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 Loves to compete
Posts: 5760
   
Location: Oakdale, CA | just curious how much is the trailer worth?? How much is he fighting over?? I might just sign it over to him and let him have it. I don't think its worth payin an attorney for......................... |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-01-12 10:08 AM
we do meet at a public place, the same place everytime for pick up and drop off. At this point, I'm not meeting him any longer, my mother said she would pick up/drop off my child because he refuses to be civil....even accuses me of facebook stalking him (which how can I since he blocked me LOL), and states that "we are over, and you just have to get over that"
I left him....not he left me, so I don't understand where he is getting that idea. Â
One thing to note on the pickup & drop off, he can rightfully refuse to "exchange" your daughter to anyone but you! So be careful on that idea. My husband did this to his ex, as she was causing issues about meeting me to exchange the kids, and thought nothing of sending her husband to be to pick them up!! |
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 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| cheryl makofka - 2015-01-12 11:35 AM..... Also speak to your lawyer and ensure you were not living in common law and see what your lawyer recommends
Yep. There is no minimum requirement for cohabitation in many states. If there is proof that you held yourselves out as married then common law is established. Living together, having a child together, aquiring assets and debts together are a good start in many states. I don't know the big picture but so far it sounds like in the split, he got all the debt and you got the assets. If common law was established, that won't be the settlement in court. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-01-12 10:11 AM
Crowned Image - 2015-01-12 10:07 AM I see why he's an ex. He sounds emotionally abusive and can't seem to handle his own emotions on top of it. Â I would question his ability to handle a small child without supervision with that sort of behavior. Â I understand in these sort of situations emotions run high, but he's got to be able to get it under control at LEAST in front of your daughter.
The trailer is in your name, regardless of who paid, it's your trailer. Â If he paid for part of it initially he should have put it in both of your names. Bring receipts of the trailer maintenance, inspections, and your title for whenever that court date rolls around. I'd really truly doubt a judge would rule in his favor. I would also bet that he is trying to manipulate you to get the trailer without having to go to court.
Best of luck to you, don't let him stress you.
He was physically abusive as well.....unfortunately, there is honestly nothing I can do when it comes to him doing that around my child. She has come home saying some nasty little words...and even then, nothing was ever done. So I know I'm SOL on that aspect, so I don't even bother trying to say anything when she acts out. I just tell her I love her and we don't say naughty words, and her attitude from his home is down right horrible. Â
I have mixed concerns about the route I am suggesting, as you never know how things will go.
If you have any concern about her safety when with him, contact SRS or a child counselor, & set up
an appointment to have her see them. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | TXBO - 2015-01-12 12:23 PM cheryl makofka - 2015-01-12 11:35 AM..... Also speak to your lawyer and ensure you were not living in common law and see what your lawyer recommends Yep. There is no minimum requirement for cohabitation in many states. If there is proof that you held yourselves out as married then common law is established. Living together, having a child together, aquiring assets and debts together are a good start in many states. I don't know the big picture but so far it sounds like in the split, he got all the debt and you got the assets. If common law was established, that won't be the settlement in court.
O not trust me I have about $5,000 worth of debt from him as well....I just don't throw it out to my attorney trying to get the jerk to pay for it. I would rather just deal with it and pay it off myself so I don't have hear him complain he doesn't owe a dime on it.
No common law, I never once, EVER would consider myself married to him. We never told people we were, no joint accounts, file taxes separate...so common law doesn't apply to that past relationship. Trust me I've already looked it up LOL.
But his attorney is trying to work the case as if we were married....and we never were. |
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  More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | No advice but I'm sorry you're going through this.  |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| hoofs_in_motion - 2015-01-12 12:33 PM O not trust me I have about $5,000 worth of debt from him as well....I just don't throw it out to my attorney trying to get the jerk to pay for it. I would rather just deal with it and pay it off myself so I don't have hear him complain he doesn't owe a dime on it.
No common law, I never once, EVER would consider myself married to him. We never told people we were, no joint accounts, file taxes separate...so common law doesn't apply to that past relationship. Trust me I've already looked it up LOL.
