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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
 
| Thanks everyone, I'm not that worried about me. I just don't want my daughter to loose in this deal. Have to sell her horses, trailer, truck, I bought them for her do when she goes to college rodeo |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
 
Location: Displaced Iowegian | cow pie - 2015-01-02 9:43 AM Your lawyer will put you under hypnosis making your life a burning he)(.be very cordial In giving. Let your wife have half of everything and move on or give your wife everything and move on.in the end you have nothing anyway on top of attorney fees time 3 . Neither party will have a thing to show for it except heart ache and loss of jobs that include several jobs and hopefully not having your vehicle repoed. They will also have you filing bankruptcy you and your wife. You have 30 days to make a choice. I would walk away and save yourself the insanity. Keep your composure for you and your daughter. Good luck to you. Neither one of you will win. That is how the courts handle it.
NOTE....DON'T listen to this person ^^^^^^ who must have had a terrible divorce and a stupid lawyer.
Hire an attorney NOW.........A divorce CAN be amiable but an attorney can protect you and your assets. I don't know what state you live in but most likely, IF you want to keep the property, you will be required to have it assessed and "buy her out". Your attitude about your daughter is commendable....keep her out of it and Good Luck!
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 If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 9:45 AM
Yes there are a lot of assets invoked. Home and land 6yrs old and paid for. I don't want to loose everything, I was going to leave it for my daughte, but was told my wife wants to sell and split everything
I would go ahead an get a lawyer NOW... seriously.. you don't need to wait..
Do you know your wife wants a divorce? if so, be the first to give it to her... do let it be be decision...
to me... it will look better on your part... get a lawyer... have him start looking into what you can do to keep everything you want... do give her time to "come up with money" or whatever she waiting on in Feb. to do..
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | NJJ - 2015-01-02 10:12 AM
cow pie - 2015-01-02 9:43 AM Your lawyer will put you under hypnosis making your life a burning he)(.be very cordial In giving. Let your wife have half of everything and move on or give your wife everything and move on.in the end you have nothing anyway on top of attorney fees time 3 . Neither party will have a thing to show for it except heart ache and loss of jobs that include several jobs and hopefully not having your vehicle repoed. They will also have you filing bankruptcy you and your wife. You have 30 days to make a choice. I would walk away and save yourself the insanity. Keep your composure for you and your daughter. Good luck to you. Neither one of you will win. That is how the courts handle it.
NOTE....DON'T listen to this person ^^^^^^ who must have had a terrible divorce and a stupid lawyer.
Hire an attorney NOW.........A divorce CAN be amiable but an attorney can protect you and your assets. I don't know what state you live in but most likely, IF you want to keep the property, you will be required to have it assessed and "buy her out". Your attitude about your daughter is commendable....keep her out of it and Good Luck!
Excatly...
HIRE ONE NOW !!!! to protect your stuff... don't wait for wife to file... |
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:06 AM
Thanks everyone, I'm not that worried about me. I just don't want my daughter to loose in this deal. Have to sell her horses, trailer, truck, I bought them for her do when she goes to college rodeo
Then you need an attorney... and one now...
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Expert
Posts: 1561
| I diddnt read all the responses, file 1st and DO NOT move out of the house. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I know she wants a divorce. Will it make me look like the bad guy if I file 1st. She told my daughter she's waiting until feb and then she would have the money to file, I've been trying to wait until my daughter graduates snd goes to college. I know our marriage is over been over for a while. Been trying to put it off for my 15 yr old. So she would have a home. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Itsme - 2015-01-02 10:25 AM I diddnt read all the responses, file 1st and DO NOT move out of the house.
^^^^ THIS
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | If its for sure over ,You should seek a good attorney and file first. A good attorney can help you put your daughters horses and equipment into a protected fund for your daughter so she doesn't loose her future.
Edited by firewaterfuelsme 2015-01-02 10:39 AM
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | You want the divorce, your wife wants the divorce, your daughter wants to live with you.......it's amicable. Why are you worried about looking like the bad guy? Go get an attorney and get it over with. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I think if your daughter understands all that is going on and you keep open lines of communication with her, then I wouldn't care if anyone else thought I was the bad guy. Be honest, straight forward and do what it takes to get this over with as quickly as possible. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:55 AM
I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
Who cares what others think. I have always chosen the road not taken and lived the life that pleases me. I am an extremely happy person and feel that life is too short to be miserable. Get a lawyer, file for divorce, move on. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Thanks to everyone for all the good advice. It's just a lot to think about . |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Judges don't care who files. Most judges have seen and heard the most awful terrible things that who filed for the divorce is not on their radar. I work with judges and I assure you filing for divorce doesn't make you the bad guy. |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 11:55 AM I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
If you conduct yourself in an honest, non-combative manner, you have nothing to worry about. Serving the papers first won't make you the "bad guy" (and who cares what people think anyway!) It makes you proactive in this situation and hopefully on top of what needs to be done.
