|
|
I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
  
| I agree with Classic, STPG and SHR, but I wanted to add that it is perfectly normal for her to want to listen in and ask questions that aren't necessarily her business. I remember as a kid wanting to know what the adults were talking about. She is growing up and most kids think they are more adult than they are, haha. She sounds like a good kid, it's hard growing up and trying to please everyone. It's not easy for you either as a step parent. | |
| | |
 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | sorrel horse ranch - 2017-03-13 3:35 PM
She is just a LITTLE girl. I raised a stepson. I wouldn't worry about it at this age. She might not have an answer as she really doesn't know why she did this. Just love her and put your feelings aside right now. If she is still doing this 5 years down the road I might would worry about it. Can you afford to buy her more socks. If so it is not a big deal. Again just love her you don't have any idea what she might be going through right now.
I would love not to worry about it at this age but this is the age where I feel like you should be worried mainly because they know what's right and wrong. If you let it escalate for 5 more years she'll dang near be out of school and on her own and it really won't be my prob, but I want her to grow up to be a respectful young lady, one thats fair, honest, and trusting. One that treats others the way she wants to be treated. I dont know how many times we've talked about how mean girls can be, and I don't want her to be that mean, snotty, girl that picks on the other girls that aren't like her. And right now I feel like we have that girl, I've explained to her how to not pick and talk bad about people who are different, and that she doesn't have to feel like she has to be their best frind but I don't what her to follow a bad lead, just because all the other girls are doing it doesn't mean she has to also. Can you imagine trying to teach that to a teenager? | |
| | |
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | GLP - 2017-03-13 4:01 PM
I agree with Classic, STPG and SHR, but I wanted to add that it is perfectly normal for her to want to listen in and ask questions that aren't necessarily her business. I remember as a kid wanting to know what the adults were talking about. She is growing up and most kids think they are more adult than they are, haha. She sounds like a good kid, it's hard growing up and trying to please everyone. It's not easy for you either as a step parent.
She is a great kid! | |
| | |
I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Peewee212 - 2017-03-13 4:07 PM
sorrel horse ranch - 2017-03-13 3:35 PM
She is just a LITTLE girl. I raised a stepson. I wouldn't worry about it at this age. She might not have an answer as she really doesn't know why she did this. Just love her and put your feelings aside right now. If she is still doing this 5 years down the road I might would worry about it. Can you afford to buy her more socks. If so it is not a big deal. Again just love her you don't have any idea what she might be going through right now.
I would love not to worry about it at this age but this is the age where I feel like you should be worried mainly because they know what's right and wrong. If you let it escalate for 5 more years she'll dang near be out of school and on her own and it really won't be my prob, but I want her to grow up to be a respectful young lady, one thats fair, honest, and trusting. One that treats others the way she wants to be treated. I dont know how many times we've talked about how mean girls can be, and I don't want her to be that mean, snotty, girl that picks on the other girls that aren't like her. And right now I feel like we have that girl, I've explained to her how to not pick and talk bad about people who are different, and that she doesn't have to feel like she has to be their best frind but I don't what her to follow a bad lead, just because all the other girls are doing it doesn't mean she has to also. Can you imagine trying to teach that to a teenager?
