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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
    
Location: In the Hills of Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-09-10 7:09 PM Why does it matter? I was 20 when I was pregnant with my daughter......and no it wasn't on purpose. I don't think you need to generalize all those who are young getting pregnant on purpose to all young women. Crap happens
We aren't talking about the opps...We are talking about the young that plan their opps...Huge difference. Whether it be for trapping a man, following a way of life that has been handed down generation to generation or for attention...young...unmarried girls getting pregnant on purpose is a problem. | |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Peewee212 - 2015-09-10 3:36 PM
My husbands first girlfriend did this, they dated for maybe 6 months, she made friends with one of my husbands best friends(cousin) girlfriends who was a senior in high school, this girl was first year in college. They schemed up this plan to get pregnant at the same time, 9 months later they have their kids less then 10 days apart from one another. My husband had left this girl soon after he was informed what they did, his cousin married his girlfriend before she had the baby. The girl that got her wedding informed all of the family what this other girl had done (even though she did the same thing), and told them they got on the internet to find out what month they needed to get pregnant to have the babies a certain time of year ( Im not sure why they needed the internet to tell them how far away nine months is and one of them was a nursing student at the time), then that they were taking prenatals, and they were both said they were on birth control and lied about it. This was crazy to me, and the thing is both of these girls I think come from pretty good families.
And your all probably wondering how I ended up with the man who left his girlfriend. (Or not) I grew up in the same area, we were all friends growing up, never had any intentions of being in a relationship with him, I went to college and somehow he found a way to make me fall for him. We've been together for almost 8 years now, married for 4.5 years. And I have a wonderful step daughter. The thing is she's now old enough to start asking questions. She has always known me as the woman with her dad, she was 2 months old when I finally agreed to date my now husband. Her mom married when she was about 4. The relationship between her and us is barely speaking. I actually do not speak to her, we had tried to be friends in the beginning, but she was always making stuff up about me and my family (who she still does not know), telling people that her and my husband were thinking of getting back together, etc. I finally cut all ties, and haven't spoken to her in probably 3 years. My husband talks to her only if his daughter needs picked up or dropped off somewhere different than what the parenting plan states, but the rest is all in paper, we didn't actually have a parenting plan until my step daughter was 5, her mom had this thing about picking fights every few months or so (my husband is not a fighter, but shed always try really hard to bring me into it), well we both had had enough and finally decided to take her to court (they settled outside), but she now hates us even more because we get a lot more time with his daughter. We have always been really careful about things that are said, but I've always made my step daughter feel comfortable about talking about her mom, etc. I don't want her to know how much we really don't like one another, and so far I think we've done pretty good. And its not that I just completely hate her mom, because its not like that, its just we found everyones lives are better if the relationship is a minimal one, and I think its a mutual feeling. She is the facebooker type, I have never had facebook nor has my husband, but she would try to find things about us on it, she actually had the nerve to ask my husband about 2 wks after we were married if I was pregnant. I found out later she was snooping on my moms facebook and someone had said congratulations grandma (my brother was expecting), I then had my mom set her personal setting to friends only, not that that can keep her from snooping. I had to confront her via text about it, and I ask her very nicely to not bring her business in to ours, if it was something to do with her daughter it was fine to talk to my husband, but I wasn't ok with her asking us about our lives, etc. and I also explained to her that if we had news that we were expecting it would be something we as in me and my husband would want to tell his daughter. The next weekend when my step daughter came, she told me her mom told her I had a baby in my tummy.
So now that I've dragged that out, I have actually never come out and told somewhat strangers that story, something I have always kept with family and close friends, not something we try to dwell on and now why after so many years Im thinking about the decision this girl made. I guess I watch my step daughter grow up, and shes such a beautiful, smart girl, I hope that some how some way we can keep her from making the same choice her mom made. I wouldn't trade her for anything, but to me that is one of the most selfish things a woman can do. The thing is she doesn't realize how lucky her daughter is to have so many people that love her, because I know some people are in different situations and they don't have the best of both worlds, I can say I think my step daughter does. It's still hard to watch her have to share holidays (she's always missing out, we don't tell her that) and its hard to watch her get passed around. We've tried to make the best of it, but I think it hurts the children more than anything. All because some girl wanted to get pregnant to keep a man around, and do it with her best friend.....
