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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| To leave a child home alone overnight? I'm so irritated at the moment, my ex has my kids this week... my 13 yr old daughter and of course my 9 yr old Jacob. I found out he was planning on going out of town for a few nights while they are there. I let him know I wasnt happy about it and he said they'd probably only be gone 1 night instead of 2. I text him and said I wasnt comfortable with them staying alone at his home, he lives in town about 45 minutes from me. He seems to think it's safe because of his neighbors. He also said he was picking up one of my daughters older girlfriends to come stay with them too. I just found out that girl wasn't coming now so itll just be my kids. My issue isn't with my daughter, shes babysat for us before but only for a few hours if we wanted to go out to dinner or something, plus my in laws live on the same land as us and are just right up the road. They've never stayed alone overnight. He wanted my daughter to stay at his home while they went to a concert about 3 hours away so she could "babysit" their new puppy. I cant get thru to my ex on anything without a huge ugly fight so I'm probably going to pull his new lady friend aside and talk to her "mother to mother" even though her kids are grown and moved on... hopefully she will understand my concern and understand that if they plan on going out of town, the kids won't be staying over there. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
  
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I would not even talk to the new girl friend about you concerns, I would just go pick up my kids, since he was planning on going out of town why would he even consider having the kids come over? Nope I would not let my kids be along over night with you being 45 mins away, just makes no sense. | |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | I agree. I wouldn't talk to the other woman. I would get the kids and bring them home. My boys are 6 and 10 and we live in the middle of nowhere. Very safe except for what they can do to get themselves in trouble. I hate to leave them alone for just a couple hours if we have to move cattle where they can't go and help. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Southtxponygirl - 2018-08-16 10:58 AM
I would not even talk to the new girl friend about you concerns, I would just go pick up my kids, since he was planning on going out of town why would he even consider having the kids come over? Nope I would not let my kids be along over night with you being 45 mins away, just makes no sense.
They just bought a puppy and wanted her to watch it while they went out of town. Hes ignored my concern. Last time I questioned him about the kids being left at his house with this woman he just started dating and that I had never met, he flew off the handle and made my life hell. He completely lost his marbles and went nuts | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Could the puppy come to your place too? I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a 13 yr old and a 9 yr old. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 11:02 AM Southtxponygirl - 2018-08-16 10:58 AM I would not even talk to the new girl friend about you concerns, I would just go pick up my kids, since he was planning on going out of town why would he even consider having the kids come over? Nope I would not let my kids be along over night with you being 45 mins away, just makes no sense. They just bought a puppy and wanted her to watch it while they went out of town. Hes ignored my concern. Last time I questioned him about the kids being left at his house with this woman he just started dating and that I had never met, he flew off the handle and made my life hell. He completely lost his marbles and went nuts
Tell him to board the puppy at the Vets. To many crazy people out there to be leaving these kids along over night and being along during the day all day in this case, with all the break ins that are happening now adays, he** no on leaving children along to dangerous. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Agreed. He finally returned my call and said the neighbors son and his gf are staying over there, they are in their 20s. Had he took the time to explain this to me earlier it would have saved me the anxiety attack. Now if he's lying. I'll know my daughter will tell me. I still.think its absolutely ridiculous for them to leave my kids at home while they go to an overnight concert 3 hours away. I do know this, in the future, when my kids are scheduled to go over there for the weekend they'd better stay home or my kids won't go... plain and simple. Buy a puppy. Deal with the consequences... | |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2931
Location: North Dakota | want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 10:47 AM To leave a child home alone overnight? I'm so irritated at the moment, my ex has my kids this week... my 13 yr old daughter and of course my 9 yr old Jacob. I found out he was planning on going out of town for a few nights while they are there. I let him know I wasnt happy about it and he said they'd probably only be gone 1 night instead of 2. I text him and said I wasnt comfortable with them staying alone at his home, he lives in town about 45 minutes from me. He seems to think it's safe because of his neighbors. He also said he was picking up one of my daughters older girlfriends to come stay with them too. I just found out that girl wasn't coming now so itll just be my kids. My issue isn't with my daughter, shes babysat for us before but only for a few hours if we wanted to go out to dinner or something, plus my in laws live on the same land as us and are just right up the road. They've never stayed alone overnight. He wanted my daughter to stay at his home while they went to a concert about 3 hours away so she could "babysit" their new puppy. I cant get thru to my ex on anything without a huge ugly fight so I'm probably going to pull his new lady friend aside and talk to her "mother to mother" even though her kids are grown and moved on... hopefully she will understand my concern and understand that if they plan on going out of town, the kids won't be staying over there.
