I'm in my early 30s never been married and have been dating this guy for 8 months. He is NOT a horse person, they make him nervous. The first time he ever rode a horse I put him on my 30 year old gelding in the round pen walking around and he didnt hate it but I wouldnt say he enjoyed it either. Long story short I just bought a 3 year old (bumping my horse count up to 2) I plan on riding through the winter and have him ready to start hauling about this time next year. I'M SO EXCITED!!! Boyfriend is not thrilled at all. He is worried I will get hurt, spend a lot of time away from him while I'm at the barn (we do not live together and my horses are not at my house, I have to board them), start traveling to barrel races aka leavng him at home because he has a young daughter. He told me he will be able to make it to the barn some and to some barrel races but not all which I am totally ok with and understand. My question is....for those of you that are married and or dating a non-horse person, how do you deal? Part of me thinks it will just take some time of him being around the sport to get used to it, the other part of me thinks ths is the beginning of the end because non- horse people just dont understand that this is a lifestyle, passion, hobby, and a NON NEGOTIABLE thing. I've chosen boyfriend over horses before and will do it again if it comes to that. Any advice on this subject would be much appreciated!

My ex husband was a non horse person... to be fair that wasnt the only thing wrong with him tho. 

He never understood my time at the barn.. I boarded when we were married. It was always a problem if I wanted to go ride or go to the barn just to see my horse. Then when I started meeting people who shared my passion, it was a threat. We divorced. I'm remarried now to a team roper.. my biggest issue is having to let him use my horse lol! But I'd much rather have it this way. Not saying it cant work with a non horse person but they definitely need to be able to understand the passion and time that goes into our horses... if not... well... it probably wont work. 

Comimg from a person who was engaged to non-horse person and married a horse person, my experience says it won't work.

My experience being married to a non-horse person...the issues will only grow.  The horses are definitely a point on contention between us.  He most likely will not grow to love them but will resent them more.  I'm sure there are some men that grow to love or even like horses, but mine did not...

I'm married to a non horse personality  for 23 years. Works for us. I'm considerate not to go all the time. He's for it as long as he's doesn't have to go or do horse chores. He'll help me though, happy to watch videos and goes occasionally. Financially he doesn't care and has always been positive and supportive. He has hobbies too and that helps. Hope it works out for you!

Been married to a non horsey man going on 40 years this next May, he supports my horses all the way and my barrel racing when I was going full blast.. 

When I met my husband I was on a break from horses after being severly injured by one. I sometimes feel it was unfair to him since he didn't understand the horse-person mentality. But, he is totally an animal person. He bonded with my first born of my breeding program to the point of making that horse a dog. And that was ok! Over the years as things grew and I started competing there were times of some stress. But he has adjusted and now he enjoys his weekends while I am gone. Once you've been married (or bonded) for almost three decades away time is a good thing.

In your situation it will matter on how much he values you as your own person. If he respects that you will do your own thing at times but be home for him at others then it will work out. If he thinks he owns all your time and attention then I feel for you. I left dudes for horses when I was young - and I'd leave my marriage if he decided to make it an ultimatum. Horse people need horses in their lives!!

Good luck, and I'll hope he finds a way to share you with your horsiness.

Knowing him, this is my biggest fear. If I'm not at work he wants me to be with him and his daughter at his house. I get crap if I tell him I'm not coming over after work because I have other things to do like run errands or go to the barn, he gets snippy and says I dont make enough time for him because I already have so many things going on. To be fair, I told him all of this BEFORE we started dating and he seemed fine with it and supportive. Now, the horse I just bought is not even here yet and he got snippy that I went to the feed store and then the barn to prep for the new arrival (AGAIN.. SO EXCITED!!, lol), then stopped at the local watering hole for a couple drinks and dinner then, since it was late I just went to my house after that last night. This morning he made a comment that he probably wont see me again tonight because I'll have more "errands" to run.. as he put it. 

It can be a challenge, and it can work, but just don't expect the same level of enthusiasm that you have for it. Best thing is to fully communicate about it and make sure you are both on the same page. If he doesn't like it, then you go from there. He can either lump it or man up and be supportive and respectful. Of course, being respectful of him and the fact he's less than comfortable around horses is a big thing too. But mostly just communicate is the best thing, if you are both committed (for lack of a better word) and willing to work together, you can make it work.

ETA: Just read your last post, there has to be a balance, but that is a little bit controlling, IMO. He needs to chill out and understand. He's acting like a spoiled kid who isn't getting his own way. 