But his attorney is trying to work the case as if we were married....and we never were. Sounds messy. I wish you the best. As stressed and unsure as you are, I would challenge your choice of attorneys. Make sure you have a good one.
By the way, don't hold out information like your debt to your attorney. All that is important in negotiation.
Edited by TXBO 2015-01-12 12:42 PM
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | NJJ - 2015-01-12 11:55 AM
ThreeCorners - 2015-01-12 10:41 AM Give him the $500 you owe on the credit card. Give it in the form of a postal money order and make him sign a reciept for it.  Then that one is out of the way and you have iron clad proof of payment and make sure you put in the notes what it's for. If someone else is delivering your daughter to him they can facilitate the delivery of the money order and signing of the reciept. Is he paying child support? If he is harrassing you, and has been abusive you might think about a restraining order. Has he ever been abusive towards your daughter?
NO....do NOT do this.....at this point in time, ALL transactions, etc should be done through YOUR lawyer. He will put the money into an "escrow" account to be paid out at the time of resolution of the case. Additionally, find any and all paperwork (checks or receipts of money paid, repairs, licensing, etc) that you have paid out for the trailer. Since it is in your name, I highly doubt that the courts will give him anything unless he can PROVE that he paid a certain amount. If they do, they will deduct your monetary contributions. Â
^^^^^  |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 554
| hoofs_in_motion - 2015-01-12 10:08 AM
we do meet at a public place, the same place everytime for pick up and drop off. At this point, I'm not meeting him any longer, my mother said she would pick up/drop off my child because he refuses to be civil....even accuses me of facebook stalking him (which how can I since he blocked me LOL), and states that "we are over, and you just have to get over that"
I left him....not he left me, so I don't understand where he is getting that idea. Â
I was in your shoes, same type of person. Only he stalked me for several years and probably is following me around some now. I would say Ignore him. It is hard, that type of person feeds off of others emotions. JMHO |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Went through something similar. Keep a paper trail. Print out every text message he sends you and put it in a three ring binder. The judge will realize he is the one harassing and will punish him. Keep records. bring them to court and be sure you maintain your same attitude you have now. He hasn't a leg to stand on.
As far as the court deal, save up the money for the court cost and take him to court. Make sure your attorney puts in the papers that you want compensation for the court cost from him. Also, if he has a small request other than the trailer be sure you give it to him This seems stupid yes, but later you can tell the judge that you have been cooperative and he has not. Because it doesn't sound like he will be waivering anytime soon and will come up with something else that you supposedly owe him. And he'll try and get it since he can't have you. The judge will eventually reward you with whatever it is you are ultimately asking for because you were cooperative.
Be sure you document everything. Say things in texts like I would appreciate if you would not yell in front of the child as this scares him or her. Let him text back and print it out. Then when he continues to text and harass simply say Please do not contact me unless this about our child. The judge will see you are keeping it civil and have only your precious child's interest at heart.
Good luck!
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | TXBO - 2015-01-12 12:39 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2015-01-12 12:33 PM O not trust me I have about $5,000 worth of debt from him as well....I just don't throw it out to my attorney trying to get the jerk to pay for it. I would rather just deal with it and pay it off myself so I don't have hear him complain he doesn't owe a dime on it.
No common law, I never once, EVER would consider myself married to him. We never told people we were, no joint accounts, file taxes separate...so common law doesn't apply to that past relationship. Trust me I've already looked it up LOL.
But his attorney is trying to work the case as if we were married....and we never were. Sounds messy. I wish you the best. As stressed and unsure as you are, I would challenge your choice of attorneys. Make sure you have a good one.
By the way, don't hold out information like your debt to your attorney. All that is important in negotiation.
So right now, my attorney sucks...I have no money left to pay another retainer fee, and I just want to crawl into a little hole and stay there.
ETA: I've given my attorney all of the bank statements from when I paid on his truck when he lost his job, as well as copys of the insurance statements from when I paid his insurance on it as well....truck was $3,500, and insurance equaled up to be $439.
Edited by hoofs_in_motion 2015-01-12 4:55 PM
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Hoofs, has a criminal charge or a civil suit been filed?
