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 Cute Little Imp
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Location: N Texas | DO NOT feel guilty about what is happening because of HIS actions. He's a grown man and knows exactly how inappropriate he was being, yet chose to do it anyway. Now he must suffer the consequences. You may think you weren't doing anything to encourage it by only responding with one word texts, but guys like him will take anything and run with it. You cannot respond at all. Sending a text back gives him hope and makes him want to see just how far he can go. Cut off all communication, and if he tries to talk to you at work, tell him his manager or HR must also be present. Don't be scared to stick up for yourself! | |
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Location: Not Where I Want to Be | hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 9:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department.
Mitigation thru Litigation
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | 1DSoon - 2016-02-16 8:49 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 9:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. Mitigation thru Litigation
totally different....they aren't lawsuits, and normally resolved within mediation (with our office they are) | |
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Regular
Posts: 99
| Being a Human Resource Director for 19 years, you did the right thing by reporting it. His behavior off or on duty is unacceptable.  | |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | BARRELHORSE USA - 2016-02-15 11:03 PM You are having too many encounters of the 3rd kind .. so stop flirting and sending the wrong messages at work and become a co-worker and make your friends elsewhere and private from work!! Somehow you are giving an Ok or a green light signal to the guys and they are treating you like another guy or trying to take you up on the signals you are emitting. wear your business hat at work and don't share your personal stuff at work and you can wear your party hat on your own time with people you do not work with.. You are giving this guy a pity party right now by reporting him instead of clearing your phone and telling him in no uncertain terms never to contact you again ... I am not being mean ... but you overlook the fact you and the guy were having a phone chat while you were riding horses and somehow the conversation got out of hand in your mind. I would love to look at the history of your phone conversations with him and see what was really going on ... and how often you talked or texted etc Sorry for the fatherly advice but I think you need to take a hard look why things are always happening to you... If this guy has a good reputation etc etc ... they may be re-viewing the store videos to see what both of you were doing to create this situation so everything may backfire in your direction ... one can only hope both of you learn a very important lesson and abide by what you learned in the future .. I rarely ever agree with BHUSA but......I have been a plant Supervisor over 125+ employees and YOUR statement puts up a LOT of "red flags"......
I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances.
Whether you realize it or not, you are probably giving off signals to these men....YOU are the one who should have been MORE professional in your job atmosphere. Additionally, YOU should have taken the steps to demand that he stop before reporting him to the Manager. Is what he did wrong and probably inapproprate...yes....but you should share some of the blame......
Edited by NJJ 2016-02-16 9:01 AM
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | I agree with BHUSA to an extent too. You are giving off mixed signals. You don't say when you starting having these conversations with him, while you were riding. (Was he still married?) I remember not long ago people on here were up in arms because someone was wanting people to text them while they were riding. You state you have been involved in 3 of these situations. Maybe it is time to think about why. After the first time, you should have known the signals and been able to put a stop to it. This as you stated was the 3rd. And, as far as others saying he is a dirty old man compared to a 25 year old, 7 years difference is not a dirty old man. Expecially for a 25 year old woman.
That being said, there is no excuse for this type of behavior from anyone in the work place. Everyone shoudl feel safe at work from unwanted advances. However, it is up to us as individuals to stop them immediately nor welcome them in the first place. Everyone seems to think it is appropriate, the right thing to do, Okay, etc to have co-workers on or as our friends on social media. IT IS NOT. It will only lead to mis understood situations, such as this.
I certainly hope that you have stopped all communication with this person and frankly any persons that you work with. And, that others will also think about having co-workers on their social media accounts. | |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 8:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. If you work in the discrimination business, then you are well aware that this did NOT happen in the workplace and that they will certainly bring up her past history........his Employer has no fault in "this" incident......IF it continues (or happens) in the work place, then she would have a case against the Employer.....Been there....done that.....
I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances.
Edited by NJJ 2016-02-16 9:13 AM
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I have to agree to an extent as well with BHUSA. I'm 27. But, at 17/18 I waitressed. I was homeschooled which I think made me very naĂŻve to the yucky in the world. I was friendly to everyone, which I now know can lead to unwanted attention. What I thought was just being nice came off as flirtatious, which was absolutely not my intent. Two managers at that restaurant asked me out on numerous occasions. Extremely unwanted advances. Both were a good number older than myself, but not "creepy old man" old. Nevertheless, I learned that being friendly just doesn't work. Ha, as sad as that is. That goes for social life as well sometimes. Unfortunately, men (not ALL, but a lot) read things much differently and will jump at the opportunity. You can be a happy, nice person without being overly friendly.
