|
|
 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| So how do you do it? Lately I've found myself very depressed, stressed, and just downright mad! I've visited with my dr and she prescribed me some Lexapro, just after I told her my daily stessors.. I took them for a few weeks, didn't notice any difference and I started not liking how I was feeling on them, so I just quit. I also quit smoking 7 months ago cold turkey and gained about 25lbs which has made me miserable. . I joined a gym but it's so friggen far from my house I lose motivation just thinking about the drive. .. we live rural... I don't even really enjoy riding anymore... I got so bored of riding in the pasture ... at the moment we don't have a trailer, working on getting one... so hopefully soon we will get it and I can at least haul to some open ride nights around here. I don't have any real friends nearby anymore so that's out... it's tough to meet people around here. My husband's gone a few nights a week for work.... he tries to be supportive and loving when I'm in one of my meltdowns... I feel awful though. I'm at the point where I've just got to do something to get out of this funk because it's horrible! Was thinking about going back to my dr for something else to help take this edge off... one thing that really has me in a ball of stress is my mom lives with us, she has for several years... she's getting to the point where she's starting to meddle too much and getting waaaaay to opinionated on things in my life... I've blown up at her when I was just pushed too far and then she will just say I'm mean to her and go lock herself in her room and won't come out for days.. her living with us for this long has really put a strain on our relationship and it's slightly affecting my and my husband's relationship. I find myself being very resentful at times.. I use to be quite happy and full of energy and a go getter but lately I'm exactly the opposite! Sorry for the novel I have held all the bottled in for so long... and just wanted to add, I love my mother, I truly do... she's not incapable of taking care of herself, she's very active and healthy. | |
| | |
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 725
 
| Do the things YOU like to do. If you can't get to the gym go for a walk. Go shopping, go get your hair done, go get your nails done, take yourself on a coffee date, find some good books. Find joy in the little things in life. Get a kitten or puppy, just go out and give your horse a bath, find things that you enjoy. I hope you start feeling better soon! You will be in my prayers.  | |
| | |
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 889
| Can your mother financially support herself? Maybe it's time you and your husband sat down with her and talked things thru? I am not saying kick her out, but have an open conversation about what is bothering you. Don't let things fester and then explode.
Maybe the Lexapro wasn't the right anti-depressant for you...do not feel ashamed if you need to find something else. The same thing doesn't work for everyone. Talk to your doctor.
And big CONGRATS on quitting smoking!
Have you thought about talking to a counselor or therapist?
Find a hobby you DO enjoy! | |
| | |
Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| RedHead84 - 2017-07-10 11:26 AM
Can your mother financially support herself? Maybe it's time you and your husband sat down with her and talked things thru? I am not saying kick her out, but have an open conversation about what is bothering you. Don't let things fester and then explode.
Maybe the Lexapro wasn't the right anti-depressant for you...do not feel ashamed if you need to find something else. The same thing doesn't work for everyone. Talk to your doctor.
And big CONGRATS on quitting smoking!
Have you thought about talking to a counselor or therapist?
Find a hobby you DO enjoy!
She says she can't afford her own place... she's on a fixed income and I honestly don't know her financial situation. . All I know is she doesn't pay anything here.. I buy all groceries, pay all utilities... etc etc etc... I've spoken with my other siblings and I learned my brother sends her money every month and has paid off her credit cards a time or 2. He's frustrated. My sister and her hubby have invited her to live with them buy they live about 8 hours from us she just says she doesn't want to live that far. So that just leaves me .... I've been very blessed to be a stay at home mom for the last 5 years but now that my youngest is starting 1st grade this year I'll probably have to go back to work to help us out more. We have a very small home, my kids have to share a room.... and all 4 have to share a bathroom with her. I know that all sounds petty but it bothers me. She could go live with my sister and they have a huge home and her son has moved out on his own. It makes me so sad to feel such resentment towards my own mother. | |
| | |
Elite Veteran
Posts: 695
Location: Windoming | Wow, my mom would call her a piker. She should contribute towards the expenses, since you're not married to Bill Gates........ Does she at least help cook and clean? | |
| | |
Expert
Posts: 1599
| It's hard to know what you want/like to do when you're depressed. Maybe get some bloodwork done and especially get a full thyroid panel done too- all of this could be causing your symptoms. Take a QUALITY multivitamin (Alive is a great one!) and cut back on carbs, like just try no bread/cookies/chips for a week. And drink a gallon of water a day! Seriously it works!!
| |
| | |
Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Silly Filly - 2017-07-10 11:56 AM
Wow, my mom would call her a piker. She should contribute towards the expenses, since you're not married to Bill Gates........ Does she at least help cook and clean?
