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Hungarian Midget Woman
  
Location: Midwest | Is he a horse person?
And why were these young girls there at your house? | |
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM
I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful.
I can somewhat relate to this... it wasn't "my" horse but my hubby's good roping horse.. we needed a place to keep him for a few days. We kept him at his dad's while we moved. We got an angry phone call from him saying this horse is a total whack job... he won't let him put a bit in his mouth and he won't stand still... he was trying to let his grandkids who aren't horsey.. ride him around.. we got there and he had shoved some gawd awful straight bar bit into his mouth ... keep in mind, this horse is so very soft in the mouth he heels off him without a bridle and he's just automatic on both ends... not just some dinky horse we own.. he's worth quite a bit of money... anyway ... my hubby took the bridle off and said no I'm sorry. We ended up taking him to a boarding stable down the road till we got moved. Yeah.... family Christmas was fabulous that year... | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | RidenFly - 2015-10-29 10:59 AM I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall.
He said who they were, I had to re-read the text message. I guess one girl is his Moms God-Neice & the other girl is her friend. One thing I missed is his mom rode her to.
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
 
Location: Texas | Well... I would be very mad. If this was the first time and he didn't think you would mind or whatever that is one thing, but if you have had this talk before and he didn't care then I would be livid. I would want to know how he knows these girls, why they were there, why he offered for them to ride my horse, why he couldn't wait until I was home, why he couldn't tell me if he didn't think it was a big deal, and why they were so special that he went against my wishes to make them happy.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | veintiocho - 2015-10-29 11:00 AM ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:53 PM Anniemae - 2015-10-29 10:48 AM What does that tell you about how much your fiancé respects you? Since he has already disregarded your wishes, I'd be looking for a new fiancé... Exactly what I went off telling him, like clearly he didn't listen to me. He apoligized and said he didn't even think (which made me worry more).
I have never reconsidered it more than I had yesterday. & I think it's just making me more mad today. I have barely talked to him since yesterday after I lost it.
I think talking about ending it over this is a little extreme, unless there are other issues that haven't been brought up. I totally don't think you are being dramatic - I would have gone off on my husband the same way had it happen to me BUT you need to take a look from his side too. He probably DIDN'T know you would react the way you did and if he DID know he probably wouldn't have let them ride your horse! Now that he knows how you feel about it he will probably not let anyone touch your horse from now on! He probably feels bad, but at least he knows where the line is  Now if he does it again......that's another story!
I agree, ending it would be overly dramatic, I did however consider it because I was SO mad.
I have gone off before about this, when I saw HIS friend leading my horse with his "gf" (the gf is my fiance's cousin) & didn't ask me that time either.
I had asked him nicely before NOT to let other people ride my horse. I guess that's just one of my main pet-peeves.
Another thing that got me going was how he was just so "whatever" about it. Like one of his MAIN sayings is "Don't let anyone borrow your girl, your HORSE, or your gun". Sure so borrowing mine is perfectly okay. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | The "I wasn't thinking/didn't think" excuse is a cop out. Who exactly are these girls? Neighbors? Mutual friends of you both? How old are you guys? Had they been to your house before?
It's not his horse. Common sense says he should have asked you first. It's not as though it would take more than a quick text message to get an answer. If he already knew you do not want others riding your horse...then he did exactly what he wanted to do with your property against your wishes. He didn't ask because he knew what your answer would be. What would motivate him to do that thoughtlessly? THAT is the issue here...why he did it. Why pleasing some young girls was more important than respecting you, and your property.
I have learned over the years that you cannot make a selfish self serving person be thoughtful. They will do what suits them best in the moment...then say "I wasn't thinking" when you ask why they would do what they did. They were thinking...but only about themselves and their needs of the moment. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 5290
| You warned him multiple times. I would def reconsider marriage. | |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them.
I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation.
I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued.
I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| I would have been livid. Like others have said, your horses. ESPECIALLY if you have vetoed it before. That's very- a lot of things. Had my bf (lives with me) had done something like that, we would have a major discussion and if I didn't get an omg I'm sorry over it, it would then be a come to Jesus. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? |
Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
She is already in for real problems because the man that is supposed to put her needs and wishes first in his heart...is already showing that he doesn't.
You can't have good intentions when you completely disregard the wishes/instructions she gave about her horse. | |
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-30 11:07 AM RidenFly - 2015-10-29 10:59 AM I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall. He said who they were, I had to re-read the text message. I guess one girl is his Moms God-Neice & the other girl is her friend. One thing I missed is his mom rode her to.
That's a relief. Some guys just need to be smacked with an iron skillet to understand our relationships with our horses. Forgive him. Trust me, in the big picture of marriage and the troubles life will throw at you, this is petty. Make sure he knows again how you feel and then drop it. You don't throw out an entire relationship over this. The world will give you bigger reasons later and you need this time to learn how to communicate. ((hugs)) | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood. | |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | TXBO - 2015-10-29 10:49 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
Where I can understand what you're saying, my dad has never been around horses aside from throwing hay. They didn't even put a halter on my mare. He threw the kids, two at a time, on her and kissed at her to make her move. It's not as if I was rude to him. I'm very respectful of my parents. But I don't trust my horses with little kids on them, and he was putting them in danger. JMO. | |
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 Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | RidenFly - 2015-10-29 12:59 PM
I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall.
This^^^ | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| This would never happen to me, as everyone in my friend/family circle respects me, and my horses.
As others have said, you have a more serious issue, if you have spoke to him multiple times about not letting strangers touching the horses, he doesn't care about your feelings, doesn't respect you as a person, and definitely not respecting you enough for you to marry him.
If he is getting away with this, sad to say, he will hurt you later on. He is already sneaking around, not consulting you, eventually he will be sleeping with other people. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I'm sure my concerns stem from my experiences. And we truly don't know enough here to recommend anything. But...I have learned that general selfishness and disregard for my feelings is a big red flag and doesn't bode well for the future without some desire on their part to change that. I wish I had known then what I know now about relationships and personalities.
I'm married now to a thoughtful truly considerate man. I wouldn't trade that for anything now....or settle for less. | |
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You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
well then, to me it sounds like there's more than what's on the surface than what was originally said... because there's more feelings involved than just this one incident.
Edited by casualdust07 2015-10-29 1:27 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Girl, he better have some other **** good qualities and not act like that any more.. | |
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 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
If my Dad had burned up my Jaguar by smoking a cigar in it, I would make sure he was ok and move on. | |
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