They are your kids and you know them best. Some might be fine home alone for a short period at that age - others not.
If it's not right for your kids, go get them. Seems very strange that he wants the kids there when he is going to be out of town? What's the point of them visiting if he's not even there? 
Do not talk to his new girlffriend. It is not her problem and she has nothing to do with it. Do not pull her into it.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 322
| I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM
I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself.
To each their own.. I personally wouldn't leave a 9 yr old home alone but that's just me. I'm not pointing my finger at you at all I'm just saying I couldn't do it. I'm glad you guys have the confidence in her. I explained to my ex that I have complete trust in our daughter to watch her little brother and handle the household, it's just the outside world I dont trust and he lives in a very busy city. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| r_beau - 2018-08-16 11:35 AM
want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 10:47 AM To leave a child home alone overnight? I'm so irritated at the moment, my ex has my kids this week... my 13 yr old daughter and of course my 9 yr old Jacob. I found out he was planning on going out of town for a few nights while they are there. I let him know I wasnt happy about it and he said they'd probably only be gone 1 night instead of 2. I text him and said I wasnt comfortable with them staying alone at his home, he lives in town about 45 minutes from me. He seems to think it's safe because of his neighbors. He also said he was picking up one of my daughters older girlfriends to come stay with them too. I just found out that girl wasn't coming now so itll just be my kids. My issue isn't with my daughter, shes babysat for us before but only for a few hours if we wanted to go out to dinner or something, plus my in laws live on the same land as us and are just right up the road. They've never stayed alone overnight. He wanted my daughter to stay at his home while they went to a concert about 3 hours away so she could "babysit" their new puppy. I cant get thru to my ex on anything without a huge ugly fight so I'm probably going to pull his new lady friend aside and talk to her "mother to mother" even though her kids are grown and moved on... hopefully she will understand my concern and understand that if they plan on going out of town, the kids won't be staying over there.
They are your kids and you know them best. Some might be fine home alone for a short period at that age - others not.
If it's not right for your kids, go get them. Seems very strange that he wants the kids there when he is going to be out of town? What's the point of them visiting if he's not even there? Do not talk to his new girlffriend. It is not her problem and she has nothing to do with it. Do not pull her into it.
The reason I wanted to talk to his girlfriend is because I like her, I like her and can talk to her a lot better than to my ex. She had been his voice of reason on a few past issues. Pretty sure there's marriage coming up soon so her and I need to be able to communicate for my kids sake. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 11:50 AM
Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM
I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself.
To each their own.. I personally wouldn't leave a 9 yr old home alone but that's just me. I'm not pointing my finger at you at all I'm just saying I couldn't do it. I'm glad you guys have the confidence in her. I explained to my ex that I have complete trust in our daughter to watch her little brother and handle the household, it's just the outside world I dont trust and he lives in a very busy city.
I agree with you want2case3. The outside world is not trustworthy. Of course living on the country and seeing illegal aliens walking across the pastures kept me from leaving my kids alone all night. Actually, there was never an occasion that came up that we would have wanted to go to without the kids. But leaving a Type 1 diabetic child alone - no. My brother and sister are both Type 1 diabetics and I have seen how quickly they can crash. As adults they handle it, but there were times when my sister was hauling that friends would call to let us know her blood sugar got very low, but they were there to help. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 322
| want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 10:50 AM Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself. To each their own.. I personally wouldn't leave a 9 yr old home alone but that's just me. I'm not pointing my finger at you at all I'm just saying I couldn't do it. I'm glad you guys have the confidence in her. I explained to my ex that I have complete trust in our daughter to watch her little brother and handle the household, it's just the outside world I dont trust and he lives in a very busy city.
