Hey guys.  

Incognito because we haven't told anyone yet that we are pregnant, but I need to get things off my chest.

Planned pregnancy? Yes...we were taking the "not trying but not preventing" route as I'm in my early 30's, I have friends who tried for a year or more, etc etc.  We were just a little surprised when it happened on month 3.

Im not sure what I expected, but so far pregnancy horomones are outrageous.  I feel like I should be happy.  Instead I'm stressed out - I feel like I can't do anything.  We are only 5 weeks.  The restrictions - keeping in mind I'm healthy, everything seems normal at this point and a doctor hasn't even seen me yet (and doesn't want to until March!) - are making me really resentful of the whole thing.  Can't keep exercising like I have been, can't sleep on my back, dietary really isn't bad.  I've been having insomnia, diffusing lavender has helped in the past, but apparently that's a no no in the first trimester.  

It's making me crazy because I feel like I should be ok with what's good for baby, but instead I'm resenting the whole thing, fearing I won't love it when it is here and just kind of ****ed off that we even thought this was a good idea.  I recognize that some of these are probably normal, I recognize that horomones aren't helping - but it doesn't make the feelings any less real when I'm in the middle of an anxiety attack.  I can't find the happy I see in other pregnant friends.

I got a call back from a nurse yeasterday to schedule my first appointment, I had asked with the original intake call about riding and they've said no - and gave what sounds like a line from a textbook as reasoning.  Before ever seeing me, laying eyes on me, discussing what I mean by riding (probably mostly walking and a little trotting - no intentions of running, roping, etc).  It really made me feel like I was a number and not an individual - and it did some damage on my mental health.  Last night was rough, my poor husband doesn't know what to do.

If you rode during pregnancy, did you have the support of your OB?

I plan to call a different hospital today and see if they have any OB's accepting patients and also be open about the other feelings I'm having and if there's someone I can talk to about how I'm feeling.

We want to start telling family but I know they're going to be so very happy and I'm just having trouble feeling like I'll be able to find joy with them - it honestly gives me anxiety thinking about it.

Thank you guys for hearing me out, mostly I just needed to get that off my chest without freaking my husband out all over again.

You're right, a lot of what you're feeling is hormones. It definitely sounds like you're struggling, and to only be 5 weeks in is rough. Having a baby brings huge changes and causes a full upheaval of what you've known and grown accustomed to. I'm 6mo PP and let me tell you, pregnancy hormones are a b!tch, but once that babe is in your arms, nothing else matters. It's a pretty strange feeling, knowing your body is no longer your own and everything that's been normal and comfortable has just been dumped on the side of the road. The key thing is to remember you're creating a human life, one that will look up to you and love you wholeheartedly, and to do right by that tiny poppy seed is the best thing. The good news is that the first trimester can be the hardest with your body adjusting to the new parasite. Second trimester isn't usually that bad, and the third trimester you just feel over it. I wouldn't say I loved being pregnant, but it was freaking awesome knowing my body was capable of creating another life. It's pretty typical for an OB to not see you until 8-12 weeks, not much can be done before then except for a pee test- those first weeks/month are a whirlwind of "is any of this even normal?!" but it is. I highly recommend researching OBs in your area and finding one you are comfortable with, you can always switch early on in your pregnancy.

You won't find many doctors that will say riding is okay, it's a huge liability- even if they were to say walking was fine and then you got bucked off and sued them? Yikes. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I stopped riding. I didn't want any unnecessary risks (I was high risk anyway), and would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to me or the baby while riding even my most trusted horse. I know some people have continued to ride even into the third trimester, but that wasn't for me. 

Feel free to pm me, I always love a good chat.

Just want to offer hugs and warm wishes.  Your post makes me feel so sad for you.  I think you should enlist the help of a therapist to validate what you are feeling and help you understand so you don't sink into your head and obsess over how you are feeling.  Even if it's short term, I dont think it could hurt :)

Mental health is so important and especially with such a huge life change.