Not trying to say that's what you're doing, but I do know how easily things can get misconstrued. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| You CAN screenshot snapchats. He shouldnt have been snapchatting you anyway. If he is your boss, that is unprofessional. There are lines between employees and coworkers that shouldnt be crossed. | |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | NJJ - 2016-02-16 9:11 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 8:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. If you work in the discrimination business, then you are well aware that this did NOT happen in the workplace and that they will certainly bring up her past history........his Employer has no fault in "this" incident......IF it continues (or happens) in the work place, then she would have a case against the Employer.....Been there....done that.....
I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances.
Hate to say it norma but we actually just filed two sex complaints against an employer last week because a manager was sending sexual texts and inappropriate facebook messages, and yes they were off the clock. There was a case, went to mediation and was resolved right there in mediation. | |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 9:23 AM NJJ - 2016-02-16 9:11 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 8:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. If you work in the discrimination business, then you are well aware that this did NOT happen in the workplace and that they will certainly bring up her past history........his Employer has no fault in "this" incident......IF it continues (or happens) in the work place, then she would have a case against the Employer.....Been there....done that.....
I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances.
Sorry.........I missed that he was her Manager and not just a "co-worker"....puts a whole other "spin" on it...... | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| While his actions were inappropriate and I think you did the right thing in reporting him, there is a common denominator in your “unlucky” work history – You. You need to assess your actions and keep work strictly work. You can be nice and friendly, but have boundaries.
I work in a very male dominate field and am the only female in my office. A lot of my business is based on socializing and developing business friendships/partnerships and when you’re young and cute trust me, guys will try to make that go further than the office.
This is what I have found to be helpful:
I make it a point to be nice and friendly as far as work, but the rest of my life is private and I do not bring it to work. Do NOT add any co-workers, managers, boss/business friends/customers to any social media. If you want to “stay connected” start a LinkedIn profile.
Do not socialize outside of work with coworkers. Sometimes I have to attend dinners and there is alcohol involved, I have (maybe)1 drink, discuss work, then I’m done. I might get some smart remarks thrown at me, but I’d rather stay professional than prove I can “hang with the guys”. Also, when you get insinuating remarks, tell the guy he can’t talk to you like that. Sometimes I’m witty enough to have a good comeback that will get my point across, but if not I make it know that they cannot talk to me like that. I used to brush those comments off and ignore them, but that usually doesn’t work to stop them.
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| veintiocho - 2016-02-16 9:39 AM
While his actions were inappropriate and I think you did the right thing in reporting him, there is a common denominator in your “unlucky” work history – You. You need to assess your actions and keep work strictly work. You can be nice and friendly, but have boundaries.
I work in a very male dominate field and am the only female in my office. A lot of my business is based on socializing and developing business friendships/partnerships and when you’re young and cute trust me, guys will try to make that go further than the office.
This is what I have found to be helpful:
I make it a point to be nice and friendly as far as work, but the rest of my life is private and I do not bring it to work. Do NOT add any co-workers, managers, boss/business friends/customers to any social media. If you want to “stay connected” start a LinkedIn profile.
Do not socialize outside of work with coworkers. Sometimes I have to attend dinners and there is alcohol involved, I have (maybe)1 drink, discuss work, then I’m done. I might get some smart remarks thrown at me, but I’d rather stay professional than prove I can “hang with the guys”. Also, when you get insinuating remarks, tell the guy he can’t talk to you like that. Sometimes I’m witty enough to have a good comeback that will get my point across, but if not I make it know that they cannot talk to me like that. I used to brush those comments off and ignore them, but that usually doesn’t work to stop them.
I completely agree. I work as a supervisor in the oilfield. I don't consider myself to be unattractive. I work with, near, and over well over 500 men on a daily basis. My bosses have always been men. I have never reported anyone. I am kind, open, and helpful with a smile, but I never, ever get propositioned or made to feel uncomfortable anymore. The few times it happened, it was because I was unconsciously encouraging it. Just being nice and friendly can be interpreted wrongly. I can think of one guy, one time, that I needed to say something and dropped a, "Please tell him to stop talking to me." That's where it died. I had to be the responsible one and be a lady and also unapproachable for anything but the job. Men treat you how you require them to.