Horse person or not, he should be supportive of what makes you happy and what you're passionate about. If he doesn't now, I wouldn't expect him to later.

I don't know him...or you, or the situation. But from what you told me, this man sounds VERY controlling. I have only ever dated one horsey guy, and that was my worst relationship. But it had nothing to do with the liking horses part. I don't think it matters if you are with someone who is a horse person or not. The only thing that matters is how they treat you, respect you and how you get along...and vice versa. You guys have only been together 8 months, and he is already bringing up scenarios that havent even happened yet. At 8 months, and not living together, you shouldn't even have these kinds of ssues...things aren;t going to get better. They only get worse. The biggest mistake I see is people thinking their SO will change. Your SO should never hold you back, they should be your wings. They should want you to succeed, whether its horses, your career, or another passion. He does not sound like a good fit for you...but again, I do not know either of you. Just for me, I don't care if my SO likes horses or not. Because if he is controlling about that, he will be that way with everything else as well. 

Agree, 100%. He's going to act this way regardless of what your hobby is. It's not about the horses, it's about him wanting all of your free time and wanting to be the center of your world. Just from the little bit you've said here, I REALLY don't like where this relationship is headed. He's going to constantly make you feel bad about wanting to do things that don't involve him, horses or otherwise.

I'm married to a non-horse person. He had a family member get seriously injured in a horse-related accident when he was young, so has a very jaded opinion of them. I can count on one hand the number of times he's been on a horse since we've been together (10 years). He knew when we started dating how important horses were to me and how much of a time committment they are, so even if he got a little jealous of me spending more time with them than him, he never pressured me to quit. I did adjust how much time I spent outside so that I wasn't completely ignoring him. Not gonna lie, some times were tougher than others, but overall it really hasn't been that big of a deal because the horses are completely my thing and I am 100% responsible for them.

There for a while I was going to barrel races at least once or twice a week and riding a lot during the week, but at that point, we'd been together long enough that he actually enjoyed his "me time" and probably even looked forward to me being out of the house, lol.

Over the past couple of years my riding has been virtually non-existent. No particular reason, I've just lost all drive and motiviation and have been putting my attention elsewhere. I still have my horses and all my tack/trailer, etc, but my interaction with them consists of feeding them and basic maintenance, and that's it. I've always said that horses were my LIFE and I would NEVER not have them. Well now I'm thinking that not having horses at all wouldn't be so terrible. So just because you're deep into horses now, doesn't mean you will be for the rest of your life, even if you truly think you will be. The point of me mentioning that is because being with a non-horsey person right now may seem like a bummer, but down the road it may be completely moot.

However, I think this relationship has much bigger issues than just your boyfriend not being into horses. Replace horses with golf, your friends, arts and crafts, cycling, karate, (you get the point), and you're still going to have the jealousy/guilt trip issues that you have now. You either nip it in the bud right now, or you seriously need to consider moving on and finding someone who will support you and be ok with whatever it is you choose to do. You should NEVER feel guilty for spending time on something you're passionate about.

Thank y'all for the advice. It really opened my eyes as to what is really going on, horse related or not. I feel like I'm in "trouble" if I am not there or doing things unrelated to him which certainly is not fair. I guess I really need to consider these red flags now before it gets out of control. I have a demanding job, horses, and other hobbies so at this point I think most of you are sayng RUN whether he is a horse person or not, lol. I love this board, always very helpful to get outside eyes on a situation horse related or not. HUGS and THANK YOU to everyone that has responded!! 

I am married to a non-horse person going on 4 years now. Been together 12 in total. For us it has worked great. However, we have great communication and full trust in each other. We trusted each other going to different colleges. We have great communication when we do not get to see each other all weekend. On that note I am not a professional barrel racer, just a weekend warrior. So, we still see each all week, do a lot of other things like talk about work, go fishing, hang out with friends, farm, etc all together yet. I have my hobby of barrel racing and he has his hobby of hunting. We each have our own thing but we still spend plenty of time together. As long as there is good communication and both are willing to negotiate on things and not be controlling. I have skipped a barrel race before because of a hunting banquet and he has skipped hunting before to help drive me to a rodeo. Neither would hold resentment. The thing with dating a non-horse person, is be very upfront about the cost of horses. If my husband didn’t have a hobby of hunting and fishing that can cost a lot, he would go crazy seeing the amount of money I spend on horse stuff. My husband is very supportive of me and my barrel racing hobby, as I am supportive of him. Always says he is proud to see me improve and do well. He also likes that I am not the stay in the house, have to have him home type of woman.  It defiantly balances in our house. My husband will not ride a horse, but he certainly likes to pet them and give them treats ?? just like I cannot bring myself to shoot an animal but I will let him hang them on our wall! Best of luck to you! One thing that helped us, write down future goals for each of you, see if they line up, they should be close. Also, the book, The Five Love Languages, has helped us a lot when we do not get to see each other a ton during our busy times.

