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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
   
Location: Displaced Iowegian | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 8:55 PM Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work. Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it.
1. He didn't "lose" his job....he quit
2. He won't do counseling
3. He is in college
4. He has already told her once (that she admits to) to NOT come back home
5. Right now he is only a "control freak" ......should she wait until something more serious happens before jumping ship?
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
 
Location: Opelousas, LA | txkrystal - 2014-01-11 5:13 PM Hes in collage.
Since he won't let you work, who is paying the bills? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I just went back and read that he wants you to get rid of your facebook too, as well as not seeing family and friends...he is slowly having you cut off ties with everyone...you have no job and I hate to say it, but he's cornering you and you'll be screwed. No connections with anyone, he wants you to be dependent on him and him only and who knows what he'd do after this continues to progress. Seriously, you really need to get out of there. I agree now with others that there's probably nothing to salvage and this is bigger than a big problem. I probably just picture the worst case scenario but you really don't know what he's capable of once he makes you lose all connections to the outside world. |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | NJJ - 2014-01-11 9:03 PM
HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 8:55 PM Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work. Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it.
1. He didn't "lose" his job....he quit
2. He won't do counseling
3. He is in college
4. He has already told her once (that she admits to) to NOT come back home
5. Right now he is only a "control freak" ......should she wait until something more serious happens before jumping ship?
Got it. I missed the part where he won't do counseling. If he has been given an ultimatum, and he refuses, then I agree....get away. Leave him, and you can begin the divorce process. See what happens, but txcrystal is in control. She doesn't have to be trapped. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-01-11 9:47 PM
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I also thought you were working at a preschool, and had to get a service dog? Are you still working there? If I were you I would go see my family, could your mother come up and take you and your little girl home with her so you can have some time away from your husband to think things over? |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
If this is true, and if there's no income coming in, that, in and of itself has to be at least part of the problem. Money issues are huge contributing factors when it comes to divorce. It's so hard to give real sold advice on threads like this, first because you only hear one side of the story, and also, it's hard to "encapsulate" the whole story in a paragraph or two.
That's why I am usually not quick to jump on the "divorce the bastard" bandwagon. That there is no income has to be playing a big part here. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 11:06 PM Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though.. If this is true, and if there's no income coming in, that, in and of itself has to be at least part of the problem. Money issues are huge contributing factors when it comes to divorce. It's so hard to give real sold advice on threads like this, first because you only hear one side of the story, and also, it's hard to "encapsulate" the whole story in a paragraph or two.
That's why I am usually not quick to jump on the "divorce the bastard" bandwagon. That there is no income has to be playing a big part here.
I think theres lots of holes in stories.. so I wouldnt jump on the D word either, |
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 Bit O Holic
Posts: 6448
Location: hot, humid and dry...Gulf coast East of Houston.. | Txkrystal... whatever you deceide to do, please do what you can to take precautions from getting pregnant. I have seen where you have posted that you want another baby. Now is definetely not the time. Its your business, but getting pregnant right now would not be good. It will make things 10 times worse. Wait and see what if any changes come of your marriage. If you have another child, it will only complicate things, with no income, and 2 kids to feed and clothe. And should you divorce, you will be very young trying to raise 2 children, with no job skills. You will have a real hard time, and struggle financially.
Maybe you should see about leaving temporarily and going to your moms. Let him see for himself what his life would be like without you. That may be what he needs to realize what changes need to be made. You could also use that time to get assistance for you to further your education so that you are never totally dependant on someone else. You wont have to settle because you will have skills and be able to support and provide on your own. That makes a big difference in relationships.... You can be with someone because you want to, not because you have to. Good luck |
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Elite Veteran
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Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM
didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
yes i did work with preschool students got layed off when the PREK 4 sa took all of my students exept 2 . And yes i do have Anxiety and depression. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM
didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in . |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Update : We had a COME TO JESUS MEETING TONIGHT. I got one of my husbands aunt to babysit my daughter and me and my husband had a huge COME TO JESUS meeting and oh boy Jesus was with me tonight Amen! And he is understanding My English now. |
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | MO gal - 2014-01-12 8:35 AM
HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 8:55 PM
Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work.
Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it.