You need to learn how to handle yourself. You need to learn how to do your job well, efficiently, and to come across as open and business like rather than friendly and an available female.
Everyone can bash the man all they want, but a female in a working environment needs to learn how to get respect and cooperation instead of creepy behavior. Some men truly are creepy, but you need to be able to read that and handle it early for your own safety. Nobody in this world is going (or even has to) take care of us like we can take care of ourselves.
You need to take a good hard look at your behavior, and how your are harming your future with the record you've already got. Honestly if you were wanting to come work for me, I wouldn't hire you because of your employment history. I wouldn't think you could handle it. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | classicpotatochip - 2016-02-16 10:38 AM
veintiocho - 2016-02-16 9:39 AM
While his actions were inappropriate and I think you did the right thing in reporting him, there is a common denominator in your “unlucky” work history – You. You need to assess your actions and keep work strictly work. You can be nice and friendly, but have boundaries.
I work in a very male dominate field and am the only female in my office. A lot of my business is based on socializing and developing business friendships/partnerships and when you’re young and cute trust me, guys will try to make that go further than the office.
This is what I have found to be helpful:
I make it a point to be nice and friendly as far as work, but the rest of my life is private and I do not bring it to work. Do NOT add any co-workers, managers, boss/business friends/customers to any social media. If you want to “stay connected” start a LinkedIn profile.
Do not socialize outside of work with coworkers. Sometimes I have to attend dinners and there is alcohol involved, I have (maybe)1 drink, discuss work, then I’m done. I might get some smart remarks thrown at me, but I’d rather stay professional than prove I can “hang with the guys”. Also, when you get insinuating remarks, tell the guy he can’t talk to you like that. Sometimes I’m witty enough to have a good comeback that will get my point across, but if not I make it know that they cannot talk to me like that. I used to brush those comments off and ignore them, but that usually doesn’t work to stop them.
I completely agree. I work as a supervisor in the oilfield. I don't consider myself to be unattractive. I work with, near, and over well over 500 men on a daily basis. My bosses have always been men. I have never reported anyone. I am kind, open, and helpful with a smile, but I never, ever get pro positioned or made to feel uncomfortable anymore. The few times it happened, it was because I was unconsciously encouraging it. Just being nice and friendly can be interpreted wrongly. I can think of one guy, one time, that I needed to say something and dropped a, "Please tell him to stop talking to me." That's where it died. I had to be the responsible one and be a lady and also unapproachable for anything but the job. Men treat you how you require them to.
You need to learn how to handle yourself. You need to learn how to do your job well, efficiently, and to come across as open and business like rather than friendly and an available female.
Everyone can bash the man all they want, but a female in a working environment needs to learn how to get respect and cooperation instead of creepy behavior. Some men truly are creepy, but you need to be able to read that and handle it early for your own safety. Nobody in this world is going (or even has to ) take care of us like we can take care of ourselves.
You need to take a good hard look at your behavior, and how your are harming your future with the record you've already got. Honestly if you were wanting to come work for me, I wouldn't hire you because of your employment history. I wouldn't think you could handle it.
Couldn't agree more with everything you just said.
I worked at a car dealership when I was 22, fit and had long blonde hair. It was so incredibly important that I conducted myself professionally. Only engaged in enough conversation to be polite, unless it was about work. The salesmen were all very attentive at first, until they realized I was only there for ONE reason, to do my job.
I definitely agree that the OP should evaluate what kind of mixed signals she's giving.
I know people my age use Snapchat as a "communication" tool in their minds, but it is a SEXTING APP. That is why it was developed in the first place. Completely inappropriate to have anyone you work with added on there. | |
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| I have worked in similar situations as classicpotatochip and veintiocho. I tried to go the extra mile when one of the guys needed something, but none of them would come into my office to chit-chat. I wasn't an outright b*tch, but there was a definite line that conversation didn't go off work. | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 9:23 AM
NJJ - 2016-02-16 9:11 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 8:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. If you work in the discrimination business, then you are well aware that this did NOT happen in the workplace and that they will certainly bring up her past history........his Employer has no fault in "this" incident......IF it continues (or happens) in the work place, then she would have a case against the Employer.....Been there....done that.....
