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 The Rose of Rodeo...
Posts: 2560
  
Location: Where we still run to look when the siren goes by. | missroselee - 2013-12-06 12:45 PM So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically? I have always had difficult women issues. Severe cramping and high fevers/illness every time I cycle. Enough to land me in the ER three times as a teenager, and enough to put me on birth control my whole life. And not pills where I get a cycle, the kind of BC where I don't cycle at all. If not on BC I had/have severe issues with low iron, anemia, and hypoglycemia. It would land me right back on BC if I went off for more then 8-10 months. I would go off BC every 2-3 years just to take a break from it.
In 2012 I made a choice to stay off of it and went through holy hell the first four or five months, but then I seemed ok after that. Short periods, 2-3 days tops, and no fever, just a chest cold every time (coughing and feeling "down").
I still haven't decided we want to do this again but we are both leaning to it. I was horrified of the process of being pregnant and missing out with my "life" and horses, but it's only one stinking year. I have the rest of my life to ride and enjoy it, I only have so much time left if we want to give this another try.
Based on the fact that I will turn 34 in April, if we are going to try again, should we do it ASAP or are we hurting anything by waiting a few months? I wanted to wait until Spring/summer...give myself time to really get "over" this.
Our clinic usually has the first OB apt and US at 10-12 weeks along. Then another US at 20weeks then possibly at 24 weeks if not everything was seen on the 20week US. The Drs don’t like scheduling the first OB physical until around/after the 10week date due to the fact that most miscarriages happen prior to.
I had horrible menstrual issues as well and was on the BC that was every 3months (or never depending on how you wanted to take it) and had been on it since 15yo. A year ago I needed a surgery and had to be on antibiotics for 2months and ended getting pregnant at that time. I was almost 3mo along and didn’t find out until I took the placebo pills and nothing happened. So even despite all that I had a healthy baby.
Don’t rush into anything and feel you have to try and conceive before “The Deadline” – you don’t. Relax and have fun with it. Give all your worries and doubts to God and he will take care of you; it’s in his hands. 
Remember the story of Abraham and Sarah Gen. 17:15, 16
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
 
| My friend had a miscarriage a couple of years ago. It was because the doctor she was using argued about a few things. She gets LOW on progesterone and has to take supplemental progesterone to carry to term. The doc she had didn't want her on it at that time...she lost the baby shortly thereafter. She still chats about the experience once in awhile. She had 1 boy before the miscarriage and 1 girl after the miscarriage, so yes it's common and it happens.
I think I read through some of your stuff that you had something "off" but I didn't go back through, but thought this might be related. If not...no worries. Keep your head up and switch doctors! |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | Based upon your doctor's comment about age, I would find a new one. That is total BS. I also got married at 29. I was almost 32 when I had my first son and will be 36 when I have my second in February. Because of my age (35 is the magic scary number), I've also gone to see a high-risk OB. I also had to go through genetic counseling due to the increased risks.
Here is what I learned through that.... The difference between a 25 y.o. and a 35 y.o. having a healthy baby is less than 0.2%. It is so miniscule that it is a freakin' joke that 35 is the age that signifies high-risk. The difference really doesn't become an issue until a woman is in her 40s!!!
Age is not the reason for what happened. If things stopped progressing, they should have been concerned then. It is most likely that something was wrong....and not with you. Whatever was happening in the development process, something went wrong. And it's not something you could have predicted or something that may happen again.
I understand why they wouldn't do tests to determine the reason the loss occurred. I doubt they would be able to determine one. But to call you to remind you of an appointment and to be so cold to you, is unacceptable.
Please find another doctor. And please, do NOT blame yourself. This is far more common than people realize it. Most people don't talk about it. Instead, most suffer in silence and feel guilty. You did NOTHING wrong. Do not feel guilty. But please, grieve for your loss.... AND find another doctor. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 504
Location: Illinois | First let me say I'm so sorry for your loss. In 2008, we lost our son at 34 weeks. He was born alive and they were unable to revive him. His 5th birthday would have been Dec. 15. My water just broke and we had no idea anything was wrong until he was born. We had every test imaginable ran on him and us, and we found nothing.