Since then I have met about 3-4 other girls who have done the same thing, gotten pregnant on purpose. One of those is just like what someone mentioned above, for welfare, she came from a family of 10 kids, pretty much all different dads. She got pregnant and had been on welfare until about a 2 years ago, she's finally realizing what a good job and a support system does for her. I just couldn't imagine making that kind of decision, I had a goal, I wanted to go to college and get a job and support myself before anyone else was going to support me. And that's what I did. And I thank God everyday for the life he has given me, we have had our shares of ups and downs, and have been through more than most in our first 5 years of marriage, but he has a plan for us. This is just a little part of it.
Sorry about the long post, thanks to those who listen.
It sounds to me like your stepdaughter is a blessed young lady to have such a good stepmom. A lot of "steps" air all the dirty laundry in front of the kids and use them as a pawn, and I think it's great that you're not doing that. It will benefit all of you later, but especially that little girl. . . . | |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | When I taught high school I knew several girls who wanted to get pregnant so they would keep their boyfriend. Some of them truly wanted to be a mom that early. I think its because of the environment they were raised in, that it was normal for them to get pregnant in their teens. The sad thing is, which they all find out.. rarely does having a baby with a guy lock them down. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
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Location: Kansas | Nevertooold - 2015-09-10 7:34 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2015-09-10 7:09 PM Why does it matter? I was 20 when I was pregnant with my daughter......and no it wasn't on purpose. I don't think you need to generalize all those who are young getting pregnant on purpose to all young women. Crap happens We aren't talking about the opps...We are talking about the young that plan their opps...Huge difference. Whether it be for trapping a man, following a way of life that has been handed down generation to generation or for attention...young...unmarried girls getting pregnant on purpose is a problem.
while yes I do completely understand that, and yes it's a problem.....being a single parent is not fun. What is thing was extremely rude was a comment made earlier on the thread that stated that having a child out of wedlock means living in poverty....that's pretty bold to say. | |
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You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | Just a side note. so I turned 26 in February and got kicked off my parents insurance. I have to have health insurance. Technically, because i support myself with federal student loans right now because I can't work ENOUGH to pay my bills in school... I am below the poverty line and qualify for free health care. However, Texas doesn't recognize obamacare or whatever addition they did to it. So, because of that, Texas has nothing to offer me. I was told, if I were pregnant, I'd qualify. I'm not going to get pregnant. ha. Sooo now I have to pay $200 a month with income I do not have to have health insurance. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | casualdust07 - 2015-09-11 7:30 AM
When I taught high school I knew several girls who wanted to get pregnant so they would keep their boyfriend. Some of them truly wanted to be a mom that early. I think its because of the environment they were raised in, that it was normal for them to get pregnant in their teens. The sad thing is, which they all find out.. rarely does having a baby with a guy lock them down.
There is this crazy story in my church that the MOTHER of my friends boyfriend wanted her son to get the girl (lets call her Joan) pregnant so they could merge two big families together. Eventually Joan did get pregnant, is now in her senior year of high school, and with so much drama that happened between the two families when she found out she was pregnant, the boyfriend's family left town, and now Joan is on her own. She's due later this year and I can't help but feeling sorry for her. | |
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Regular
Posts: 82
| hoofs_in_motion - 2015-09-11 7:49 AM
Nevertooold - 2015-09-10 7:34 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2015-09-10 7:09 PM Why does it matter? I was 20 when I was pregnant with my daughter......and no it wasn't on purpose. I don't think you need to generalize all those who are young getting pregnant on purpose to all young women. Crap happens We aren't talking about the opps...We are talking about the young that plan their opps...Huge difference. Whether it be for trapping a man, following a way of life that has been handed down generation to generation or for attention...young...unmarried girls getting pregnant on purpose is a problem.
I agree. Extremely naive and uneducated assumption. | |
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I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-09-11 7:49 AM Nevertooold - 2015-09-10 7:34 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2015-09-10 7:09 PM Why does it matter? I was 20 when I was pregnant with my daughter......and no it wasn't on purpose. I don't think you need to generalize all those who are young getting pregnant on purpose to all young women. Crap happens We aren't talking about the opps...We are talking about the young that plan their opps...Huge difference. Whether it be for trapping a man, following a way of life that has been handed down generation to generation or for attention...young...unmarried girls getting pregnant on purpose is a problem.
