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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
  
| I've been crying all the way home from the barn tonight..
I got completely yelled at by the barn owner tonight..
Last Sunday, I went to the barn around 10am, everyone was turned in. I asked one of the ladys who just works on the weekend if they were going out today, and she said no, due to the weather. It was cloudy and 50 degrees out. I asked her if I could turn him out, and have someone bring him in around feeding time. I said the more he gets out the better (for his arthritis). I said that he has been sore lately. (They were in for 3 days, as it was cloudy). She said that was fine.
Barn owner comes to me tonight in front of about 10 people, and says what I'm doing is bull****. That I shouldn't be speaking to her help that way, and they have done nothing but dote over my horse trying to put weight on him, etc, and I'm critiquing his care. She went on for about 5 min, saying if I have a problem then I need to come to her, and that if it's crappy weather they are not going to turn out, in case one gets sick, then they will get the other 50+ horses sick. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I'm a very non confrontational person. I tried to tell her that it was a misunderstanding. She then interrupted me saying that my horse came with f*cking problems, and that his problems were not caused by being at this barn. I tried to tell her that I didn't mean anything by that comment. I told her that I appreciate all that they do, and I tell the help that all the time.
I'm just emotional right now. I told my husband what happened, and he is mad at me. I'm sorry ladies, I just feel alone. My husband is stressed out at work, and he said the last thing he needs is for us to get kicked out of the barn due to my behavior. He said he doesn't know what I can't just be nice. I have been..I guess it's all my fault. I just go to the barn, say hi to people, do my own thing, and leave. I pick up any mess I make, pay my board on time.
The trainer I am taking lessons with has absolutely no room until April when one of her boarders leaves for college. There's really not many places at all to move to even close to where I live. My husband is all worried that my behavior will cause us to get kicked out.
I guess I'm just hoping that she doesn't kick us out, and we can move in April. I'm just embarrassed.. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 277
| Oh man, I feel so bad for you. What a tough spot to be in. I am like you, no confrontational, but I get taken the wrong way ALL the time. People have a chip on their shoulder and read things into what you say trying to take it the wrong way. I am not a hugger but wish I could give you a hug right now. All I can offer is a "hang in there" but I know that's not too helpful.  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1520
Location: Illinois | I board and I was kicked out of a barn once for asking that more horse got fed 2 flakes of hay twice a day. Said I was too high maintenance. I hate boarding, I've been through many places just trying to find someone who will feed what I ask them to feed, and I buy my own feed even. What the owner did to you was veryyyy unprofessional and if I was one of those people watching I would have jumped in and said that was not the place to be having a discussion. That should have been private between the two of you. All she wanted to do was assert her authority because she was probably butt hurt that you didn't say something to her. And I'm sorry but cloudy and 50 degrees??? OUTSIDE. That is absolutely not a reason to be stalled the whole day. Mine live outside with a lean to and unless its freezing rain, icy, nasty thunder storming, or a blizzard out they're in their paddocks. We've not had one get sick from being outside in the weather, its natural for them to be outside. But if I was treated like that then I would be leaving as soon as possible. If she had pulled you in private then maybe you could work past it, but that was too unprofessional. | |
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Location: South Dakota | I feel bad this happened to you...maybe write the owner a letter, stating your position...and express regret for the whole misunderstanding, and that you had no ill intent, and was simply concerned about the well being of your horse....if they are jerks about that, I would be making plans for another place to board...and it would be nice if your husband would be supportive of you as well...he should be. Best wishes....stand up for yourself in a strong, polite way :) | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 595
Location: North Dakota | Cloudy outside?? huh?
I am sorry that sounds terrible. I too deal with a lot of crazy where I board. I just keep my head down and do the best I can with the situation. I get my arse chewed multiple times a week as the barn manager but I just take it and move on because I don't have any other options right now that I can afford.
Boarding is something that is far from ideal and absolutely terrible at times.
I feel for you because not turning out because it is cloudy is ridiculous.
I would just hope it blows over and stay till you can get out of the place in April. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| I'm just really embarrassed..I feel like I can't do anything right.
I'm going to ride him tomorrow..and I just don't even want to go. I'm literally the type who just goes in, minds my own business, cleans up any mess I made, and leaves. I don't take lessons there, I pay my board on time. Since I've been there, it's been at least a dozen or more times when it's just been cloudy and they don't turn out. The more I'm on this site, the more I have realized that turnout is a great thing, especially for horses with arthritis. I was in no means nasty to the help on Sunday! The barn owner is a tough lady. She and her family own a huge working farm that leases out 700+ camp horses, buy, trade, sell horses, and run the rodeos here in the summer.
