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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| barrelracer1010 - 2016-10-17 2:49 PM
want2chase3 - 2016-10-17 2:42 PM
Go see an attorney, consults are usually free. They can tell you your rights.. I do know 1 thing for certain, he cannot and will not gain full custody of your baby girl.. unless he can prove you are an unfit mother, which we all gather you are not! He's bluffing. This guy sounds toxic and you and your daughter need to be away from him. He will be responsible for paying child support and providing health insurance for her, and as i understand that will give him the right to see her and he could very well not allow you to move out of state... (my ex put a 100 mile radius on how far i could move with the kids) . Sorry you are going thru this... I went thru a divorce when my youngest was 3 months old.. I moved out, well, he told us to leave so I did and it was one of the best things that ever happened. Hang in there, be strong for your daughter and don't let him scare you into staying with the threat of him taking your baby from you... that's total chicken $__t! Document EVERYTHING!
That's terrifying to me that he will be able to keep my daughter and I from going back home to my family. I didn't realize he would have that power. 
I didn't mean to scare you. That's just what happened to me after he moved us from California, where my family is, to Texas and we had another child before he decided to hook up with the office floozie and left us for her. He may not even want that option. .. just wanted you to know that could be a possibility. My husband now has a 50 mile radius on his ex for his daughter. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| want2chase3 - 2016-10-17 2:54 PM
barrelracer1010 - 2016-10-17 2:49 PM
want2chase3 - 2016-10-17 2:42 PM
Go see an attorney, consults are usually free. They can tell you your rights.. I do know 1 thing for certain, he cannot and will not gain full custody of your baby girl.. unless he can prove you are an unfit mother, which we all gather you are not! He's bluffing. This guy sounds toxic and you and your daughter need to be away from him. He will be responsible for paying child support and providing health insurance for her, and as i understand that will give him the right to see her and he could very well not allow you to move out of state... (my ex put a 100 mile radius on how far i could move with the kids) . Sorry you are going thru this... I went thru a divorce when my youngest was 3 months old.. I moved out, well, he told us to leave so I did and it was one of the best things that ever happened. Hang in there, be strong for your daughter and don't let him scare you into staying with the threat of him taking your baby from you... that's total chicken $__t! Document EVERYTHING!
That's terrifying to me that he will be able to keep my daughter and I from going back home to my family. I didn't realize he would have that power.
I didn't mean to scare you. That's just what happened to me after he moved us from California, where my family is, to Texas and we had another child before he decided to hook up with the office floozie and left us for her. He may not even want that option. .. just wanted you to know that could be a possibility. My husband now has a 50 mile radius on his ex for his daughter.
No thank you for sharing your experience! So you got stuck in TX, away from your family? I'm so sorry. If he is given that option he will do everything he can to make me miserable, I'm sure. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Oh trust me, I was scared to death at the time... but I got thru it with a 2 yr old and a 3 month old... I was a stay at home mom too, so I had to put my kids in daycare and got a job. I got tons of amazing support from this forum during that time. I figured things out miraculously. .. I had a few close friends I made out here and a few friends from church that helped me too. You can do it... someone told me "you never know how strong you are, until you have to be"! | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 912
Location: Alabama | Whatever you do, consult with a local attorney first! Do not just flee the state! That can be considered abandonment and will not reflect well on you if he does decide to pursue custody.
That said, get out. Get away and be done. Raising a child in a terrible home is much worse than raising a child in a broken home. Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking that his treatment of you and she is ok? No. Save your pennies, get an attorney, document every little thing. Then get out and make a life for you and your child. | |
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | Whatever you do please do not stay in that situation. Not healthy for anyone!
Sending prayers.  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| I would make an appointment with an attorney. HAVE YOUR EVIDENCE OF HIS ADULTRY, and police records of the call out that night. This will help move things faster and could allow you to go home. Move out and have him served with divorce papers. I would leave when he was not home if he is known to be violent. Your attorney can consult you about leaving the state. Will you be able to get good employment back home? You need your support system in a time like this. You cant trust this man and you shouldnt have to live like this. Let him make his threats about taking custody, youd have to be a horrible mother for him to taker her. And I am pretty sure that is not the case. Do what you know is right.
