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Member
Posts: 12
| Racey Stacey - 2015-04-21 10:53 AM wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 11:21 AM Thank you for the replies everyone. I had expressed some misgivings about having children before to him, but I came home last night with the intent to let him know exactly my feelings on the subject, which I did.
To be honest, there have been some pretty big other issues that we had been trying to deal with, involving him being really insecure. He has always been super sensitive about my Ex (who I would NEVER get back with if he was the last man on earth), who my friends are, what I wear, what happens at a rodeo... So last night when I got home from work, he started questioning me...and my response was basically really??? He has major trust issues, and any time I work late (which is a LOT since I'm in the medical field) he questions me about what I was doing. There are few things crappier than working a 12-13 hour shift and coming home and getting the third degree about it.
So basically, in short we separated and I think that at this time its truly the best thing for both of us. I had given up a lot of the time I would normally spend riding to do other things with him & his family, but I wasn't feeling the support coming back toward me, and what I want to do. I think there were red flags initially about his insecurity that I should have taken more seriously. I have been trying to think about what God wants me to learn from this...and really I think maybe its that people cant change, even if they say they want to. Take it from someone who is married to a man like this.. You are so much better off without this guy. It will never change. It will likely get worse as it has in my case.. Good Luck!
Well I'm sorry to hear that. It was so disheartening and sad to me, that he felt the need to constantly question what I was doing and be suspicious. I have never cheated on anyone in my life, and I never will. But nothing that I said to comfort him or efforts I made to make him more comfortable had any effect. We had some serious talks about it, and I honestly thought that I got through to him a few times, but like you said, it only got worse, not better.
I don't understand what makes a person be that way. I have been cheated on & it did suck but it hasn't turned me into a suspicous weirdo either. He hadn't really been in a serious relationship before, so I don't know if part of it is immaturity, and he may grow out of it? IDK | |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
  
Location: Texas | I had a 10 year old when I found out I was pregnant again. I had gotten back into horses a few years before. When I found out I was pregnant I sold my horses. At the time another kid would have put too much on us trying to feed horses also. Plus I wasn't going to start a colt while I was pregnant and wasn't sure when I would have the time after she was born so instead of letting him sit I decided to sell. I regret regret regret selling my colt. He is doing fantastic (just like I thought he would) and everytime someone tells me they saw my colt and talk about how great he looked and how great he was doing I want to throw up a little.
That being said. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I always told everyone I did not want kids at all... ever. Didn't even like kids. lol Now I have 2 and if I have more then great. Granted I am one of those people that really only likes their own kids, I'm horrible I know.
After my daughter is old enough and I have time, I am going to beg to buy my colt back lol. If that doesn't happen because he already said he would have that horse until the day he dies... I'll find another horse and I'll take my kids with me and it will be even better IMO. Kids have a way of making you feel complete. I would have thought you were an idiot if you told me that before I had kids though lol. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 696
| pinx05 - 2015-04-22 10:22 AM I had a 10 year old when I found out I was pregnant again. I had gotten back into horses a few years before. When I found out I was pregnant I sold my horses. At the time another kid would have put too much on us trying to feed horses also. Plus I wasn't going to start a colt while I was pregnant and wasn't sure when I would have the time after she was born so instead of letting him sit I decided to sell. I regret regret regret selling my colt. He is doing fantastic (just like I thought he would) and everytime someone tells me they saw my colt and talk about how great he looked and how great he was doing I want to throw up a little.
That being said. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I always told everyone I did not want kids at all... ever. Didn't even like kids. lol Now I have 2 and if I have more then great. Granted I am one of those people that really only likes their own kids, I'm horrible I know.
After my daughter is old enough and I have time, I am going to beg to buy my colt back lol. If that doesn't happen because he already said he would have that horse until the day he dies... I'll find another horse and I'll take my kids with me and it will be even better IMO. Kids have a way of making you feel complete. I would have thought you were an idiot if you told me that before I had kids though lol.