For the NBHA they host all of the 6 races a year at their facility. The new trainer I've been hauling to for lessons seems great, she has a 12 stall horse barn, 24/7 turnout, but brings them in for grain. She uses the slow feed hay nets outside. She hosts a local jackpot every week from may-sept. She hosts barrel racing clinics, has brought Connie combs in..I know that no boarding barn will be perfect, but it sounds like a better fit. She has a stall available in April, so I'm really hoping I don't get kicked out. I guess I will just not talk to anyone. I've been in tears all night feeling like a failure. I feel like everyone was staring at me at the barn..her comment about how my horse cane with f*cking problems irked me..I know he has issues, but I feel like she was rubbing that in..I feel like a ****ty person with a messed up horse..  | |
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Expert
Posts: 1409
Location: Oklahoma | Ive had horses since I was 9 and Im 46 and I have yet have a horse that didn't have some kind of problem! When I lost a my horse a month ago and I told my vet that I think Im done because I cant keep one sound on top of losing my horse, he told me and he also has racehorses, He said they all have problems because they are athletes ! I feel for you on the boarding! It's your horse, I don't understand why you cant feed and do what you want with your horse (since they do allow turnout) and if they lady agreed to get your horse in for you. Sounds like that lady set you up and made it bigger than what it was. or the barn owner made it bigger than what it was! Where I boarded at I had to do my own feeding and turnouts if it was available and it was whoever got there first and of course keep my stalls clean so I really didn't have too much problems. After reading some horror stories on here bout boarding I didn't realize the barn people had so much control over one's horse. I couldn't handle that. I realize that I have been very blessed to be where I do the feeding and care of my horse that I just rented the area. Tho it was a pain to drive out there 2-4 times a day. But after reading these stories it was worth it! Hugs I know its not fun not having your horse with you at home! Praying one day that you can! | |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | wow! All I can think of is this isn't 1680 no one can possible think a horse will get sick from a little weather? Especially 50 degree and cloudy. What gets them sick is being confined to stalls with inadequate air flow or 70 degree days and 20 degree nights. | |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM
Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it. Â
I think my husband was trying to tell me to just let the situation be what it is and to just do our thing until April..he's really stressed out at work, and told me he doesn't need any horse stress..I guess I just won't say anything about his care to anyone at the barn, and just wait it out until April. I'm going to look around to see if there is any other barns, I don't think there is but it's worth looking. | |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| How well do you know the trainer you’ve been going to?
How much do you plan on riding over the winter?
I’d talk to the trainer and see if she knows of anyone who has a spot until April, even if it’s full turnout, sounds like that would be better for the horse anyway. You may loose some amenities until her stall opens up, but you may keep your sanity and enjoy seeing your horse - even if you’re hopping on him bareback in insulated bibs to wander around a pasture this winter. | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-11-09 6:46 AM
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 The One
Posts: 7998
Location: South Georgia | Move your horse. Ask around. There are people who will take in one boarder who are not necessarily boarding facilities. Most do not advertise. You just need to find a place. Ask the feed store, farrier, vet, etc for a contact that may be able to help you. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| OhMax - 2017-11-09 6:11 AM
How well do you know the trainer you’ve been going to?
How much do you plan on riding over the winter?
I’d talk to the trainer and see if she knows of anyone who has a spot until April, even if it’s full turnout, sounds like that would be better for the horse anyway. You may loose some amenities until her stall opens up, but you may keep your sanity and enjoy seeing your horse - even if you’re hopping on him bareback in insulated bibs to wander around a pasture this winter.
I've taken two lessons from her so far, and those two lessons were by far the best lessons I've had in 15 years. She seems to be on the ball, and I like her demeanor so far. She knows the barn I board at, as she grew up riding there. I've expressed a few concerns to her and she knew where I was coming from. I was planning on riding a lot this winter. She gave me the name of a barn to contact, and I'm going to this morning. Our spot in April sounds like it's pretty much guaranteed, as the girl is leaving for college. I told my trainer I would be willing to put a deposit on the stall down now, but she said that wasn't necessary. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 6:30 AM
Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it. Â
I am going to go to the barn this morning to ride, and will apologize again for any misunderstanding. They don't allow you to do much there. I got in trouble the other day for using the cross ties. They said no one can use cross ties, as there are kids around and they don't want the kids getting hurt. Some of the horses at the barn rarely go out. There are a lot of adults that board there, but they focus on kids lessons. | |
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 I hate cooking and cleaning
Posts: 3314
Location: Jersey Girl | You need to find another place to board. Going to the barn is supposed to be relaxing and a place to enjoy.
I just moved my horses from a place that was run by someone that had nothing but her best interests at heart. I didn't realize how stressed I was until I moved out. This wasn't even full care. I take care of my own. | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:11 AM rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 6:30 AM Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it. I am going to go to the barn this morning to ride, and will apologize again for any misunderstanding. They don't allow you to do much there. I got in trouble the other day for using the cross ties. They said no one can use cross ties, as there are kids around and they don't want the kids getting hurt. Some of the horses at the barn rarely go out. There are a lot of adults that board there, but they focus on kids lessons.