Is his child support court ordered?
Edited by TXBO 2015-01-12 5:25 PM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Honestly I would ask your parents for help to get a great lawyer actually two one for the custody and child support I would also ensure you sue for all court costs as if he is not paying you this is in violation.
Where I live if they don't pay the government will garnish wages and will refused to renew vehicle registration or drivers liscenses.
The "marriage" lawyer for the separation costs, you could also see if you can sue him for court costs. I would ask my parents as from my experience the person who wins may not be on the right but have the best lawyer and have the higher lawyer fees |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | cheryl makofka - 2015-01-12 5:23 PM Honestly I would ask your parents for help to get a great lawyer actually two one for the custody and child support I would also ensure you sue for all court costs as if he is not paying you this is in violation. Where I live if they don't pay the government will garnish wages and will refused to renew vehicle registration or drivers liscenses. The "marriage" lawyer for the separation costs, you could also see if you can sue him for court costs. I would ask my parents as from my experience the person who wins may not be on the right but have the best lawyer and have the higher lawyer fees
This is so true. Our Attorney was the best in the county. HUGE Court costs. I had to sell my truck and my SO had to get a loan on his antique show truck. But the person who lost against us had to pay for everything. Well worth it to see the outcome. We got over 9,500 back so far and have put it in a bank account for us to sit on!
hugs to you, but head up. It will eventually end. |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | NJJ - 2015-01-12 10:55 AM
ThreeCorners - 2015-01-12 10:41 AM Give him the $500 you owe on the credit card. Give it in the form of a postal money order and make him sign a reciept for it.  Then that one is out of the way and you have iron clad proof of payment and make sure you put in the notes what it's for. If someone else is delivering your daughter to him they can facilitate the delivery of the money order and signing of the reciept. Is he paying child support? If he is harrassing you, and has been abusive you might think about a restraining order. Has he ever been abusive towards your daughter?
NO....do NOT do this.....at this point in time, ALL transactions, etc should be done through YOUR lawyer. He will put the money into an "escrow" account to be paid out at the time of resolution of the case. Additionally, find any and all paperwork (checks or receipts of money paid, repairs, licensing, etc) that you have paid out for the trailer. Since it is in your name, I highly doubt that the courts will give him anything unless he can PROVE that he paid a certain amount. If they do, they will deduct your monetary contributions. Â
THIS THIS THIS -- have your attorney handle everything. Please do not cave in to his bullying! Document everything in a notebook...date, time place what occurred..... Let your attorney handle this -- I do not think you owe him a dime. |
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The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | Oh and document how much he owes you in child support -- give that to your attorney...and if he continues with this mess -- get his check garnished for your child support. Do--- not cave in. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 246
Location: OK | I would DEFINITELY be keeping track of attorney fees and court costs regarding the trailer. HIS attorney (and maybe yours) will try to stretch it out. I know more than one EX who has tried to "break" the other party with ongoing legal fees - so they will just give up and give in. If he thinks he's going to get hung with court and lawyer costs, maybe he'll drop it.
In some states, they have a child support registry where the parent must pay in to the registry and then they pay the custodial parent. That way, there is documentation and a legal record that you can go back and show he's not doing his parental duties.
As far as paying off HIS credit cards-that's a joke. No way, no how-- in most courts he would be laughed out of the courtroom. If you choose to pay him for the things that were charged for you, then so be it but I would have it delivered where he must sign for it to show this was paid-don't send it with your mom.
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | At this current time, nothing has been filed court wise because of he wants me to pay him for everything and he wants possession of the trailer......he can take me to court for it. unfortunately my family has no money, so my mom couldn't help me even if she tried. Being disabled puts a financial strain on her. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Sorry you are going through this, hope it gets worked out f or your daughters sake. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Your child deserves child support. Go to your states attorney general and ask for child support. This is done at no cost to you. They also can help establish visitation. If he is on the birth certificate he has just as much right to possesion as you without a court order meaning he can refuse to return her to you. The AG will not get involved in the trailer matter only custody and child support. |
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