The stats say that 80% of teenage woman that have had births out of wedlock end up on welfare. Pretty scary facts. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
Location: Central Texas | komet. - 2015-09-10 3:30 PM
equussynergy - 2015-09-10 2:05 PM
Well let me tell you a little story. I grew up in a small poor little town. My Mom got hurt badly at work and had to go on assistance so we wouldn't be homeless. When I turned 18 I couldn't stay with my mom anymore but I was caring for her and helping her with things she couldn't do. So we went down to social services and talked to my mom's case worker about what we could do, I was working but not making enough to pay all our bills. That Lady looked straight at me and asked, "Are your pregnant" Shocked I said No!, I was a size 1 Lol. She asked me again and then add that if I were pregnant she could just sign me up for benefits, add me to my moms rental agreement and even get me signed up to go our community college. I told her again there was no way I was pregnant and she said well then you'll have to move out, but come in if anything changes. We walked out of that office stunned at what had just happened and what we were told. She basically told me, get knocked up and we will give you all these free stuff. My sister did go down that road, She got free housing, reduced utilities, $600 in food stamps, medical, and went to school to be a nurse pretty much for free all because she had two kids out of wedlock. It is disgusting to me.
All that and they can drag it in front of a judge and get court ordered child support. Ideally they can produce children by more than one father and Really get the money pouring in.
Sorry but I disagree. I have worked in child support for 27 years. Unfortanately, the fathers of these children are in the same financial category as the mothers, meaning they have no money, no education to speak of and no motivation to do anything about it. They may get court ordered child support but they don't pay so it ends up being a further drain on taxpayer money. We get to pay to keep taking them to court to establish the child support and then again and again to try and make them pay the child support at the expense of the taxpayer. It's a cycle that nevers ends because normally it continues when the children grow up and start having their own children. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
Location: Central Texas | I am going to just jump right out there with this.......if the boys or men in question would take responsibilty for ensuring protection (ie a condom), they in most part will not be a baby daddy to a child they may not want. Just a thought. They should not be absolved of any responsiblilty for producing a child if they did not take the precaution against having one in the first place. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Chandler's Mom - 2015-09-10 8:47 PM
Peewee212 - 2015-09-10 3:36 PM
My husbands first girlfriend did this, they dated for maybe 6 months, she made friends with one of my husbands best friends(cousin) girlfriends who was a senior in high school, this girl was first year in college. They schemed up this plan to get pregnant at the same time, 9 months later they have their kids less then 10 days apart from one another. My husband had left this girl soon after he was informed what they did, his cousin married his girlfriend before she had the baby. The girl that got her wedding informed all of the family what this other girl had done (even though she did the same thing), and told them they got on the internet to find out what month they needed to get pregnant to have the babies a certain time of year ( Im not sure why they needed the internet to tell them how far away nine months is and one of them was a nursing student at the time), then that they were taking prenatals, and they were both said they were on birth control and lied about it. This was crazy to me, and the thing is both of these girls I think come from pretty good families.
And your all probably wondering how I ended up with the man who left his girlfriend. (Or not) I grew up in the same area, we were all friends growing up, never had any intentions of being in a relationship with him, I went to college and somehow he found a way to make me fall for him. We've been together for almost 8 years now, married for 4.5 years. And I have a wonderful step daughter. The thing is she's now old enough to start asking questions. She has always known me as the woman with her dad, she was 2 months old when I finally agreed to date my now husband. Her mom married when she was about 4. The relationship between her and us is barely speaking. I actually do not speak to her, we had tried to be friends in the beginning, but she was always making stuff up about me and my family (who she still does not know), telling people that her and my husband were thinking of getting back together, etc. I finally cut all ties, and haven't spoken to her in probably 3 years. My husband talks to her only if his daughter needs picked up or dropped off somewhere different than what the parenting plan states, but the rest is all in paper, we didn't actually have a parenting plan until my step daughter was 5, her mom had this thing about picking fights every few months or so (my husband is not a fighter, but shed always try really hard to bring me into it), well we both had had enough and finally decided to take her to court (they settled outside), but she now hates us even more because we get a lot more time with his daughter. We have always been really careful about things that are said, but I've always made my step daughter feel comfortable about talking about her mom, etc. I don't want her to know how much we really don't like one another, and so far I think we've done pretty good. And its not that I just completely hate her mom, because its not like that, its just we found everyones lives are better if the relationship is a minimal one, and I think its a mutual feeling. She is the facebooker type, I have never had facebook nor has my husband, but she would try to find things about us on it, she actually had the nerve to ask my husband about 2 wks after we were married if I was pregnant. I found out later she was snooping on my moms facebook and someone had said congratulations grandma (my brother was expecting), I then had my mom set her personal setting to friends only, not that that can keep her from snooping. I had to confront her via text about it, and I ask her very nicely to not bring her business in to ours, if it was something to do with her daughter it was fine to talk to my husband, but I wasn't ok with her asking us about our lives, etc. and I also explained to her that if we had news that we were expecting it would be something we as in me and my husband would want to tell his daughter. The next weekend when my step daughter came, she told me her mom told her I had a baby in my tummy.