You sound EXACTLY like me. i never really wanted kids or even liked kids. now that i have my own, i still don't really like other people's kids although i tolerate them a little easier lol but my kids are my world! | |
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Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | runnin.on.dreams - 2015-04-21 1:29 PM pinx05 - 2015-04-22 10:22 AM I had a 10 year old when I found out I was pregnant again. I had gotten back into horses a few years before. When I found out I was pregnant I sold my horses. At the time another kid would have put too much on us trying to feed horses also. Plus I wasn't going to start a colt while I was pregnant and wasn't sure when I would have the time after she was born so instead of letting him sit I decided to sell. I regret regret regret selling my colt. He is doing fantastic (just like I thought he would) and everytime someone tells me they saw my colt and talk about how great he looked and how great he was doing I want to throw up a little.
That being said. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I always told everyone I did not want kids at all... ever. Didn't even like kids. lol Now I have 2 and if I have more then great. Granted I am one of those people that really only likes their own kids, I'm horrible I know.
After my daughter is old enough and I have time, I am going to beg to buy my colt back lol. If that doesn't happen because he already said he would have that horse until the day he dies... I'll find another horse and I'll take my kids with me and it will be even better IMO. Kids have a way of making you feel complete. I would have thought you were an idiot if you told me that before I had kids though lol. You sound EXACTLY like me. i never really wanted kids or even liked kids. now that i have my own, i still don't really like other people's kids although i tolerate them a little easier lol but my kids are my world!
Well at least I am not alone lol. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | I will be marrying my non horsey SO in October....although we were young, I kade it clear right from the start..horses are my number one priority, they come before everything else. If he didn't want apart of it or understand that then he was not the guy for me. He has always been amazing about them and in the last couple years actually started to take more of an interest in them and is even considering starting to ride with me. We have talked about children and are wanting to start trying after we get married...He won my heart over again one day when he said "I think I want to learn how to ride, that way I can help you get all of them ridden at night and that way they can keep in shape when your pregnant" I love this man!!
I'm glad you got out of that. You need to find someone perfect for you and cares and wants what you want too! If they make you choose...then he isn't for you! | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | pinx05 - 2015-04-21 12:43 PM runnin.on.dreams - 2015-04-21 1:29 PM pinx05 - 2015-04-22 10:22 AM I had a 10 year old when I found out I was pregnant again. I had gotten back into horses a few years before. When I found out I was pregnant I sold my horses. At the time another kid would have put too much on us trying to feed horses also. Plus I wasn't going to start a colt while I was pregnant and wasn't sure when I would have the time after she was born so instead of letting him sit I decided to sell. I regret regret regret selling my colt. He is doing fantastic (just like I thought he would) and everytime someone tells me they saw my colt and talk about how great he looked and how great he was doing I want to throw up a little.
That being said. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I always told everyone I did not want kids at all... ever. Didn't even like kids. lol Now I have 2 and if I have more then great. Granted I am one of those people that really only likes their own kids, I'm horrible I know.
After my daughter is old enough and I have time, I am going to beg to buy my colt back lol. If that doesn't happen because he already said he would have that horse until the day he dies... I'll find another horse and I'll take my kids with me and it will be even better IMO. Kids have a way of making you feel complete. I would have thought you were an idiot if you told me that before I had kids though lol. You sound EXACTLY like me. i never really wanted kids or even liked kids. now that i have my own, i still don't really like other people's kids although i tolerate them a little easier lol but my kids are my world!
I will 3rd this. You are definately not alone. I love my daughter and neice, but basically tolerate others peoples kids. | |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-04-21 10:58 AM wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 10:23 AM Yeah and we recently had a discussion about marriage in which he ranted "its not going to be your way!" and informed me that my dad would be GIVING me to him, to be his, and that I should be willing to give up everything to start a life with him, including my friends. Thanks but no thanks ahole sounds like a creep....your better off.
Yeah wow....I suggest running and never looking back! I'm anything but a wealth of relationship experience, but I am not shy about letting anyone know that horses are my life. I will not give them up for anyone or anything. I'm single now but if I had a non-horsey SO I'd be supportive of their interests if they're supportive of mine. I'm so d@mn sick of snarky comments from my parents and others that I just won't put up with it from someone I could potentially be MARRYING.