Just skimming through some things, I would say if you want to change doctors do so. I did not as my OB was very understanding and she was able to put me on the high risk regimen when we were finally able to get pregnant again. I'll be honest, it's a tough road. I did end up going to see a professional because I was unable to function. It took 10 months of strict "planning" to get pregnant with my daughter and each month I'd continue to break down again. Just remember there isn't a timeline for grief. Often you will take 1 step forward and then 2 steps back, then sometimes all the way back. It's also OK if you feel good or happy or enjoy something, but it's also ok if you need to just break down. I remember pulling over and stopping and just cried my eyes out because of some song on the radio more than once. I'm still trying to figure out what normalcy is after all this time, and I think the truth is that it doesn't exist. I'm a very different person, I'd like to think more thoughtful and overall a better person. That's the way I choose to honor my son. If you need anything or just want to vent or yell or cry, feel free to contact me!! |
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you guys. I hope for everyone who shared your experiences that it didn't cause pain or anything, and if it did I apologize. But I pray that there are other people who have read this thread who although may not post, have been helped and comforted as much as I have. You guys are amazing |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1066
| Ridenrun4745 - 2013-12-06 1:00 PM From the vibe that I've gotten - and it's just that, from what I've seen - is that before the 12 week mark miscarriages are so common that there isn't much that can be done to 'save' them if it was going to happen. And, that so much developing is happening at that time, that if it miscarried, there is probably a reason, developmentally. Not that you weren't physically right, but that something in the development wasn't right. Giving it a few months, I think, would be fine. Maybe visit a few doctors in the meantime? You're doing good by talking about it
My doctor wouldn't actually do a pap until I was 13 weeks because the risk of miscarriage is so high before that. She told me if anything was even slightly off your body would reject it to keep itself healthy, and often times it was actually preventing issues further into the pregnancy, or when the child is born.
On another note, my sister in law has been trying to get pregnant for almost 5 years. She is 31, but the issue she's faced for so long is that her eggs just wouldn't catch. They did invetro when they found out I was pregnant, it worked, and now everyone is just crossing their fingers that her body is able to carry- she's about 6 weeks along right now. Just in the past 2 years did they start really looking for a deeper issue as to why she couldn't get pregnant, and her doctor has assured them that they have plenty of time to try different avenues, and her age is in NO way a concern!
I dont know if there is a deeper issue for you, but try to stay positive and give it another try because one miscarriage so early on is so common for so many women who have gone on to have perfectly healthy babies! |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I had my pap and physical exam done at 9 weeks but we have every reason to believe it was over before they did all that. All in all, I believe it's just in my best interst to find a new doctor. In no way do I blame this one for what happened but I can't feel comfortable going back for a second try with what has been going on. I get that this happens a lot but he made me feel horrible today |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| If you want a new doctor-get a new doctor.
There is never anything wrong with a fresh start-or a new experience.
You don't and should not have to justify to anyone about getting a new one.
I have found that when I go with my gut-I normally have that feeling for a reason.
I almost wonder if you could talk to a nurse of some kind that could answer these questions that you have?
Or is there something offered through the hospital as a resource for this type of situation?
If you have questions-you deserve answers. It doesn't matter how small or how big the issue is. It is your body. You have a right to know.
Hang in there and I am sending many many prayers to you.
Take each day at a time. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 720
| missroselee - 2013-12-06 1:45 PM So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically? I have always had difficult women issues. Severe cramping and high fevers/illness every time I cycle. Enough to land me in the ER three times as a teenager, and enough to put me on birth control my whole life. And not pills where I get a cycle, the kind of BC where I don't cycle at all. If not on BC I had/have severe issues with low iron, anemia, and hypoglycemia. It would land me right back on BC if I went off for more then 8-10 months. I would go off BC every 2-3 years just to take a break from it.
In 2012 I made a choice to stay off of it and went through holy hell the first four or five months, but then I seemed ok after that. Short periods, 2-3 days tops, and no fever, just a chest cold every time (coughing and feeling "down").
I still haven't decided we want to do this again but we are both leaning to it. I was horrified of the process of being pregnant and missing out with my "life" and horses, but it's only one stinking year. I have the rest of my life to ride and enjoy it, I only have so much time left if we want to give this another try.
Based on the fact that I will turn 34 in April, if we are going to try again, should we do it ASAP or are we hurting anything by waiting a few months? I wanted to wait until Spring/summer...give myself time to really get "over" this.
Yes it is that common! And you will give it another shot whenever you feel up to it. After my miscarriage, we started trying again right away, it didn't happen until almost 2 years later. I watched almost everyone I knew have babies while I just got older and older. People told me (I haven't seen this on here, though), that there was a reason the baby didn't survive, that maybe it wouldn't have been a healthy child anyway.
Being a mother comes with all kinds of pain and sacrifices, even from before the moment of conception. It is worth every single pain and tear. You will be an amazing mom. |
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 Nascar Princess
Posts: 6005
Location: Texas!!! | been there, I gave up on getting preggo after several miscarriages. 4 years after the last one, I bought a 2 seater car. Well God has a sense of humor, not only did I get pregnant and have my son in August 1987. When I went back for my 6 week checkup, I was pregnant again. Son number 2 was born June 1988. Lol. Had my tubes tied then. |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | I lost my third child at 4 months. I didn't have any severe cramping, just some spotting before the whole miscarriage began. The end result from my miscarriage was a complete hysterectomy. I was 26 and it was an emergency hysterectomy from issues resulting from the miscarriage. During that time, I was so overwhelmingly depressed. I lost so much weight and ended up at @85 lbs on a 5'6" frame. I cried constantly. My boys were 4 and 1 and they would crawl up in my bed and cuddle me. I didn't have the strength or will to go on. I'm not sure what exactly caused me to to come out of it (because I am now 51!), but I did. My chances of another child were over, but I did have my 2 beautiful boys.