So now that I've dragged that out, I have actually never come out and told somewhat strangers that story, something I have always kept with family and close friends, not something we try to dwell on and now why after so many years Im thinking about the decision this girl made. I guess I watch my step daughter grow up, and shes such a beautiful, smart girl, I hope that some how some way we can keep her from making the same choice her mom made. I wouldn't trade her for anything, but to me that is one of the most selfish things a woman can do. The thing is she doesn't realize how lucky her daughter is to have so many people that love her, because I know some people are in different situations and they don't have the best of both worlds, I can say I think my step daughter does. It's still hard to watch her have to share holidays (she's always missing out, we don't tell her that) and its hard to watch her get passed around. We've tried to make the best of it, but I think it hurts the children more than anything. All because some girl wanted to get pregnant to keep a man around, and do it with her best friend.....
Since then I have met about 3-4 other girls who have done the same thing, gotten pregnant on purpose. One of those is just like what someone mentioned above, for welfare, she came from a family of 10 kids, pretty much all different dads. She got pregnant and had been on welfare until about a 2 years ago, she's finally realizing what a good job and a support system does for her. I just couldn't imagine making that kind of decision, I had a goal, I wanted to go to college and get a job and support myself before anyone else was going to support me. And that's what I did. And I thank God everyday for the life he has given me, we have had our shares of ups and downs, and have been through more than most in our first 5 years of marriage, but he has a plan for us. This is just a little part of it.
Sorry about the long post, thanks to those who listen.
It sounds to me like your stepdaughter is a blessed young lady to have such a good stepmom. A lot of "steps" air all the dirty laundry in front of the kids and use them as a pawn, and I think it's great that you're not doing that. It will benefit all of you later, but especially that little girl. . . .
Thank you. I appreciate that. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | This thread made me think of that movie Idiocracy.
Actually, I see so much these days that reminds me of that movie. Sad. | |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| Our friends' daughter did just this - at 18, barely graduated high school. She and her boyfriend thought it would be "fun" to have a baby. The whole thing is a Jerry Spring show. Same girl is now 23, still lives at home with her parents but now had a second child with the sperm donor - who is really not around much. It really makes me sad, for all of them. And - she drives a pretty nice pickup, gets her nails and hair done every two weeks, and goes out and parties on the weekends while grandma watches the kids. I know who the real culprit is in ths one.  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | ampratt - 2015-09-11 2:14 PM
komet. - 2015-09-10 3:30 PM
equussynergy - 2015-09-10 2:05 PM
Well let me tell you a little story. I grew up in a small poor little town. My Mom got hurt badly at work and had to go on assistance so we wouldn't be homeless. When I turned 18 I couldn't stay with my mom anymore but I was caring for her and helping her with things she couldn't do. So we went down to social services and talked to my mom's case worker about what we could do, I was working but not making enough to pay all our bills. That Lady looked straight at me and asked, "Are your pregnant" Shocked I said No!, I was a size 1 Lol. She asked me again and then add that if I were pregnant she could just sign me up for benefits, add me to my moms rental agreement and even get me signed up to go our community college. I told her again there was no way I was pregnant and she said well then you'll have to move out, but come in if anything changes. We walked out of that office stunned at what had just happened and what we were told. She basically told me, get knocked up and we will give you all these free stuff. My sister did go down that road, She got free housing, reduced utilities, $600 in food stamps, medical, and went to school to be a nurse pretty much for free all because she had two kids out of wedlock. It is disgusting to me.
