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Posts: 5658
   
Location: Georgia | I really don't know where to begin except at the beginning I guess. I will try and make this as short as possible.
About a year ago I left my loveless marriage and moved back home, had my horse hauled up and he was to stay at a friends barn. I was staying with my son who was dealing with his own demons and I wanted to help him get on his feet. I got a job and worked at this barn 2-3 days a week about an hour or so in the am where my horse was and paid for my own feed/bedding and paid her $200 a month. Yes, I did more than I should have but I appreciated everything she was doing for me. At any rate after a few months I was beginning to think about leasing him out to a friend so he wasn't sitting around doing nothing, he needed to be competing and I didn't have the time to do that or the means. This horse is far too talented to be wasting away in the field. So I leased him out free to her and that lasted about a month. She didn't get with him, he wasn't happy there, I went up to see him and he had dropped about 75lbs. I was not happy, mainly becuase I didn't see why she didn't say anything to me about it, how could she not see how much wieght he had lost? So I took him back to the barn where he was and after about a month or so he was not putting wieght on, the barn owner was obviously not feeding him enough and we started to have issues her and I. I ended up taking him to my father - in -laws place where his gf wife or whatever she is would take care of him and assured me she would get wieght back on him. After several weeks he was not putting wieght back on instead he was losing it. I had dropped of 3 50lb bags of grain and after a month there was still a bag of grain! This horse should have been going through a bag a week. So she wasn't feeding him either but instead *****ing to me that he doesn't have enough shavings in his stall, I had bought 4-5 bags of pelleted bedding and after a week it was all gone!! Im like what are you doing with all my bedding?? That should have lasted a good month. I found out she just shovels it back out even the good stuff so when I said I beleive you are wasting my bedding, she said this isn't going to work. You'll have to find another barn for your horse. You have 2 weeks. At this point beside my horse issues, my rear went in my car, I was struggling with living with my son and his issues, I was in a dead end job and couldn't seem to find any better paying job I decided to have my horse hauled back to Ga to where I knew he would be taken care properly, my husband and I had been speaking about reconciling and he paid to have the horse hauled down and pay the board for me. Prior to him going back south, I had his teeth floated and wormed him, I figured if he doesn't put weight back on down here there is something wrong, I know Robin will get the weight back on and after 3 weeks of being here, he has put about 75lbs back on. Also his teeth were not that bad to warrent the weight loss.
So my sons are very upset that I left and came back here, they are barely speaking to me, which in itself is hurtful, I never thought in a million years I would be back here but I wanted to see if I could salvage anything from the 25 yrs we had been married. Also, one very important thing I haven't mentioned, this horse is my "once in a lifetime horse". I have had many horses over my lifetime and have had no problem selling any of them however this one is the best bred horse and talented horse I have ever thrown a leg over. I was lucky and blessed to get him. I have had him for a little over 5 yrs and haven't been able to compete on him for the past 4 since living in Ga because I sold my trailer in another attempt to leave my marriage. Anyway, My plan was to come back down south and see how I felt about my husband, and if there was anything left. There is not. I do not love him anymore and I can't even stand to be around him. So now I have to figure out how I am going to sell the one thing that brings me happiness in order for me to move on and start a new life. I had so many plans with this horse and I've come to the conclusion that my dreams are never going to happen. I have thought about seeing a shrink because I don't think I have ever been in such a predicament like this in my life. I am sad, I feel lost, I don't understand why this is happening to me. I wish I could feel something for my husband but I can't. I don't know how I am going to let my horse go but I obviously can't keep him and be single. Im too old and can barely afford to take care of myself let alone a horse. If I can sell him for what I think he is worth that will give me a head start in getting back on my own but I feel like its going to be the biggest regret of my life. infact, I know I will never own another horse again. No horse will ever compare to him. We clicked the first time I rode him and we have an incredible bond. I know I should put on my big girl panties and deal with it but this is so **** hard for me. Anyone else had to deal with anything like this?? Maybe me hearing someone elses hardship and difficulties will help me know that I am not alone. I don't know. Sorry this was so long, I appreciate you reading this. God Bless. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: Oklahoma | My advice may not be worth much, but....I was in a very similar situation several years ago. Sold my trailer, later sold my very good horse because I could not afford to compete and was going through a divorce. Later reconciled with my husband, but could not buy another horse like the one I had. I have had horses since, but nothing like him. Don't give up your dream! If you are really determined to keep your horse and compete, you WILL find a way. Maybe it will take working two jobs, I don't know. Just know that your situation will not always stay the same. Counseling is a great idea, too. Hugs! |
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Posts: 5658