My mom was a huge believer in treating people as you would want to be treated. If she thought we were being unkind, she would ask us how we would feel if someone treated us the way we were treating them? How did it feel when people hurt our feelings or teased us a mercilessly? She discussed this with us, not lecturing. I must admit we had this conversation more than once, but the older we got, the less this discussion had to happen, until we didn't need that reminder any more. I did this with my kids, too. I am sure you have also done this, just a friendly reminder that you will have to reiterate this from time to time. I bet this little girl grows up to be a kind compassionate person with parents who care so much for her. Hugs, being a parent is not for the meek of heart! | |
| | |
 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| A statement that struck me was the one about financially not being able to provide toys and clothing for both houses on top of child support and that would not be fair to you. Keep in mind it is not fair to ask this child to split her time between her parents, learn how to deal with the dynamics of this and the emotions that go with it yet she has no choice and is asked to do it. The point is I have observed so many situations where "we pay child support not going to pay for... creating a sad environment for the children. Regardless if you are right or wrong, put her first. As to the lying, most kids do it, just ask her why and tell her all she had to do is let you know if she needs or wants something. What her mother does and how she reacts is out of your control and really plays no part in what you do. Don't base your actions and decisions off what she does, base them off the best interest of your stepchild. Sounds like she has a pretty good step mother with you. Keep in simple, tell her she didn't need to lie, they are hers and she can pack what she wants but if she will need them at your house she needs to bring them back, she will figure it out. | |
| | |
 Worst.Housekeeper.EVER.
 
Location: Missouri | Probably irrelevant, but my son has a sock obsession. He wears the same pair for every game, same pair with certain shorts, pants, etc. He is 11 and has started doing his own laundry because I can't wash them fast enough. Lol!
If the rule is and has always been that she's not allowed to take anything back to her home, I think it's completely normal that she tried to sneak them. What else was she supposed to do? Have an adult conversation about how the socks make her feel or why she likes them better?... I mean that can be the goal, but this seems more like a teaching moment than anything.
But, I'm not a stepmom. I did, however, split time between parents and I used to lay in my bed and smell the clothes I brought home from my dads house because it was as close as I could be to him until the next visitation. My favorite toys were always the ones he bought me. My mom and step dad had raging jealousy which just made me cling even tighter to the things my dad and grandma sent me or that I brought home from their houses. I swear I still smell my grandma's house on my old doll.
You know the song "Love Triangle"? I'm 38 years old and my parents love triangle still affects me and my own kids now. | |
| | |
 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | After reading most of this thread - my first thought was why does she feel like she has to sneak the socks -- why does she feel she cannot talk to you or her dad about wanting to take the socks home with her. That would be the big issue for me -- the socks, clothes, toys -- that's just stuff and it would not bother me for it to go and come as she wishes -- but the fact she did not feel okay about talking about wanting those socks -- THAT's the red flag in my opinion. I'd sit her down and just chat with her about it -- not in a threatening manner, but just let's talk about those socks sweetie, why you like them so much -- and next time there is something you want to "travel" with let me and daddy know -- so we know the washer did not eat them! I would highly recommend you work toward keeping the communications open -- and if she is at 9 years old beginning to feel like she cannot speak to you, THAT would be the issue that's I'd work on -- not where the clothes end up. (By the way, I've been a step mom for 39 years. Love my boys very much.) | |
| | |
  Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | rodeomom3 - 2017-03-13 5:51 PM A statement that struck me was the one about financially not being able to provide toys and clothing for both houses on top of child support and that would not be fair to you. Keep in mind it is not fair to ask this child to split her time between her parents, learn how to deal with the dynamics of this and the emotions that go with it yet she has no choice and is asked to do it. The point is I have observed so many situations where "we pay child support not going to pay for... creating a sad environment for the children. Regardless if you are right or wrong, put her first. As to the lying, most kids do it, just ask her why and tell her all she had to do is let you know if she needs or wants something. What her mother does and how she reacts is out of your control and really plays no part in what you do. Don't base your actions and decisions off what she does, base them off the best interest of your stepchild. Sounds like she has a pretty good step mother with you. Keep in simple, tell her she didn't need to lie, they are hers and she can pack what she wants but if she will need them at your house she needs to bring them back, she will figure it out.
Nancy said this so much better than me. I am not saying to not discipline your children. If you could ask my two they would tell you they were disciplined. Teach her right from wrong. But she is young and she may have something troubling her right now that she may not know how to tell you. Stay after her about right and wrong. But I think you are worrying about this one issue too much. I would tell you about my daughter and what she has accomplished but I wouldn't want to embarras her. Both my children are very respectful and successful because I was a strong disciplinarian. But I guess what I am saying is choose your battles. | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth.  | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 2128
| I feel bad for kids that have to live separate lives. :(
Not directed at the OP, this thread just had me thinking in general. I also couldnt imagine only having my child part of the time like some parents have to do. Being a step parent is a tough role, I applaud all those who step up to the plate.