Edited by scwebster 2016-10-17 3:32 PM
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | He is not going to get full custody. You need to get yourself a GOOD lawyer (not the only half-hearted loser who'll take your money). Interview various attorneys and get those conversations started with them and sorted out in your head. Hubby is a loser, he should have been acting like father before the child took it's first breath. You may not feel confident enough to live without a man, but would you want your daughter seeing how ths man treats her mother. How he keeps house/cares for animals/his family/himself/the lady down the street/is violent and drinks?
Throw your shoulders back, take your time to interview some attorneys, slow down your worries until you have facts, then start making some decisions on ridding yourself of this guy - you may have to share custody and when two people are so different it won't be easy but the alternative will likely be worse for your daughter over the long run. Don't hold back in telling the attorney's how he behaves. Drinks. Violent. Dirty home. If you try to white wash it, it'll bite you later when you do need to do something about it because your daughter has come home uncared for or seen things she shouldn't. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Tilt The Kilt - 2016-10-17 3:50 PM
He is not going to get full custody. You need to get yourself a GOOD lawyer (not the only half-hearted loser who'll take your money). Interview various attorneys and get those conversations started with them and sorted out in your head. Hubby is a loser, he should have been acting like father before the child took it's first breath. You may not feel confident enough to live without a man, but would you want your daughter seeing how ths man treats her mother. How he keeps house/cares for animals/his family/himself/the lady down the street/is violent and drinks?
Throw your shoulders back, take your time to interview some attorneys, slow down your worries until you have facts, then start making some decisions on ridding yourself of this guy - you may have to share custody and when two people are so different it won't be easy but the alternative will likely be worse for your daughter over the long run. Don't hold back in telling the attorney's how he behaves. Drinks. Violent. Dirty home. If you try to white wash it, it'll bite you later when you do need to do something about it because your daughter has come home uncared for or seen things she shouldn't.
Thank you.
I think this sounds like the plan for now.. As much as I want to move back home right now, slowing down and getting my ducks in a row is the smarter option, as long as he doesn't find out.. I don't want to move and take a chance on him being able to get me in trouble for leaving the state with her.
Someone else asked if I can get a job back home and yes thankfully I can. I work in health care and have been blessed enough to easily find jobs when I move. I have already browsed openings back home and looked into state license requirements, and getting on my feet up there will not be an issue.
I just have to make sure I do it correctly. If he has the power to not let me out of a 50-100 mile radius like some have said, he WILL exercise that power.. I know him. He's not going to be cooperative at all if I make the decision to leave. | |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | First off hugs. I was in your shoes. You have described my situation to a tee with my ex husband. I ended up filing for divorce and have full custody with no contact. My daughter is now almost nine and hasn't seen that douche since June 2009. Feel free to pm me. I can tell you how I handled min.y situation but I don't need to broadcast it | |
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  Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | 1 of all, sorry you and your babygirl are going through this.
2nd, you say he is active military. Make sure that if you have proof of the cheating and keep it safe. He is comitting adultery and that is a major nono for soldiers.
3rd, get a lawyer that knows about military laws. I don't know if going to JAG will help you, but you can also go to his command. The will help you if he becomes aggresive again.
4th, GO, leave his sorry a$$. Get yourself and your baby to safety, he sounds like a powder keg, ready to blow at any time.
and 5th, document EVERYTHING!!! Texts, emails, call logs, his facebook, take pics of it if needed, but get as much proof as you can. it will help you in a court should he fight you for custody.
and 6th, hugs and good luck. | |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | I don't have time to read all the responses but if everything you are saying is true, start making plans now to leave. Do it very quietly, don't rock the boat, get a bada$$ lawyer, document everything and when you have all your ducks in a row, get help from your family and leave. Sorry you are going thru this, prayers you can find your way to a better life. | |
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 Loves to compete
Posts: 5760
Location: Oakdale, CA | Southtxponygirl - 2016-10-17 12:25 PM Mighty Broke - 2016-10-17 2:18 PM First---I am a guy.