 I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances.
Why is the individual who reported the man Facebook friends with a coworker?
Why does the man have her cell number?
I'm sorry by work life should not interfere with my personal life and the lines should not be blurred.
My boss, nor are any of my co workers my Facebook friends | |
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Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | cheryl makofka - 2016-02-16 12:31 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 9:23 AM NJJ - 2016-02-16 9:11 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 8:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. If you work in the discrimination business, then you are well aware that this did NOT happen in the workplace and that they will certainly bring up her past history........his Employer has no fault in "this" incident......IF it continues (or happens) in the work place, then she would have a case against the Employer.....Been there....done that.....
I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances. Why is the individual who reported the man Facebook friends with a coworker? Why does the man have her cell number? I'm sorry by work life should not interfere with my personal life and the lines should not be blurred. My boss, nor are any of my co workers my Facebook friends
And, she never did answer, when was she friends with him? Before he divorced? Which to me was a big no no too. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| Facebook is one thing, snapchat is something entirely different. I do not have any of my coworkers as FB friends but I could probably. Snapchat, no. Hell no. I won't say he's 100% at fault, I won't say you are 100% at fault. But given your own described history, I'm thinking you are encouraging this more than you think you are. You already knew he was a weirdo, you shouldn't have accepted his request. You most definitely shouldn't have included him in your snaps.
I would start drawing a big line between work and play going forward. And set an immidiate boundry between you and this guy, starting with deleting social media connections.
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | cheryl makofka - 2016-02-16 11:31 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 9:23 AM NJJ - 2016-02-16 9:11 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-02-16 8:46 AM I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. If you work in the discrimination business, then you are well aware that this did NOT happen in the workplace and that they will certainly bring up her past history........his Employer has no fault in "this" incident......IF it continues (or happens) in the work place, then she would have a case against the Employer.....Been there....done that.....
I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances. Why is the individual who reported the man Facebook friends with a coworker? Why does the man have her cell number? I'm sorry by work life should not interfere with my personal life and the lines should not be blurred. My boss, nor are any of my co workers my Facebook friends
From my understanding, alot of companies have polices regarding being friends with people are facebook....typically a big no no if someone is in a management position. Especially HR positions as well. I'm not friends with any co-workers, and don't intend to be. But some people are stupid and make that mistake, these girls only gave him a phone number because they were car salesmen, and had to stay in touch with the manager......he took it too far.
But no in a general rule you both shouldn't be mixed so I can see the understanding. Either way, it's gross.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | NJJ - 2016-02-16 9:00 AM
BARRELHORSE USA - 2016-02-15 11:03 PM You are having too many encounters of the 3rd kind .. so stop flirting and sending the wrong messages at work and become a co-worker and make your friends elsewhere and private from work!! Somehow you are giving an Ok or a green light signal to the guys and they are treating you like another guy or trying to take you up on the signals you are emitting. wear your business hat at work and don't share your personal stuff at work and you can wear your party hat on your own time with people you do not work with.. You are giving this guy a pity party right now by reporting him instead of clearing your phone and telling him in no uncertain terms never to contact you again ... I am not being mean ... but you overlook the fact you and the guy were having a phone chat while you were riding horses and somehow the conversation got out of hand in your mind. I would love to look at the history of your phone conversations with him and see what was really going on ... and how often you talked or texted etc Sorry for the fatherly advice but I think you need to take a hard look why things are always happening to you... If this guy has a good reputation etc etc ... they may be re-viewing the store videos to see what both of you were doing to create this situation so everything may backfire in your direction ... one can only hope both of you learn a very important lesson and abide by what you learned in the future .. I rarely ever agree with BHUSA but......I have been a plant Supervisor over 125+ employees and YOUR statement puts up a LOT of "red flags"......I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances.Whether you realize it or not, you are probably giving off signals to these men....YOU are the one who should have been MORE professional in your job atmosphere.  Additionally, YOU should have taken the steps to demand that he stop before reporting him to the Manager. Is what he did wrong and probably inapproprate...yes....but you should share some of the blame......
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