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| runs4fun - 2014-04-23 2:52 PM You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems.
Yeah.....he cheated on her twice! Her not trusting him isn't the problem, the problem is that he cheated on her, doesn't respect her feelings, and she is not strong enough to leave him yet. To the OP.... You'll finally get enough one day and realize that you deserve more than what your getting. Until then, unfortunatly, this drama will be something you will be dealing with. Goodluck |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-04-23 3:08 PM
runs4fun - 2014-04-23 2:52 PM You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems.
Yeah.....he cheated on her twice! Her not trusting him isn't the problem, the problem is that he cheated on her, doesn't respect her feelings, and she is not strong enough to leave him yet. To the OP.... You'll finally get enough one day and realize that you deserve more than what your getting. Until then, unfortunatly, this drama will be something you will be dealing with. Goodluck
You pretty much explained exactly how I feel, and I know one day if these things continue, the off switch will finally be there and I will close the door and move on from a 12 year old marriage
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  Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | First of all, because he cheated, he owes you COMPLETE COMPLIANCE to whatever you need in any situation to make you feel secure....and for whatever length of time you need that to get your trust back...
That being said, it's obvious you still don't trust him, and he doesn't "get it" that he better grovel and pay the piper and do whatever it takes to be appreciative that you took him back and to earn your trust again....
You deserve to be in a marriage or relationship with complete trust in any situation and to be treated with respect...HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS, and just that would lead me to believe you have every reason to think he would cheat again.....
You took him back, you say you love him...well, this is the price you pay to have him....is there any guy out there really worth putting up with being called a biatch??...are you kidding me?.....you are teaching him how to treat you...it never ceases to amaze me how couples can call each other gutter names and still live in the same house....
Your problem is not the kids or their mother....it's your marriage dynamic....personally, I'd tell him to get packing and come back when he grows up (if you are still available by then)....do you really need this drama and such an immature man (for lack of a better term)?
I know it's hard, but step back and ask yourself if this is what you want in 5-10-20 years?...don't waste your life...there are good guys out there who won't put you through this....I'd rather be by myself than allow someone to treat me like this.
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 Cheers!
Posts: 1127
Location: Its on the House | Its beyond my comprehension how anyone could stay in a relationship without "trust" Trust is a major part of a marrage along with respect and compassion. Shame on him for not understanding your fears. This my dear is where the problem lays. Good luck |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-23 2:45 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-04-23 2:30 PM OMG you're husband is a jerk for acting this way to you, this is your home and you have the right to feel the way you are feeling, you are NOT a bi**h, but he is a JERK. Ugggg I hate this, I feel that you feel like he will cheat on you again, pack his bags.  Yes I am guilty of thinking he may cheat again, but I put myself in this situation and I know if he wants to nothing I do is going to stop it ,just don't like the idea of being at work and this going on at my house I asked him to put himself in this situation and how he would feel
I would think you and you yourself that you deserve being treated much better then this. Hes really disrepecting you and these kids should not be allowed on your place without you are husband being there, and these kids should respect that, but sounds like they dont care either way. And your husband is not trust worthy at all it seems, and I agree with Whiteboy, I think I would be watching out for the 18 year old girl. Hugs cause I think you need all you can get |
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Veteran
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| Sudden interest in an 18 year old girl and some brother - may not sound like such the selfless fatherly act to me. I have no idea how old the husband is or anything else about the situation - its not the mother I would be worried about (at least not only) - its the 18 year old girl that may have his interest.
Wouldn't be the first time an older man has fancied a young girl.
Again no idea, don't know the poster or her situation or the hubby. I'm still fairly new to the board. Guy sounds like a jerk tho. |
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 Tough Patooty
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Location: Sperry, OK | Cindy Hamilton - 2014-04-23 3:23 PM First of all, because he cheated, he owes you COMPLETE COMPLIANCE to whatever you need in any situation to make you feel secure....and for whatever length of time you need that to get your trust back...
That being said, it's obvious you still don't trust him, and he doesn't "get it" that he better grovel and pay the piper and do whatever it takes to be appreciative that you took him back and to earn your trust again....
You deserve to be in a marriage or relationship with complete trust in any situation and to be treated with respect...HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS, and just that would lead me to believe you have every reason to think he would cheat again.....
You took him back, you say you love him...well, this is the price you pay to have him....is there any guy out there really worth putting up with being called a biatch??...are you kidding me?.....you are teaching him how to treat you...it never ceases to amaze me how couples can call each other gutter names and still live in the same house....
Your problem is not the kids or their mother....it's your marriage dynamic....personally, I'd tell him to get packing and come back when he grows up (if you are still available by then)....do you really need this drama and such an immature man (for lack of a better term)?
I know it's hard, but step back and ask yourself if this is what you want in 5-10-20 years?...don't waste your life...there are good guys out there who won't put you through this....I'd rather be by myself than allow someone to treat me like this.
And this what what we call a "nutshell". |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| CowgirlLindz - 2014-04-23 3:30 PM Sudden interest in an 18 year old girl and some brother - may not sound like such the selfless fatherly act to me. I have no idea how old the husband is or anything else about the situation - its not the mother I would be worried about (at least not only) - its the 18 year old girl that may have his interest. Wouldn't be the first time an older man has fancied a young girl. Again no idea, don't know the poster or her situation or the hubby. I'm still fairly new to the board. Guy sounds like a jerk tho.
Honestly, that is where I thought this thread was going when I read the first line....