I'm also like you with kids. I sorta like them but just don't find them cute and when I think about the future, I don't see myself being disappointed if I never have them. If I do ever have kids though I'd want to be a stay at home mom. I have no career goals other than make money so I can afford my horses. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
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Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Well at least his true self come out befor you got any deeper with him, congrats to standing up to him  | |
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Location: Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2015-04-21 3:51 PM Well at least his true self come out befor you got any deeper with him, congrats to standing up to him
Yes! Props to you for standing up to him when you saw his true colors, many women don't and even more men don't change!
You will find a man who supports you, encourages you, wants you better yourself and wants you to be happy - not control you.
Keep your head up, focus on your career and your happiness, life is short. | |
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Member
Posts: 12
| EqualRanch - 2015-04-21 3:58 PM Southtxponygirl - 2015-04-21 3:51 PM Well at least his true self come out befor you got any deeper with him, congrats to standing up to him
You will find a man who supports you, encourages you, wants you better yourself and wants you to be happy - not control you.
Keep your head up, focus on your career and your happiness, life is short.
Thanks you guys. I really appreciate the comments and support. And of course you're all right: thank God I didn't marry him.
I'm feeling a little tired and sad today, but I feel confident that I did the right thing. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 4:06 PM EqualRanch - 2015-04-21 3:58 PM Southtxponygirl - 2015-04-21 3:51 PM Well at least his true self come out befor you got any deeper with him, congrats to standing up to him
You will find a man who supports you, encourages you, wants you better yourself and wants you to be happy - not control you.
Keep your head up, focus on your career and your happiness, life is short. Thanks you guys. I really appreciate the comments and support. And of course you're all right: thank God I didn't marry him.
I'm feeling a little tired and sad today, but I feel confident that I did the right thing.
Thats unstandable you being tired and sad, your worn out mentally too. Hugs to you and give yourself a few days you will get to feeling better..  | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I dated a guy for almost a year.......controlling, always accused me of cheating, had absolutely no trust in me...I was so head over heels in love with him, I tried to look past his bad to just the good I saw in him. Which quite frankly, wasn't alot. He left me, I felt alone...sad...worthless.
We became friends again, he once again hurt me...so I walked away. The best advice I can say is to know what your worth is. Never allow someone to treat you in a way that you do not deserve. | |
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 Off the Wall Wacky
Posts: 2981
Location: Louisiana | It's just a conversation you have to have, with yourself and him.
My fiance had been together for a while when one day I was like, "Look, we have to talk about this seriously." He kinda knew I didn't want kids, but I made sure he understood I REALLY don't want kids. Ever. And although I know he would be happy IF it happens one day, he is perfectly fine not having kids. But that was something he really had to think about and decide for himself and his own happiness.
As for a horsey SO, I got lucky there and nabbed myself a team roper! LOL Although I can say I am definitely the one willing to make more sacrifices for the horses. So even though we both have horses and enjoy competing, we each have our own way of doing things.
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Off the Wall Wacky
Posts: 2981
Location: Louisiana | wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 1:20 PM Racey Stacey - 2015-04-21 10:53 AM wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 11:21 AM Thank you for the replies everyone. I had expressed some misgivings about having children before to him, but I came home last night with the intent to let him know exactly my feelings on the subject, which I did.
To be honest, there have been some pretty big other issues that we had been trying to deal with, involving him being really insecure. He has always been super sensitive about my Ex (who I would NEVER get back with if he was the last man on earth), who my friends are, what I wear, what happens at a rodeo... So last night when I got home from work, he started questioning me...and my response was basically really??? He has major trust issues, and any time I work late (which is a LOT since I'm in the medical field) he questions me about what I was doing. There are few things crappier than working a 12-13 hour shift and coming home and getting the third degree about it.