Hi sweetie! I just want to give you a hug <3 I am 5 months pregnant, just about 20 weeks. Can I ask, why you are not exercising like you were, or sleeping on your back? From what my Drs have said and from what I've read, you don't have to change your exercises until the third trimester. I am still currently doing all my same exercises, hiit workouts, running, lifting, etc. And the sleeping on your back is only due to a bloodlfow issue, which doesn't begin to be an issue until 26 weeks. So please try to keep doing your normal exercise and sleep routines :) Trust me...trying to stay somehwat in your routine will keep you sane!! lol. 

As said aboive, the hormones are absolutely crazy! You will not think or feel like you for a while, even after birth. But you are doing something so wonderful <3 I still have those days every now and again, but not nearly as bad now. It will get better, as soon as the placenta starts taking over after your first trimester, you will start to feel a little more even keel <3 It's definitely a bumpy ride, but just know that your hubby understands, and wants to help, but doesn't know how! I bet you in a couple of weeks, you will start to feel a little happier and more excited about everythig. We are here for you if you need anyone to chat with :) *hugs*

also incognito, because you and I might as well be in the EXACT same boat... sinking together. 

We also had friends who tried for a year + with nothing. My husband and I discussed it, we both want kids, and was kind of in the mindset that if it happened it did and if not then ok too.   We found out month 4. ill just say expected it to take a lotttttt longer than it did.  When i took the test, I fully expected it to be negative so when it was positive I was in a little bit of shock and had instant thoughts of "what the hell did i get myself into.... " and had a mild anxiety attack for a few days before I even told my husband....

I am also 5 weeks (almost 6) and not being seen until the first part of march. If you want to talk send me a PM. 

Hugs to you, it will get better!! 

Awe hugs! 

My pregnancy was nothing as expected. I puked the whole time, struggled with hormones and ended up with post partum afterward. I also had major insomnia issues too. 

I say this in solidarity - Find a different doctor. Start with a therapist now. It is all going to be ok.  Chin up! 

Also, it is 100% acceptable to keep exercising (as long as it isn't different or harder than you were previously) and my doctors were great with me riding and competing until our baby was large enough that my pelvis wasn't protecting her anymore.  I would definitely get another opinion. Not all doctors are created equal and if you haven't had a relationship with an OBGYN that knows you, they probably delivered the standard jargon about riding with good reasons. 

Never been pregnant, never will be now...so not sure how much help I'll be, but my friend just went through several miscarriages before she took and had a baby boy. Just had another friend not know (denial) she was pregnant and didn't change a thing and went to doc on a Tues and had baby on Sat. 

That being said....Some people don't even realize at 5 weeks they are pregnant and are living their lives not changing a thing. Riding, running, exercising etc.  Not sure why you would crawl under a rock and not do anything.  I'd go stark raving mad to sit.  

My friend with the miscarriages didn't end up riding because she had had those troubles prior, so her doc didn't think it a good idea.  She still traveled all over with her kid, did chores, etc.   I get that she couldn't ride, but she wasn't still. 

My mom rode with me until she was 8 months pregnant.  Western Pleasure and English!  She had to stop western due to the horn, but she wanted the year end trophy for English, and she got it! 

Celine Dion, the singer, exercised during her pregnancy to keep toned.  

Unless there is like a major issue and you've had past troubles getting and staying pregnant, I wouldn't change a whole lot yet.  Your body is used to YOU and what you normally do.  Drastically changing may cause you more issues than being "normal plus pregnant."

I'm no doc, but it's what I would do to keep from being crazy. 

First off, definitely feel you and just want you to know you aren't alone! My husband and I had been trying for a while and when it finally happened, I was like "holy moly, what were we thinking!" I definitely had a hard time changing my diet, (mostly giving up beer ha) and also just changing to the mindset that everything you do could affect another being. It gave me some anxiety and also just a feeling of losing control a little bit. It's definitely a transition, especially if you are someone who doesn't feel completely defined by motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to have a family, but I'm not one of those people who always dreamed of being a mom. My husband and I have been married for a long time and were very happy with our lives. Personally, I had my relationship/career/ horse goals, etc that I was focusing on. Now we are in a place that we finally feel comfortable starting a family, but it wasn't always our first priority. It's definitely a shift, or at least it has been for me. 

