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 Regular
Posts: 76
Location: Florida | You have been handed some really good advice in these post. Its probably not what you want to hear but if you have only been dating this person for a month and are already so emotionally vested, you really need to step back and ask yourself why? Also, there are several red flags popping up all through your post and if this were me, I'd cut my loses and move on. IMHO, a month long relationship should NOT in any way shape or form cost you so much grief or emotional energy. And calling an ex is taboo in most circumstances....I can't think of anything positive coming from it. I wish you luck in regards to whatever you decide to do. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
 
| Wow, I'm a mom and my son is 26. I have never *****ed him out over a girl. I raised him right, now it is none of my business. That would raise a flag to me, the girlfriend. I want an independent man not a little boy who runs to mommy when something goes wrong. That's just me, though. Happily married to the independent guy for 29 years. And my MIL is a great lady whom I dearly love. |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Only your can decide what you are willing and aren't wilking to put up with.
Personally - I am extremely independent, live my life, want a man don't need a man type. Over the years (I'm almost 28) I thought I was being true to that when in reality after my last breakup I realized I wasn't being totally truthful to myself and I was still trying to be what I thought the guy wanted to some degree.
My point in that is - you're young and likely still trying to figure out what you want in a man. Don't fret if this one isn't it! I've been the in between girl that end up leaving to go back to their ex - you're better than that, ever girl who values herself is better than that.
I just ended a 2.5 yr long relationship that involved a move halfway across the country together. I cried a lot of tears in the 6 months before he moved out. Haven't cried a single one since. It's been a tough couple months trying to get back on my feet, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| TessBelle - 2015-04-11 10:06 AM
Were going to lunch and to watch Longest Ride. I'm going to bring it up and see what happens. I did ask him last night to don't lie to me if he's not done with her tell me. If you are then quit talking to her outside of work. He said he's done with her but didn't say anything about not talking to her outside work. I know his mamma came unglued on him yesterday about it. He said she had never chewed him out like she did then. So maybe that will make a differance.
You have only been dating a month
I have some x boyfriends that I am still friends with and speak to, he may be doing the same.
You telling him who he can and can't talk to after a month of dating, is a big red flag for him, you cannot control him.
If the tables were turned and you were the one being told who you can and can't speak to, what would you do
If he was going behind your back and telling your male friends to back off how would you feel?
You say this is your first real relationship, and you have a jealous streak, you may seek counselling on how to control your jealously.
Also when you are together, you could ask for no cell phones, you don't use yours and he leaves his in the truck this may help you too |
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| outrundaizy - 2015-04-12 9:39 AM RidenFly - 2015-04-11 11:21 AM Mom came unglued huh? Are you guys young? If Mom doesn't like her, then he's not going to give her up. That's just me talking from many personal experiences I've witnessed. Just wondering why you say this? Most guys i've known were momma's boys and would do anything for their moms.. I'm young and clueless about this stuff though so i'm confused why they would go against their mom? Unless this guy has no respect for his mother? Idk
I dont know what it is either, but I've seen too many times where they have one "Good" one and one that nobody likes and THATS the one they think is fun. Its stupid. |
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Sideways Riding Expert
Posts: 11371
Location: ND--it snows, it floods, it snows, it floods | A bit off topic here but why is it when a couple breaks up and says they are no longer talking to they continue to call and text each other? Am the only person that would delete the number from my phone and move on? That should be one of the first steps after a break-up...delete the number. On that note I have no real advice so good luck. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | RidenFly - 2015-04-11 1:24 PM outrundaizy - 2015-04-12 9:39 AM RidenFly - 2015-04-11 11:21 AM Mom came unglued huh? Are you guys young? If Mom doesn't like her, then he's not going to give her up. That's just me talking from many personal experiences I've witnessed. Just wondering why you say this? Most guys i've known were momma's boys and would do anything for their moms.. I'm young and clueless about this stuff though so i'm confused why they would go against their mom? Unless this guy has no respect for his mother? Idk
HA! My sister is the same way. She wants to be a rebel I guess lol. We really liked this one guy, so we told her "hey we like him." She dumped him the next day. Now the guy that had a record for some bad things that his grandma even told us he did. She "loved" him and he "didn't really do it". blah blah blah lol. It wasn't until I told her she wouldn't see her nephew as long as he was around that she finally came up with a reason for them to split ways. Now if we don't like them we just go on and on about how they are great guys, works like a charm. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Sounds like a lot drama for only being together for 1 month.....I'd move on. I should be number one in his eyes. |
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I'm sorry, I never got past the part of you checking up on her facebook page or whatever page it was.....