So basically, in short we separated and I think that at this time its truly the best thing for both of us. I had given up a lot of the time I would normally spend riding to do other things with him & his family, but I wasn't feeling the support coming back toward me, and what I want to do. I think there were red flags initially about his insecurity that I should have taken more seriously. I have been trying to think about what God wants me to learn from this...and really I think maybe its that people cant change, even if they say they want to. Take it from someone who is married to a man like this.. You are so much better off without this guy. It will never change. It will likely get worse as it has in my case.. Good Luck! Well I'm sorry to hear that. It was so disheartening and sad to me, that he felt the need to constantly question what I was doing and be suspicious. I have never cheated on anyone in my life, and I never will. But nothing that I said to comfort him or efforts I made to make him more comfortable had any effect. We had some serious talks about it, and I honestly thought that I got through to him a few times, but like you said, it only got worse, not better.
I don't understand what makes a person be that way. I have been cheated on & it did suck but it hasn't turned me into a suspicous weirdo either. He hadn't really been in a serious relationship before, so I don't know if part of it is immaturity, and he may grow out of it? IDK
My best friend dates a man like this. Do not think you can "prove" to him that you won't cheat on him. We went on a girls' trip last weekend and he called her the entire time checking in. He acused her before we left that we were going just to talk to guys and get drunk, and apparently sleep with strangers. Ok, freak.
He will ask her if she wants to break up with him, why is she doing this to him, he's driving himself crazy worrying about her, etc etc etc.
He has been this way since day one and I spoke my feelings then. She made the choice to stay with him and I shut my mouth on the matter.
He accuses her of flirting with the men in her office at work. That she wants to sleep with them secretly.
But if there is any question of HIS fidelity, he goes on the defense.
Insecurity and deceit doesn't look good on ANYONE.
You only have a few months invested in this person, cut your losses while it's easy. Because after a few years, it gets sooo much harder!
And this girl talks about marrying this man in the future, that she knows he loves her, blah blah blah. He's a fun guy to be around, and my fiance and him get along great, but I don't think he's the guy for my best friend.
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Member
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| hoofs_in_motion - 2015-04-21 4:16 PM I dated a guy for almost a year.......controlling, always accused me of cheating, had absolutely no trust in me...I was so head over heels in love with him, I tried to look past his bad to just the good I saw in him. Which quite frankly, wasn't alot. He left me, I felt alone...sad...worthless.
We became friends again, he once again hurt me...so I walked away. The best advice I can say is to know what your worth is. Never allow someone to treat you in a way that you do not deserve.
This sounds exactly like our relationship. It just sucks. Glad I'm out of that situation, and I intend to stay that way...
Thank you for sharing & for the insights. | |
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Member
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| dashnlotti - 2015-04-21 4:31 PM wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 1:20 PM Racey Stacey - 2015-04-21 10:53 AM wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 11:21 AM Thank you for the replies everyone. I had expressed some misgivings about having children before to him, but I came home last night with the intent to let him know exactly my feelings on the subject, which I did.
To be honest, there have been some pretty big other issues that we had been trying to deal with, involving him being really insecure. He has always been super sensitive about my Ex (who I would NEVER get back with if he was the last man on earth), who my friends are, what I wear, what happens at a rodeo... So last night when I got home from work, he started questioning me...and my response was basically really??? He has major trust issues, and any time I work late (which is a LOT since I'm in the medical field) he questions me about what I was doing. There are few things crappier than working a 12-13 hour shift and coming home and getting the third degree about it.
So basically, in short we separated and I think that at this time its truly the best thing for both of us. I had given up a lot of the time I would normally spend riding to do other things with him & his family, but I wasn't feeling the support coming back toward me, and what I want to do. I think there were red flags initially about his insecurity that I should have taken more seriously. I have been trying to think about what God wants me to learn from this...and really I think maybe its that people cant change, even if they say they want to. Take it from someone who is married to a man like this.. You are so much better off without this guy. It will never change. It will likely get worse as it has in my case.. Good Luck! Well I'm sorry to hear that. It was so disheartening and sad to me, that he felt the need to constantly question what I was doing and be suspicious. I have never cheated on anyone in my life, and I never will. But nothing that I said to comfort him or efforts I made to make him more comfortable had any effect. We had some serious talks about it, and I honestly thought that I got through to him a few times, but like you said, it only got worse, not better.
