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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| I'll try and keep this short. My ex has had this girlfriend for about a year, they live together, had some issues with her overstepping boundaries with my daughter in the past, constant texting to the point where my daughter told me it was bothering her and she showed me the texts, it wasn't the contents of the texts that was the issues, but the amount of them! So I mentioned to my ex that it was getting out of hand and it was just plain inappropriate for a grown woman to be doing that to a 13 yr old girl. It subsided. Fast forward, as ya'll may know, they all just took a trip to Vegas for Jacob. My daughter, Jacob, my ex and the gf. My daughter came home yesterday and told me the gf confided in her about my ex, and all the things he's been doing... like talking, texting other women, talking to the woman he cheated on me with again, removing her off the gym membership so she can't go work out there anymore.. I can go on and on about what he's doing but I truly don't care what he's doing.. it doesn't surprise me, what does bother me is that she's telling my 13 yr old daughter all this.. my daughter is going thru so much right now already she really doesn't need this extra drama. I don't want to get involved in their problems but I don't want my daughter to get drug into it either! So I'm going back n forth, do I say something to my ex or do I speak to the girlfriend alone and tell her to please not bring my daughter into their drama! So ridiculous to be having to deal with this but I'm trying to protect my daughter in all this. |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
 
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | Oh, I would definetly be having a talk with the ex. This is inappropriate in so many ways. Can you block her on your daughters phone so she cant have any contact with her. Sorry, but I would be livid.
How did the trip go?
Edited by total performance 2018-03-21 10:05 AM
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| She hasn't text her since I said something about that. This conversation happened when they went on the trip and he left her alone with her to go do something. I agree, very inappropriate and disturbing! I told my daughter next time she starts "venting " to you, just tell her you don't want to hear stuff like that, but I know my daughter, she's not a rude person. She shouldn't be put in that situation in the first place!
The trip went well, other than that! Lol! |
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 The One
Posts: 7998
Location: South Georgia | That's a tough one. I think I'd speak to the girlfriend and just explain that your daughter is going through a lot already and it is not beneficial to speak to the daughter about her father's misdoings. As long as it is a civil conversation, maybe it will help, since she seems to be cognicant of her boundaries a little (she stopped texting when you made comment about it). ???? |
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  Northern Chocolate Queen
Posts: 16576
Location: ND | I think I'd go straight to the gf. She has no right to be dragging your daughter into her problems. She's just a kid and has more than enough going on in her life. There's no excuse for dumping problems on her that are not hers & about things she does not need to know about! |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| horsegirl - 2018-03-21 10:14 AM
That's a tough one. I think I'd speak to the girlfriend and just explain that your daughter is going through a lot already and it is not beneficial to speak to the daughter about her father's misdoings. As long as it is a civil conversation, maybe it will help, since she seems to be cognicant of her boundaries a little (she stopped texting when you made comment about it). ????
I've gone back n forth on calling her. Honestly, I do feel a tad sorry for her, I too was on the receiving end of his antics way back when... my own mother had to block her, because she was confiding in her about their relationship as well! My mother, obviously, his ex mother in law, isn't the one to vent to about the guy. I feel like if I tell my ex, he will either get really angry at her and/or my daughter for telling me. I don't have much of a relationship with this woman, we don't talk, like, at all. |
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Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | I'm not sure why she thinks it appropriate to confide in your daughter about her father and his...infidelities and such. Maybe go straight to the source and talk to her. I though wouldn't be very kind about it. I dont hold my tongue well in these types of situation. LOL |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| SaraJean - 2018-03-21 10:25 AM
 I think I'd go straight to the gf. She has no right to be dragging your daughter into her problems. She's just a kid and has more than enough going on in her life. There's no excuse for dumping problems on her that are not hers & about things she does not need to know about!