All that and they can drag it in front of a judge and get court ordered child support. Ideally they can produce children by more than one father and Really get the money pouring in.
Sorry but I disagree. I have worked in child support for 27 years. Unfortanately, the fathers of these children are in the same financial category as the mothers, meaning they have no money, no education to speak of and no motivation to do anything about it. They may get court ordered child support but they don't pay so it ends up being a further drain on taxpayer money. We get to pay to keep taking them to court to establish the child support and then again and again to try and make them pay the child support at the expense of the taxpayer. It's a cycle that nevers ends because normally it continues when the children grow up and start having their own children.
Oh, but the things that can happen to the father if he does not pay....
Some of the most common penalties for nonpayment of child support include the following:
Warrant issued for arrest, which may be criminal or civil
Finding of contempt of court
Fines, jail, or both
Garnishment of wages, including unemployment and worker's compensation
Denial of tax refunds
Exclusion from receipt of certain government benefits
Revocation of passport
Suspension, revocation or denial of various licenses—professional, driver's, hunting/fishing/boating
Having a lien placed on property to cover payment | |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | Why? Low self image, low self esteem, feeling they don't matter or are not enough. Feeling unloved... Some young ladies believe that having a baby will give them something to love and someone to love them back, without considering all the time, energy, committment and money that children require. Calling these girls stupid, ignorant, trapping a man, etc.. does nothing for the self image of these girls, in fact it damages them further. Not to mention there is the boy involved and he obviously didn't put a jacket on it, he's as much to blame in my book, but he receives far less finger pointing as it is much more acceptable for him to be sexually active in our society. Double standard.
And it doesn't just happen in the ghettos... jeez. Young, unmarried, single mothers come from every town, every walk of life, every income.. Though the vast majority of them are already living in low income/poverty and that is all the know or are taught. It doesn't have to be this way!
The real question we should be asking ourselves, how do we (I) make a difference? How can we teach these young girls that waiting for the right man, growing up (maturing) and getting an education gives them a better chance at the good life? How do we improve their self image, self confidence? There are so many programs out there that need volunteers; Big Sister, Church youth groups, Youth activity centers, Boys and Girls clubs, etc. It only takes a few hours of our time each week to volunteer. Sometimes the simple act of having an adult just listen to their story, providing a hug and empathy (without being judgemental) goes a long way.
Whatever their reasons, I just see children having children... I find it heartbreaking...
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | komet. - 2015-09-11 2:21 PM ampratt - 2015-09-11 2:14 PM komet. - 2015-09-10 3:30 PM All that and they can drag it in front of a judge and get court ordered child support. Ideally they can produce children by more than one father and Really get the money pouring in. Sorry but I disagree. I have worked in child support for 27 years. Unfortanately, the fathers of these children are in the same financial category as the mothers, meaning they have no money, no education to speak of and no motivation to do anything about it. They may get court ordered child support but they don't pay so it ends up being a further drain on taxpayer money. We get to pay to keep taking them to court to establish the child support and then again and again to try and make them pay the child support at the expense of the taxpayer. It's a cycle that nevers ends because normally it continues when the children grow up and start having their own children. Oh, but the things that can happen to the father if he does not pay.... Some of the most common penalties for nonpayment of child support include the following: Warrant issued for arrest, which may be criminal or civil Finding of contempt of court Fines, jail, or both Garnishment of wages, including unemployment and worker's compensation Denial of tax refunds Exclusion from receipt of certain government benefits Revocation of passport Suspension, revocation or denial of various licenses—professional, driver's, hunting/fishing/boating Having a lien placed on property to cover payment
^^^ And all of this grief could have been avoided for price of $1.00 condom! | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Im glad somebody finally brought up the man and using a condom.......simple enough right? Wear a condom!
I asked my husband, boyfriend at the time why? Why he let it happen?
