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  Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
 
Location: Buffalo, TX | IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-07 9:35 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way.
That's a good way to approach it....There is a line no one should go over in spending out of control though, and I think that comes down to respect for each other and the marriage partnership, but if your SO or husband (or wife) is spending way over the line enough to do damage, then you got bigger problems than a few extra small expenditures. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
  
| My husband has no self control.... I'm evil and I transfer money to our savings and then tell him "we're broke sorry can't buy that!" Then when I get what needs to be paid off or we get what we both agreed on was really important to buy, I go buy what he was wanting for him and use it as a Christmas gift or Birthday present. My husband is laid back and after so many years he trusts that when I tell him we can't afford it, and when he doesn't listen I hide the money.... EVIL WIFE I AM
Edited by FlyingJT 2016-01-07 10:05 AM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 629
| I'm curious, who is it that wants the Jeep? You or him? or both? If it's just him, he'll figure out eventually that those pots and pans aren't as important as the jeep. Or maybe the jeep wasn't as important as all the cooking and gaming stuff. If it's just you, you can start hoarding your money so that you can afford it. Or, like another poster said, move money and say we can't afford it so he'll stop spending for a while.
My hubby and I do a lot of what the others have said. However, in our marriage, I'm the one that has a spending problem. We have a joint account, and we each have individual accounts. We put a fixed amount of our checks into the joint account for necessities. House, cars, electric, phones, groceries, all other misc bills. Whatever is left goes into our individual accounts for us to spend whatever we want. However, starting this year, I have taken to putting $500/month extra into the joint account and he transfers it out of our joint account into his savings account. He does this so that I don't see it. It's our, don't touch, savings account, and it's best I don't know how much is in there. It's used to save, and pay for unexpected emergencies like vet bills, car repairs, etc.
We are 2 different types of spenders. I will buy 100 $5 items throughout the year, and he wants 1 $500 item. It creates the same, if it's not in my account, I don't get it. He can save his extra $ and twice a year buy what he wants, and I can spend a little every time I get paid. |
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Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL  |
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | FlyingJT - 2016-01-07 9:03 AM My husband has no self control.... I'm evil and I transfer money to our savings and then tell him "we're broke sorry can't buy that!" Then when I get what needs to be paid off or we get what we both agreed on was really important to buy, I go buy what he was wanting for him and use it as a Christmas gift or Birthday present. My husband is laid back and after so many years he trusts that when I tell him we can't afford it, and when he doesn't listen I hide the money.... EVIL WIFE I AM
I'm that Evil Wife too! |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | This is one of the many reasons why i have never and will never have a shared or joint account....m |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| mruggles - 2016-01-07 11:48 AM
This is one of the many reasons why i have never and will never have a shared or joint account....m
We are separate too. I pay for all of my big expenses and he pays for his. Sometimes if one of us has multiple big expenses the other will help out. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | Try having one that says" Can't buy it unless its deductible". Always change out seasonal clothes in your closet so they don't look as full. Keep clothes that don't fit packed away or gone.
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | My husband is an impulse buyer. He knows it, I know it, his family and friends know it, salesmen spot him from a mile away. I am the saver. I wouldn't buy make up because we "couldn't afford it". So there I was sitting at home, going nowhere, buying nothing for myself. I had us on a very tight budget trying to get some money saved up. My husband on the other hand would go buy a new outfit down to the socks and shoes on a weekly basis. He has 10x more shoes then me and twice the clothes. (Most of my clothes were given to me, mom, sister, friend, birthday etc.) I was really starting to resent it. So I decided I won't go without out just for him to have bigger shopping sprees. I now happily blow more money then he does and he doesn't say a word about it. If you can't beat them, join them and enjoy it lol. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL
Aww, there are good ones out there, mine doesn't say a word and I have not worked in 25 years. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | My husband and I have a joint account. I believe in the biblical definition of marriage, "the two shall join together and become one" and I believe that applies to finances too.
The key to me not going crazy over the useless crap he spends money on is good budgeting. We use the zero-based budgeting method by Dave Ramsey. The two of you together should develop a budget. Decide together what you want going to savings each paycheck. Then allow room in the budget for his and hers spending money. Anything you want to buy that exceeds your allocated spending money should be a decision you make together. |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | BamaCanChaser - 2016-01-07 1:14 PM
My husband and I have a joint account. I believe in the biblical definition of marriage, "the two shall join together and become one" and I believe that applies to finances too.
The key to me not going crazy over the useless crap he spends money on is good budgeting. We use the zero-based budgeting method by Dave Ramsey. The two of you together should develop a budget. Decide together what you want going to savings each paycheck. Then allow room in the budget for his and hers spending money. Anything you want to buy that exceeds your allocated spending money should be a decision you make together.