I agree, there are very few docs who will say you can ride while pregnant. I am a physician myself (sports medicine) and you always have to counsel patients about all the risks. It is our job to make sure the patients have all the information to keep themselves safe. I'm sure it becomes even more difficult when there is an unborn baby involved. I had a conversation with my OB about it. She basically said it's not recommended but that in the first trimester the uterus is mostly protected within the pelvis. With that,  she said there are very few things that will hurt the pregnancy early on. Normal riding, etc would not but it is of course the risk of having an accident they are most concerned with. She wanted me to continue to be active and do what I love/be happy, so she said to be aware of the risks, weigh them, and then make my decision. I continued to ride for pleasure into the beginning of the second trimester but didn't compete (after I found out around 6 weeks) as I felt that had a higher risk.  

As far as exercise recommendations go, it's almost  always recommended that pregnant women continue to exercise (unless they have certain health problems/pregnancy complications). Women who were active before should try to get 150 mins of moderate intensity exercise per week is recommended. Whatever exercises (weight lifting, hiit, running, etc) you were doing before are generally thought to be ok (as long as it's not a contact sport). Later on some people recommend avoiding heavy lifting or explosive type exercise, but thats a discussion to have with your OB. For pregnant women who weren't working out before, the recommendation is for them to start slow (10-15 minute walks 3x weekly) with a goal to work toward the 150 minutes if possible. The laying on the back is generally not till later and is just a precaution because at that point the fetus is large enough to prevent blood flow return to the heart (in some women, not all) and can cause dizziness, etc. I'll post a link below from the American College of Obstetrics in case you want to read the actual guidelines the OBs follow. 

Sorry for such a long reply but I really feel like this kind of stuff isn't talked about enough. So much about pregnancy is taboo or just off limits in conversation, but so many of us are experiencing the same thing! Feel free to reach out if you want!

https://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Exercise-During-Pregnancy?IsMobileSet=false

its been awhile long time but  i was of the thought that listen to ur body  it will tell u what to do. if  it hurts stop. i was one of those never sick   i did not know i was pg till 5 or 6 months  i put up 2 loads of hay the weekend  my son was born square bales might be why he was only 5lb 6 oz

but listen to ur  body   and wow that out pouring of love when they born nothing like it

My OB told me to keep doing what I had been doing.  Training, competing, working - I was riding day of delivery of 1st son. Only drawback - my muscles were so strong my pelvis had a hard time expanding for a 9 # baby.  All 3 children were large and healthy.  With second son I was riding race horses & 1 fall.   Montana Docs

I rode when I was pregnant, until it became uncomfortable... than I quit riding. 

Keep doing what you have been doing it it is your normal thing.

Congrats - when the baby gets here.... it will be fine.

Oh yes... first pregnancy blues.... totally normal. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child I cried... and not happy tears lol! I thought it meant my life was over... no more this or that cant eat this cant drink that ... crazy stuff! I got pregnant in California and then shortly after we moved to Texas... the drs were so different out here! My ob had horses ... she told me to do what makes me happy but use caution... I rode.... in fact i rode my horse the day before i went into labor. Just easy riding nothing crazy ... my old steady eddy horse of course... its totally ok to be feeling the way you are. Just try to remember you have to be happy, I slept on my left side for months because that's what I read in that crazy book!  My 2nd pregnancy I was so much more relaxed and actually excited about it I didn't read every pregnancy book I could get my hands on, I just ate healthy and exercised a lot! And continued to ride my horses. My 3rd and last pregnancy,  blew right thru it... it was almost too easy ... and I rode thru that one as well. So i say, as long as your are healthy and no underlying issues ... keep doing the things you enjoy... exercise and riding ... take your prenatals, go to your check ups stay hydrated and try to get plenty of rest and most importantly,  try to enjoy it and relax! 