I don't understand what makes a person be that way. I have been cheated on & it did suck but it hasn't turned me into a suspicous weirdo either. He hadn't really been in a serious relationship before, so I don't know if part of it is immaturity, and he may grow out of it? IDK
He will ask her if she wants to break up with him, why is she doing this to him, he's driving himself crazy worrying about her, etc etc etc.
He has been this way since day one and I spoke my feelings then. She made the choice to stay with him and I shut my mouth on the matter.
He accuses her of flirting with the men in her office at work. That she wants to sleep with them secretly.
But if there is any question of HIS fidelity, he goes on the defense.
Insecurity and deceit doesn't look good on ANYONE.
You only have a few months invested in this person, cut your losses while it's easy. Because after a few years, it gets sooo much harder!
And this girl talks about marrying this man in the future, that she knows he loves her, blah blah blah. He's a fun guy to be around, and my fiance and him get along great, but I don't think he's the guy for my best friend.
Yep exactly the truth. I've been thinking that I could "prove" it, since I've never cheated on anyone and never would. But I guess there's something there in mind that is beyond logic. My guy was exactly like you describe!! Accused me of cheating multiple times... IDK. I really don't get it. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Glad you got out.
Before my current SO I had a very very abusive SO. Come to find out he accused me of cheating because he was cheating...
2 years later I finally got away from him. Moved to Texas, started all over again, and I couldn't be happier. My current SO is my grizzly bear 6 foot 4ish protector and my loving teddy bear.
You getting out of this relationship will teach you to appreciate all the little things the right man God has in mind for you will do for you. I still cry every time he brings me a small gift home just because. He knows I love Wild Daisies:) He has no shame whooping his big black dodge over to pick them for me either. I would have never appreciated that before the wrong man said: "Daises are cheap and look plain, you're getting roses for Valentines so people don't think I cut corners." I'm happy with one plain daisy over 4 dozen roses any day.  | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| IRunOnFaith - 2015-04-21 4:03 PM
Glad you got out.
Before my current SO I had a very very abusive SO. Come to find out he accused me of cheating because he was cheating...
2 years later I finally got away from him. Moved to Texas, started all over again, and I couldn't be happier. My current SO is my grizzly bear 6 foot 4ish protector and my loving teddy bear.
You getting out of this relationship will teach you to appreciate all the little things the right man God has in mind for you will do for you. I still cry every time he brings me a small gift home just because. He knows I love Wild Daisies:) He has no shame whooping his big black dodge over to pick them for me either. I would have never appreciated that before the wrong man said: "Daises are cheap and look plain, you're getting roses for Valentines so people don't think I cut corners." I'm happy with one plain daisy over 4 dozen roses any day.
Your man sounds like mine. And I also never wanted kids before I met my husband. I remember the first night that he spent with me, I told him "you can stay with me but you will have to muck stalls and throw hay with me in the morning. And morning means when the sun comes up." He did it and has helped me every day for 3 years now. He brings me sunflowers or pumpkins when he feels inclined, because those things make me happy. And not on Valentine's Day or whenever you are "supposed" to give gifts...because I hate Hallmark Holidays and he knows it. He is the one who encourages my barrel racing even when he could be doing something else. When I found out I was pregnant I was not exactly excited about it...I ran my horse until I was about 8 months along...we just ran slow. Now the baby fits seamlessly into our lives at 3 months old. I run, he holds baby. It's great. Yes, I have a colt to start that isn't getting started so the colt is going to training and I will ride him at the trainer's on the weekend. Like someone else said, I think I would throw up if I sold him and then started to see him win...without me. But spending time with my baby at the age he is now is priceless, even as heartless and uninterested in children as I was before I found the right man. Oh...and stay away from the "partying" on rodeo weekend. That's how babies get born. True story...there are about 5 new babies all within a week or 2 of mine thanks to rodeo weekend. LOL | |
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Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 5:54 PM dashnlotti - 2015-04-21 4:31 PM wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 1:20 PM Racey Stacey - 2015-04-21 10:53 AM wa.cowgirl - 2015-04-21 11:21 AM Thank you for the replies everyone. I had expressed some misgivings about having children before to him, but I came home last night with the intent to let him know exactly my feelings on the subject, which I did.
