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  Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
   
Location: CTX | You know, I was starting to ask is the other woman knew the guy is married, and also if she was married. But in the end it doesn't matter one way of the other..... The husband should be the one doing the right thing here, and that is back off from his co-worker.... Just MHO.
ETA: I would not call the other woman. It'll only add more drama to an already difficult situation.
Edited by cranky B4 10am 2015-12-22 9:21 AM
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Chi Chi Mama
Posts: 11211
 
Location: Spokompton, Wa | I say your friend pull up phone records and get her number and give her a call without husband knowing. The women's reaction will tell her a lot. She'll be able to hear guilt or surprise in her voice one way or another. Like others have said, she may not even know he is married and will back off on her own. Or if she doesn't, then there you go.
 for your friend. | |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Well. One of my good friends is a man. Another friend of mine is also male. When I got serious with my now husband, I ended a lot of my friendships with other men. The random texts, emails, phone calls that you get as a single gal, blah blah blah.
Anyway, my two friends are someone that my husband and I have talked a lot about. We came to an agreement that due to the fact that I was friends with these two men years before I ever knew my husband, that I'm not going to cut them out of my life. However, there's nothing opaque about our friendship. When I talk to either of them, I tell my husband. If I've been texting them, I leave all our messages up for my husband to see. He's got access to my Facebook, my email. If he ever feels unsettled, he knows that he can check into it however he needs to. They both live in far away states and are in happy relationships of their own.
However, I don't spend a lot of time with them. I don't spend hours and hours on the phone daily. I'm not spending my nights on the road with them.
I do, by necessity, spend a lot of time with other peoples husbands. I work in the pipeline industry, and sometimes spend days in someones company. Breakfast and lunch are often shared. Friendships are formed, we are friendly with each other.
BUT, you know what? We don't spend hours on the phone. We don't text. We don't see each other after working hours. We don't do or say anything that would upset our spouses. We are not in daily communication unless the job demands it.
Coming from my side, there is nothing more frustrating than getting a random call from someones wife because he found my number in my phone and is trying to figure it out. You know why it's frustrating? Because I walk a big line to avoid all the things that this trucker is doing to his wife.
I guess what I'm trying to do is make a marked contrast to what comprises a friendship of a decade, and what comprises a working friendship between two different genders.
What you got, honey, if you read this, is a problem. I've seen this behavior over and over again in husbands that I work with. Your marriage is in trouble, and it's time to stop asking him to change it. He's not going to change it on his own. Many pipeliner wives throw in the towel and go on the road with their husband. If that's not possible, then it's time to put your foot down. There's lots of truck driving jobs in this world. That company has different shifts. There's no excuse to be in contact with a co worker daily and spend hours on the phone. There's no excuse for making you feel like you're the bad guy in this situation. Your husband is way, way, way over the line.
I think that if it were me, and they're such good 'friends', that I would be demanding a sit down with both of them together in a neutral place, and bite the bullet. Call some light onto the situation. If she's not after your man, she'll be shocked and upset. She'll have honor and reassure you, and then change her own schedule and go away. If she's after your man, she'll get mad and continue on like nothing happened, and keep on with the long phone calls, daily contact, etc.
If it keeps on, then ultimatums must be met and adhered to.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| cranky B4 10am - 2015-12-22 9:11 AM
You know, I was starting to ask that, and also if she was married. But in the end it doesn't matter one way of the other..... The husband should be the one doing the right thing here, and that is back off from his co-worker....  Just MHO.
I agree.
I think she should give him a chance to fix it himself. I would ask him to move to another route - if he is serious about his wife and saving his marriage he will. If he makes excuses as to why he can't.. well then, hit the road, Jack. | |
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10D Crack Champion
| Has she considered surprising him on his trip somewhere along those 3 states?
Maybe time to invite the woman and her husband out to dinner or something. Change everything by saying Ok I realize you are just friends. How about we get together with her and her husband.... invite them to dinner. If she isn't accusing him of being a cheater and crossing the line, she may get a different response.... If he feels like he is doing something wrong, he won't likely want them all to get together. His reaction to her being calm, accepting, and wanting to befriend this woman and her husband will tell all. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | He really needs to work on a different route, like I said if he really loves his wife he would not be putting her threw all this missery and her questioning if hes into this other women. This poor wife I really fell sorry for her, shes going to always have all these bad thoughts in her head the min he leaves to go to work. Please send her my hugs. I also wonder does this other women's husband knows how this married man carry's on with his wife? It could be all nothing, but theres always buts and wondering.
Go out and have supper with the Truck driver and her husband and see how it gos from there. Tell hubby that you would like to meet this husband and wife. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | sodapop - 2015-12-22 9:22 AM Has she considered surprising him on his trip somewhere along those 3 states?
Maybe time to invite the woman and her husband out to dinner or something. Change everything by saying Ok I realize you are just friends. How about we get together with her and her husband.... invite them to dinner. If she isn't accusing him of being a cheater and crossing the line, she may get a different response.... If he feels like he is doing something wrong, he won't likely want them all to get together. His reaction to her being calm, accepting, and wanting to befriend this woman and her husband will tell all.
