be riding the bus to school, biking or walking. If it was too far to walk she would get driven there and back....and would lose her driving privileges for a VERY long time.
LOL, my goodness how great minds think alike..  | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-21 7:34 PM NJJ - 2017-06-21 7:31 PM I agree that your problem is not with the law but with your daughter...... she doesn't respect the law OR your rules. You already gave her TWO chances. If she were mine, her happy butt would be riding the bus to school, biking or walking. If it was too far to walk she would get driven there and back....and would lose her driving privileges for a VERY long time. LOL, my goodness how great minds think alike..
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-06-21 8:20 PM
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| My step daughter is 16 and newly licensed.... I'm not exactly sure of the laws.. but we let her drive with my 12 yr old daughter... just local.. we live in a very small town. If they want to run up to the local store for a soda or chips.. I have zero problem with it.. we just recently had a big festival out here and we turned both daughters loose TOGETHER and told them to be home no later than 11.. they came home at 10:15. So far so good.. but if they violate curfew. .. all bets are off! | |
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Veteran
Posts: 233
| Okay, so you don't trust her enough to make good judgement calls and be honest, and you think spying on her is going to help things?
If you are going to take away the car, fine, but your relationship and parenting dynamic has a lot more problems than her driving. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 889
Location: on the fine line between insanity and geniusness | My child is not near old enough to drive (thank the lord!) but I can assure you, if he was and broke my rules TWICE- losing his vehicle would be the very least of his worries! My mom never had a tracker on me, but we lived in a small town where everyone knew my family- I was entirely too scared of my mother to disrespect her and break her rules. My mom and dad had the fear of God in me!! I would definitely make her life more difficult until she saw things your way. And I don't disagree with you tracking her phone, she has proved she can't be trusted and you as her parent have to do whatever it takes to not only keep her safe, but to make her a useful, functioning member of society. | |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Ashley Lynn - 2017-06-21 10:24 PM
My child is not near old enough to drive (thank the lord!) but I can assure you, if he was and broke my rules TWICE- losing his vehicle would be the very least of his worries! My mom never had a tracker on me, but we lived in a small town where everyone knew my family- I was entirely too scared of my mother to disrespect her and break her rules. My mom and dad had the fear of God in me!! I would definitely make her life more difficult until she saw things your way. And I don't disagree with you tracking her phone, she has proved she can't be trusted and you as her parent have to do whatever it takes to not only keep her safe, but to make her a useful, functioning member of society.
Well said Ashley
And I grew up in a small town like you---where my parents knew what I had done before I got home from doing it!! I came home one afternoon and my momma wanted to know when I started smoking---I asked what in the world she was talking about (I've never smoked). She told me someone had called and said they saw me in my car with a cigarette in my mouth. . . . I had a habit of chewing on straws after I finished my Coke, and that's what the person saw. Momma believed me, but that's how fast folks "told on you" around here!
She almost confiscated my car when I was a Jr in high school because she thought I was going to have a "B" on my report card, so I can only imagine her displeasure if I hadn't done what I was told when I was out in the car driving---TWICE 
Edited by Chandler's Mom 2017-06-22 12:06 AM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| 6 months is nothing, in Alberta there are two steps to a drivers liscense, a graduated drivers liscence where cannot drive with anyone under the age of 18, and cannot drive after 11 pm, absolutely no alcohol. Even the speeding penalties are stiffer for these individuals.
I believe you have to have a clean graduated drivers liscence for 2 years before you can apply for a regular drivers liscence.
As everyone has said, you are doing the correct thing, you are making her into a better human and one day a long time from now she will appreciate it | |
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Location: Not Where I Want to Be | hannahbug - 2017-06-21 10:49 PM Okay, so you don't trust her enough to make good judgement calls and be honest, and you think spying on her is going to help things? If you are going to take away the car, fine, but your relationship and parenting dynamic has a lot more problems than her driving.
That's funny | |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | Beyond the fact that she has TWICE broken the law and your rules she has put your entire family at risk. Think about the liability if she has an accident with a bunch of teenagers in the car. The cost could very well extend beyond the liability limits of your insurance. Are you financially sound enough to withstand a huge lawsuit without losing everything? | |
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Regular
Posts: 65
| Thank you everyone for your comments, good and not so good. I appreciate all of them. Parenting is tough, there is no book of right and wrong and clearly I struggle.
If hannahbug ever decides to write a book on parenting, I will be the first one in line to buy it....lol.