When my dad remarried my mother hated his new wife. She wasnt shy about it either. Of course I took my moms side.. This new woman wasnt MY mother..she was changing my dad..blah blah. My step mom did for me anyway. She put up with my moms crap. She treated me and my brother like we were hers. She WAS THERE when MY MOTHER wasnt. My step mother worked extra hours to send me to private school, she ironed my clothes, made sure I had nice things, helped me with school work, cleaned up after me and so much more. She was just there. After a couple of years it all started clicking in my head.... when it came down to it, my step mother was who I could count on. Shes an angel and I am so thankful for her. So to all you step parents who think your kindnesses are going unnoticed, keep up the good work. The children will see it sooner or later. | |
| | |
 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM
My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth.
You and I should start a club. We're on exactly the same page.
I'm lucky and don't have to deal with a Mom that is a jerk about things that belong to her kid. We've got a pretty good dual citizenship worked out.
It would not have worked without BOTH parties being willing to exhale and remember that once you've handed it to the child, it belongs to the CHILD.
I just send the Mom a FB message letting her know what kind of activities and weather we're looking at, and she makes sure Brin packs accordingly. If kidlet needs something extra to be comfortable, we go buy it. If she wants it to stay, great. If she packs it, who cares? It does not belong to me any longer.
As for child support not being used for the child, ummm, as long as the kiddo has a warm, safe place to live, and enough to eat, who the hell cares??? It's money you legally have to pay, to the woman that is literally raising a child or multiple children. That's a huge job in itself, and the money is a tiny fraction of the resources she would have if she weren't divorced. Sorry but if she goes and gets her nails done after she gets her support check, the chick probably deserves it. I literally get a full body shudder thinking about having baby girl with me full time (she's got her mama's attitude and her daddy's stubborn streak, poor thing), and I cheerfully transfer the money every month. That money is also a fraction of what said baby girl would be imbibing (read this in a funny tone here), if she were here full time.
I'm a way better stepmom than I am a Mom. Some Moms need to get over themselves and remember that this is their kids here, and their jealousy and hate just don't count. There's stepmoms out there that need to remember the same thing.
Being a stepmom is awful, don't get me wrong, but my husband is worth it and the kid herself makes me laugh whenever we've got her. Wouldn't miss it, but it takes oodles of communication and shelved emotion. | |
| | |
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | wickedstepmother - 2017-03-13 3:21 PM
I hate stepchildren.
I don't have an answer
Worst years of my life was raising them
Sorry for the outburst.
Wow how sad. | |
| | |
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM
My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth.
I think your being the better person here. I would have a terrible hard time buying things over and over to watch them get thrown out over and over. And though your not wanting your girls to suffer, they're figuring it out, if they take things back they know they won't get to keep them, so they'll learn to leave them.
Guess there's no way I would continue to do this, but absolutely agree with them having the neccesitis at your house for back up. We did this when she was littLe 1 and 2. She came with a bag and we set that bag home. Her mom might send her in flip flops each time so we learned to have a pair of shoes or boots. She had a few jackets and a coat and if it was chilI she wore it home bUT her mom always sent it back. Eventually it was just easier to have everything at our house but bc my step daughter learned from her mom that things stayed at her house I assumed that's why she never acted interested in taking things from our house. This was not a mold made by us. The socks are insignificant to her. She wore a pair from our house home not even knowing they were some I bought. She notice the ones in the laundry from weeks ago, that they were from her other house. And like I said I did not make a big deal about it, she chose to sneak them back when she had no reason to sneak. And now as I think about it maybe she wasn't sneaking them but more embarrassed about it, not wanting to ask, which I want her to feel like she can ask anything, but if it was more the fact that her mom has told her over and over to bring things back. I should have been thinking more along these lines before.