On the flip side, I work with a girl who is 38. She has had more miscarriages than anyone I know. She has a 10 year old daugther and always wanted more. They decided to quit trying as the heartache of miscarriages were just too much and their ages were a factor. Life took over and she ended up pregnant. She gave birth about a month ago to a beautiful, healthy baby.
Find a doctor you are comfortable with. You will "snap" (for lack of a better word) out of this in your own time. It varies for everyone and no one can put a time frame on grief. I know my grief lasted at least 6 months if not longer. I still go through periods of missing my child. Give your body time to heal and then try again. Don't consume yourself with the "what-ifs," or that will scare you the next time.
I will send some prayers your way.  |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you yet again for all the support.
i spoke with tricare today and as usual, there were flipping awesome to deal with. They let me choose a new doctor which allowed me to get in with the Mercy system here in MO. That's who I take my in laws to and they are a pretty awesome group.
I called led today to schedule an appt for Wednesday morning but because of some moderate pain and heavy bleeding that started again today, they insisted I go to the ER to be safe.
everything seems to be ok (from ER visit). If I am understanding correctly, the HCG levels weren't dropping fast enough at first but now they are hence more bleeding. Ultrasounds looked well enough for no surgery. They gave me copies of the radiographs and all the blood work to take with me Wednesday but gave me an overall good report. And they were all amazingly supportive and helpful.
and thank God for a husband who will move heaven and earth for his wife |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | My mother was 42 when she had my youngest brother. I will be praying for you and your husband. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier. |
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 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
youre' only 34.......yes, not 20's which is much more preferable but certainly not old enough to say you are to old......a lot of women are having kids older than 34....geez |
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Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier. Maybe you need to move to a new state. If only women in their teens and 20s should have babies, our population would go extinct.
That mentality is so ignorant and backward, it makes me want to spit nails.
ETA - When I had to sit through the genetic counseling, the lady told me that the oldest patient who had gotten pregnant naturally with her own egg was 52. You are NOT too old.
Edited by aggiejudger 2013-12-11 10:49 AM
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | You are not too old by any means. If you want a child I would keep trying. Sending prayers to you and your husband.
DONT GIVE UP. |
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 Regular
Posts: 67
| missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM
Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
I am not sure what is going on with the doctors in your area...but that is WRONG!!! My mom had my perfectly healthy sister at 36 and never did an doctor tell her she was to old PERIOD!!!!! I was almost 30 when I had my first and only child and heck most of the women in the waiting room pregnant with me were MUCH Older than I was!!!!
YOU ARE NOT TO OLD!!!!!!
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Ok, here's my Missouri JOKE/Sarcasm post to go with this.
The Missouri Doctors have to realize that not everyone is 14 and married to their cousins, ready to procreate at the drop of a hat!!
In Seriousness,
I can't beleive that doctors are telling you that you are too old. I've got MULITPLE friends here in Iowa who have just gotten pregnant and it's their first. They are 29, 30, 31, 32. Just move a couple hundred miles north! |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
I have to question why they are telling you this. Women miscarry all the time. Women past your age have babies all the time. Our hospital can't even set broken bones, so any medical concerns and specialists are a helicopter ride away, and none of these drs. out here would make that fearful age claim and would all agree one miscarry does not mean anything is wrong. Sounds like you have a whole bunch of apathetic health care providers making mountains out of mole hills.
And the BC, the cramps all that is still not a write-off. I had bad cramps from the get go and took Ponstel all my early years until I was in my late 20's. I'd have hot flashes, cold sweats, I'd lost consciousness in HS a few times due to pain and just fluxuating whatever going on in my body. I was a typical 20-something on BC often for most of that decade and into the next. I was treated for anorexia for 12 years and initially told my low body fat may have implications on future pregnancy efforts. I couldn't get pregnant when I was previously married. In my early 30's and no BC I'd had way out of whack hormone issues and developed a pregnancy mask and then awhile later had surgery for endometriosis and adhesions. Re-married in my late 30's and first tries both times we tried I was pregnant and no issues at all.
Agreed everyone is different, but one miscarry and a bunch of disinterested doctors (because surely they can't be that misinformed on pregnancy ages and trends) don't let that keep you from trying again. 
Edited by Tilt The Kilt 2013-12-11 12:23 PM
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