It's been almost 23 years, but I'm thinking pregnancy hasn't changed that much!!   Chris and I planned Chandler--I got off the pill at the end of May and was pregnant by July.   (We wanted to be married for 3 years before we had a baby--our 3rd anniversary was April 23, and we were 3 weeks pregnant by July 15!)  We were looking at buying a barge, and I took a pregnancy test the day we looked at it because I wanted to make sure before we made that purchase.  Long story short, I ended up telling Chris we weren't getting a barge but we were getting a baby!   (My doctor told me I shouldn't even have known I was pregnant. . . )  And then I sat and cried and cried and told him we were stupid and had no business thinking we knew enough to have a baby!  How blessed I am that God chose that particular child as MY son. . . When you hold that baby in your arms, nothing else will matter, not how you had to sleep or when you stopped riding or what kind of exercises you were allowed. . . Hormones are making you nuts, but girlfriend, you got this!  Hugs and prayers that you have a safe, easy pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end.  And you MUST keep us posted, even if it's "under cover"!!

I'm not one to prescribe to the way of thinking that pregnancy is an illness either--I got in bed at 4:30 am from being at office working on tax returns, and C was born by 1:20 pm.  These women that take off work weeks before their due date "to get ready"---yeah, no.  (I definitely understand if there are medical reasons for this, however.)   

I got to thinking about this post.... I just wanted to add, because i think its incredibly important to be aware of, postpartum depression. I had it really bad with my first child. It took a couple weeks for it to really hit me but when it did,  it was bad.. I tried to tough it out ... thinking it was just normal to feel overwhelmed, tired, scared, unsure .... and worse... depressed! After my now ex husband found me sitting in the shower crying, he took me to the dr and she prescribed me some mild antidepressants... a few weeks later I felt like my old self again. 4 years later after I got pregnant with my son my dr put me on half a dose of that antidepressant throughout my pregnancy and i was totally fine. I eventually weaned off them completely and when I got pregnant with my 3rd child my dr suggested I go on half dose again just to make sure but I decided not to and I was totally fine... I guess what I'm trying to say is dont be afraid to ask for help if you feel you need it... it's not being weak ... hormones are extremely powerful! 

I had post partum and didn't realize what I was feeling wasn't normal til it was all over.  Chandler had colic and would projectile vomit and wouldn't sleep. . . We would just stare at each other and squall.   Chris would come in, look at us, and back out like "I don't want any part of this"!!!  Not a fun time.  

So I just had my child. He is 5 weeks old tomorrow. It was my first pregnancy. My entire life is physical. I do everything at our place from moving hay to feeding to training horses. I rope every day/weekend. I did not change anything when I found out other than cutting out caffeine/wine and I stopped riding young colts. I didn't quit riding until I was about 5-6 months and it was becoming uncomfortable. I still loaded and unloaded hay, gave lessons, etc. and my doctor knew. He said as long as my body was used to it and I listened to it then I could continue. On the doctor note - I highly recommend finding one you actually like and feel more pesonable with. I started with one and felt like a number that they wanted in and out as soon as possible. I switched and was incredibly happy with my new office (they always asked how I was and remembered me) and my new OBGYN who would answer any and as many questions as I wanted. 

I missed riding and roping but I knew it was temporary and totally worth it. I also kept very busy doing everything horse related besides the actual riding part. The first 14 weeks were very rough for me. I was sick all day every day and my energy was non existant. After that though it only got better - at 7/8 months I felt amazing. At 38 weeks I was still unloading hay, lessons, feeding cattle etc. 

