Ridenrun4745 - 2014-07-13 9:59 AM I’ve been where you are on almost all accounts, where I’ve tried to get my husband’s word or asked about the future, then been disappointed/felt resentment/hurt/etc when things weren’t as he said, for whatever reason. Over time though I’ve found that I can’t get upset with my spouse for my reactions, as much as I want to and as much as it may be ‘justified’ per the situation. I know this isn’t a ‘popular’ view and it’s certainly not easy to carry out, but it is what it is. I’m also learning to ask the questions, but not ask for my husband’s word, because as much as I want to be able to stick him with it, it’s not fair. He can’t control the future as much as I can’t. We just have to roll with it. What I am responsible for is my attitude and what I give to the relationship. And honestly, in my relationship, my husband often listens more if I ‘fall on my sword’, so to speak. So…if my spouse has been grumpy/stressed/etc I might ask - genuinely, even though I might not feel that way, “Honey, it seems that you have been stressed lately. Is there anything I can do to help?” or “Honey, I hate to see you so upset and unhappy, is there anything you need?” If I still get a closed door, I give it some time and then return to it. It's not easy for time to go by in a stressful situation, but sometimes it needs to diffuse a little Also, a lot of times when I’m feeling anger or resentment, I realize that it’s because I’m sad or hurt about the situation. I think it’s better to label it what it is, because anger and resentment isn’t good for communication, but sometimes sadness and hurt allow for vulnerability that opens up communication. "I realized that I'm not so much angry about you working more, I'm more sad that we aren't able to spend as much time together. Can we plan a date night/do xyz sometime soon?" For what it’s worth, more ‘time’ isn’t time well spent unless the person spends it wisely. Hopefully, even though it’s less time at home, you guys can still spend quality time together. :)

HotbearLVR - 2014-07-12 10:59 PM

OK, from a man's perspective, I'm just going to go ahead and be blunt here.
First of all, I'd love to hear his side of the story. This, to me, sounds like a hard working man simply trying to get ahead. If what you are saying is accurate, he's been working his ass off, and maybe he is having trouble adjusting to the new position and new responsibilities. The guy took a chance and is trying to advance......if he ends up being successful, you just might wind up as a beneficiary of his hard work, and maybe, just maybe you will wind up realizing that one of these days. I'll tell you one thing....you could do a heck of a lot worse. Sure, talk it over, but I would try hard to suck it up and roll with it as best you can. Chances are, if his position is as bad as it seems now, he will take it upon himself to make a change. I'm curious....are you working outside the home as well?

kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PMmaybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more...My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats.I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31.Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something.

kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something.

NJJ - 2014-07-13 1:38 PM WHY? Do you put up with this behavior?  

Fun2Run - 2014-07-13 1:50 PM I hope this guy is rich, because that would be his only redeeming quality.  

sodapop - 2014-07-13 2:00 PM  Change the locks while he is gone, report him for driving under the influence and disturbing the peace. I can't believe on Sunday morning neighbors appreciate him blaring music up and down the roads. I hate it when people play loud music like that because it can be heard inside any home they pass. Even playing loud music in your own home or yard can disturb neighbors. That bump, bump sound of the music is so annoying and people playing their music don't realize how easily it is heard. Like living near a nightclub. Hope he doesn't hurt someone while driving drunk. You could call and report him anonymously. Maybe even get someone else to do it or use a public phone. You don't have to let him know it was you reporting if you don't want it known. It might end up being the best thing to ever happen to him.

Ctrygirl14 - 2014-07-12 11:18 PM This sounds exactly like mine and my husband's situation except in my case, I am the one who took the promotion. I work 20-30 more hours a week than my husband. I work 6 days a week and I'm on call. I did this to help my husband and I get ahead. I'm exhausted physically and emtionally. I get home and I barely have energy to get to the barn. My husband is stressed because I let the laundry go a few days longer and let the dirty dishes sit longer but thinking in the long run, this will be best for us. Things are tough now but I did this to gain more in the future. Give him a break. After I explained all this to my husband he somewhat got it. Its an adjustment and takes time. Good luck.

kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something.