After your responses I feel much better about it as I don't feel like this sort of behavior is bc of us, I feel like she gets this from the other house, feeling like everything must be taken back....we were asked to make sure she wears the same clothes home?!?
So I will use this as a lesson, and plan to sit her down and have a nice conversation with her about how things can come and go, but this doesnt mean the same rule will apply at the other house.
As a new mother to a 6 month old, I honestly don't know how mothers bear to watch their kids go somewhere else every other week/ weekend either. It would break my heart. And I know all situations are different some didn't have a choice, but some do.
I'm not going to get into my husband situation bc I have on here before but he didn't choose this, this was her choice. And no he was not married to this woman nor in a relationship with her for a long period of time. But we made the best of the situation and I have very little respect for her mom, I will never tell her that or make her think I do not like her. I shouldn't even type it out as it's something we try to only think, but you can all take it how you want bc some will understand and some won't bc there on the other side. And I believe she has a great mom bc she is a wonderful little girl, but she has been a horrible co parent and still is. Communication is almost nonexisting, which we found is actually best for our situation but thankfully have a nice parenting plan to follow. And I actually love being a step mom, and I think she is more than ready to come to our house when the weekend comes, and she's an amazing big sister. But we have also been getting her regularly since she was about 2 or 3, so this is all she knows. I can't change the things that happen at the other house. And for the most part I feel like she has a good situation but there has been a time or two she was forced to do something an activity she didn't want and told me that her step dad told her it wasn't a choice....well I just told her when she was here that it was a choice she wasn't going to get forced to do something she didn't want to do min us chores and picking up after herself which she does a great job of.
Thanks again for the input. I agree and disagree but like one said we all have to find what works. And I can only do my part to make her feel comfortable with us and I will make an effort to let he know she can take things, but will also make her aware if she runs out that she will have to figure it out. Good advice.
Edited by Peewee212 2017-03-14 1:33 PM
| |
| | |
Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | classicpotatochip - 2017-03-14 9:45 AM IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth. You and I should start a club. We're on exactly the same page. I'm lucky and don't have to deal with a Mom that is a jerk about things that belong to her kid. We've got a pretty good dual citizenship worked out. It would not have worked without BOTH parties being willing to exhale and remember that once you've handed it to the child, it belongs to the CHILD. I just send the Mom a FB message letting her know what kind of activities and weather we're looking at, and she makes sure Brin packs accordingly. If kidlet needs something extra to be comfortable, we go buy it. If she wants it to stay, great. If she packs it, who cares? It does not belong to me any longer. As for child support not being used for the child, ummm, as long as the kiddo has a warm, safe place to live, and enough to eat, who the hell cares??? It's money you legally have to pay, to the woman that is literally raising a child or multiple children. That's a huge job in itself, and the money is a tiny fraction of the resources she would have if she weren't divorced. Sorry but if she goes and gets her nails done after she gets her support check, the chick probably deserves it. I literally get a full body shudder thinking about having baby girl with me full time (she's got her mama's attitude and her daddy's stubborn streak, poor thing ), and I cheerfully transfer the money every month. That money is also a fraction of what said baby girl would be imbibing (read this in a funny tone here ), if she were here full time. I'm a way better stepmom than I am a Mom. Some Moms need to get over themselves and remember that this is their kids here, and their jealousy and hate just don't count. There's stepmoms out there that need to remember the same thing. Being a stepmom is awful, don't get me wrong, but my husband is worth it and the kid herself makes me laugh whenever we've got her. Wouldn't miss it, but it takes oodles of communication and shelved emotion.