I don't want to turn this into me bashing my mom, because it's not like that, her living with us, is one of many things that stresses me out.. some days are better than others... just lately it's been a weird environment, because the tension I know she can pick up on. It's crummy to feel awkward in your own home... she likes to take the kids places but I can see her lose her temper with them.. they can be pretty rowdy. She's around alllll the time, we feel bad when we want to take kids out for a family dinner or lunch or breakfast on the weekends because we have to include her and to be honest it's not cheap! I told her last week when my husband got home he and I were going to load up the kids and take them to sonic for a treat supper... she got upset and left and wouldn't answer her phone for hours while she was gone... just stuff like that gets on my nerves.. I never thought it was wrong to want to go spend a few hours with my husband and kids.... without my mother. | |
| | |
Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| lopnaround - 2017-07-10 11:57 AM
It's hard to know what you want/like to do when you're depressed.  Maybe get some bloodwork done and especially get a full thyroid panel done too- all of this could be causing your symptoms. Take a QUALITY multivitamin (Alive is a great one!) and cut back on carbs, like just try no bread/cookies/chips for a week. And drink a gallon of water a day!  Seriously it works!!
Â
I do have a physical coming up, I'll definitely have the thyroid checked out. I've been looking into starting a good multi vitamin. | |
| | |
Elite Veteran
Posts: 695
Location: Windoming | want2chase3 - 2017-07-10 11:08 AM Silly Filly - 2017-07-10 11:56 AM Wow, my mom would call her a piker. She should contribute towards the expenses, since you're not married to Bill Gates........ Does she at least help cook and clean? I don't want to turn this into me bashing my mom, because it's not like that, her living with us, is one of many things that stresses me out.. some days are better than others... just lately it's been a weird environment, because the tension I know she can pick up on. It's crummy to feel awkward in your own home... she likes to take the kids places but I can see her lose her temper with them.. they can be pretty rowdy. She's around alllll the time, we feel bad when we want to take kids out for a family dinner or lunch or breakfast on the weekends because we have to include her and to be honest it's not cheap! I told her last week when my husband got home he and I were going to load up the kids and take them to sonic for a treat supper... she got upset and left and wouldn't answer her phone for hours while she was gone... just stuff like that gets on my nerves.. I never thought it was wrong to want to go spend a few hours with my husband and kids.... without my mother.
Totally understand, I certainly would let my mom live with us free. But sometimes a person needs their space...................... | |
| | |
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| Ask your doctor about celexa.
Is you mother disabled? If she is on a low fixed income she shouldn't even have credit cards. And if she has some income she needs to be helping you out financially. If not financially she could help you by watching kids and running errands if she is able to drive. It's very nice of you to let her live with you but she should be doing her part to be helpful in any way she can unless she is mentally or physically unable to do so.
I had to live with my brother and his wife for a time when I was young and pregnant and jobless. I felt terrible about it. But I cleaned their house, cooked for them, watched the baby for them when they wanted or needed. I did not want to be a burden and have them hate having me there.
My oldest brother lived with me for a year. He never paid for anything. Caused drama, never helped even when it was his own mess. Never again will that happen! | |
| | |
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I can see why you'ur in a funk, you really need your space and time away from your mother, we all love our mothers, but having mom living with you 24/7 and sounds like she dont need to be since your saying shes sound and healthy Sounds like you have a extra child in your mother, this would put a strain on any normal relationship.. How long has she been there living with you and your young family? She needs a job and taking care of herself. Bless your heart you are only human you can only take so much, hugs to you girly sounds like you really need a hug  | |
| | |
Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| SloRide - 2017-07-10 12:35 PM
Ask your doctor about celexa.
Is you mother disabled? If she is on a low fixed income she shouldn't even have credit cards. And if she has some income she needs to be helping you out financially. If not financially she could help you by watching kids and running errands if she is able to drive. It's very nice of you to let her live with you but she should be doing her part to be helpful in any way she can unless she is mentally or physically unable to do so.
I had to live with my brother and his wife for a time when I was young and pregnant and jobless. I felt terrible about it. But I cleaned their house, cooked for them, watched the baby for them when they wanted or needed. I did not want to be a burden and have them hate having me there.
My oldest brother lived with me for a year. He never paid for anything. Caused drama, never helped even when it was his own mess. Never again will that happen!
I have a call into my dr about possibly getting something else.. waiting on her to call me back. I've got my physical set in a few weeks so I'm trying to be proactive about this instead of just moping around feeling sorry for myself. My mom isn't disabled at all.. she collects my late father's social security. She use to work full time as a show secretary then decided she was finished with it.