And I don't want anyone to judge, or be harsh, but from what I could get out of it was he was taught growing up in this Catholic family, that it was a sin to use condoms or use birth control, his mother told them how wrong it was to use condoms, against their religion, but I guess she misunderstood the whole premarital sex part of being against their religion also. I will never understand this reasoning. I have a very difficult relationship with my mother in law, and Im not disrespecting the Catholic faith, this woman was not always Catholic and the way she lives the faith is not the Catholic way nor any other faith. Its all show (whole other story) She had the nerve to ask my husband if I was on birth control? Really? He told me he told her to ask me because he knew I wouldn't be afraid to tell her to mind her own business. This was her second son that had a child with someone he never had intentions of marrying, so you can imagine how she felt when her second son went and did the same thing. And don't get me wrong Im not blaming his mother for what he did or his brother chose to do. But from what I was told he thought he could trust the girl, why I don't know? I guess I can see it in a sense that he trusted me, and he truly did and still does, but it would be different today if we got pregnant than it would have been 8 years ago, we are happily married and we are both at points in our lives that we would be ok with expanding our family. Im 26 and having a step daughter has been amazing, but I haven't had kids myself. I wanted to work and just be married for awhile. I want kids, several of them I just wanted to be older, which is everyones own choice.
So I guess in a way Im trying to defend my husband, but in the same sense I don't understand why the men let it happen either.
I guess this is where I've asked God to help me understand his plans for us. To guide me and help me make the best of what life he has handed me and my husband. I have to believe this is all part of his plan for us. | |
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I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | Anniemae - 2015-09-11 4:50 PM Why? Low self image, low self esteem, feeling they don't matter or are not enough. Feeling unloved... Some young ladies believe that having a baby will give them something to love and someone to love them back, without considering all the time, energy, committment and money that children require. Calling these girls stupid, ignorant, trapping a man, etc.. does nothing for the self image of these girls, in fact it damages them further. Not to mention there is the boy involved and he obviously didn't put a jacket on it, he's as much to blame in my book, but he receives far less finger pointing as it is much more acceptable for him to be sexually active in our society. Double standard.
And it doesn't just happen in the ghettos... jeez. Young, unmarried, single mothers come from every town, every walk of life, every income.. Though the vast majority of them are already living in low income/poverty and that is all the know or are taught. It doesn't have to be this way!
The real question we should be asking ourselves, how do we (I) make a difference? How can we teach these young girls that waiting for the right man, growing up (maturing) and getting an education gives them a better chance at the good life? How do we improve their self image, self confidence? There are so many programs out there that need volunteers; Big Sister, Church youth groups, Youth activity centers, Boys and Girls clubs, etc. It only takes a few hours of our time each week to volunteer. Sometimes the simple act of having an adult just listen to their story, providing a hug and empathy (without being judgemental) goes a long way.
Whatever their reasons, I just see children having children... I find it heartbreaking...
I'm sure this is in my response. Facts are facts and you can't change them. This doesn't only happen in the ghettos but the majority does. It's time for the black community to step up and change what is happening. Families make a huge difference and so many black families never know what it is to have a father.
On the other side...I personally know unwed single mothers that do great. They came from strong families and they went on to get a good education and good jobs that enabled them to be good caretakers. They had strong family values to push them forward instead of following in their mother's footsteps of being a welfare parent.
Racial or ethnic groupPercent of births considered "non-marital"Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders17 percent
Non-Hispanic whites29 percent
Hispanics53 percent
American Indian and Native Alaskans66 percent
Non-Hispanic blacks73 percent
Edited by Nevertooold 2015-09-11 7:35 PM
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I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | Just for the record..this is what this thread is about..
"Why do young girls get pregnant on purpose?" this is what I'm adressing and has nothing to do with mistakes...It's about young unwed girls that get married on purpose. Most of the time it is to try to trap a man or it is for money. | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Peewee212 - 2015-09-11 2:37 PM
Chandler's Mom - 2015-09-10 8:47 PM
Peewee212 - 2015-09-10 3:36 PM
My husbands first girlfriend did this, they dated for maybe 6 months, she made friends with one of my husbands best friends(cousin) girlfriends who was a senior in high school, this girl was first year in college. They schemed up this plan to get pregnant at the same time, 9 months later they have their kids less then 10 days apart from one another. My husband had left this girl soon after he was informed what they did, his cousin married his girlfriend before she had the baby. The girl that got her wedding informed all of the family what this other girl had done (even though she did the same thing), and told them they got on the internet to find out what month they needed to get pregnant to have the babies a certain time of year ( Im not sure why they needed the internet to tell them how far away nine months is and one of them was a nursing student at the time), then that they were taking prenatals, and they were both said they were on birth control and lied about it. This was crazy to me, and the thing is both of these girls I think come from pretty good families.
