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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
   
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | The kindest thing you can do for a child is to be the tough mean mom when they need it. Tantrums do not deserve soothing words or back rubs. That's like feeding a treat to a horse that just bit you. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| Tilt The Kilt - 2014-01-21 8:41 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 8:31 AM star1218 - 2014-01-21 8:15 AM my sister in law speaks "politely" to her daughter too.. She is 4 and I swear she is the spawn of the devil. No respect toward her parents and complete and total disregard for what anyone else (like her grandma) might ask her to do. Stop ASKING and start TELLING. Discipline if she doesn't listen. you are the boss and she is headed down a very naughty road!! I am not opposed to butt spanking either. She sounds like a nightmare.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I mean my "niece" will straight up sit down and pee on the floor. She is just a total and complete brat. This is exactly what my daughter does......she peed on the bathroom floor 3 times yesterday when I was getting her bath ready.
agree can't compare with a potty trained kid and one that isnt. I was simply trying to make a point that things will get worse if you don't correct them now. there is nothing wrong with my niece other than the fact that she doesnt get disciplined and throws fits and just simply doesnt care ifyou ask her to do something. The going potty on the floor was once at Thanksgiving. not a chronic problem. | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | no advice from me (I have no kids), but hang in there mom! | |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | barrelracr131 - 2014-01-21 9:20 AM no advice from me (I have no kids), but hang in there mom!
Well, I don't have any kids either lol......probably for the best..... | |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| I don't have kids, but I do work with them on a daily basis.
Consistency in classroom managment and confidence in your decisions are key-otherwise they are on you like a hound dog on a scent trail.
Since I don't have kids...take this part of my advice for what it is worth...
I understand you may not want to spank or hit or whatever, if that is the case....consider time out-and IGNORE her the entire time, even if she screams bloody murder, and don't be afraid to put her in time out in public either. If she does something bad-she needs to be punished right away regardless of location.
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 Coyote Country Queen
Posts: 5666
| Be firm in whatever you decide to do. I've got a 5 year old and a 3 year old, and what I've learned is that what works today might not work tomorrow. But whatever we do, we are firm and stand our ground. That's not to say that sometimes we fail, but we are quickly reminded because our children seem to take that lapse and run with it!
The hardest thing is that sometimes you are punishing yourself. Sometimes you've got to take one for the team! And usually it doesn't take more than a couple of times for them to realize you mean business. If my children are being naughty somewhere in public, I will give them a warning. I really like to do the 3 strikes and you're out. I think it's understandable for a child to make a mistake, but if they are asked to stop and they don't then they will get the promised punishment. And if it's really bad behavior they don't get 3 strikes, they get 1 warning. There have been times when we've walked away from family get-togethers, dinners at restaurants, and shopping. It stinks for you as the parent to miss out on those things, but hopefully your child will learn really quick that if they misbehave you are leaving.
Figure out a time-out situation that works for your child's personality. My children hate being put in their room (they don't regularly play in there, they are usually in the living room). So if they throw a tantrum, I pick them up, put them in their room, and tell them they can't come out until they are ready to behave like a big kid. When they are acting out like this it is because they are wanting attention. And when you give them attention you are reinforcing the bad behavior. Don't acknowledge it.
At that age, I remember we were having troubles with our oldest hitting. What worked the best at that age was to look him in the eye and tell him not to hit. Man, he hated being looked in the eye, that really got to him. And like was already mentioned, don't ask - TELL. If you ask, you are giving them the option, don't give them an option. Either they do what they are told, or there is a punishment.
Good luck! Parenting is the most rewarding and hardest job you'll ever have! | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Tilt The Kilt - 2014-01-21 8:41 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 8:31 AM star1218 - 2014-01-21 8:15 AM my sister in law speaks "politely" to her daughter too.. She is 4 and I swear she is the spawn of the devil. No respect toward her parents and complete and total disregard for what anyone else (like her grandma) might ask her to do. Stop ASKING and start TELLING. Discipline if she doesn't listen. you are the boss and she is headed down a very naughty road!! I am not opposed to butt spanking either. She sounds like a nightmare.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I mean my "niece" will straight up sit down and pee on the floor. She is just a total and complete brat. This is exactly what my daughter does......she peed on the bathroom floor 3 times yesterday when I was getting her bath ready.
her dad helps out alot, but when I get upset or frustrated by the things she does, he always tells me to "lighten up she is a baby, she doesn't know any better." His mom spoils her, and he doesn't really watch her. He will pick her up from daycare once every two weeks, and watch her until I get off...but that is about it.