She likes to run the kids around to their appointments or games but I honestly would rather do it, that's my job... I just let her do it because if I don't then I get lectures from other family members that she feels useless and I need to let her do those things... more resentment stems there too. In all honesty, as bad as this may sound, I'd like to ask her to move out. I don't want to hurt her at all but it's overwhelming me to the point where I need to takes meds?! I don't think it's right | |
| | |
Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Southtxponygirl - 2017-07-10 1:02 PM
I can see why you'ur in a funk, you really need your space and time away from your mother, we all love our mothers, but having mom living with you 24/7 and sounds like she dont need to be since your saying shes sound and healthy Sounds like you have a extra child in your mother, this would put a strain on any normal relationship.. How long has she been there living with you and your young family? She needs a job and taking care of herself. Bless your heart you are only human you can only take so much, hugs to you girly sounds like you really need a hugÂ
She's lived with us for 7 years, and before that she lived with me and my ex husband for 3 years. So yeah, she's been living with me for quite a while. I understand why she doesn't want to move so far away from my kids by moving to my sisters but she's also got her granddaughter out there by my sister who has a 2 yr old daughter and is expecting another baby and she's asked her to come out there for a few months to help out. Which she's going to do. I've overheard her telling one of my in laws that living with me is very hard, so at least we are on the same page there. | |
| | |
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| want2chase3 - 2017-07-10 1:03 PM
SloRide - 2017-07-10 12:35 PM
Ask your doctor about celexa.
Is you mother disabled? If she is on a low fixed income she shouldn't even have credit cards. And if she has some income she needs to be helping you out financially. If not financially she could help you by watching kids and running errands if she is able to drive. It's very nice of you to let her live with you but she should be doing her part to be helpful in any way she can unless she is mentally or physically unable to do so.
I had to live with my brother and his wife for a time when I was young and pregnant and jobless. I felt terrible about it. But I cleaned their house, cooked for them, watched the baby for them when they wanted or needed. I did not want to be a burden and have them hate having me there.
My oldest brother lived with me for a year. He never paid for anything. Caused drama, never helped even when it was his own mess. Never again will that happen!
I have a call into my dr about possibly getting something else.. waiting on her to call me back. I've got my physical set in a few weeks so I'm trying to be proactive about this instead of just moping around feeling sorry for myself. My mom isn't disabled at all.. she collects my late father's social security. She use to work full time as a show secretary then decided she was finished with it.
She likes to run the kids around to their appointments or games but I honestly would rather do it, that's my job... I just let her do it because if I don't then I get lectures from other family members that she feels useless and I need to let her do those things... more resentment stems there too. In all honesty, as bad as this may sound, I'd like to ask her to move out. I don't want to hurt her at all but it's overwhelming me to the point where I need to takes meds?! I don't think it's right
It doesn't sound bad. If the situation is not working out for everyone then it's not working out. Time for another sibling to step up or maybe your mother could look into getting a roommate to help make getting a place more affordable. She sounds like she has some money management issues but that is not your responsibility.
And your mother is not in a situation to be picky. If your sister is willing to take her in she should seriously consider that.
Edited by SloRide 2017-07-10 1:16 PM
| |
| | |
A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | want2chase3 - 2017-07-10 1:12 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2017-07-10 1:02 PM
I can see why you'ur in a funk, you really need your space and time away from your mother, we all love our mothers, but having mom living with you 24/7 and sounds like she dont need to be since your saying shes sound and healthy Sounds like you have a extra child in your mother, this would put a strain on any normal relationship.. How long has she been there living with you and your young family? She needs a job and taking care of herself. Bless your heart you are only human you can only take so much, hugs to you girly sounds like you really need a hugÂ
She's lived with us for 7 years, and before that she lived with me and my ex husband for 3 years. So yeah, she's been living with me for quite a while. I understand why she doesn't want to move so far away from my kids by moving to my sisters but she's also got her granddaughter out there by my sister who has a 2 yr old daughter and is expecting another baby and she's asked her to come out there for a few months to help out. Which she's going to do. I've overheard her telling one of my in laws that living with me is very hard, so at least we are on the same page there.