And your all probably wondering how I ended up with the man who left his girlfriend. (Or not) I grew up in the same area, we were all friends growing up, never had any intentions of being in a relationship with him, I went to college and somehow he found a way to make me fall for him. We've been together for almost 8 years now, married for 4.5 years. And I have a wonderful step daughter. The thing is she's now old enough to start asking questions. She has always known me as the woman with her dad, she was 2 months old when I finally agreed to date my now husband. Her mom married when she was about 4. The relationship between her and us is barely speaking. I actually do not speak to her, we had tried to be friends in the beginning, but she was always making stuff up about me and my family (who she still does not know), telling people that her and my husband were thinking of getting back together, etc. I finally cut all ties, and haven't spoken to her in probably 3 years. My husband talks to her only if his daughter needs picked up or dropped off somewhere different than what the parenting plan states, but the rest is all in paper, we didn't actually have a parenting plan until my step daughter was 5, her mom had this thing about picking fights every few months or so (my husband is not a fighter, but shed always try really hard to bring me into it), well we both had had enough and finally decided to take her to court (they settled outside), but she now hates us even more because we get a lot more time with his daughter. We have always been really careful about things that are said, but I've always made my step daughter feel comfortable about talking about her mom, etc. I don't want her to know how much we really don't like one another, and so far I think we've done pretty good. And its not that I just completely hate her mom, because its not like that, its just we found everyones lives are better if the relationship is a minimal one, and I think its a mutual feeling. She is the facebooker type, I have never had facebook nor has my husband, but she would try to find things about us on it, she actually had the nerve to ask my husband about 2 wks after we were married if I was pregnant. I found out later she was snooping on my moms facebook and someone had said congratulations grandma (my brother was expecting), I then had my mom set her personal setting to friends only, not that that can keep her from snooping. I had to confront her via text about it, and I ask her very nicely to not bring her business in to ours, if it was something to do with her daughter it was fine to talk to my husband, but I wasn't ok with her asking us about our lives, etc. and I also explained to her that if we had news that we were expecting it would be something we as in me and my husband would want to tell his daughter. The next weekend when my step daughter came, she told me her mom told her I had a baby in my tummy.
So now that I've dragged that out, I have actually never come out and told somewhat strangers that story, something I have always kept with family and close friends, not something we try to dwell on and now why after so many years Im thinking about the decision this girl made. I guess I watch my step daughter grow up, and shes such a beautiful, smart girl, I hope that some how some way we can keep her from making the same choice her mom made. I wouldn't trade her for anything, but to me that is one of the most selfish things a woman can do. The thing is she doesn't realize how lucky her daughter is to have so many people that love her, because I know some people are in different situations and they don't have the best of both worlds, I can say I think my step daughter does. It's still hard to watch her have to share holidays (she's always missing out, we don't tell her that) and its hard to watch her get passed around. We've tried to make the best of it, but I think it hurts the children more than anything. All because some girl wanted to get pregnant to keep a man around, and do it with her best friend.....
Since then I have met about 3-4 other girls who have done the same thing, gotten pregnant on purpose. One of those is just like what someone mentioned above, for welfare, she came from a family of 10 kids, pretty much all different dads. She got pregnant and had been on welfare until about a 2 years ago, she's finally realizing what a good job and a support system does for her. I just couldn't imagine making that kind of decision, I had a goal, I wanted to go to college and get a job and support myself before anyone else was going to support me. And that's what I did. And I thank God everyday for the life he has given me, we have had our shares of ups and downs, and have been through more than most in our first 5 years of marriage, but he has a plan for us. This is just a little part of it.
Sorry about the long post, thanks to those who listen.
It sounds to me like your stepdaughter is a blessed young lady to have such a good stepmom. A lot of "steps" air all the dirty laundry in front of the kids and use them as a pawn, and I think it's great that you're not doing that. It will benefit all of you later, but especially that little girl. . . .
Thank you. I appreciate that.
I know nothing about babies out of wedlock but I've dealt with "another woman" and my ex husband over the welfare of my son. And my bf has an ex wife that is certifiable----and Lord the things she has taught/said in front of his two daughters is unreal, so I know that the way you're handling things is definitely the way to be. | |
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