Completely agree. One day Mom will grow up. Or she may never grow up. Either way is between her and the Lord above. Not I. My JOb is the girls. Not Mom. Being civil and nice to her is my job. Including their Mom in conversations with the girls is also somthing I do. Their Mom is not a dirty subject in our home. They love her in a way they will never love me. And I am completely okay with that. They love me in a different way. We talk about their MOm and adventures they go on and they paint and color pictures for her and I love seeing their faces light up when they talk about her and showing her their drawing and paintings. It's precious.
I agree. Once the money is given I don't care if she uses it on herself or not. I am a Mom as well with a baby girl of my own that stays with me 24/7. I sometimes need an extra $20 or $30 for a massage or pedicure or even a bottle of bubble bath etc just to keep my sanity.
As long as the girls have clothes at their mom's, food, water, etc I can't complain about her being a bad Mom. She's doing what she feels is best. I can't judge her for that. Is she right in what she is doing? Probably not. But it isn't my place to tell her how to parent. It is my job to help my SO parent at our own house and to be an ecouraging person in both his life and in their life. I help my SO parent by sticking to his rules he's given them to follow. Helping them follow those rules; That is my only job. Kids are smart. They pick up on little things. Especially when a parent says one thing and does another. Their Mom is very vocal in hating both my SO and I and our little one. My SO and I never say anything bad about their Mom in front of them. Once the girls are gone we may talk about what happened, but we usually let it go.
Maybe one day they can look back and remember me as always telling them the truth, always working hard for them, and always being the same person behind closed doors as I am in front of people and in front of them. I love my girls. All three of them. They're each a hoot and a half in their own special way. And that's all that matters to me. Clothes can be replaced, the relationship we all have can't. | |
| | |
Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 1:57 PM
classicpotatochip - 2017-03-14 9:45 AM IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth. You and I should start a club. We're on exactly the same page. I'm lucky and don't have to deal with a Mom that is a jerk about things that belong to her kid. We've got a pretty good dual citizenship worked out. It would not have worked without BOTH parties being willing to exhale and remember that once you've handed it to the child, it belongs to the CHILD. I just send the Mom a FB message letting her know what kind of activities and weather we're looking at, and she makes sure Brin packs accordingly. If kidlet needs something extra to be comfortable, we go buy it. If she wants it to stay, great. If she packs it, who cares? It does not belong to me any longer. As for child support not being used for the child, ummm, as long as the kiddo has a warm, safe place to live, and enough to eat, who the hell cares??? It's money you legally have to pay, to the woman that is literally raising a child or multiple children. That's a huge job in itself, and the money is a tiny fraction of the resources she would have if she weren't divorced. Sorry but if she goes and gets her nails done after she gets her support check, the chick probably deserves it. I literally get a full body shudder thinking about having baby girl with me full time (she's got her mama's attitude and her daddy's stubborn streak, poor thing ), and I cheerfully transfer the money every month. That money is also a fraction of what said baby girl would be imbibing (read this in a funny tone here ), if she were here full time. I'm a way better stepmom than I am a Mom. Some Moms need to get over themselves and remember that this is their kids here, and their jealousy and hate just don't count. There's stepmoms out there that need to remember the same thing. Being a stepmom is awful, don't get me wrong, but my husband is worth it and the kid herself makes me laugh whenever we've got her. Wouldn't miss it, but it takes oodles of communication and shelved emotion.
I agree. Once the money is given I don't care if she uses it on herself or not. I am a Mom as well with a baby girl of my own that stays with me 24/7. I sometimes need an extra $20 or $30 for a massage or pedicure or even a bottle of bubble bath etc just to keep my sanity.
As long as the girls have clothes at their mom's, food, water, etc I can't complain about her being a bad Mom. She's doing what she feels is best. I can't judge her for that. Is she right in what she is doing? Probably not. But it isn't my place to tell her how to parent. It is my job to help my SO parent at our own house and to be an ecouraging person in both his life and in their life. I help my SO parent by sticking to his rules he's given them to follow. Helping them follow those rules; That is my only job. Kids are smart. They pick up on little things. Especially when a parent says one thing and does another. Their Mom is very vocal in hating both my SO and I and our little one. My SO and I never say anything bad about their Mom in front of them. Once the girls are gone we may talk about what happened, but we usually let it go.
