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  Keeper of the King Snake
Posts: 7616
   
Location: Dubach, LA | http://www.upi.com/blog/2012/12/16/I-am-Adam-Lanzas-Mother-post-goes-viral/9521355692027/
Here it is. I am Adam Lanza's Mother. Read this and then go pass judgement on those parents. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I don't disagree that there are dangerous children and the system is complicated and difficult to say the least. Would they have the option of going to court and legally absolving responsibility of a biological child? Just because it is expensive is not a reason to not take responsibility for your child. I just don't see how because he is adopted this is an option. This is a situation that obviously these parents or maybe any parents can handle and he needs to be in a facility. Yes it is expensive but it can be done.
Edited by rodeomom3 2013-11-17 9:28 AM
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Regular
Posts: 77
Location: Ohio | I live in the county where this occurred and, as several people have mentioned, there is more to the story than was shared in this article. Later information showed that the boy had repeatedly threatened to stab everyone in the family to death in the middle of the night (among other things). The police had been called and he launched into an uncontrollable rage while the police were there. They have repeatedly tried to help him. Hospitalizations, high level psych medications (apparently he has "several" diagnosed mental conditions), psychiatrists, counseling, etc. etc. and finally reached this point out of desparation and fear for themselves and their other children.
I think this is a sad, no win situation for everyone and that it's probably better not to pass judgement before hearing the whole story. While I don't agree with "dumping" children, I also know how difficult it is for family members to get mental health treatment (especially inpatient) for those who need it most. As someone else said, the usual MO is to "treat and street" patients, sending them home just as sick as when they came in and the family with dwindling resources and ability to deal with them. Years ago, this young man would have been placed long term as an inpatient. Now, the mental health system does not allow for that. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | rodeomom3 - 2013-11-17 9:22 AM I don't disagree that there are dangerous children and the system is complicated and difficult to say the least. Would they have the option of going to court and legally absolving responsibility of a biological child? Just because it is expensive is not a reason to not take responsibility for your child. I just don't see how because he is adopted this is an option. This is a situation that obviously these parents or maybe any parents can handle and he needs to be in a facility. Yes it is expensive but it can be done.
I agree......these parents do not want to take the FINANCIAL responsibility of the mental health care for this child....and don't give me that "bull pucky" that there are not institutions to "place" this child.......but the TAX payers should NOT have to take over THEIR responsibility just because they think that they can "return" him to the "Adoption STORE".......and get a refund.... |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | So what did they do stamp return to sender on him, this is a human thats 9 years old they adopted him and made him their child, these are his parents and he only knows them as mommy and daddy and then they got rid of him  this is just so sad. If he needed help you as a parent do anything for your child, even if you have to sell you home, I would try to move Heaven and Earth to help either of my boys and grandbabys.  |
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10D Crack Champion
| NJJ - 2013-11-17 9:42 AM
rodeomom3 - 2013-11-17 9:22 AM I don't disagree that there are dangerous children and the system is complicated and difficult to say the least. Would they have the option of going to court and legally absolving responsibility of a biological child? Just because it is expensive is not a reason to not take responsibility for your child. I just don't see how because he is adopted this is an option. This is a situation that obviously these parents or maybe any parents can handle and he needs to be in a facility. Yes it is expensive but it can be done.
I agree......these parents do not want to take the FINANCIAL responsibility of the mental health care for this child....and don't give me that "bull pucky" that there are not institutions to "place" this child.......but the TAX payers should NOT have to take over THEIR responsibility just because they think that they can "return" him to the "Adoption STORE".......and get a refund....
There are facilities, but not as many as there once was. They will not keep children or adults for extended treatment like they once did as well. As soon as they appear to not be a threat to themselves or others they are released for the cycle to continue. I don't know what it is like to go to bed every night worried I may wake up to find my family dead at the hands of one of my children. I am wondering if they did this to force more advanced treatment for the child knowing he can't be placed anywhere else until he receives extensive treatment. This may have been the only way to get him the long term treatment he needs. I know treatment is available, but I am sure many parents with children with mental illness would argue the system is very flawed. They may very well be terrified of him......the impulsivity of a mentally ill child with no ability to feel and reason would be quite scary. It is sad for all in this situation. |
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10D Crack Champion
| Southtxponygirl - 2013-11-17 9:56 AM So what did they do stamp return to sender on him, this is a human thats 9 years old they adopted him and made him their child, these are his parents and he only knows them as mommy and daddy and then they got rid of him this is just so sad. If he needed help you as a parent do anything for your child, even if you have to sell you home, I would try to move Heaven and Earth to help either of my boys and grandbabys.
