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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
  
| I'm definitely a Scrooge. . My husbands family can be really tough on him and I hate bullies, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and not being angry for the rest of the day. I don't get to see my family at all since they're 24 hours away and I really just don't get enough time off work to make the full trip. I miss them lots. Christmas has never truly been about the religious aspect for either of our families, so that's kind out as a basic meaning to draw back on.
Christmas sucks for me and plenty of others because it brings home the disappointments of change. Those of us that have experienced wonderful Christmas's really get kicked in the balls this time of year knowing that it will never be like it was again.
I will say that I have a little stepkid, and she's just getting to be the age where Christmas is a huge deal, so that's been fun this year planning and decorating for her, but we only get her every other year, and she lives 20 hours away.
So yep, honestly, in the big picture, I'd rather just stay at work. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| My family decided a couple of years ago that the adults were no longer buying for each other. We buy a dirty santa gift for the big family gatherings and otherwise just buy for the small kids that are in our immediate family (our kids, first cousins). I tell you, it has made Christmas so much more enjoyable to me. I dont spend the season stressing over what to buy. I think Christmas has become so commercialized. I really dont see how a lot of people afford to buy nice gifts for so many people. Some friends of ours buy 37 gifts. They dont have children, that is just for their relatives. Nice gifts at that. I focus more on the experience of Chistmas now. The decor, going to see lights and nativity displays, watching Christmas movies with family, having dinner together, remembering the REAL reason for the season. :)
Edited by scwebster 2016-12-12 10:34 AM
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | scwebster - 2016-12-12 10:32 AM
My family decided a couple of years ago that the adults were no longer buying for each other. We buy a dirty santa gift for the big family gatherings and otherwise just buy for the small kids that are in our immediate family (our kids, first cousins). I tell you, it has made Christmas so much more enjoyable to me. I dont spend the season stressing over what to buy. I think Christmas has become so commercialized. I really dont see how a lot of people afford to buy nice gifts for so many people. Some friends of ours buy 37 gifts. They dont have children, that is just for their relatives. Nice gifts at that. I focus more on the experience of Chistmas now. The decor, going to see lights and nativity displays, watching Christmas movies with family, having dinner together, remembering the REAL reason for the season. :)
We used to do that, everyone buy gifts for everyone else. It got to be so ridiculous how much money we were spending. For my side of the family, everyone buys for the kids and the adults draw names, so we only have to buy for one adult each. On my husband's side, we buy for all the kids and the adults do a white elephant gift exchange, so only one present per person there too. Makes it WAY less stressful and we save a ton of money. It's also great because you can get one or two nice things instead of a bunch of cheap stuff, you don't feel bad if some random family member shows up and you haven't bought them anything, and family members who can't afford to buy a bunch of stuff don't feel inadequate or left out. |
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Expert
Posts: 2128
| Gunner11 - 2016-12-12 11:01 AM scwebster - 2016-12-12 10:32 AM My family decided a couple of years ago that the adults were no longer buying for each other. We buy a dirty santa gift for the big family gatherings and otherwise just buy for the small kids that are in our immediate family (our kids, first cousins). I tell you, it has made Christmas so much more enjoyable to me. I dont spend the season stressing over what to buy. I think Christmas has become so commercialized. I really dont see how a lot of people afford to buy nice gifts for so many people. Some friends of ours buy 37 gifts. They dont have children, that is just for their relatives. Nice gifts at that. I focus more on the experience of Chistmas now. The decor, going to see lights and nativity displays, watching Christmas movies with family, having dinner together, remembering the REAL reason for the season. :) We used to do that, everyone buy gifts for everyone else. It got to be so ridiculous how much money we were spending. For my side of the family, everyone buys for the kids and the adults draw names, so we only have to buy for one adult each. On my husband's side, we buy for all the kids and the adults do a white elephant gift exchange, so only one present per person there too. Makes it WAY less stressful and we save a ton of money. It's also great because you can get one or two nice things instead of a bunch of cheap stuff, you don't feel bad if some random family member shows up and you haven't bought them anything, and family members who can't afford to buy a bunch of stuff don't feel inadequate or left out.
Its def the way to go! |
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 Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
 
Location: 31 lengths farms | Christmas used to be my favorite time of year, my mom's too. For our family Stockings were the big deal. Mom always made a big deal about them even though it was usually snacks and neccessary stuff in your stockings , underwear, socks. etc. The mantle over the fire place was her big decoration deal and the stockings were part of that. Even the adult "children" still got stockings at mom's house. I tried to continue that tradition when mom started having some advance dementia issues but the Christmas night of 2013 mom had a stroke. It was a weird silent type of one, she had been sitting in her chair talking with all of us, I would get her up and get her dressed for bed and tuck her in as I headed off to bed. As I went to help get her dressed I noticed her left hand and asked her if she could move it, she said "yes I can move it!" and took her right hand to lift it off her lap. No slur of speach, no sag of her mouth, nothing but her left side was totally involved. Ambulance ride to the hospital and 4 days in the hospital then permanent residence in a facility. Mom passed away July of 2015, her birthday was December 4th and lets just say the whole of December is pretty well wasted on me . This year has been even harder than last year I think.