If the relationship you are in makes you feel the need to "check" up on the ex's facebook, then I would strongly suggest reconsidering the relationship.... |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | hammer_time - 2015-04-11 8:26 PM Sounds like a lot drama for only being together for 1 month.....I'd move on. I should be number one in his eyes.
^^^^ THIS……..the fastest way to “run off” a guy is to be suspicious, mistrusting and jealous….all in a ONE MONTH …. You won’t have to run because HE WILL !!! |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 365
| Sounds like a mess all around.
A month in you guys should still be all giddy and happy about each other. Personally I find the fact your managing his communications and looking at his Ex's facebook a bit concerning. If you have to check on his every move when the relationship is this new, it's not going to last long. I would walk away now and take a look at my jealously issues. |
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
Location: Pacific Northwest | RidenFly - 2015-04-11 11:24 AM
outrundaizy - 2015-04-12 9:39 AM RidenFly - 2015-04-11 11:21 AM Mom came unglued huh?  Are you guys young? If Mom doesn't like her, then he's not going to give her up.  That's just me talking from many personal experiences I've witnessed. Just wondering why you say this? Most guys i've known were momma's boys and would do anything for their moms.. I'm young and clueless about this stuff though so i'm confused why they would go against their mom? Unless this guy has no respect for his mother? IdkÂ
That's not just a guy thing. My on-again off-again girlfriend was the exact same way (and we are both what you could call feminine I guess - just thought I'd clarify since sometimes people think one has to be "manly"). Her "ex" (she played me hardcore, still have no idea when she was actually with or not with the other girl) was full blown nuts and everyone hated her. Her mom, sisters, brother, friends, EVERYONE hated her. I was the "good" one and she would always be like "Everyone hates K, but everyone loves you and tells me to just stop talking to K and be with you."
Did not make a **** bit of difference, she still talked to the friggin psycho one.
This went on for over 2 years, even though my gut instinct from the VERY BEGINNING was to walk away, and I was a moron and just kept letting myself get hurt, played, and lied to over and over. That stupid relationship ended up causing trust and emotional issues that I have no idea if I will ever be able to fix, like the very idea of ever being with anyone, girl or guy, pretty much gives me an anxiety attack.
So I guess my advice to you, OP, would be if you have any tiny inkling of a thought telling you to walk away, RUN as fast as you can. My opinion is that no, you cannot control him - you cant tell him who to talk to, etc. But my other thought is if he was really done with her and honestly wanted to try with you, you wouldn't have to ask him more than once to not talk to her outside of work.
ETA my other sign to me that I need to drop that crap I was dealing with forever and move on was when I started turning into the psycho one. I am not an emotional, crazy girl but I was turning into one.
Edited by livexlovexrodeo 2015-04-11 11:32 PM
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | We have had some long talks yesterday and today. After reading y'all's post and talking to him. It comes down more to me being jealous and over reacting. He admired he shouldn't have done what he did but he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it and he realizes that it didn't look good but he said he didn't think about that at the time. Were not going to give up yet. And I'm going to work on my jealousy issues. It has nothing to do with him. I've always been jealious about everything not just this. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| TessBelle - 2015-04-12 11:37 PM
We have had some long talks yesterday and today. After reading y'all's post and talking to him. It comes down more to me being jealous and over reacting. He admired he shouldn't have done what he did but he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it and he realizes that it didn't look good but he said he didn't think about that at the time. Were not going to give up yet. And I'm going to work on my jealousy issues. It has nothing to do with him. I've always been jealious about everything not just this.