Location: Georgia | Thanks for your reply. I know for a fact that ill never have another horse like this. That's what makes this so difficult. I hate airing my life on n a public forum but luckily I don't think anyone knows me on here. I realize that in the end the decision is mine and mine alone. I'm just looking for opinions on what anyone else would do in this situation. Just an fyi the horse is a grandson of Shawnee bug and jet of honor. Like I said there is no way I will ever have another horse like this. He is the sweetest and most personable boy. Fast and beautiful. I'm not lucky at all in life but the day this horse came into my life was a very lucky day for me. There is a lot more to this but I don't want to write a book. Thanks again. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Do you have any trustworthy friends that you and your boy can stay with? You are gonna need help right out of the gate either way.with part of your life being ended(marriage) the last thing I would do is get rid of the most important thing in your life right now.Where do you want to start over at(state).? |
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Posts: 5658
Location: Georgia | I have a good friend in Wyoming but she's not talking to me now because I came back to my husband. I think she is just very disappointed in me for going back I don't know. I tried explaining to her my situation but she hasn't responded. A lot of people are disappointed in me mostly family. If I was to sue for divorce there is no property to get or believe me I would have. I have my personal stuff still in a 5x10 storage unit in pa. I think for now I'm going to keep getting him in shape and hit a few shows this winter if I can and see how we do and go from there. Yes giving up the one thing that makes me happy would be a mistake. I know that. However staying in this marriage makes me miserable. He is a lump on a log. We barely talk. I don't understand why he even wanted me back it sure doesn't appear to be that way. He changed about 10 yrs ago probably due to the loss of his oldest son. I get that. Believe me. I know a lot of people have read my sorry saga and probably don't have a clue what to say and that's ok. I just needed to vent to people who understand my passion and also don't know me personally. Kinda bouncing it off complete strangers I guess. My life is a mess but I realize many have it worse but we are all dealing with some sort of problem and what person may see my problems not that bad I don't wish this on anyone. Remember my own sons are not speaking to me. They think I should just sell the horse. They truly don't get it. Thanks for listening.
Edited by connie 2017-11-19 8:24 AM
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Even the smallest of problems can be a mountain to climb for people.this is not just a small problem by any means:( Your sons will come around but if they don't do horses they won't understand.Im sure those who read this will toss it around in their heads before they respond.there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel for you. |
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Posts: 5658
Location: Georgia | Thanks Jake. No my sons don't do horses. They don't get it. They don't like my husband and there are reasons I didn't elaborate on here as to why. I appreciate your thoughts. |
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Expert
Posts: 1409
Location: Oklahoma | This may not be possible, but I knew a girl that was going thru a divorce and lived in her bumper pull and fixed it up pretty neat and she went to different places so she didn't wear out her welcome and sometimes stayed at rodeo grounds, just her and her horse. I know you said you don't have a trailer, but is there a way you could get one and stay in? When I went thru my divorce I stayed in my mom and dad's living quarters til I got on my feet. My other divorce I bought a fifth wheel and stayed at my best friends place and was able to keep one horse. I was lucky there bc she had an indoor arena and my horse was right next to me. It's tough to start over and I couldn't do anything for several months bc of money but I was able to keep my horse til I got better on my feet. It is scary to start on your own, but make your mind up and don't look back no matter what you decide and what any one else says or don't talk to you. You are the one that is living your life. Hugs and good luck. (By the way I loved living in horse trailer and the 5th wheel! It sure simplified things!!!) |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | I know I would do everything in my power to keep my horse; you're losing so much right now that you need that one constant and that one true/special bond. You've gotten some good advice, and I bet you get even more. Hugs and prayers for you--divorce and starting over are never easy  |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Just wanted to check in on you today and wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. . . . |
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Posts: 5658
Location: Georgia | I'm doing ok I spent the yesterday cleaning the house. Today I have a Dr appt. Naturally on top of everything I got some bug. Thanks for checking on me. Hugs. |
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 The best bad guy on the internet
Posts: 3519
Location: Arizona | You have had this horse for over 5 years but haven't competed on him in the past 4 years? This should answer your question. I would sell him. Your life is what YOU make it. I was a single mom, and had my struggles. My determination is what got me to where I am at today. Don't let something like this determine your life. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get your life back together. |
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  Champ
Posts: 19623
Location: Peg-Leg Julia Grimm | Just a suggestion. Can you find a position as a live in caretaker of some sort? That way you can keep your horse and have a place to live without all the money going out. Then any job you got, the money would go farther and help you get back on your feet. |
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Posts: 5658
Location: Georgia | LIVE2RUN - 2017-11-20 11:26 AM
You have had this horse for over 5 years but haven't competed on him in the past 4 years? This should answer your question. I would sell him. Your life is what YOU make it. I was a single mom, and had my struggles. My determination is what got me to where I am at today. Don't let something like this determine your life. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get your life back together.
