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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
   
Location: Montana | I appreciate all the thoughts and ideas. We are a close family, and I respect my parents very much.
It has crossed my mind about my parents business and the effect it would have on it, and dad's ideas about it. I know he doesn't want me to leave the business, but I don't think his feelings on that would interfere it from other things he's mentioned as he'd like to retire in a few years.
From your inspiration I think I have come up with something to say to them. I have filled out FAFSA, so I know I'm eligible for grant aid, but I want to have peaceful relations with them. I also know that if I am able to work it all out that they will allow me to work for them and go to class when I need to.
I also realize I am older than normal to "leave the nest." But I also know that when I was younger I had no idea what I wanted to do. Thanks much for info and ideas. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| mtcanchazer - 2016-05-12 9:45 AM
I appreciate all the thoughts and ideas. We are a close family, and I respect my parents very much.
It has crossed my mind about my parents business and the effect it would have on it, and dad's ideas about it. I know he doesn't want me to leave the business, but I don't think his feelings on that would interfere it from other things he's mentioned as he'd like to retire in a few years.
From your inspiration I think I have come up with something to say to them. I have filled out FAFSA, so I know I'm eligible for grant aid, but I want to have peaceful relations with them. I also know that if I am able to work it all out that they will allow me to work for them and go to class when I need to.
I also realize I am older than normal to "leave the nest." But I also know that when I was younger I had no idea what I wanted to do. Thanks much for info and ideas.
Chin up and hugs. God has a plan and you should too!
I understand both sides - perhaps if you sat down with a solid, well thought out list to discuss with your Dad about all the positive things you could bring back to the farm/ranch after you went to college? You wrote about his desire to retire in the future, so maybe outline how you could help him do that, how a college education can help you successfully take over, and ask for his mentorship and preparation for your take over?
Biology is applicable to many different aspects of ranch. You could minor in something like accounting too? Or even add in an animal science production minor? Maybe even look at range sciences?
I agree with others; I admire your respect for your family, but don't discredit yourself and sacrifice your future for their desires. It is hard, but many (myself included) paid for our own college education and advanced degrees.
Prayers you get it all figured out! | |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | IMHO no loans for college. Get grants or a scholarship. Work your way thru college. Graduate debt free.
When you talk with your parents, tell them this is your plan, how you are going to incorporate this into your life. And do they have any ideas, input. Above all else have a plan. !!
You are still under their roof so they are a huge part of this equation. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I agree. Grants and scholarships are best if you can get it. That's what I had. I plan on getting my Masters now and will only do it if I have a GA position, fingers crossed I'll hear about one today! Good luck and hopefully they'll see the benefits of college and that it will better your future. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| College isn't a bad influence, sounds like they want you to work for them. If you want to avoid parties and bad behavior, you can. I worked 20-30 hrs per week and went to school full time. When I was done with my bachelors, I went on to get my Masters. At that point, I worked full time and went to college full time. The experience and degrees pay off. Ive had quicker advancements at my job because I have a Master's degree. Don't be afraid to step outside of your parents' wishes, you are trying to better your future. | |
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | Thank you for the encouragement and the things to think about.  I agree about no loans...my plan is to graduate with as little to no debt, if possible, and I have been working on a plan or plans to do that. My plans/hopes are to go to our community college for the first 2 years, as it is local and offers a lot of transfer options, as I will have to transfer out of town for my last 2 years.
Knowing my parents, I think they are honestly are trying to do their best to look out for my welfare, and I agree I can avoid the parties (I'm not a partier any ways) and the bad stuff. To me school is to learn, not to party. I don't think they are doing deliberately against college to try to keep me in the business, I couldn't believe that of them. I think some of the issues of "back then" they think could happen now, and they want to protect me from that. Their objections have nothing to do with the academics and education, i.e. if I could complete a degree entirely online (which I can't with biology) I think they would be fine with that.
Thanks very much all!