If you are healthy and low risk then I wouldn't deprive yourself of the things you love to do until your body tells you otherwise. Take precaution but you can still enjoy life =) Take baths (not too hot!) as often as you can, eat whatever your body wants when it wants it (for the most part), stay active (it really helps with sanity) and remember it is very short term in the scheme of things and beyond worth it. Five weeks after having my little man, my life is definitely forever changed, but I am back to riding and roping and making a point to do what I love as much as I can and learning to do everything with him by my side.

And boy do I feel AMAZING to be skinny and have my body to myself again haha. 

One more side note... find someone you can talk to and vent to and ask questions! For me it was my cousin who has 2 young ones. It made a WORLD of difference. She could prepare me for things, talk me through things, reassure me of things, and of course help me remember how worth it it would be. 

I feel for you,  didn't read through all the responses, but felt compelled to respond because I felt the same way.  I resented being PG.  Did not enjoy it one bit.  Even did it twice and the second time was no better.   Then I got babies out of the deal and boy were they work!  LOL!  Now, people told me it was all worth it and it would fly by and I thought what a bunch of horse crap.......but you know what?  They are right.  sigh.  THey are right.  Mine are grown now. 

Kids give back a lot more than they take from you.  You suffer for a bit (okay pregnancy was A LOT of suffering for me!) but yeah to have kids, I'd do it again.  

Hang in there.

ETA

My doctor said do whatever you feel like doing.  I did.  It helped to go on rides.

I competed, running barrels, until I was 5+ months pregnant with both children.  I rode until the week of birth, both of my children were 40 weeks.  Both of my drs were very supportive of my riding.  They both told me to do everything I was used to doing and be caustious, but I didn't have to do anything different.  The only thing I did not do while pregnant was lift heavy items.  I also slept in any position that wass comfortable to me.  Enjoy your pregnancy and relax.  You are making a baby which is hard work.  Give yourself some slack and enjoy it.

Thank you guys - I made it through a few responses and I'll come back and read more for sure.

Let me say first, this post was made in the middle of my first big horomone swing.  I'm glad I know I am pregnant because if I didn't I'd have thought I'd gone stark raving mad.  So some things were likely written with dramatic flair.  I'm in a much better headspace for now.

I do have a number for local mental health services and I do plan to reach out and establish a relationship.  I've always felt I may have a touch of anxiety, but being in "control" of my life (sometimes I am an over planner) keeps it in check.  I no longer have the option to be totally in control and I need to learn some coping mechanisms for Jesus take the wheel moments for sure.

The upside and downside to Google - lots of information at your fingertips, some right some wrong, some incomplete or lacking in "this is ok up until this week" type memo's.  I'm still exercising mostly normal, there are some things I just can't muster up the energy to do - burpees use to be my jam, let's do jumping jacks or high knees all day yo.  Really it just felt like EVERYTHING I googled was labeled as potentially unsafe - down to getting a massage the other night, dude, mama needed that massage and I was going to lose it again if she told me no.

We've started to tell people on a need to know basis - like my massage therapist and my chiropractor.  My sister guessed this morning when I told her I needed her help with my parents anniversary gift in a few weeks (they're 8hrs away) but it's nice knowing I have someone I can reach out to. We don't want to tell a ton of folks until after we see a doctor and won't generally make it known until after Easter (when we see and tell the last of my family).

Riding, I don't know how I feel.  In today's headspace, I'm ok with it if I just don't feel like getting on (it's snowy and icy here now anyway).  In the middle of a horomone swing I'm royally p*ssed that people tell me no because I know so many ladies who did ride and it all turned out fine.  I don't know how I would handle it if I do and something does go wrong, so that risk will continue to be evaluated as time passes.  I think I would feel different if I was riding everyday now - we may not be able to do much until April here and that will be the start of my second trimester, I'm not sure introducing it then would be well advised (see, level hormone me is rational!)

Lastly we are "doctor shopping".  I have an appointment with 1, getting another set up, and have a 3rd Dr who comes highly recommended as well if we don't feel either of the first 2 are right. I already felt more empathy from the nurse in talked to with the second one than I did with the one I already have an appointment with.  So that's good.

one day at a time.