|
|
Expert
Posts: 1432
  
| Bug Is Alive - 2015-01-18 1:27 PM Rockyroad - 2015-01-18 1:45 PM firewaterfuelsme - 2015-01-18 9:27 AM This is normal for many marriages. Highs and lows. Unless there is physical abuse or emotional abuse or infidelity I say seek counseling with a very good friend who has a good marriage or a pastor. Especially if you have children together try to work things out. Sometimes if you change your perspective and work on being positive yourself it will rub off on those around you. Good luck and prayers to you. His attitude & her having to "walk on eggshells" is a MAJOR emotional abuse issue! When I used to work as an advocate, that is a HUGE red flag. If he is acting like this now, it will only escalate .... be careful since he sounds as if he could be dangerous. Get counseling for yourself .. and make your decision, but NO ONE should live on eggshells.
The only way to stop it is to get professional help or leave, but if he won't get help, you must call him out and set limits EVERY SINGLE time he is emotionally abusive to you, weather it's an angry outburst, disguised as a joke, no matter what he says, or even if you made a mistake, he's out of line verbally abusing you EVER, IN ANY WAY! You can't listen to the words because he's being irrational. To try to change the situation, you have to be ready for him and immediately tell him to STOP IT, and if he doesn't, leave or hang up, or whatever, but disengage yourself from him. DO NOT try to rationalize with him no matter what he says (you will lose). The hope is that he realizes what he's doing, and sees you are a strong enough person to not take it anymore. If he doesn't care, then you have your answer. Don't play his game, disengage immediately.
Something else to consider. Does he unleash his anger on anyone else or in front of anyone else? If he only does it to you behind closed doors, bad news because that means he knows the difference and he CHOOSES to pick on you and no one else. He knows anyone else would walk away or avoid him or leave, but he thinks he has you right where he can abuse you and you will take it, so show him different. Isn't it horrible to know that the person you love is choosing to verbally abuse you? But it's the truth. These are the words I got years ago from a counselor who used Patricia Evans books in her practice that helped me get out. Sorry to say my ex never changed, even when I disengaged, it just wasn't in him, he wasn't ready. hugs. Edited to give you the name of the book I was given by my couselor, it was "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans.
Omg!! This sounds exactly like the monster I was married too... | |
| | |
  Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4553
 
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Spots don't change on a leopard.you are asking. now is enough.
Edited by cow pie 2015-01-20 4:04 PM
| |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | So long is there is no infidelity or physical abuse or substance abuse, I suggest at least trying counseling first. If that doesn't work or he won't agree to it, then I could see winding it up. My husband had anger issues too. The big thing with him was he had never learned how to fight, how to point out the problems with actions he didn't like without tearing me down as a person. We went to counseling. We learned how to handle conflict. Now things work very well. | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line