Good luck. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Say I do file 1st what happens then? |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | First and foremost, find a good attorney and lay everything out there for him/her. Take what others tell you with a grain of salt. If you live in a no fault state, that should simplify things. These things can drag on, sometimes for years. Don't fall into the trap I've seen others fall into and take pity on your ex and give everything up in the process. Most likely, you will have to split anything you acquired during your marriage roughly 50:50. Generally, what you brought into the marriage should remain yours. At some some point, once things cool off, you might want to sit down and try to have a reasonable discussion. You may find that you and she are pretty close on most matters. If you can negotiate a reasonable, mutually acceptable settlement between the two of you, then good for you! Still, I would retain a good lawyer, if for no other reason than to make sure you aren't missing something. If you are worried about a custody battle, and if your daughter clearly wants to live with you as the custodial parent, I wouldn't think you have much to worry about, especially if she is in her teens, because I think most courts tend to comply with the child's wishes, assuming you are a fit parent. If you are granted custody, I suppose child support might be a consideration, even if you are the custodial parent, particularly if your ex has a career/job/earning potential. Just because she is a woman shouldn't get her off the hook. I think more states are beginning to look at it this way.
More than anything else, I would say don't be discouraged and let yourself get too blue. It may feel like you will never get out of this funk, but, mark my word, one day you will wake up and realize you are ready to move on and start fresh. |
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 Proud to be Deplorable
Posts: 1929
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 11:48 AM
Say I do file 1st what happens then?
She will have to get an attorney and answer you. that is when you will find out if she wants a fight or not. |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:55 AM I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
I've practiced family law for over 13 years now and this is what I can tell you. Nobody in that courtroom really cares who filed first and all the typical little things that envitably make up the many reasons why any normal couple seeks a divorce. You are one of many people who will file now and probably into March because you've (1) made it past the holiday season to have one last "family" get together before the big break and/or (2) your tax return is coming in and you finally have the money to file and hire someone. Barring some bad abuse, criminal acts or other atypical stuff -- you are just one of many people who have had enough and want to move on with their life and make it better for everybody involved. It's sad but reality and everybody involved in the process just really wants to help you achieve that goal.
What does the judge care about? Honestly the best divorces are the ones they hear the least about because it involves the parties pretty much working stuff out on their own and involving the court on a minimum basis. Judges love to see people work together to take care of their own business and issues.
Those are my favorite divorces too because I know those people will probably have the healthiest relationships down the road when their kids are growing up and they start having families of their own. Nasty divorces are painful for even the attorneys to deal with and honestly, we actually really hate having to deal with them because not even we win. I don't practice family law for just the money (it would never be enough) and a bad divorce even sucks away part of my own soul -- so much that now I don't take them anymore because you can't pay me enough to deal with all the drama that two people who want to "take each other to the cleaners" can cause. I made that decision when I wasted two hours of my own life trying to work with another attorney on getting two early 20-ish "kids" to agree on who would get the Christmas lights and waterhoses in their divorce. It was the only thing we couldn't agree on.
Right now you are in the most stressful part of the divorce because you are in no-man's land concerning on what's going to happen and distrust in the future between what your wife wants to do and what you want to have happen. When you don't know what the other side wants and why, it's not easy to deal with them and makes each side get up-in-arms over what might happen.
My best advice is to talk to an attorney and probably not the most expensive one out there or even the one who has the most posh law office on the corner. Find someone who really cares about their clients and helping you keep your relationships as civil as you can. Sometimes a fixed fee is better than hourly rate billing because the attorney knows they have to turn things around and get an agreement within so much work time. People laugh when I say that most divorce attorneys really work on getting people to agree and try not to rock the boat if it's not necessary. We are the ones working on a fixed fee and the more you fight, the more that eats into our bottom line and time spent on you in our office. We love it when we can get a couple to agree on the majority, if not all, of their issues.
Know what your options are and if your attorney agrees, it may be a good thing to just sit down with your wife and let her know what you want. I've seen "bad divorces" completely lose all of their steam with one conversation in which the parties actually talk instead of upping the fear factor on what they might do or could do to each other. You may have never been able to agree on things as husband and wife but start seeing and talking about each other as parents instead -- ones who can work things out because it's a whole new ballgame between you two.
You're welcome to PM me if you have any questions and think I might be able to help. Good luck.
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