It's hard, I don't know what to do...I hate having to do this alone
Edited by hoofs_in_motion 2014-01-21 9:35 AM
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | I learned not to react to fit throwing. I left them on the floor rolling around and went about my business. They learned it didn't get them anywhere. That was my baby reaction. As they got older, the discipline grew to match the "crime". | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I have 4 a year apart and learned quick to follow through- no empty threats, if I said it I meant it. What did you do at the birthday party when she screamed and hit you? If that were one of mine I would have picked her up and gone home telling her she had to stay home till she can behave- no discusssion- just a statement. You do not discuss or ask- you state that is not acceptable and if you do it again this will happen and do it and do not feel bad. We would take our 4 litle ones to eat, tell them what we expected of their behavior and the consequences. There were 2 times one of us sat in the car with the rowdy one while the others enjoyed a special dinner, after that, never had a problem. Kids will have power struggles with you and they need the comfort and security that comes from a parent who is in charge and knows how to control them. Getting tough may make it worse before it gets better but it will get better. She has had a long time to deveope this attitude so it wil take time to undo. Love without discipline is not good. I was taking my 4 to an expensive theme park and they were continually picking and fighting on the way. They had a couple of warnings to stop or we were going home, I was not spending that kind of money for them to act like that. Third time and I turned the car around and went home- they didn't say a word and every outing after that was a pleasure.
I also thought it was easier with my brood of 4. They fought with each other and not me. When out running errands if a couple were getting a little wild I would say something to the nice quiet ones of how proud I was of them and couldn't wait to tell Daddy. That usually brought the others around. Be sure to recognize the good behavior.
I had one daughter who really liked to try me and I continually told myself that her strong personality was a good thing and would benefit her when she was older- ain't nobody going to mess with her :).
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! | |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Is there a church you attend? Scan the congregation for well behaved kids. See who theirs parents , grandparents are. Attach yourself to these people and let them mentor you. | |
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 Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!!
I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You have gotton tons of good advice on here, so none from me... Just wanted to send you a hug, you need many  being a parent is hard and you need some me time, find a church that has daycare so you can have some me time. Are you a single mom? | |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | LMS - 2014-01-21 9:54 AM angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home.
I've actually done that, sorry. When I'm an hour from home buying groceries, I am not going to let my screaming baby send me home without food. Once they're old enough to know better, that's different. People just had to put up with us and yep, I got some dirty looks, but I had other people cheer me on. Neither one of mine tried that very many times because they got nothing out of it. Not positive attention or negative. Ignoring works really well at that age. | |
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Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | Three 4 Luck - 2014-01-21 10:01 AM LMS - 2014-01-21 9:54 AM angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home.
You make a very valid point, I should add, do not let them scream for hours in public. Sorry, was just thinking of the one that seemed to follow me around walmart the last time I was there, kid was screaming when I walked in, while I shopped and as I walked out, 45 minutes later  A little fit every now and then is fine, but this kid was on fire. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Three 4 Luck - 2014-01-21 10:01 AM LMS - 2014-01-21 9:54 AM angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home.
All of us that had little ones {mine are grown now think goodness,lol} know how the moms feel when they have a screaming baby, I always feel for the mom. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | All very good advice. You are not going to always be her friend, but her parent. My daughter is 19 months old and she learned early on what time out was. Lately, I just ask if she wants time out and she will stop the tantrum. When she hits or kicks I usually flick her in the head to show her how it feels. Time out works well for her right now, but only for a couple of minutes. Their attention span is too short to sit for long. When in public, I am not opposed to going to the bathroom or to the car when needed to have "a talk." Hang in there and don't worry about hurting her feelings, she will be over it in 2 seconds. You can be stern when you need to.
This was a good article I read yesterday: http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2014/01/16/7-crippling-par... | |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | This is the age that mine started getting 'banished'. I tried spanking a few times but with the oldest one the spanking reaction was worse and lasted longer than the tantrum. I found it much more productive to remove her from the scene and not let her return until she was in a 'happy face'. Within a couple months, she would still occassionally start to have a tantrum but I could just point and she'd go to another room or she'd scale it back down. I told her she could cry and scream all she wanted but not with me, go somewhere else. It kind of took all the fun out of the fit.
As far as in public, please, please don't just keep on with your shopping. Not only for the other people's sake, but for hers too. She needs a change of scenery. Find a restroom, or go to the parking lot, and let her wind down away from the crowd.
Hitting you - stop that little hand before it touches you. Grab both arms and bring them together like praying. Go ahead and say a prayer or two since you're in position anyway. Hold them as long as she's still swinging. Turn her around and set her a foot away from you. Be faster than her now while you still can. I send you lots of hugs and prayers. I had a demon child for a while and the dad was no help either. I finally had to change to a nearly zero tolerance stance and let her be responsible for her own mood. It was brutal for a while but not any uglier than the tantrum phase. Stay Strong!
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 Don't Need Sugar Coating
Posts: 1183
Location: AR & OK | I think you would benefit by watching these videos.
How to implement a routine and use the naugthy step.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DONNgEBAlSE
How to deal with tantrums .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0DUiAwATgg | |
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Don't Need Sugar Coating
Posts: 1183
Location: AR & OK | Limit her time with people who spoil her.
After you have gotten her respect and she obeys you then you can slowly allow others into her life.
Do not back down if anyone disagrees with you.
Ask your husband to back you up but do not rely on him.
He is going to be watching to see if you get her under control.
The reason I say that because he sounds like a good father but takes the easy way out.
So your example before him will help get him on board.
Never get angry... Remember you are the parent and giggle inside a bit because she does not get to parent you.
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