I understand - it wasn't our first option. We thought we had a plan for the summer, as her father was supposed to be working on a night project and he would be home all day. That project didn't start on time so we were too late to find other options. The first week was super stressful thinking of all the things that could go wrong, but it got easier as time went on. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 322
| GLP - 2018-08-16 11:01 AM want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 11:50 AM Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself. To each their own.. I personally wouldn't leave a 9 yr old home alone but that's just me. I'm not pointing my finger at you at all I'm just saying I couldn't do it. I'm glad you guys have the confidence in her. I explained to my ex that I have complete trust in our daughter to watch her little brother and handle the household, it's just the outside world I dont trust and he lives in a very busy city. I agree with you want2case3. The outside world is not trustworthy. Of course living on the country and seeing illegal aliens walking across the pastures kept me from leaving my kids alone all night. Actually, there was never an occasion that came up that we would have wanted to go to without the kids. But leaving a Type 1 diabetic child alone - no. My brother and sister are both Type 1 diabetics and I have seen how quickly they can crash. As adults they handle it, but there were times when my sister was hauling that friends would call to let us know her blood sugar got very low, but they were there to help.
I understand many wouldn't do what we did. Shes been diabetic for many years and we have raised her to take care of herself. She does her own shots, she does her own insulin calculations (with our verification), blood checking, etc. There are many adults that cannot handle what she can. We wouldn't leave her alone if we didnt think she/her body could handle it. This was a decision made by not only myself (her step mother), but her father and biological mother. By the way her numbers were this summer - she did a great job! | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| GLP - 2018-08-16 12:01 PM
want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 11:50 AM
Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM
I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself.
To each their own.. I personally wouldn't leave a 9 yr old home alone but that's just me. I'm not pointing my finger at you at all I'm just saying I couldn't do it. I'm glad you guys have the confidence in her. I explained to my ex that I have complete trust in our daughter to watch her little brother and handle the household, it's just the outside world I dont trust and he lives in a very busy city.
I agree with you want2case3. The outside world is not trustworthy. Of course living on the country and seeing illegal aliens walking across the pastures kept me from leaving my kids alone all night. Actually, there was never an occasion that came up that we would have wanted to go to without the kids. But leaving a Type 1 diabetic child alone - no. My brother and sister are both Type 1 diabetics and I have seen how quickly they can crash. As adults they handle it, but there were times when my sister was hauling that friends would call to let us know her blood sugar got very low, but they were there to help.
Yes the diabetes would scare me to death. Jacob is on the road to recovery from his chemo, I am pretty over protective but I know my daughter is too over him, he gets nosebleeds still pretty frequently and will get dizzy spells occasionally, shes seen me handle it so many times. She knows exactly what to do but I still dont like the idea of them being alone and just because she can handle it, doesn't mean she should have to go at it alone. My ex must have gotten hit in the head because his last words to me today was that I had every right to be concerned as their mom but not to worry he's got it handled. Doesn't make me feel all warm and happy but at least he finally acknowledged I had rights to feel the way I do. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 12:09 PM
GLP - 2018-08-16 11:01 AM want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 11:50 AM Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself. To each their own.. I personally wouldn't leave a 9 yr old home alone but that's just me. I'm not pointing my finger at you at all I'm just saying I couldn't do it. I'm glad you guys have the confidence in her. I explained to my ex that I have complete trust in our daughter to watch her little brother and handle the household, it's just the outside world I dont trust and he lives in a very busy city. I agree with you want2case3. The outside world is not trustworthy. Of course living on the country and seeing illegal aliens walking across the pastures kept me from leaving my kids alone all night. Actually, there was never an occasion that came up that we would have wanted to go to without the kids. But leaving a Type 1 diabetic child alone - no. My brother and sister are both Type 1 diabetics and I have seen how quickly they can crash. As adults they handle it, but there were times when my sister was hauling that friends would call to let us know her blood sugar got very low, but they were there to help.
I think its wonderful your daughter is so on top of her condition by the way, that's amazing! My father in law could probably learn from her. He doesn't take care of himself at all with his diabetes. Like I said, I'm not condemning you, I'm glad yall can do that and feel 100% comfortable doing so. I'd be a nervous wreck lol! | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself.