This is why I think I should sell him too. He should be competing and I'm not doing him any justice. In fact I think I'm being a bit selfish. Thanks for your honesty. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 725
| If you really do want to keep the horse, do some research and find a more affordable boarding option in the location you want to live! One of my friends did nightly chores at a boarding facility in exchange for free boarding. Anything is possible. Best of luck to you! |
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| It is certainly hard to be in this kind of dilemma but what I do is try and not panic until I am backed into a corner. Based on your story, it doesn't sound like you are. And this is meant to be helpful, but it sounds like you don't have much confidence in yourself and are panicking a bit. Re-evaluate your needs, your budget, look for a second job is necessary and see where you are at. It is hard to feel like you're on your own but many people are and make it work. I think you have options.
If you want to sell the horse because you don't have the time or energy or desire then that is different but try not panic until you have tried everything. Leaving a spouse or relationship is scary and for the first time. No one likes change but if you go about it the right way, it can be an amazing time to grow and find out what you're capable of.
Good luck. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | My two cents: If you ever move him abruptly again try and get him on an ulcer preventative. I am sure this is why he dropped the weight in the first place: new rider, new barn, working and running all of a sudden, and I am sure new horses to live around. If you cannot get him on a good preventative try some aloe juice instead. It's a bit cheaper.
As far as the personal situation goes: HUGS!!! |
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| IMO you need to look in the mirror and face reality ... you are letting your loose
ends wear you down .. so do something about it.
Go to a fast food or walmart store as cashier or whatever for $8-10/hour FULL TIME
and get some base money flowing in ... there are help wanted signs everywhere!
Look around while you are driving to and from your new job and if you see a small
place with lots of grass and maybe no animals ... go knock on the door and see if
they will let you keep your horse there for $100 or less per month and you care
for the horse 100%.
You have me entirely confused ... you speak of his boy, my boys and my husband ..
who does all these kids belong to that you feel are interferring in your life??
Evidently they are all grown .. so it is time for you to step up and take care of
yourself.
As far as divorce goes ... it can be done by you and your husband since there are no
property, kids or any thing of value to fight over. DO NOT GET AN ATTORNEY ..
GO to courthouse where you are at living with your husband and get a naked divorce
form and ask one of the ladies there if they will help to find a vanilla divorce in their
files. Copy it with your names and data and file it yourself and pay for the court filing
fees which is around $200 in most states ... (if you have to .. ask your boys for the
money to do this). If your husband agrees to what is in the filed papers ... he can sign
a waiver form and not even appear when the divorce is finalized ...
Getting a divorce is this simple unless you involve an attorney who will start some BS
and start a fight between you and your husband. Other wise the attorney makes no
money...
Make some financial decisions ... you are paying storage fees for junk you don't need,
you have a horse that is costing you money you don't have to spend and would be
beneficial to you at this time to sell and start your new adventure in life.
Take the costs of boarding horse and storage fees and get a small apt with a
roommate etc etc ... and if need be .. have a full time and part time job to get
used to being on your own. Working two jobs you don't have time to go spend
any money ...
All I can say is get mad at yourself and get a move on to untangle the mess and
find out you don't need to depend on anyone else for your happiness.
I have been running free and single for 30 years and blessed with happiness after
unloading a crazy woman and HER kids ... laughing .. we are all still friends and
visit each other with no animosity or drama ... we all shared part of our lives
together and value each other with no consequences ...
You will make new friends to fit your new life and go and do things per the below ..
 (WALK ALONE 50.jpg)
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Giving you a hug, sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Prayers. |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Thinking of you |
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