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Regular
Posts: 78
| When you realize you are a better person and happier without him than with him. When he takes more from your life than he adds to it. When there is no respect. When he is out of town and you get physically ill the day he is to return.... |
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  Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
 
| The final straw was when, I was working Friday, Saturday, and Sunday 12 hours, and I had to hire a babysitter!
I decided if I was to raise my boys alone I certainly didn't need to pay his debts.
What happened before the paying daycare
I bought hay from a friend I worked with and told her I'd pay her on Friday when I got paid as we had no money, He went into the house and brought out cash to pay her. (how is it he had cash?)
He told me he needed money to pay back his friend. I gave him $250 cash. Then the next Friday he tells me he needs $250 to pay back the same friend. (The second time I took the money to that friend and told him If you ever loan my husband another dime "I AM NOT GIVING HIM MY OVERTIME MONEY TO PAY YOU BACK.")
That is just a short list of the last 6 months of our marriage. |
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 High Class Broad
 
| My marriage changed drastically after we said the "I do's". Once we were married, I felt like I never measured up to his expectations. He demanded changes from me... I needed to drop my friends for his (some of which I didn't think were very loyal), I needed to change jobs (even though I had that job before we got married and it wasn't a problem), but no changes were necessary on his part, according to him. When I was home between jobs (I do contract work so it had its down time), I was alone a lot. In his defense, he had a very demanding job that kept him going from sun up to way past sun down. And as much as I tried to help so he could be home more and as much as I tried to get him to be better at time management, I was still alone. And I didn't want to raise a family with an absantee parent.
Before we were married, we had a partnership. We rode together, grew our (his) cattle herd together, had fun with one another. Afterwards, I felt like I did so much of it on my own...and that loneliness put a huge gap between us that neither of us put out the effort to fill. We became strangers in our home. When we were together, we didn't talk or touch. We were roommates. And when I decided to leave, he never asked me to stay. |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| This is a sad thread. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| Whiteboy - 2014-09-10 9:08 AM
This is a sad thread.
The truth is not always happy.
OP - We were engaged and had been living together for a year while I was working on my MS, didn't make it to the alter - my ending point - the gynecologist told me I had an STD. I KNEW I was faithful. He lied. The end. Two days later, my BFF packed my stuff, horses, dogs into a trailer and I moved. I haven't looked back and God has blessed my life with a career, horses, and a wonderful, honest, God fearing fiance that I love very dearly.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1028
| My ex became very controlling and jealous right after we got married. He was an auditor so traveled a lot, but if I ever went out with my friends (even when he was out of town), and he found out, it was a fight. Punching holes in the drywall, keeping his own room in our house that he kept locked (that I wasn't allowed to be in), accusations that I was sleeping with all of his friends when he was gone, the whole nine yards. The best story I have though is, one weekend, he had a cold and had been griping about it for several days, although I tried to help him, he refused anything I tried to do. Sunday morning, I heard some chatter in the living room (he had slept in the living room), I get out of bed to find HIS MOTHER kneeling beside the couch, taking care of her "baby boy," doing all of the things I'd tried to do to help him get better. Eventually, his best friend outted him and told me he'd been cheating on me for several months (all of those 'out of town' trips). I didn't confront him, just waited until the next time he was "out of town" and a girlfriend of mine and I packed up all of my things, and I moved out. Oh and I cancelled all of the bills to the house that had my name on them. I don't know what he was more surprised at when he got back, having no electricity, no furniture or being served with divorce papers. |
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| Call me old fashion but I think people give up to fast these days. When the going gets tuff they find it easier to walk away. There is a reason why you married that person.
With that being said I know not every marriage can be saved or should be. Abuse and cheating would be HUGE deal breaker to me.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| A marriage is over when you stop fighting for it. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| Before I met and married my husband, I was in a serious relationship for 6 years. He had given me a ring. The fighting and arguing had gotten pretty regular, he was a little over bearing and I felt smothered. I could not bring myself to be intimate with him because I did not feel intimacy twards him. I hung in there because we had been together so long and he was what I considered a good guy. After a fight, to let things cool down I went to my best friends house to stay the night. That led to a few days apart and I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. I did not miss the relationship an ounce.. Thats when I knew the right thing to do for both of us was end it. I could not marry someone I no longer had the desire to be with
Mind you, I take marriage VERY seriously. I think that two people who said those vows and ment them should exaust every option before throwing in the towel.
So thankful for my husband and the relationship we share.