Edited by sodapop 2013-11-17 10:39 AM
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | sodapop - 2013-11-17 10:36 AM Southtxponygirl - 2013-11-17 9:56 AM So what did they do stamp return to sender on him, this is a human thats 9 years old they adopted him and made him their child, these are his parents and he only knows them as mommy and daddy and then they got rid of him this is just so sad. If he needed help you as a parent do anything for your child, even if you have to sell you home, I would try to move Heaven and Earth to help either of my boys and grandbabys. I am hoping they did exhaust all possibilities. It would be hard to understand the situation without all the details. If you were sure one of your sons dreamed of and tried killing or hurting you and your other family members, what would you do? It would be hard to be compassionate toward and love someone who does this daily. I know it can be done. I am not sure it is ever truly successful and unfortunately many of these children grow become adults in prison.
Thank God I never had to go threw something like this, but my boys are my boys and I would try to do whatever it took to help them. At least I would have tryed and not give up on them when they were only 9 years old, now if they were in their teens trying to kill me or anyone else in the family, well I guess they won and would be locked up. Yes we dont know both sides of this story, but 9 years old and return him to where he was at 3 months old, I think this is sad. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Southtxponygirl - 2013-11-17 11:44 AM sodapop - 2013-11-17 10:36 AM Southtxponygirl - 2013-11-17 9:56 AM So what did they do stamp return to sender on him, this is a human thats 9 years old they adopted him and made him their child, these are his parents and he only knows them as mommy and daddy and then they got rid of him this is just so sad. If he needed help you as a parent do anything for your child, even if you have to sell you home, I would try to move Heaven and Earth to help either of my boys and grandbabys. I am hoping they did exhaust all possibilities. It would be hard to understand the situation without all the details. If you were sure one of your sons dreamed of and tried killing or hurting you and your other family members, what would you do? It would be hard to be compassionate toward and love someone who does this daily. I know it can be done. I am not sure it is ever truly successful and unfortunately many of these children grow become adults in prison.
sounds like they did try everything.. desperate to keep their other family members safe. maybe this was their way of saying I NEED HELP.. not just a few nights in a mental hospital. we are scared . he will kill us.. instead of being a statistic..shouldnt judge.. media never tells whole story and unless we live there we have no clue . |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | To add. id rather pay for this child in mental place then pay for 3 other siblings that lost their parents or were brutally mutilated.. sorry imho |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Bibliafarm - 2013-11-17 11:13 AM To add. id rather pay for this child in mental place then pay for 3 other siblings that lost their parents or were brutally mutilated.. sorry imho
I don't disagree with this at all and I don't think the parents should be fined or given jail time but I do think they should be held accountable as his parents and contribute financially to his care. If it were my child I would remove him from my home too and then move heaven and earth to find and pay for the right facilty for him. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | rodeomom3 - 2013-11-17 12:18 PM Bibliafarm - 2013-11-17 11:13 AM To add. id rather pay for this child in mental place then pay for 3 other siblings that lost their parents or were brutally mutilated.. sorry imho I don't disagree with this at all and I don't think the parents should be fined or given jail time but I do think they should be held accountable as his parents and contribute financially to his care. If it were my child I would remove him from my home too and then move heaven and earth to find and pay for the right facilty for him.
yes I meant to add. Id not dump him and disown him but id not allow him back in my home. id still track progress and be there to visit etc and help out financially. |
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 Ms. Potato Head
Posts: 9162
Location: BFE, Idaho | There are always two very scary sides to every story. I do not judge I did not walk in their shoes, nor did any of you.
I have personally been involved in two cases one very, very similar to this one with an 11 year old child, due to my job.
You need to really look into what is involved in America for help before judging any of these parents, unless you give up the rights to your child you cannot recieve state help on any type of violent mental disorder and insurance drops you like a hot potato. (Just what I have learned through one of my 'kids')
I am not sure really how many of you would let your other children live in fear of their lives every minute, or even give up everything you own, and have the remaining children live in abject poverty to support a private mental facility.
Once again not my shoes........... |
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 Famous for Not Complaining
Posts: 8848
Location: Broxton, Ga | Idaho - 2013-11-16 12:26 PM There are always two very scary sides to every story. I do not judge I did not walk in their shoes, nor did any of you.
I have personally been involved in two cases one very, very similar to this one with an 11 year old child, due to my job.
You need to really look into what is involved in America for help before judging any of these parents, unless you give up the rights to your child you cannot recieve state help on any type of violent mental disorder and insurance drops you like a hot potato. (Just what I have learned through one of my 'kids')
I am not sure really how many of you would let your other children live in fear of their lives every minute, or even give up everything you own, and have the remaining children live in abject poverty to support a private mental facility.
Once again not my shoes...........