Second---Have a higher opinion of your self, don't settle, you can do better.
Third-----DUMP HIM
Fourth----NO WAY he would get the kid.
This^^^ What Mighty Broke just said... Run dont walk.. 
Dr. Laura would say take your baby and go home to your mom or dad or any family that will take you him......
God Bless | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Hugs, I would also suggest speaking with a lawyer in the state your parents are in, as I thought I heard somewhere you can file divorce in any state, then he would have to appear in that state, if he is a dead beat, he may not show.
Good luck | |
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Veteran
Posts: 155
| Sounds exactly like my life 22 years ago. I documented everything, got a kick ass lawyer, and was patient. I also was super composed anytime I had to meet with him, I let him blow up, get ****ed, and show everyone his true colors.
I too wanted to move when I left. I was awarded joint custody at first, but I still kept documenting when he wouldn't show up for visitation, or sent threatening lettets, ect. Eventually I was able to move, but I had to transport my daughter every other weekend for visitation. I still kept documenting and eventually he hung himself with drugs/alcohol and I was awarded full custody. I haven't seen him in about 15 years.
It's scary, he will try to make you feel like a horrible person, he will threaten, beg, and threaten some more. Be strong, it sounds like you have a great family for support, you know what's right for your daughter, and you deserve to be happy! | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Get a lawyer and get out. He has blown his chances time and time again. If he can't even feed the horses, he could NEVER take care of a kid either. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | I'm so sorry you're going through this. As others have said do this smartly. Find a good lawyer and get their advice. Start planning for you and your daughters future and make sure that when you leave you can comfortably support the two of you.
You CAN do this. You WILL do this and you will find someone who will love you, want you, need you, and make your life better. Don't give up and don't give in to doubts. You deserve a better life and only you can change it. | |
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Regular
Posts: 81
| If you are on an active duty base there should be a family readiness center there that can help assist you. You probably had contact with them when you first moved on base (assuming you live on base), or at the very least when he joined his unit.
You could also reach out to the local JAG (judge advocate general) office to look for options. They do not represent individuals, but can provide legal advice.
Also, if he is an officer this will be considered a UCMJ action and he could potentially get in serious trouble for the infidelity. Make sure you stay strong through this!!
As his wife you are entitled to all the benefits he receives so I would take as much as you can and then get out of dodge and back to family. I, also, come from a family of lovebirds for parents and had a very cloudy idea of what that looks like and was married too quickly. Fortunately we did not have kids but this is a very tough situation and all my prayers are with you!! | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Get a lawyer, get a lawyer, get a lawyer. Like today, this afternoon.
Would you mind sharing what state you are in? | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| cranky B4 10am - 2016-10-17 4:37 PM
1 of all, sorry you and your babygirl are going through this.
2nd, you say he is active military. Make sure that if you have proof of the cheating and keep it safe. He is comitting adultery and that is a major nono for soldiers.
3rd, get a lawyer that knows about military laws. I don't know if going to JAG will help you, but you can also go to his command. The will help you if he becomes aggresive again.
4th, GO, leave his sorry a$$. Get yourself and your baby to safety, he sounds like a powder keg, ready to blow at any time.
and 5th, document EVERYTHING!!! Texts, emails, call logs, his facebook, take pics of it if needed, but get as much proof as you can. it will help you in a court should he fight you for custody.
and 6th, hugs and good luck.
^^This^^ The military advice is probably the most important advice you have received so far. | |
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| oija - 2016-10-18 12:17 PM
Get a lawyer, get a lawyer, get a lawyer. Like today, this afternoon.
Would you mind sharing what state you are in?
YES, YES, YES.
LAWYER IN CURRENT STATE, RIGHT NOW.
Depending on what they say, you can consult a later in the other state later. You don't want to move and then find out that you are in trouble. Get the information before you make your move. | |
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