Uggg, poor horses, horses are much happier when they get to be horses, sounds like a very uptight barn, hope you find a new place till April. | |
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:11 AM
rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 6:30 AM
Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it. Â
I am going to go to the barn this morning to ride, and will apologize again for any misunderstanding. They don't allow you to do much there. I got in trouble the other day for using the cross ties. They said no one can use cross ties, as there are kids around and they don't want the kids getting hurt. Some of the horses at the barn rarely go out. There are a lot of adults that board there, but they focus on kids lessons.
Why do they have cross ties if you aren't allowed to use them? I'd be searching high and low for a different place I wouldn't be able to handle anyone yelling at me over what I do with my horse... you pay to keep your horse there, they are providing you a service, therefore YOU are the customer. I'd have lost my $hit if a barn owner tried to berate me in front of the other boarders! I've boarded at my share of places and I can't think of anytime the bo made me feel bad or raised their voice at me and I consider myself pretty high maintenance when it comes to my horses care. I feel bad for you but I'd be looking and asking around to go somewhere else before they decide to ask you to leave! | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| want2chase3 - 2017-11-09 7:28 AM
emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:11 AM
rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 6:30 AM
Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it. Â
I am going to go to the barn this morning to ride, and will apologize again for any misunderstanding. They don't allow you to do much there. I got in trouble the other day for using the cross ties. They said no one can use cross ties, as there are kids around and they don't want the kids getting hurt. Some of the horses at the barn rarely go out. There are a lot of adults that board there, but they focus on kids lessons.
Why do they have cross ties if you aren't allowed to use them? I'd be searching high and low for a different place I wouldn't be able to handle anyone yelling at me over what I do with my horse... you pay to keep your horse there, they are providing you a service, therefore YOU are the customer. I'd have lost my $hit if a barn owner tried to berate me in front of the other boarders! I've boarded at my share of places and I can't think of anytime the bo made me feel bad or raised their voice at me and I consider myself pretty high maintenance when it comes to my horses care. I feel bad for you but I'd be looking and asking around to go somewhere else before they decide to ask you to leave!
I feel if I went to the barn owner and asked a general questions, like, how many flakes do they get in the AM/PM, I feel like she would take it like I was critiquing what she does. I feel like a lot of the boarders there don't ask any questions, and as of now, I'm too scared to ask anything. I do completely understand that no boarding barn will ever be perfect, but I want to be able to ask a question if I have one.
The barn owner's interest is really in the kids there. The ones who's parents have a lot of money, and can afford expensive horses get the attention, and that's fine. Maybe a smaller barn with less horses would be better for us, I don't know anymore.
I guess I'm still irked that she told me my horse came with f*cking problems. I would never say that to someone, as I would not want to make them feel bad. That's exactly what she did to me. I don't have thick skin, so I guess I need to work on that. | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:54 AM want2chase3 - 2017-11-09 7:28 AM emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:11 AM rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 6:30 AM Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it. I am going to go to the barn this morning to ride, and will apologize again for any misunderstanding. They don't allow you to do much there. I got in trouble the other day for using the cross ties. They said no one can use cross ties, as there are kids around and they don't want the kids getting hurt. Some of the horses at the barn rarely go out. There are a lot of adults that board there, but they focus on kids lessons. Why do they have cross ties if you aren't allowed to use them? I'd be searching high and low for a different place I wouldn't be able to handle anyone yelling at me over what I do with my horse... you pay to keep your horse there, they are providing you a service, therefore YOU are the customer. I'd have lost my $hit if a barn owner tried to berate me in front of the other boarders! I've boarded at my share of places and I can't think of anytime the bo made me feel bad or raised their voice at me and I consider myself pretty high maintenance when it comes to my horses care. I feel bad for you but I'd be looking and asking around to go somewhere else before they decide to ask you to leave! I feel if I went to the barn owner and asked a general questions, like, how many flakes do they get in the AM/PM, I feel like she would take it like I was critiquing what she does. I feel like a lot of the boarders there don't ask any questions, and as of now, I'm too scared to ask anything. I do completely understand that no boarding barn will ever be perfect, but I want to be able to ask a question if I have one. The barn owner's interest is really in the kids there. The ones who's parents have a lot of money, and can afford expensive horses get the attention, and that's fine. Maybe a smaller barn with less horses would be better for us, I don't know anymore. I guess I'm still irked that she told me my horse came with f*cking problems. I would never say that to someone, as I would not want to make them feel bad. That's exactly what she did to me. I don't have thick skin, so I guess I need to work on that.
You don’t need a thick skin, you just need to get out of there. | |
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