Amen |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Ponygirl67 - 2013-11-17 9:37 AM I live in the county where this occurred and, as several people have mentioned, there is more to the story than was shared in this article. Later information showed that the boy had repeatedly threatened to stab everyone in the family to death in the middle of the night (among other things). The police had been called and he launched into an uncontrollable rage while the police were there. They have repeatedly tried to help him. Hospitalizations, high level psych medications (apparently he has "several" diagnosed mental conditions), psychiatrists, counseling, etc. etc. and finally reached this point out of desparation and fear for themselves and their other children.
I think this is a sad, no win situation for everyone and that it's probably better not to pass judgement before hearing the whole story. While I don't agree with "dumping" children, I also know how difficult it is for family members to get mental health treatment (especially inpatient) for those who need it most. As someone else said, the usual MO is to "treat and street" patients, sending them home just as sick as when they came in and the family with dwindling resources and ability to deal with them. Years ago, this young man would have been placed long term as an inpatient. Now, the mental health system does not allow for that.
Did anyone read this post? |
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 Veteran
Posts: 205
| I'm not a mother but do work with children and believe we shouldn't judge. My first instinct was how could someone do that, but I have seen kids with behavior issues so bad that the parents had to lock their bedroom door at night in fear that the child would kill them. The child was adopted so we just don't no really what happened to him before. Its a sad situation, but if he does have a behavior disorder that is threatening to the other children in the home, I believe that the parents should try to protect their other kids. It is a sad situation but maybe the child needs more help than they could give him. I don't think anyone should judge unless they have been around special needs children and no how difficult it can be, especially if they are trying to hurt other children. Now not saying he has a behavior issue where he needs medical attention but if he does this is my opinion on it. If the parents are just making something up to get rid of him, then shame on them, and I hope they pay for it. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| I have not read everyone's comment but I must add to this . You would be surprised at the number of children that are returned to the adoption agency around the age of 5-9. This is not illegal these parents must have done something that lead the authorities to follow up on them.
My brother and sister in law adopted a child 6 years ago that had been adopted from Russia when he was 14 months old. Four yearly later his parents here in the states decided they did not want two children they had one biological child. They put my nephew back into the system and we got him. I don't know if he needed us more or if we needed him more but we got each other now and he is a gift from God. I could not love him more if he had been born to us. I see him every day at school and I Love him so much. He does have some issues with anger, ADHA, OCD but he loves with his whole body and his dad is ADHA, AND OCD so I am used to all that. One person said how do you tell the brothers and sisters what happen to brother. How do you tell the preacher? I can see Sunday morning, Where is Jack, oh we got tired of him and gave him away.  
Edited by cavlier 2013-11-17 1:57 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1409
| ThreeCorners - 2013-11-17 8:04 AM From the information givin we dont know the whole story. It does sound like the child has some very deep seated issues. Now to what extents the parents went to to get this child the help he needed I do not know, but, there has to be somewhere the parents can turn to for help to keep themselves and their other children safe. Especially in light of the threats made. Obviously this wasnt a light dicision for those parents.
There was just a recient case in Washington State 2 parents who were just sentenced to 35 years in prisen for the death of their adopted daughter by abuse. They appearantly thought they had no where to turn and this death came by way of parenting gone wrong in a big way. Certainly not condoning their parenting choices, but.......It would have been better for ALL involved, the adopted daughter, the other children, and the 2 parents if they could have turned to someone. Back to the adoption agency or something.
Back to this case, how many caes have their been of adoptive families and/or parents being murdered by the adopted children? I know of one adopted child that shot his mother with a shotgun and killed her. They were friends of our family. He had a history of issues.
Edited by TyE 2013-11-18 12:46 AM
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Veteran
Posts: 183
| I have personal experience with a similar situation. My siblings and I are not close, were never close & we live states away, in different directions although keep somewhat in touch occasionally. My brother's oldest mild mannered daughter grew up & married a man who taught her the finer points of living off the system. She and hubby had a son who as a 4 and 5 year old started threatening to kill his parents and little sister...problem at school in 1st & 2nd grade. At 7 he started a fire in their bedroom. They tried unsuccessfully to get him help (I was told). They lived in a very rural area. He never killed them but they feared for their lives many times & many times suffered trauma at his actions. Fast forward to age 21. He is now doing 20 years in the federal pen. These kids are dangerous. Don't know what the answer is but I'm very grateful I didn't raise a child born with hate & rage from pre-school...I believe kids like this have brains wired wrong before birth & don't pass judgment against these folks either but hope the kid gets help. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 501
Location: Oklahoma | Sometimes, it is way to easy to pass judgement on others. As in all cases, I believe that there are two sides and I am guessing that "all" of the history is not there. As parents with other children maybe this is the best way that they could protect them. As parents you have to make tough decisions and do what is in the best interest of all of the children. Honestly, the mental health system combined with the legal system is not an easy one for anyone to navigate. I am hoping that they tried everything, and at the end of the day this is what they believed that they had to do to protect the family. |
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