Edited by mtcanchazer 2016-05-12 11:28 AM
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| Good luck with whatever you decide and keep us posted! | |
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Veteran
Posts: 285
| Here's the way I look at it. I too am in my mid 20s and still live at home. If I did move out, there would be no way I could afford my hobbies (horses) on a one person income and still pay all the bills that come with living on your own. I went back to school this past yr. I wanted to better myself and one day be able to afford things. My mom has always said I have a place with her as long as I want it. But I realized my parents won't always be here and I need to be able to make enough to support myself. For me, with out a degree, that would never happen. I think maybe you should tell your dad that. Maybe he would understand more of the college thing if you told him that you need to be able to take care of yourself if something was to happen. It sounds like he is wanting you to run the family business? If that's the case and you might want to, you could still go to school to have a backup plan in the future. Good luck to you | |
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | pepsi97 - 2016-05-12 11:31 AM Here's the way I look at it. I too am in my mid 20s and still live at home. If I did move out, there would be no way I could afford my hobbies (horses) on a one person income and still pay all the bills that come with living on your own. I went back to school this past yr. I wanted to better myself and one day be able to afford things. My mom has always said I have a place with her as long as I want it. But I realized my parents won't always be here and I need to be able to make enough to support myself. For me, with out a degree, that would never happen. I think maybe you should tell your dad that. Maybe he would understand more of the college thing if you told him that you need to be able to take care of yourself if something was to happen. It sounds like he is wanting you to run the family business? If that's the case and you might want to, you could still go to school to have a backup plan in the future. Good luck to you
You and I could are pretty much in the same boat as I couldn't afford my hobbies (horses as well) either if I didn't live at home. And my parents are happy to have me at home. My dad would like me to take over the business, but also understands that while I'm good at it, it may not be for me. I too realize my parents won't always be here, and I won't always have their security. Thank you so much as you, along with others, understand where I am at and have given me some good ideas. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Oh for heavens sakes! I know what they are talking about in the sense that you may be exposed to new ideas, especially liberal ones. I work in an English department at a school, a community college, in a very rural conservative area. Personally I am a moderate but many of my colleagues are quite liberal. Many people in this area think if you are exposed to these ideas you will go to hell, especially older people.
What you might find out is that there are plenty of people who happen to be liberal that are nice enough. You can buy into their ideas or go your own way. Guess what, I went my own way. Some of the ideas made sense to an extent and some didn't. I ended up with a mix of opinions based on the issues. But I will tell you this, I know exactly what I think about the issues and it is because college TAUGHT ME TO THINK ABOUT THEM. I will not give you an opinion that is NOT my opinion but my parents. You are entitled to your own opinion or to at least develop your own opinion too. Guess what, you may still end up having your parents' opinions on a ton of issues BUT you will be able to give your own reasons why you agree.
You are old enough to make up your own mind. And being exposed to things that are new and different and having experiences is all part of college. Being exposed to people who are different from us helps keep us from wanting to kill other groups we don't understand. It is very easy to make sweeping statements about 'kill the enemy' or the 'infidel' when you know nothing about them, their hopes, their dreams, their kids snotty noses. When you understand that others are just as human as you, it makes you more understanding and an easier person to work with. It is easy for extremists to want to kill us because they have not gotten to know us. We have been dehumanized by them. Don't let your parents dehumanize people at college. They are not evil moral monsters. They are simply people like you doing the best they can.
Many conservative parents see college professors as 'evil liberals' bent on world destruction, domination, and brainwashing of their precious babies. They believe they are protecting you. What they may not see is that protection at a certain age and level is actually not protection but stifling. I have a little girl now. I want to protect her from all the world's evils too but it is impossible.
DO NOT the minute you get to college go on drunken binges and wild orgies and you should be fine. If somehow you come up with different conclusions about what is right and wrong than your parents have, then keep it to yourself. I do not agree with my parents' and other radically conservative family members on MANY things. But I know when to keep my mouth shut and ask about other things so as not stir up trouble. I still have great relationships with all of them.