Its a very very big deal to leave childern at home along over night. And being a 9 year old and being left home all day and being a diabetic on top of that there is no way in he** I would do that.. Too many things could go wrong in a instant, she should be staying with someone while ya'll are at work or have someone come stay with her. But thats just the mommy in me. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 12:09 PM
GLP - 2018-08-16 11:01 AM want2chase3 - 2018-08-16 11:50 AM Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself. To each their own.. I personally wouldn't leave a 9 yr old home alone but that's just me. I'm not pointing my finger at you at all I'm just saying I couldn't do it. I'm glad you guys have the confidence in her. I explained to my ex that I have complete trust in our daughter to watch her little brother and handle the household, it's just the outside world I dont trust and he lives in a very busy city. I agree with you want2case3. The outside world is not trustworthy. Of course living on the country and seeing illegal aliens walking across the pastures kept me from leaving my kids alone all night. Actually, there was never an occasion that came up that we would have wanted to go to without the kids. But leaving a Type 1 diabetic child alone - no. My brother and sister are both Type 1 diabetics and I have seen how quickly they can crash. As adults they handle it, but there were times when my sister was hauling that friends would call to let us know her blood sugar got very low, but they were there to help.
My brother and sister were, too. In fact, my sister is 54 and my brother is 50. They have no health problems at all. The doctor told my brother recently he has better blood work than any other patient she has. What we found that can mess with their blood sugar is working hard and excessive sweating which we can’t avoid down here and plain old stress and what really messed with my sister and her diabetes was her period.
Having said that, you know your daughter and what she is comfortable with, I don’t. Just thought I would warn you about the period thing. It may not affect her at all, everyone is different. | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Southtxponygirl - 2018-08-16 12:28 PM
Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself.
Its a very very big deal to leave childern at home along over night. And being a 9 year old and being left home all day and being a diabetic on top of that there is no way in he** I would do that.. Too many things could go wrong in a instant, she should be staying with someone while ya'll are at work or have someone come stay with her. But thats just the mommy in me.
I agree plus I have seen situations where when the kids were teenagers and started to act out a little it was very difficult for the parents to handle because the teenager was use to not having to answer to anyone since they had been responsible for themselves for so long, not that they were not parented but that they were used to not being monitored so closely. That said, I also know latch key kids who have had zero behavior problems. I would never do it though. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 322
| rodeomom3 - 2018-08-16 11:44 AM Southtxponygirl - 2018-08-16 12:28 PM Mis_Trev - 2018-08-16 11:43 AM I guess I see this differently than others... To me staying home alone overnight at 13 isnt a big deal. My step-daughter (an only child) is about to turn 10 and although we wouldn't leave her home alone overnight quite yet, we let her stay home alone while we are at work for 9-10 hours during the day and I work 40 mins from our house / her father is easily 1.5 hours away. This was the first summer we let her stay home so we did get her a cell phone. She is also type 1 diabetic, but very responsible, mature, and independent. By time she is 13, I have no doubt we will let her stay overnight by herself. Its a very very big deal to leave childern at home along over night. And being a 9 year old and being left home all day and being a diabetic on top of that there is no way in he** I would do that.. Too many things could go wrong in a instant, she should be staying with someone while ya'll are at work or have someone come stay with her. But thats just the mommy in me. I agree plus I have seen situations where when the kids were teenagers and started to act out a little it was very difficult for the parents to handle because the teenager was use to not having to answer to anyone since they had been responsible for themselves for so long, not that they were not parented but that they were used to not being monitored so closely. That said, I also know latch key kids who have had zero behavior problems. I would never do it though.
We all raise our children a little different. I feel blessed we can do what we do and it works for us. I understand it is not normal to allow a diabetic at such a young age be home alone. We have struggled to find appropriate care while at work for her as well. We have had multiple day care centers that could not handle her condition. We have had multiple adults watch her and couldnt handle basic care instructions... and to be honest it is not all that hard. Scary at first, yes, but it is not difficult by any means. This summer was hands down the best we'd ever had since her diagnosis (and her drs agree).
My whole reason for posting wasn't to hyjack and discuss what how everyone feels is the best way to handle my daughter. The original question was asked at what age is it considered appropriate to leave children home alone overnight? I commented to just give different insight as not everyone raises their children the same way and we all have different circumstances that play into that role.
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