If you want to work on your jealousy issues
Please consult a therapist
A professional will give you coping skills on how to deal with the jealously |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| cheryl makofka - 2015-04-13 10:19 PM TessBelle - 2015-04-12 11:37 PM We have had some long talks yesterday and today. After reading y'all's post and talking to him. It comes down more to me being jealous and over reacting. He admired he shouldn't have done what he did but he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it and he realizes that it didn't look good but he said he didn't think about that at the time. Were not going to give up yet. And I'm going to work on my jealousy issues. It has nothing to do with him. I've always been jealious about everything not just this. If you want to work on your jealousy issues Please consult a therapist A professional will give you coping skills on how to deal with the jealously
Great advice here. And, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You're so much farther ahead than you realise since you are able to step back and admit it. Good luck.  |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | 4 weeks is all they have been dating............see a therapist for jealousy for a 20-22 yr old ? that isnt necessary in my opinion.. its immaturity..grow up... and it usually goes away.. and it sounds like your relationship is TO seroius a month in....... not fun......
Edited by Bibliafarm 2015-04-13 7:56 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? |
That is not good. I don't see you as being overly jealous...I see you as insecure. You have already given him WAY too much power in the relationship. You have taught him that you want to be with him so badly that he can talk to his long term ex while you are on a date...he can flirt with and pay attention to the ex by having her "arrested"...and now he has you falling all over yourself apologizing for ever having any problem with him doing those things. Um. No.
Whether or not anything is physically going on between them...he is allowing and feeding the emotional connection between them. He is keeping that going by allowing her to interrupt your dates and by initiating further contact with the arrest. He isn't "done" with her. He may or may not want to keep a romantic relationship with her...but he definitely is enjoying having two girls after him. Either that or he enjoys drama. Either case it would be a deal breaker for me.
I know you are young and this is a first relationship. But this is NOT how it should be. You need to get some "hand" in this situation...you need to regain some confidence and control of things. Take a step back. Be less available when he tries to call. Go out with other guys or even just groups of friends. Be. Less. Available. Be less needy.
Give him time to distance himself from the ex before you take him seriously in a relationship. He still has a foot in the door with her....and you deserve someone who is focused on the girl he is with...not someone who is supposed to be in the past.
There's a saying that goes..."The person you are in a relationship with is the person whose calls you take"...he took her call while you were together. Nuff said.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1037
| TessBelle - 2015-04-12 11:37 PM
We have had some long talks yesterday and today. After reading y'all's post and talking to him. It comes down more to me being jealous and over reacting. He admired he shouldn't have done what he did but he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it and he realizes that it didn't look good but he said he didn't think about that at the time. Were not going to give up yet. And I'm going to work on my jealousy issues. It has nothing to do with him. I've always been jealious about everything not just this.
It has EVERYTHING to do with him.
He has you exactly where he wants you now if he has talked you into thinking you are the jealous one and over reacting about everything. His focus should be 100% on YOU a month into your relationship, heck even a YEAR into your relationship his focus should still be on you and only you!
I guess I'm not understanding how he is around this girl all day at work, and then still sees the need to talk and text her outside of work also. If he really was "done" with her, he wouldn't have the need to talk to her except on a professional level. Trust your gut, its usually right. And PS, SHE is putting things on social media to PURPOSEFULLY make you jealous. You are not in the wrong. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 212
| ive been in a similar situation and like someone else said, he is loving the attention. He wants to continue to have her wanting and chasing him, so he continues to throw her scraps. He is also enjoying the inflated ego of having you jealous and emotional over him. I think you need to just focus on you and making the relationship fun, stop giving her your thoughts it gives her power. Just completely ignore the situation and quit asking him about her and I imagine messing with her wont be as fun for him anymore.. Just be confident that you are the one he is dating and don't let him turn you into a crazy one too ;) lol. good luck. I do think it shows maturity that you realize this is him choosing to respond to her instead of making her out to be the problem and his to be the innocent one.. We girls tend to like to blame the evil other woman lol |
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 Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | Do you feel that you're overly jealous, or did he make you think that you were over-reacting? Remember, the best Defense is a good Offense. In other words, he can deflect blame by making it look like you're in the wrong IF YOU LET HIM. |
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