Yes, Doc, you are missing something and thank goodness you are. In the husband/wife dynamic if the husband is becoming that controlling, unless something changes dramatically for the better, it just heads down a very scary and potentially dangerous path. It is very harmful to the wife and to the kids if allowed to continue for long. It is not something that can be taken lightly.
I am glad that the poster has had a discussion with her husband and hopefully has resolved some issues.
Good luck!
I may be wrong but I think he was referring to something in her post. There were a couple of things that he did not see. Or maybe it's just how you wanted to word your reply and I totally did not comprehend what you meant it. I don't believe he was taking her situation lightly just meaing there are a lot of things we don't know and should not jump to conclusions when giving some advice. Hope their talk did resolve some of the issues and everything is on the mend.  |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
Please tell me HOW your husband is able to use another person's GI Bill benefits???? |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Like I said, I guess I missed something with krystal's OP. I just think it is real hard to just tell someone that her husband is some sort of dangerous monster and to waste no time getting a divorce. Some people really look up to others on here and they take advice like that seriously. Yesterday it was looking as if she needs to divorce his ass, and now today there's been a "come to Jesus moment". What a difference a day makes! Marriage is a fragile partnership sometimes. They aren't all built on granite. I think there are some transgressions for which divorce is clearly understandable and justified: physical abuse, infidelity, and addiction. Things like "controlling" and "verbal abuse" are more subjective and hard to define.....so it's real hard to get an idea as to what constitutes the kind of verbal abuse or controlling behavior is going on here no matter how much we are told about the details. It's a matter of degree is what I am trying to say. I think many times, in cases like this, the "controlling" or "verbal abuse" goes both ways.
My understanding is both krystal and her husband are not working. Maybe he is pretty distraught over the ordeal and really feels like he needs her to be around for moral support, if nothing else? Maybe he doesn't think the time is right for her to be making any long drives and spending any extra money on gas right how running off here or there?
I just am not convinced that he is the monster he's made out to be, especially not when it's summed up in one small paragraph, and on that basis alone I would think 10 times before just flat out advising her to divorce her husband. I also happen to consider the source. I recall a thread that was started over his lack of willingness to help out with the household chores. I'm not saying that isn't important, but it's a common problem, especially with younger couples, but I'm not going to get so upset that I bring it over to a public forum and get everyone all bent out of shape over it. Also, I clearly remember how excited Krystal was about a month or so ago when her hubby took her to a jewelry store and bought her a new diamond ring. I bet he wasn't a monster that day.
Most important of all, as far as I'm concerned, is that there is a child involved here. More and more it seems like divorce is an easy way out for a lot of couples, but the kid ends up being the only real casualty who suffers for the rest of his/her life. There is a LOT of evidence out there that suggests kids do worse after divorce than the ones where there is a dysfuntional marriage.....even ones where there is a lot of control, and "verbal abuse". That's why I wasn't jumping on the bandwagon. Had there not been a kid in this equation, I wouldn't have said anything. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| I didn't realize this other information about anxiety/depression, being laid off, your husband not working because he's going to school...it would've been a little more helpful to know that because I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was dangerous as well :/ But I'm glad you all are starting to work things out, prayers for you all. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:55 AM Update : We had a COME TO JESUS MEETING TONIGHT. I got one of my husbands aunt to babysit my daughter and me and my husband had a huge COME TO JESUS meeting and oh boy Jesus was with me tonight Amen! And he is understanding My English now.
Is your husband needing a job, the oilfeild is hiring like crazy around here. And its good pay. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Scott was correct.. all the posters jumping to Get a divorce....and assuming hes dangerous is nuts.. you all dont live there nor know all the facts.. I dont even know if there are facts.. really.. I wouldnt judge the man off someones posts.. marriage is a big ordeal and for some random posters stating get out and dont evn know what is going on is absurd to me.. go to your families.. and let them help her do something..advice is great but dont be so quick to judge a man especially knowing prevoius threads. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
I would like to know to.. |
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 Expert of all Expert...
Location: Arizona | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-12 8:51 AM NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
Situationally dependent-post 9/11 GI bill benefits can be shared with family members. The criteria may continue to change as benefits remain a pawn in budget negotiations.
Edited by roan critter 2014-01-12 11:47 AM
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