Dave Ramsey is the reason we have one main account. We held separate accounts for 7 years, it was fine but we weren't making real head way on bills. Once we both got on the same page we knocked out 2 school loans, horse trailer, credit cards, tractor, hay equipment, hay, fertilzer, theraplate and a truck. And we just paid off our house, we drifted from the strict DR plan b/c we don't have the savings yet. We didn't have an operating line for our hay b/c we had the cash. I think we will reevaluate the hay b/c we have 40 acres and 6 horses, no reason to hay them as often when we should have enough grass stockpiled to graze all summer and most of the winter. That's a different conversation though, lol. We will always have hay b/c I'm a hay hoarder and thought of not having it available makes me just a touch crazy, lol.
We need to get back on track with the DR plan b/c it does work. He's the spend a little ALL the time and I like the big ticket items, lol. We know how we are and we acknowledge we've drifted so we have some items to pay off. Just be honest with each other on the difference between necessity and optional stuff. It sucks when you realize your stuff may not really be a necessity, lol. (speaking from experience )
Edited by abrooks 2016-01-07 1:45 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:54 AM IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-07 7:35 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way.
It works for us. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
Location: Central Texas | Our money is seperate. We split the bills (utilities, water, electric, rent, garbage, cell phones) 50/50. He has whatever money he has left to spend however he wants and so do I. Horse feed/hay is split 50/50. No arguments or hard feelings. |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| Separate accounts.
If I want it I buy it and vice versa.
I do monitor the accounts and try to do a "quarterly review" to assess where we are both at.
If I cannot afford it on my own steam I would never ask for assistance.
We also agree to set goals and direct deposit a set amount into savings each month. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | rodeomom3 - 2016-01-07 1:11 PM
Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL
I bet you DO work----might not be an outside job, but I have no doubt you work hard!!! |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Chandler's Mom - 2016-01-07 9:52 PM rodeomom3 - 2016-01-07 1:11 PM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL I bet you DO work----might not be an outside job, but I have no doubt you work hard!!!
Well, I used too, 4 kids all a year apart kept me pretty busy for years. We were broke, I worked evenings and weekends when hubby could keep them, I couldn't make enough to make it worth it if we had to pay a sitter for 4. As my husband started making more $$, I quit the part time work. Kids are grown, my days now are working out and riding :) |
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 Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | Maybe I should've gone into a little more detail into this lol. Thank you everyone for the replys and ideas!
Alright, well since we had a baby 7 months ago, I stay at home and don't have a paycheck (except for $20 a week for a small job) and I feel like if I wanted to open a separate account just for myself then literally nothing would be in it lol!
We both want the Jeep because our car wouldn't fit two car seats in the back, it's just too small. We would be happy with some other vehicle that's not a Jeep (maybe something cheaper) but that's just what we liked the most when we were window shopping last year.
I can trust my hubby with money (usually). He was actually the one who calmed ME down on the spending a few years ago and made me have the "pay what was we NEED, thinking about maybe buying what we WANT later" mentality. So 85-90% of the time he is great with money, but with the little extra we just have recently gotten he just sees it more as "playing around" money than "putting it into savings" money.
I'll also clarify a little more on me buying makeup and clothes. Like I mentioned earlier, we have a baby and as many mothers out there knows a body will change and be weird for a while. I was getting rid of a lot of "teenish" clothes or ones that simply didn't fit me anymore and donated them to our local thrift store. So I was mainly buying 2 pair of pants, and 4 tops that fit my new mom body better. All these clothes came from Wal-Mart, not a expensive place, and I didn't buy these all at once. And makeup, well you gotta change your summer foundation to your winter one, am I right ladies?? Plus I needed a new mascara. Priorities lol.
So for him to say that I spend money on clothes and makeup actually is cheaper than something that he may buy, or at least I think so lol.
I while ago I told him that we should run by each other if we wanted to buy anything online (since we live in the middle of no where we buy online a lot) and he seemed ok with the idea but once I brought it up a few times he would just get defensive about it. It's like he's expecting me to say no even though I'll most likely say yes, I just want him to talk to me about it and make a decision as a family or at least a united front. |
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Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | BamaCanChaser - 2016-01-07 1:14 PM
My husband and I have a joint account. I believe in the biblical definition of marriage, "the two shall join together and become one" and I believe that applies to finances too.
The key to me not going crazy over the useless crap he spends money on is good budgeting. We use the zero-based budgeting method by Dave Ramsey. The two of you together should develop a budget. Decide together what you want going to savings each paycheck. Then allow room in the budget for his and hers spending money. Anything you want to buy that exceeds your allocated spending money should be a decision you make together.
I agree a lot on this. Thank you!  |
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Expert
Posts: 2531
Location: WI | How do y'all decide how to split the bills? Is it equal amounts or proportional to income? I make a lot more than my fiance and feel bad making him pay as much as me. |
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