To be honest, there have been some pretty big other issues that we had been trying to deal with, involving him being really insecure. He has always been super sensitive about my Ex (who I would NEVER get back with if he was the last man on earth), who my friends are, what I wear, what happens at a rodeo... So last night when I got home from work, he started questioning me...and my response was basically really??? He has major trust issues, and any time I work late (which is a LOT since I'm in the medical field) he questions me about what I was doing. There are few things crappier than working a 12-13 hour shift and coming home and getting the third degree about it.
So basically, in short we separated and I think that at this time its truly the best thing for both of us. I had given up a lot of the time I would normally spend riding to do other things with him & his family, but I wasn't feeling the support coming back toward me, and what I want to do. I think there were red flags initially about his insecurity that I should have taken more seriously. I have been trying to think about what God wants me to learn from this...and really I think maybe its that people cant change, even if they say they want to. Take it from someone who is married to a man like this.. You are so much better off without this guy. It will never change. It will likely get worse as it has in my case.. Good Luck! Well I'm sorry to hear that. It was so disheartening and sad to me, that he felt the need to constantly question what I was doing and be suspicious. I have never cheated on anyone in my life, and I never will. But nothing that I said to comfort him or efforts I made to make him more comfortable had any effect. We had some serious talks about it, and I honestly thought that I got through to him a few times, but like you said, it only got worse, not better.
I don't understand what makes a person be that way. I have been cheated on & it did suck but it hasn't turned me into a suspicous weirdo either. He hadn't really been in a serious relationship before, so I don't know if part of it is immaturity, and he may grow out of it? IDK
He will ask her if she wants to break up with him, why is she doing this to him, he's driving himself crazy worrying about her, etc etc etc.
He has been this way since day one and I spoke my feelings then. She made the choice to stay with him and I shut my mouth on the matter.
He accuses her of flirting with the men in her office at work. That she wants to sleep with them secretly.
But if there is any question of HIS fidelity, he goes on the defense.
Insecurity and deceit doesn't look good on ANYONE.
You only have a few months invested in this person, cut your losses while it's easy. Because after a few years, it gets sooo much harder!
And this girl talks about marrying this man in the future, that she knows he loves her, blah blah blah. He's a fun guy to be around, and my fiance and him get along great, but I don't think he's the guy for my best friend.
Yep exactly the truth. I've been thinking that I could "prove" it, since I've never cheated on anyone and never would. But I guess there's something there in mind that is beyond logic. My guy was exactly like you describe!! Accused me of cheating multiple times... IDK. I really don't get it.
My ex husband was controlling and always accusing me of cheating... turns out he just had a guilty conscience.
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Member
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| I should have stopped talking to him. He keeps trying to make this all my fault... He's all in a tither because now that we separated, I'm friends with my ex again on Facebook. While we were together, it was a huge deal to him that I have NO contact with my ex. He would flip about an innocent phone call every few months. I was with the ex 8 years, had horses together, etc, so we would still talk occasionally. Is it really that weird to want to stay in touch with an ex??? It's not like I would ever take him back- I broke it off, and with good reason. He cheated on me, but at least he didn't make my life a living hell like this guy.
Now my mare finally foaled yesterday and she's trying to kill her baby pacing all over the pasture and not letting him nurse. Thank god neighbors were watching & called me, so I went home and sedated her and tied her up. Now back at work, worrying.
My best friend told me this morning that she's worried he could get violent. I sleep with a glock by the bed anyway. Im so stressed out. Why did/do I love this guy? I could see myself being single for a very very long time... | |
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