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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
   
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | Thanks everyone! I think the best thing to do would be for her and her dad to meet alone first and maybe later that night or the next day we could all get together. I personally think it would be a little awkward for me to be there when they first start talking. I do not know all the details and I would rather them hash that out themselves.
I am not a big hugger unless I really know you... so I think I will just play it by ear and see how things go. Her parents have not been together since she was a year old so I don't think she will think I am the "other woman". I also come from a split family and am hoping that helps a little. I don't know at all how she feels as my dad was in my life the whole time but I have feelings of what she is going through.
And I can tell you I am 99% sure she isn't doing this so her dad will "pay for her wedding". From what we have heard from SO's mom she has a path she plans to follow and I doubt she will be getting married anytime soon.
Edited by UTAHCANCHASER 2014-09-26 11:38 AM
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes? |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug. ^^^this^^^
get over not being a big hugger. If I can do it, you can too. Start making a point of hugging. Just because you can. Then one day it will be natural. Like saddening a horse/colt for the first time. After a while, no big deal.
Oh, and gifts are for Christmas, birthdays. Unless it is something very personal and you just want her to have it.
Good luck, takes pictures of her and her dad together and other family members with her.
Edited by roxieannie 2014-10-07 11:04 AM
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 Hot Dispatcher
Posts: 10185
Location: Utah | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 9:42 AM This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes?
Good Luck  |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | Douglas J Gordon - 2014-09-26 8:23 AM
UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks.  Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well.  Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Â
 Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding!
 You have a pretty low opinion of women. There are lots of reasons besides money to reunite with a parent. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | kanchazer - 2014-10-07 11:19 AM UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 9:42 AM This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes? Good Luck
A gift would be kinda neat, do you know what she likes? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| NJJ - 2014-09-26 9:23 AM
I am going to jump in on the other side. I would suggest that you take your "cue" from HER body language....Some people are just NOT huggers and dislike being touched. I would give her a big ol' smile and tell her how very happy you are to meet her and ask "Can I give you a hug?" Good Luck!
I'm not a hugger and I have been in the weird position of meeting someone for the first time after years and can say that I didn't want to be hugged and if they had asked to give me a hug I would have felt even more awkward and probably would have withdrawn. Just take the leads from her, let her guard come down before trying to get into her space. Sorry i'm the odd one out I guess. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 10:42 AM
This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.Â
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes?Â
I think the best gift is a photo album of her dad through out the years.... his family, pictures of stuff that she wouldn't know. Good ice breaker too, help void the awkward silence that may happen. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Hope all goes well! Since she is 18 I would do as the others have suggested like NJJ, ask her if you can hug her, respecting her space will go along way. Tell how excited you have been to meet her and you look forward to getting to know her and having her in your life. I would also add that you want her to feel comfortable with the new situation as well, that you have worried about coming across "too strong" or doing the wrong thing. Sometimes it is better to just say what your thoughts are then letting things hang in the air giving others a chance to interpret them differently then you intended. She is old enough to understand and appreciate your sincerity.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-10-07 2:55 PM
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  If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | FlyingJT - 2014-10-07 2:46 PM
UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 10:42 AM
This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.Â
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes?Â
I think the best gift is a photo album of her dad through out the years.... his family, pictures of stuff that she wouldn't know. Good ice breaker too, help void the awkward silence that may happen.
Or just a nice picture frame... and hopefully you will be able to take a picture of them together that night
and she can put it in that frame....
(put a note in the frame, picture coming soon, or something like that)
good luck....
I have to agree like one of the other posters said... this gives me hope that my husbands girls will one day
want to see him... ( ex's can sure play a BIG ugly part in divorce if they want to, very sad)
VERY HAPPY FOR HIM..... |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Douglas J Gordon - 2014-09-26 11:23 AM
UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks.  Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well.  Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Â
 Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding!
Wow...
Anyway, good luck to you. Sending hugs and good vibes your way!   |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Douglas J Gordon - 2014-09-26 10:23 AM UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding!
You seem to have problems with a lot of women  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1114
Location: CA | IRunOnFaith - 2014-09-25 5:47 PM Everyone loves hugs!! 
Edited by allaboutme 2014-10-07 11:35 PM
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 Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | allaboutme - 2014-10-07 11:34 PM IRunOnFaith - 2014-09-25 5:47 PM Everyone loves hugs!!
Yea, I am with the no-hugger group here. Just take her lead, if she wants to hug go for your life. But if not then don't think about it. Don't want to make things more akward.
Anyway, good luck!! And let us know how it went. |
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | Here is a small update...
We spent all day with her on Saturday and things went great! Her and her dad went to breakfast and then picked me up afterward. No hugs right of the bat which was fine. We toured around and got to know each other. There is a bunch of drama going on with her and her mother and we told her we are here no matter what. Her dad told he is not trying to be instant dad but wants to be her friend and help her succeed. We will give her all the tools she needs if this is what she wants to do. After she graduated she kind of got pushed out and had to start doing things on her own. She has a great head on her shoulders and has some great goals. We are going to help her start building some credit and get her into school.
She is going to plan a trip to see us after hunting season and we are flying her to Arkansas to spend Christmas with all of us.
After dinner we were parting ways and she gave both of us a hug. We are taking baby steps for now but I think we are on the right track. I think she is finally seeing that her dad is not the only one in the wrong. |
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 Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | So glad it went so well |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | YAY! Sounds like all went well! |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-13 10:31 AM Here is a small update...
We spent all day with her on Saturday and things went great! Her and her dad went to breakfast and then picked me up afterward. No hugs right of the bat which was fine. We toured around and got to know each other. There is a bunch of drama going on with her and her mother and we told her we are here no matter what. Her dad told he is not trying to be instant dad but wants to be her friend and help her succeed. We will give her all the tools she needs if this is what she wants to do. After she graduated she kind of got pushed out and had to start doing things on her own. She has a great head on her shoulders and has some great goals. We are going to help her start building some credit and get her into school.
She is going to plan a trip to see us after hunting season and we are flying her to Arkansas to spend Christmas with all of us.
After dinner we were parting ways and she gave both of us a hug. We are taking baby steps for now but I think we are on the right track. I think she is finally seeing that her dad is not the only one in the wrong.
Sounds like a good first meeting , now all it can do is just get better with time |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | thank you for the update and really glad that all went great. |
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