You all rock and I love this board:0) | |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2937
Location: North Dakota | barrelmom68 - 2017-06-21 6:04 PM How many other states have the "6 Month" Rule, can't drive with anyone other then a sibling or anyone over 20 years of age I believe? I'm curious how many parents have enforced that and their teenage driver. Or are you letting your kids drive and thinking the 6month rule blows....lol. I don't like the rule, but I understand the reasoning behind it and we enforce it with our daughter. She has since drove a group of friends to a function, when she said they all had rides. She lost her driving privileges other then school and home. Then after a month or so, we gave her some privileges back, but no driving friends, you only have a few more months. Well today, she did it again and (I have a tracking app on her phone) she turned the GPS off so I could not see where she was going. Am I a crazy fricken mom for enforcing this rule and putting a tracking App on her phone? Because I sure feel like it, problem is, she has been so dishonest so many time, there is ZERO trust left...hence the tracking app. I'm tired and frustrated with my teenager. More sooooo disappointed then angry at this point. I think I need a drink, surely that will help me :0)
Of course parents should enforce it .... it's the law! Why is that even a question? The wrath of a parent is meek compared to permanently having marks on their driving record.
I would be taking her phone away from her. Period. And no more driving. Period. If she is not going to abide by your rules, then she needs to face the consequences.
Your parenting consequences are far less than what the law would do to her. She needs to get the message. Following the laws are not an "option".
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1141
Location: Somewhere across the SABINE | I totally agree with Hannahbug on this. I do have one child and he is MY WHOLE WORLD!!
I occasionally let him slide with stuff....but I dont let it get past the magic number 3. Kids and horses are so much alike. They will push you just as far as you will let them go...then once they find out there isnt a repercussion for going across that line- you have just opened up a new level of disobeying.
Lay the law down, be the B$%^# and make it work! shes 16 now, so guess what happens in a few more years? shes 18 and thinks she knows it all!!!!
Nip this in the bud, and later in life she will thank you. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 336
Location: Missouri | We have the graduated law in Missouri. I strictly enforced it, because it was the law, and because I think it's a good idea. The penalty for not following this law is loss of privileges (by the state, to say nothing of my penalty). My kids both knew if they wanted to go somewhere with friends they had to tell me who was driving, who would be along, if it fit the rules for our state. Once my son right off said he knew there were more than allowed, said he understood when I said no way. I had him hand his phone to the driver, explained it wasn't so much I didn't trust his abilities, but if they even had a flat tire and the highway patrol stopped to help, he would be ticketed. My daughter just told friends she would drive herself there when it came up. To my knowledge, neither kid ever broke that law.
Around my house, and it applies to kids, horses, and dogs - your life can be pretty darn easy, or your life can be real hard - it all depends upon the choices YOU make. My kids had to sign a written driving agreement with me, which included that law, getting a ticket, failure to check oil/tire pressure monthly, coming home on time, who paid for what vehicle expenses, requesting permission to go somewhere. My son is in college and STILL asks me if it's ok to go to town with friends when he's home on break (not that I care if they do things, it's simple respect). That contract also fully outlined consequences for not following through on their agreement. They had to initial every single one, and a copy of that contract was to be kept in their glove box. Also included was a safe passage agreement. The kids had to contact on their own, in my presence, three adults and ask them to participate. If ever they felt they were in a situation they couldn't call mom to come get them (alcohol, wrong place/wrong time), they could call any of those three people, who would come get them and bring them home or to their house, no questions asked. Those contact numbers had to be programmed into their phone and that contract signed before they left on their first solo trip. I, in turn, agreed if they ever did call me I would come get them wherever, whenever, no questions asked and no discussion until a later DATE (not time, DATE), when we were all more rational.
As someone else mentioned, besides the penalty for breaking the law, and the never ending guilt, were something to happen with your teenager driving YOU would be liable. As for a tracking app, I never felt the need to put one on their phone, so I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't see anything WRONG with it, but for myself, if I couldn't trust my kid to the point where I felt I had to have that, they wouldn't be driving. If my kid had lied to me like that, broke the law, and then turned the app off on her phone, there would've been a Come to Jesus meeting and she would've seen God in living color. Then that car would have been sold, the phone would be history, and she would find out just how **** hard her life could be. Sure, teenagers are going to make mistakes, but this seems more like blatant dishonesty and disrespect.
I would be disappointed too, but I would be freaking livid. That shows zero respect for you, as a parent, in my opinion. You're not a crazy mom for enforcing the rule, I think you are letting her walk on you (not judging, saying you are being too NICE). Trust and respect are huge for me. My kids will tell you I'm a hard a$$, their friends will tell you I'm a hard a$$, but I'm fair about it. Funny thing is, I'm the "cool" mom - most every one of their friends text me about life, etc. because they know I will tell them straight up and not take their crap. I've always told mine I would give them all the rope in the world, but if they hung themselves, that was it. They were given a ton of leeway and a lot of freedom..once in awhile I had to trip em up a little ;) but nothing serious. You are the MOM. You are the boss. You make the rules. She doesn't like em? Cool, she doesn't have to play by em, but she can suffer the consequences. PS...have that drink!
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