Meanwhile, if you go to college, so many opportunities open up for you in terms of networking and career paths. You can go to a community college, work part time and probably pay all of your tuition out of pocket without having to rack up a ton of debt. If you want to go, go. Your dad should understand that is your life to lead. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | mtcanchazer - 2016-05-11 10:49 PM I'm hoping you can maybe give me an idea on what you would do. I want to go to college to get a B.S. in biology, and then further schooling into another field. My issue is my parents don't want me to go to college. My mom is okay about it, but my dad is pretty adamant that college is a bad influence and has corrupted many young people, on a moral perspective not academicly. I believe there is a mixture of both good and bad, in college and the world, and you can separate yourself from certain issues. Plus the first two years of college I can do more than 50% of school online. I have talked with dad before, and dad more or less waffles back and forth between being okay with college and being adamantly against it. Its confusing to say the least.
The only reason this is kind of a problem is I still live with my parents and work with them at the family business. I don't know how to reconcile going to college, my parents not wanting me to, and how to do it while still living at home and working with/for them. I feel I wouldn't be able to afford to go to college without working for/with them and living at home. I love my parents, and do my best to honor them and please them, as I believe what the Bible says about that. But I also feel I'm old enough (I'm in my mid twenties) to make some decisions on my own and that they should be supportive of my decisions. Any advice would be most appreciated as I'm just not sure how to go about this. Thanks much. Awww you sound like a awesome kid and wants to do whats right by your parents and for yourself... so no advice from me, just wanted to give you a big fat hug  And just wanted to add, sounds like your dad is having a hard time letting his baby go.
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2016-05-12 6:48 PM
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | Southtxponygirl - 2016-05-12 5:46 PM mtcanchazer - 2016-05-11 10:49 PM I'm hoping you can maybe give me an idea on what you would do. I want to go to college to get a B.S. in biology, and then further schooling into another field. My issue is my parents don't want me to go to college. My mom is okay about it, but my dad is pretty adamant that college is a bad influence and has corrupted many young people, on a moral perspective not academicly. I believe there is a mixture of both good and bad, in college and the world, and you can separate yourself from certain issues. Plus the first two years of college I can do more than 50% of school online. I have talked with dad before, and dad more or less waffles back and forth between being okay with college and being adamantly against it. Its confusing to say the least.
The only reason this is kind of a problem is I still live with my parents and work with them at the family business. I don't know how to reconcile going to college, my parents not wanting me to, and how to do it while still living at home and working with/for them. I feel I wouldn't be able to afford to go to college without working for/with them and living at home. I love my parents, and do my best to honor them and please them, as I believe what the Bible says about that. But I also feel I'm old enough (I'm in my mid twenties) to make some decisions on my own and that they should be supportive of my decisions. Any advice would be most appreciated as I'm just not sure how to go about this. Thanks much. Awww you sound like a awesome kid and wants to do whats right by your parents and for yourself... so no advice from me, just wanted to give you a big fat hug And just wanted to add, sounds like your dad is having a hard time letting his baby go.
Love ya, Roxie! Thanks. I think you are right about dad letting me go. According to mom, I'll always be their baby girl, as I'm the youngest, so I think you are right that is part of it. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 285
| mtcanchazer - 2016-05-12 3:00 PM
pepsi97 - 2016-05-12 11:31 AM Here's the way I look at it. I too am in my mid 20s and still live at home. If I did move out, there would be no way I could afford my hobbies (horses) on a one person income and still pay all the bills that come with living on your own. I went back to school this past yr. I wanted to better myself and one day be able to afford things. My mom has always said I have a place with her as long as I want it. But I realized my parents won't always be here and I need to be able to make enough to support myself. For me, with out a degree, that would never happen. I think maybe you should tell your dad that. Maybe he would understand more of the college thing if you told him that you need to be able to take care of yourself if something was to happen. It sounds like he is wanting you to run the family business? If that's the case and you might want to, you could still go to school to have a backup plan in the future. Good luck to you
You and I could are pretty much in the same boat as I couldn't afford my hobbies (horses as well) either if I didn't live at home. And my parents are happy to have me at home. My dad would like me to take over the business, but also understands that while I'm good at it, it may not be for me. I too realize my parents won't always be here, and I won't always have their security. Thank you so much as you, along with others, understand where I am at and have given me some good ideas.