Edited by scwebster 2014-09-10 11:06 AM
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I just wanted to say, all of these stories make me feel so extremely blessed for the relationship/marriage I have with my husband. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 407
| I knew my marriage was over when my husband passed away. He was my best friend. Would never have considered a divorce. We always worked things out and were better for it. Married 25yrs |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | For me, I knew 2 weeks after I married him that I had made the biggest mistake but I said for better or for worse....it got worse and worse, he lied, cheated, and yes I had the baby sitter thing too while I worked and cared for everything and that was the best part of the marriage. I was his wife and mother to his children but identity wise I was nobody.....I was embarassed when strangers asked me who my husband was.....the marriage was physically and emotionally abusive and my final wake up call was when I realized that I did not want my kids to grow up thinking it was okay to be treated this way or to treat someone this way......
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| When he got mad because she spent their last $35 on insulin and he wanted to go to a roping. She was a juvenile diabetic. |
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Chi Chi Mama
Posts: 11212
Location: Spokompton, Wa | I knew mine was over when I came home from work and there was a note on the bed. All because we had a fight the night before and I did not want him driving after he had been drinking all day. Alcohol was always the problem. More arguments and fights about drinking that I can count. And it did end up being more important than our marriage I guess. Oh well. Good riddance! (sp?) Best thing he ever did for me.
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 Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | It was over when I realized he was a Narcissist, and couldn't give a dang about me. He would do things he could show people how awesome he was, but in private it was a lot of passive aggressive bs. I was accused constantly of cheating on him, but I never even considered it.
He was an insurance adjuster, and he asked me to ride with him to the bay area to do a job. It was a two hour drive, and all I kept thinking was I have to get the F... out of this truck. I had the window down and leaned up against the door as far as I could. I couldn't stand to be in the same space with him.
The next day he threw my son up against the wall so hard all the windows in the house shook. I was outside when it happened. I walked in to see my son curled up on the floor screaming at him, "you don't treat your children that way". I was furious. The first thing my ex said was... he started it. I swear to you all, I could have picked him up and thrown him out the window. He knew it too. I told him to go sit in the other room, checked on my son. then went to talk to the "adult" that just kept saying over and over... he started it. WTF is that? I prayed for 3 days. I got my answer.
Someone said that folks give up too easy. When a relationship insults your soul... it is time to go. I put in 21 years ... 16 too many.
I was 54? I think. I won't get married again.. what is the point. I am in a lovely relationship now. Very happy. :) |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Whiteboy - 2014-09-10 9:08 AM This is a sad thread.
I second that  |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| I'm not divorced, nor do I want to be, nor do I think my hubby wants to leave, but I will say this.
I think LOTS of people give up because the euphoric feeling of being "in love" leaves them. You have to work at it. I'm not saying that people should have butterflies and giddyness their entire relationship, because the feeling of love changes. It becomes comfortable, like a good sweatshirt. But sometimes that comfortable becomes too comfy, so you stop doing the little things and that's when the fire dies. When you ignore each other, of course the feelings die and then the resentment starts because you forgot what it feels like to work together, you feel like you are doing it all. You begin to hate having to ask, but you hate doing chores yourself too. Then you get too mad to even think about the bedroom. He's mad because you dried up. Downward sprial commences.
(I took Marriage 101 (seriously) psychology course in college. BEST class I think I ever had because SO much of it made sense! |
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Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | Following are the signs to look for before you get too caught up in a narcissist’s serving of egocentricity:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Checklist:
___ They talk about themself and monopolizes the conversation.
___ They never asks about me, or never listens when they do.
___ They exaggerates achievements or talents; acts boastful or conceited.
___ They expects constant praise or adoration.
___ They disregard or diminishes my feelings.
___ They are demanding of me but isn’t there for me.
___ They always puts tthemself first.
___ They has a sense of entitlement and becomes angry if not treated specially.
___ They easily hurt and easily feels rejected; and can’t handle criticism.
___ They have a fragile self-esteem but high self-confidence.
___ They think others are jealous of them.
___ They envies others who are successful, attractive, or stylish.
___They take advantage of others for his own gain.
___ They wants to have the best of everything and is materialistic.
If you can check off five or more statements above, you are dating a narcissistic personality.
They are very charming at first. They like suck you in. You can't stay married to someone like that... they will destroy you. |
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| snoopyjoe - 2014-09-10 11:37 AM
I knew my marriage was over when my husband passed away. He was my best friend. Would never have considered a divorce. We always worked things out and were better for it. Married 25yrs
Very sorry to read this. So very sad . |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I knew my marriage was over when he told me to move out of HIS home and take our two kids (who at the time were 2 and 3 months old) and to take all that "western horse crap" too. Oh and when his new woman started threatening me to leave "her" man alone...  |
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