I don't have any other advice really, but the first time my husband called me a ***** I would have smacked him with a frying pan. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Why does he have a sudden interest in the two grown kids? And calling you a B becuase you don't want teenagers running around your property is just WRONG period. Sounds like you need you keep and eye on hubby again because unless he is the "youth leader" for your local church he is up to something again!!!! I would do some investigating, have a family member help you, because taking in a family like this just to be nice to them is crap! Don't nag him about it, just dig for facts and if he is cheating again dump him! You are worth more than that! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | MissouriJen - 2014-04-23 3:40 PM CowgirlLindz - 2014-04-23 3:30 PM Sudden interest in an 18 year old girl and some brother - may not sound like such the selfless fatherly act to me. I have no idea how old the husband is or anything else about the situation - its not the mother I would be worried about (at least not only) - its the 18 year old girl that may have his interest. Wouldn't be the first time an older man has fancied a young girl. Again no idea, don't know the poster or her situation or the hubby. I'm still fairly new to the board. Guy sounds like a jerk tho. Honestly, that is where I thought this thread was going when I read the first line....
I don't have any other advice really, but the first time my husband called me a ***** I would have smacked him with a frying pan.
Remind me to stay on your good side!!!! |
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Location: Florida | Sorry that you are going through this... It sucks when someone you love so much breaks your heart in such a cruel way.
Like others have said, a marriage is built on trust and if youve been burned so many times it is going to take A LOT to build that trust back up.... if your husband, being the cheater that he is, gave a **** about your marriage he would do whatever he could to earn back your trust.... it is not that you are saying that the kids cant come rope it is just that you prefer if they came when you were home as well... given your prior situation and the sleeze ball's track record that is not an unreasonable request. Men can be so one minded and not truly see the issue at hand, so I would try to approach your concern to him in a way that makes him understand it a lil better (maybe a mutual friend, male friend if available)... If still no cigar, then I would say peace out and move on. Life is too short to try for a guy that wont try for you and miss out on a life with a good man that will treat you right and NOT cheat on you... |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
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Location: Texas | The fact that he called you that multiple times tells me that more than roping lessons are going on...  |
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Posts: 1273
Location: South Dakota | I think your gut feelings are probably right. Plus why are they all at home "playing" while you are working. He needs to respect and honor you. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Why are you still with him? You can't say you love him if you have so much problem with trusting him, he can't love you if he cheated on you a couple times (that you know of) and also calls you a B. This is one of those times in your life you need to pull on your big girl panties and walk away. Start fresh and be happy. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | The kids are home schooled and husband is self employed, that is another thing I brought up, I got off at 4 why couldn't this be done when I got ho |
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 Expert
Posts: 3004
Location: nearby | Fact - you do not trust him
Fact - he's cheated on you twice
I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Sounds like you're in a terrible situation. Big hugs!! Just do what your gut tells you. My folks hammered out a silent, cold marriage while I was growing up. Tons of fun to be in that environment. I truly wish they'd just split the blanket early, because I promise you I knew things were wrong by the time I was 10. They could have both been happy. They blew it.
Don't give up on happiness with someone who is worthy. Your current man doesn't sound like he's worth a darn in your life, besides as an anchor dragging you into the deep. We are all individuals to be respected and loved, and deserve someone who respects and loves us. Even your husband deserves to be in a relationship that he can respect and cherish. You deserve that relationship, too. Your kids deserve that relationship from each of you. So what if it's with different people?
Whatever you decide, just don't give up and tell yourself you're not worth being happy, because you are! |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| kickincans - 2014-04-23 3:22 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-04-23 3:08 PM
runs4fun - 2014-04-23 2:52 PM You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems.
Yeah.....he cheated on her twice! Her not trusting him isn't the problem, the problem is that he cheated on her, doesn't respect her feelings, and she is not strong enough to leave him yet. To the OP.... You'll finally get enough one day and realize that you deserve more than what your getting. Until then, unfortunatly, this drama will be something you will be dealing with. Goodluck
You pretty much explained exactly how I feel, and I know one day if these things continue, the off switch will finally be there and I will close the door and move on from a 12 year old marriage
how many years of marriage was actually good, before the cheating? That's how many years you'll be moving on from.. You can't make someone change and you can't be the only one that wants this marriage to work.
Edited by FlyingJT 2014-04-23 4:32 PM
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 Elite Veteran
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Location: Do I hear Banjos? | kickincans - 2014-04-23 4:06 PM The kids are home schooled and husband is self employed, that is another thing I brought up, I got off at 4 why couldn't this be done when I got home
Because from what you have told us...YOUR feelings are not his top priority. Or even his second or third.
I feel for you. I have had those pit of your stomach...sick feelings just worrying and feeling helpless. I've been there. But you need to realize that as someone else has stated... "we teach people how to treat us"....and like it or not....he has learned that you will stay. All he has to do is appear to be sad or say he will not do it again...say he doesn't know what he was thinking...blah blah blah...but talk is easy. And now...time has passed and he feels he can go back to doing as he pleases and putting his needs/wants first. Well...if you aren't first on his list of wants and needs...guess what.
If nothing was going on...either with these folks or others...he should respect your concerns and show that by his actions. Calling you names tells me he is immature and selfish. Don't put up with it. Don't yell and fuss...just quietly put your affairs in order so you can move on. I'm sorry...you can't change him. And if sticking by him after all he has done hasn't earned his compassion and true appreciation...well...he doesn't deserve you.
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Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | kickincans - 2014-04-23 4:06 PM The kids are home schooled and husband is self employed, that is another thing I brought up, I got off at 4 why couldn't this be done when I got ho
Because he doesn't want you there. |
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