Yept I like the ideal of asking this truck driver and her husband out for supper. You should beable to read between the lines right there. | |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | sodapop - 2015-12-22 9:22 AM Has she considered surprising him on his trip somewhere along those 3 states?
Maybe time to invite the woman and her husband out to dinner or something. Change everything by saying Ok I realize you are just friends. How about we get together with her and her husband.... invite them to dinner. If she isn't accusing him of being a cheater and crossing the line, she may get a different response.... If he feels like he is doing something wrong, he won't likely want them all to get together. His reaction to her being calm, accepting, and wanting to befriend this woman and her husband will tell all.
I agree on inviting her and the husband.
I phone call to her isn't going to get you anywhere but in another fight because you "don't trust him" and then you give them something to giggle about together, mutual bonding over your "insecurities" that are so nagging.
If you must call, call the husband. I wonder if he is seeing changes in her and is asking the same questions himself. If not, at least he won't be blindsided by things.
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | I'd almost be tempted to have a talk with the dispatcher to have her route changed. 
When working with members of the opposite sex, people need to have a very strong boundary. Certain lines cannot be crossed. Dinner is OK, not too much conversation, etc. No phone calls just to chat.
This guy is being flattered by the new coworker and he can't stop. It's intoxicating.
Not sure what your friend should do. Maybe she should be so wonderful, he wants to come home and be with her. It's game playing but what the heck - take control of the situation.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I can guarantee that HE wouldn't be very happy if SHE was spending that much time and having long phone conversations...overnight trips with a male coworker.
The fact that he is trying to turn this around onto her is very telling.
I like the suggestion of getting together for dinner with the 4 of them. She should say that if this "friend" has become such an important part of his life...she should maybe get to be friends with her and her husband too. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Also...I know it's sad...but if I were her...I'd be looking at ways to prepare for the worst. Money set aside...plans made. Just in case. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | If he is saying she is pushing him away, she definitely needs to take that to heart. As far as what to do, I don't believe there is enough information here to say that for sure. When you post something like that online, you're going to get a lot of replies from people who have been burned and it's hard to get good relationship advice online anyway. She needs to be talking to a marriage counselor who can potentially get the story from both sides. | |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Crowned Image - 2015-12-22 5:28 AM
Who's more important... wife or co-worker?
Follow your gut. Also, when something I don't like or am uncomfortable with is happening the response would be something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I love you." not, "It's your problem, get over it." He's responding with a defense mechanism.
there's my two pennies.
Ditto. Similar situation happened to my parents. They are now separated. He didn't think anything was wrong.
He wrong, she's right. He needs to look at the big picture. | |
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Troll Buster
Posts: 6045
| Â Oh heck no thats not ok! Hugs and prayers for ypur friend | |
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 How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | Fun2Run - 2015-12-22 8:46 AM I'd almost be tempted to have a talk with the dispatcher to have her route changed.
So is calling the other woman's husband.
I'd be getting my own bank account and funneling money into it. And maybe taking a road trip with binoculars and a zoom lens. Take a friend. A little booze. No weapons.
Edited by crapshooter 2015-12-23 12:17 AM
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A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | crapshooter - 2015-12-23 12:14 AM Fun2Run - 2015-12-22 8:46 AM I'd almost be tempted to have a talk with the dispatcher to have her route changed.
So is calling the other woman's husband.
I'd be getting my own bank account and funneling money into it. And maybe taking a road trip with binoculars and a zoom lens. Take a friend. A little booze. No weapons.
True! That's why I said "almost". That's the kind of deal that gets people fired!
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. | |
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 The BHW Book Worm
Posts: 1768
| Heck no.....he is crossing the line..I would say her worry is just. | |
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark?  No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
Yes, but at any time, did she put her fork down, make eye contact, and say, "So are you two having sex with each other, or are you planning to?" and see what happened next?
I'm very direct, though I was raised with good manners. I would be very seriously wanting to know, so that I could react properly.
It would probably go like this:
"So tell me something, so that I can make the proper response and possibly appointments.", then, having hopefully gained their full attention, I would drop the above sex question to them. Then I would go from there. Then honestly, and without much weight on the answer, I'd help him move his stuff to a hotel room. Emotional affairs are so much worse than just physical ones. By helping I mean he gets home, the locks have changed, and his stuff is in plastic tubs on the porch. Depending on his personality, so might the Sheriff.
It might just be a case of a man being twitterpated and wishing he had a shot at someone completely different, but you know what? That's simply unacceptable. The second my husband prefers another females company to mine, that's when he's free to rock out. Oh and provide half of everything he and we own. And alimony.
As far as her coarse behavior, well, she's a truck driver. Having dinner with another truck driver. I don't know if anyone here spends any time listening to CBs as they roll down our nations interstates, but it can sure get bad tasting quick.
The sad thing with men and women alike, is that the only things, good and bad, that continue are the ones you allow. | |
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Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. Oh heck no, his ship has sailed. He blatantly lied about her, which is its own is a huge red flag, and then he defends the other woman..... nope, he is done and gone.
And I agree with classicpotatochip, I would pack his stuff and have it waiting for him outside, new locks and if needed the sheriff....
edited because I can't spell.
Edited by cranky B4 10am 2015-12-23 8:00 AM
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