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
I feel your pain. After a couple of years of loading up 4 kids, getting presents there without them seeing them, then having my MIL not even get up to watch them open gifts I said no more traveling. A few years after that I told my husband I was done trying with her and was not going to subject myself to her behavior towards me. He has talked to her but it did no good, he understood and did not have a problem with it. He and the kids will travel to go see her, I stay home and care for the animals. On occasions where we are brought together I am respectful, always have a smile and we politely visit, life is good. Live life on your terms without being hateful, you can choose a better way that works for you. |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | Christmas is a hard time for family. My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. All in all the single worst day or our life together. |
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Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | I feel your pain SC Wrangler...  Doesn't seem to lessen with the years either. |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | Be thankful you have family to go see. Most of my extended family has passed or is estranged. |
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 Coyote Country Queen
Posts: 5666
| I finally decided that I wasn't going to sacrifice my family's needs to satisfy other people. Not just at holidays, but all of the time. We get stressed out trying to make it to every event/invite, and by the time we load up to make the drive to town everyone is grumpy and then exhausted at the end of the day. That sure doesn't make for much fun! I know that I've upset people by making this decision, but I'm not going to wear my kids out trying to please the family members that want to spend time with them. My new philosophy is that if it works for us to be there, we'll go. If not, we won't. I could go into a long rant of all the hoops I've jumped through for family members, or all of the negativity I've gotten for not doing things how they want. But really all I'm going to say is that your responsibility is to your family (spouse and children) and you need to do what is best for you. The other people in your life will either respect your decision and be appreciative of the things you are able to do, or they won't. Either way, you and your family will be happy, and ultimately that's what you need to be concerned about. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | run n rate - 2016-12-12 11:48 AM
Christmas used to be my favorite time of year, my mom's too. For our family Stockings were the big deal. Mom always made a big deal about them even though it was usually snacks and neccessary stuff in your stockings , underwear, socks. etc. The mantle over the fire place was her big decoration deal and the stockings were part of that. Even the adult "children" still got stockings at mom's house. I tried to continue that tradition when mom started having some advance dementia issues but the Christmas night of 2013 mom had a stroke. It was a weird silent type of one, she had been sitting in her chair talking with all of us, I would get her up and get her dressed for bed and tuck her in as I headed off to bed. As I went to help get her dressed I noticed her left hand and asked her if she could move it, she said "yes I can move it!" and took her right hand to lift it off her lap. No slur of speach, no sag of her mouth, nothing but her left side was totally involved. Ambulance ride to the hospital and 4 days in the hospital then permanent residence in a facility. Mom passed away July of 2015, her birthday was December 4th and lets just say the whole of December is pretty well wasted on me . This year has been even harder than last year I think.
Bless you RNR, this year is a tough one for us too. Chris' birthday was Nov 15, then Thanksgiving, now staring Christmas straight on. . . . A week and a half ago, Chandler got all 4 of his wisdom teeth cut out. He got in the shower, and when he got out he was almost gasping he was crying so hard. I thought he was hurting and I just kept asking what, where are your hurting, what's wrong. I was so afraid he was going to start bleeding and I wouldn't be able to stop it. Finally he just said "my father." I lost it totally. He told me some things that he worries and thinks about that just break my heart. And I know the holidays are playing a big role. So I understand how you feel. Many prayers for the season to get better for all those that are hurting and have missing family members. |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | SC Wrangler - 2016-12-12 1:49 PM
Christmas is a hard time for family. Â My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. Â We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. Â We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. Â We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. Â My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Â Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. Â My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. Â All in all the single worst day or our life together. Â
I believe that is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Such tragedy, I am so sorry. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| Chandler's Mom - 2016-12-12 11:07 PM
SC Wrangler - 2016-12-12 1:49 PM
Christmas is a hard time for family. Â My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. Â We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. Â We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. Â We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. Â My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Â Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. Â My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. Â All in all the single worst day or our life together. Â
I believe that is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Such tragedy, I am so sorry.
I totally agree - I am SO very sorry. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| I'm not a big Christmas person either. Mostly I get sick of my extended families negativity and cattyness. Everyone seems grumpy and on edge this time of the year. I understand it can be a difficult time for a lot of people right now. |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2016-12-12 10:01 AM iloveequine40 - 2016-12-11 9:45 AM Wow just WOW. No one understands dysfunctional family dynamics more than me but to say you hate Christmas??? You should really 're-evaluate what Christmas means. This all the way^^^^ its not Christmas that some of you hate, its the way you are spending it, if this is the way you feel then change what you are doing.. Christmas is the best thing at the end of a year..
The best thing at the end of the year is the NFR...LOL
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Expert
Posts: 1255
| I don't like it either it's a very sad time of year,. |
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Location: South Dakota | SC Wrangler - 2016-12-12 1:49 PM Christmas is a hard time for family. My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. All in all the single worst day or our life together.
That is so heartbreaking...I am sorry you had to go through such a painful ordeal. Hugs. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| Many years ago we started eating dinner once a week with the entire family that are local so visiting with each other happens every week. This does two things one it allows my sister who is always a negative Nancy get all her hateful comments out before the big family comes in and 2 it allows us to visit with the most important ones so we don't have to be uncomfortable during the special days. As for gifts we set a limit and a theme every year with the ones we exchange gifts with. This years theme is what would I like to get, then we will do like the take away thing. We already have next years theme which is hand made items (we are all very talented from furniture making to sewing to cooking to painting etc.) but what ever the situation we just put our own feelings aside for one day and enjoy each others company. After all we are adults. Hope you can find a way to enjoy this season. Merry Christmas |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| It tends to be a hard time for us. We are coming up on year two of my father in law committing suicide two days after Christmas.
Trying to find the motivation to even put a tree up.... |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | we have the ones that are hating christmas because of family or in laws and trips and we have the very sad ones missing the family members that arent here.. I bet the sad ones would love to trade places with you all......one day you that are complaining may be the ones that are sad.............cherish the day and love one another and dont let it get to you .. .. prayers to the ones missing their loved ones..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2016-12-14 8:17 PM
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