You are welcome. :) I hope it all works out. I'm for education and I just know I would regret it if I never went to school. I waited a awhile to go back but glad I did. I want kids some day and know I can't support them on a minimum wage job. If you ever need to talk you can pm me :) | |
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | pepsi97 - 2016-05-12 8:45 PM mtcanchazer - 2016-05-12 3:00 PM pepsi97 - 2016-05-12 11:31 AM Here's the way I look at it. I too am in my mid 20s and still live at home. If I did move out, there would be no way I could afford my hobbies (horses) on a one person income and still pay all the bills that come with living on your own. I went back to school this past yr. I wanted to better myself and one day be able to afford things. My mom has always said I have a place with her as long as I want it. But I realized my parents won't always be here and I need to be able to make enough to support myself. For me, with out a degree, that would never happen. I think maybe you should tell your dad that. Maybe he would understand more of the college thing if you told him that you need to be able to take care of yourself if something was to happen. It sounds like he is wanting you to run the family business? If that's the case and you might want to, you could still go to school to have a backup plan in the future. Good luck to you You and I could are pretty much in the same boat as I couldn't afford my hobbies (horses as well) either if I didn't live at home. And my parents are happy to have me at home. My dad would like me to take over the business, but also understands that while I'm good at it, it may not be for me. I too realize my parents won't always be here, and I won't always have their security. Thank you so much as you, along with others, understand where I am at and have given me some good ideas. You are welcome. : ) I hope it all works out. I'm for education and I just know I would regret it if I never went to school. I waited a awhile to go back but glad I did. I want kids some day and know I can't support them on a minimum wage job. If you ever need to talk you can pm me : )
Thank you so much, that is very kind of you.  | |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | I figure every parent has a max of eighteen years to instill your children with values, morals, common sense, teach them to think for themselves and prepare them to deal in the adult world. If you fail to succeed in that time frame I seriously doubt that sheltering from outside influences (including college) is going to further that goal. | |
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 Loves to compete
Posts: 5760
Location: Oakdale, CA | I would continue working for the family business and go to school online. Get your 2 year degree first. You can disagree with them respectfully. If I were you I would pay for every red cent at a community college yourself. Even if you have to go to night courses just don't let it interfere with your job. They don't have to agree with you.... | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1062
Location: Probably On the Road to the Next Barrel Race! | sent you a pm | |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | You have received a lot of GOOD advice so I won't repeat...... But Thank You for being the respectful and caring daughter that your parents have successfully raised. I just wish that more young people were like you. Good Luck !  | |
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | I'm thankful for all the advice, and I'm also thankful of those that see me respectful as a daughter and understand where I'm at. I appreciate all you have said and the advice given. 
CrossCreek: I didn't receive a PM from you.  | |
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | Update: Since some of you wanted an update, I thought I would. I took the plunge, and spoke with my dad, and I couldn't have had a better response! It seems like I worried all for nothing. So I plan on taking some classes this fall, and I'm very excited, quite a bit nervous, and a little scared (it has been about 7 years since I've gone to school). I've been planning for a long time on how to do all this and setting things up to work the smoothest, and it is such a weight off my shoulders to say what I wanted to say (and I did it nicely), and I'm so happy. THANK YOU all for all your help and advice!
Edited by mtcanchazer 2016-07-21 3:02 PM
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