I highlighted the lines that would make me run and move on.  Been there done that.  Mine was a roper, but if I wasn't "underfoot" or in sight then he was worried.  The occassional girls night out for dinner / drinks were timed and questioned if it ran late.  I won't ever do that type of relationship again.  If you can't trust me then it won't ever work as I refuse to "check-in" and update my every step.  Heck mine called me three times once on the way home from a barrel race ( I had horses in the trailer)....  First call ... I was loading horses; Second call ... I was pulling out the drive and the third call ... I was half way home.  This was in the span of approximately 40 minutes.  My response on his third call was... maybe LOL.  Lets say it wasn't a good night at home.  He was always worried about "other guys" cause he knew what they were thinking.  I told him he had to trust me and that I wasn't interested in "other guys".  Bottom line is the problem was him and control issues.  

Yep... to the above... what you said.

It is really not about the horses...he is really showing you other ‘red flags’ to a future long term relationship and/or marriage.

As my Mom always said... ‘men on their very best behavior when they are dating you. If you see some ‘off’ things at that time, those ‘off’ things only get worse’.

You have a lot of common sense...so listen to it.

I think people have called attention to some red flags and it sounds like you’re taking those into consideration.

Ive been there dating those guys, and I couldn’t be happier that I married a horse guy including moving to his farm and training setup.

I do feel that it can work - but imo the non-equine partner needs to have a hobby of their own that is their thing.  Something that he has a passion for that he does without you most of the time.  Some people have horses, some people spend hours wrenching on old cars, or working out, or volunteering.  Something that ignites the same passion in them that horses ignite in us.  That why there is a level of understanding that I think is hard for people without a passion to understand.

So, to what everybody else said, WORD. That's a big red flag especially if you're newly dating. My husband will say things like that sometimes, that he'll never see me again because I'm off playing pony, but we've been together a long time and I can tell when he's joking and when he's serious. When we were dating back in the Ice Age, my horse obligations came first without question. And he dealt with it because I'm a smokin' hot catch.

For us, it works because my non-horse husband ultimately wants me to be happy. And horses,competing, and the barn makes me happy. It's a no brainer for him. The horses are my thing and he's perfectly content to stay home with his dog. He fixes the things I break, maintains my rig, watches my videos when I get home and tells me I did awesome even if I hit every barrel and the trash can in the parking lot. He's my biggest fan and I'd be huddled up in a corner somewhere without him. 

I do try to be conscientious of his needs and do the good wife thing. I very rarely go more than one day a weekend, spend the "off" day with him, and one night a week is date night even if it's only takeout and Jeopardy on the couch. 

This post makes me think there are already issues and they have nothing to really do with horses... 

I was with and engaged to a non horse person. At first it was cool, he came to races and took pictures. It worked but as time wore on, it didnt. It went as far as him getting his dad to start giving me grief about them. Basically telling me I didnt need them, I wasnt a good owner and I was never going anywhere with them. Thats 1 of several reasons I left him. That and he got physically abusive. 
Now the guy I am married to wasnt into horses until we got together but he was willing to learn and loved them. We rode 4-5 days a week. Until we got married. 6 years ago. I think I can count on both hands and feet how many times he's been on a horse since we said I do 6.5 years ago. Even got him a mare at christmas. He's been on her once. Shes now my project Ive put on the pattern. BUT he is supportive. He goes to almost every race. Videos, holds horses, drives, carries water. You name it, he does it. I do get frustrated when he wont ride. But Ive come to accept the fact, thats just the way it is now. So I spend my time with the horses and then time with him. Our vacations have revolved around barrel races. Theres nothing more fun than spending 3-4 days at an arena right? He supports me and my dreams 150% and pushes me when I need it. 
Find someone who supports you. If your bf is like you described, run dont walk. I PROMISE it wont get better. Find a man that wants to see you be your best, be happy and most of all supports you.