You are right about that! I don't want to meddle in their garbage, I don't want to get anyone in trouble or cause a riff between them but I want her to leave my kiddo out of it! I kinda feel like if I talk to her she won't run and tell him, but I know if I tell him, all heck is going to bust loose and I don't want my daughter to be in the line of fire. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I would go to the source of the problem the GF and tell her how the cow ate the cabbage, I would not want this GF telling my child anything about the going on's between this child's daddy and the GF. Really creepy to me an adult telling a child about the going on's, just sick in my opinion..  |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | And yes you should say something. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | i think if you step in and talk to the gf that she will be mortified that your daughter told you. i have no idea what will unfold after that but im pretty sure she had no clue that would go down. |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| luluwhit - 2018-03-21 10:36 AM
i think if you step in and talk to the gf that she will be mortified that your daughter told you. i have no idea what will unfold after that but im pretty sure she had no clue that would go down.Â
That's the thing, she knew my kid told me about the texts, she knew my mother told me what she told her, I don't think it bothers her 1 bit if I find out. I'm not sure at this point what is worse.. honestly don't know what she's capable of. I guess I need to step in and let her know I don't approve of her treating my daughter like one of her girlfriends. Shes off limits when it comes to their drama. She should be smart enough to know what he's doing, she doesn't need confirmation from his 13 yr old daughter! |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Well. I wouldn’t go to the girlfriend.
I would go to my ex husband, remind him of how important a father daughter bond is, remind him of how stressed out his daughter already is, how important these early teenage years are, the fact that she shouldn’t even know what infidelity means, or see a relationship of her fathers in any form of instability at such an impressionable age, and remind him that this is not casting him in a good light to his kid.
He needs to be the one to address these issues with the girlfriend, you’re probably not going to have a whole lot of pull with her directly and may cause him to stand up for her rather than going home and dealing with his own mess.
If the issues remain unaddressed, it’s time to put your foot down about time spent with the girlfriend. That’s your right. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I would say something, in addition to your daughter you don’t need this either on your plate. I would send a text email to both your extra and the girlfriend that your daughter is too young to hear about the details of their relationship. |
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 Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | Ugh, so sorry this is happening. The GF should never unload on any kid, let alone you rkids that have been through so much already. None of their problem period. I mean, why would an adult discus this with a child anyway??
I would talk to the GF about it, and if she doesn't stop tell her you will talk to your ex.
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 Off the Wall Wacky
Posts: 2981
Location: Louisiana | classicpotatochip - 2018-03-21 11:11 AM
Well. I wouldn’t go to the girlfriend.
I would go to my ex husband, remind him of how important a father daughter bond is, remind him of how stressed out his daughter already is, how important these early teenage years are, the fact that she shouldn’t even know what infidelity means, or see a relationship of her fathers in any form of instability at such an impressionable age, and remind him that this is not casting him in a good light to his kid.
He needs to be the one to address these issues with the girlfriend, you’re probably not going to have a whole lot of pull with her directly and may cause him to stand up for her rather than going home and dealing with his own mess.
If the issues remain unaddressed, it’s time to put your foot down about time spent with the girlfriend. That’s your right.
This.
Trust me, this. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1074
| I would speak to the ex and his girlfriend at the same time. I would tell them that she has no business telling any of this to your daughter. I wouldn't step into their business, but tell them your daughter doesn't need to hear anything about their personal relationship like that. |
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Yes I think you should speak to the gf to leave your daughter out of this. For gosh sakes, what does she expect a young girl to do about those types of issues??? |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| It sounds to me like the poor girlfriend is a doormat. She obviously doesn't have any friends, or she'd confide in them. She obviously isn't strong enough to walk away from a lousy dude.
Because you don't want your daughter involved, I'd talk to them both. Tell your ex that he needs to quit his lousy behavior and to make sure your daughter has quality time with him. Tell the girl to get counseling and probably dump the douche nozzle. Tell them both your 13 old isn't qualified as a listening ear to her insecurities or relationship troubles and shouldn't have a dad that does those things to women. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Nateracer - 2018-03-21 1:03 PM It sounds to me like the poor girlfriend is a doormat. She obviously doesn't have any friends, or she'd confide in them. She obviously isn't strong enough to walk away from a lousy dude.
Because you don't want your daughter involved, I'd talk to them both. Tell your ex that he needs to quit his lousy behavior and to make sure your daughter has quality time with him. Tell the girl to get counseling and probably dump the douche nozzle. Tell them both your 13 old isn't qualified as a listening ear to her insecurities or relationship troubles and shouldn't have a dad that does those things to women. Well said 
Just wanted to add, they sound like a real classy couple. 
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2018-03-21 1:58 PM
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