My hats off to you Young lady, its takes someone special like you to beable to have your mother living with you for all these years, man I think I would have ran away, lol..She really needs her own place, shes young healthy and has a little money coming in, I bet she could get help with rent from the government, I think theres a program for that. And they would help her find a job too. | |
| | |
Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Southtxponygirl - 2017-07-10 1:23 PM
want2chase3 - 2017-07-10 1:12 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2017-07-10 1:02 PM
I can see why you'ur in a funk, you really need your space and time away from your mother, we all love our mothers, but having mom living with you 24/7 and sounds like she dont need to be since your saying shes sound and healthy Sounds like you have a extra child in your mother, this would put a strain on any normal relationship.. How long has she been there living with you and your young family? She needs a job and taking care of herself. Bless your heart you are only human you can only take so much, hugs to you girly sounds like you really need a hugÂ
She's lived with us for 7 years, and before that she lived with me and my ex husband for 3 years. So yeah, she's been living with me for quite a while. I understand why she doesn't want to move so far away from my kids by moving to my sisters but she's also got her granddaughter out there by my sister who has a 2 yr old daughter and is expecting another baby and she's asked her to come out there for a few months to help out. Which she's going to do. I've overheard her telling one of my in laws that living with me is very hard, so at least we are on the same page there.
My hats off to you Young lady, its takes someone special like you to beable to have your mother living with you for all these years, man I think I would have ran away, lol..She really needs her own place, shes young healthy and has a little money coming in, I bet she could get help with rent from the government, I think theres a program for that. And they would help her find a job too.
Yes she could. I'm sure there are programs out there that could help, she had asked my brother and my sister to help pay for her to have an apartment, like split the cost between them.. both my siblings are very successful. They both said no. But the offer was made for her to come live with my sister and her husband. My brother told me she asked if she could move in with him and he said no because he's a single wealthy bachelor who didn't want to bring ladies home to his mother lol! That kinda made me laugh. I feel sorry for her sometimes but I need/want to be happy and enjoy my family and life. | |
| | |
 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | Your mom ought to be able to get a HUD apartment on her income. It's time to start looking and seeing what's available in your area
I love my kids but I will never, ever live with them.
I think a little distance is much healthier for everyone.
| |
| | |
Elite Veteran
Posts: 695
Location: Windoming | My 91 year old mother manages to live on social security on her own. We had a heck of a time trying to convince her to use EBT. Her apartment is subsidized, so it's possible for your mom to live on her own. She probably gets better social security than my mom does.
I think just having your mom move out of your house will raise your spirits greatly, even tho you love her.
Edited by Silly Filly 2017-07-10 3:15 PM
| |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | What state are you in? Texas has MANY options for your mother as far as living situations go.
Is your mother old enough to draw her own social security?
If I were in your shoes I would go to your mothers room and close the door. Just the two of you. I would sit her down and take her hand and look her in the eye. Tell her that I love her so incredibly much but that you feel like you can't breathe. Not because of her. Not because of the kids, but because you two don't have a normal relationship. Tell her she did nothing wrong, tell her you love her being close but it's time to resume the role of her being Momma, and you being Daughter.
Right now, the roles are reversed and she feels unwanted and not needed. If she had her own place and was able to help you out in different situations then maybe she will feel needed.
I get the feeling from your posts that your mother is not very mature in the way she acts. Treat her like you would a child. Talk softly. Talk slow. Look her in the eye. Convince her that she can do whatever she needs too. Empower her to get out of your house!
It's all in how you say what you say. Especially with an adult who throws temper tantrums.
And if that doesn't work, tell her she's taking a room away from her own grand children. Your kids need space too.
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2017-07-10 4:31 PM
| |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | want2chase3 - 2017-07-10 1:03 PM SloRide - 2017-07-10 12:35 PM Ask your doctor about celexa. Is you mother disabled? If she is on a low fixed income she shouldn't even have credit cards. And if she has some income she needs to be helping you out financially. If not financially she could help you by watching kids and running errands if she is able to drive. It's very nice of you to let her live with you but she should be doing her part to be helpful in any way she can unless she is mentally or physically unable to do so. I had to live with my brother and his wife for a time when I was young and pregnant and jobless. I felt terrible about it. But I cleaned their house, cooked for them, watched the baby for them when they wanted or needed. I did not want to be a burden and have them hate having me there. My oldest brother lived with me for a year. He never paid for anything. Caused drama, never helped even when it was his own mess. Never again will that happen! I have a call into my dr about possibly getting something else.. waiting on her to call me back. I've got my physical set in a few weeks so I'm trying to be proactive about this instead of just moping around feeling sorry for myself. My mom isn't disabled at all.. she collects my late father's social security. She use to work full time as a show secretary then decided she was finished with it. She likes to run the kids around to their appointments or games but I honestly would rather do it, that's my job... I just let her do it because if I don't then I get lectures from other family members that she feels useless and I need to let her do those things... more resentment stems there too. In all honesty, as bad as this may sound, I'd like to ask her to move out. I don't want to hurt her at all but it's overwhelming me to the point where I need to takes meds?! I don't think it's right
It's not. Take care of you.
You have to be your best self to be the best wife, mother, daughter you can be. You come first. | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line