Maybe one day they can look back and remember me as always telling them the truth, always working hard for them, and always being the same person behind closed doors as I am in front of people and in front of them. I love my girls. All three of them. They're each a hoot and a half in their own special way. And that's all that matters to me. Clothes can be replaced, the relationship we all have can't.
You're awesome!! | |
| | |
Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Peewee212 - 2017-03-14 1:25 PM
IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM
My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth.
I think your being the better person here. I would have a terrible hard time buying things over and over to watch them get thrown out over and over. And though your not wanting your girls to suffer, they're figuring it out, if they take things back they know they won't get to keep them, so they'll learn to leave them.
Guess there's no way I would continue to do this, but absolutely agree with them having the neccesitis at your house for back up. We did this when she was littLe 1 and 2. She came with a bag and we set that bag home. Her mom might send her in flip flops each time so we learned to have a pair of shoes or boots. She had a few jackets and a coat and if it was chilI she wore it home bUT her mom always sent it back. Eventually it was just easier to have everything at our house but bc my step daughter learned from her mom that things stayed at her house I assumed that's why she never acted interested in taking things from our house. This was not a mold made by us. The socks are insignificant to her. She wore a pair from our house home not even knowing they were some I bought. She notice the ones in the laundry from weeks ago, that they were from her other house. And like I said I did not make a big deal about it, she chose to sneak them back when she had no reason to sneak. And now as I think about it maybe she wasn't sneaking them but more embarrassed about it, not wanting to ask, which I want her to feel like she can ask anything, but if it was more the fact that her mom has told her over and over to bring things back. I should have been thinking more along these lines before.
After your responses I feel much better about it as I don't feel like this sort of behavior is bc of us, I feel like she gets this from the other house, feeling like everything must be taken back....we were asked to make sure she wears the same clothes home?!?
So I will use this as a lesson, and plan to sit her down and have a nice conversation with her about how things can come and go, but this doesnt mean the same rule will apply at the other house.
As a new mother to a 6 month old, I honestly don't know how mothers bear to watch their kids go somewhere else every other week/ weekend either. It would break my heart. And I know all situations are different some didn't have a choice, but some do.
I'm not going to get into my husband situation bc I have on here before but he didn't choose this, this was her choice. And no he was not married to this woman nor in a relationship with her for a long period of time. But we made the best of the situation and I have very little respect for her mom, I will never tell her that or make her think I do not like her. I shouldn't even type it out as it's something we try to only think, but you can all take it how you want bc some will understand and some won't bc there on the other side. And I believe she has a great mom bc she is a wonderful little girl, but she has been a horrible co parent and still is. Communication is almost nonexisting, which we found is actually best for our situation but thankfully have a nice parenting plan to follow. And I actually love being a step mom, and I think she is more than ready to come to our house when the weekend comes, and she's an amazing big sister. But we have also been getting her regularly since she was about 2 or 3, so this is all she knows. I can't change the things that happen at the other house. And for the most part I feel like she has a good situation but there has been a time or two she was forced to do something an activity she didn't want and told me that her step dad told her it wasn't a choice....well I just told her when she was here that it was a choice she wasn't going to get forced to do something she didn't want to do min us chores and picking up after herself which she does a great job of.
Thanks again for the input. I agree and disagree but like one said we all have to find what works. And I can only do my part to make her feel comfortable with us and I will make an effort to let he know she can take things, but will also make her aware if she runs out that she will have to figure it out. Good advice.
I think you're going to be way happier in the long run. It will all come out in the wash! | |
| | |
Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Peewee212 - 2017-03-14 1:25 PM IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth. I think your being the better person here. I would have a terrible hard time buying things over and over to watch them get thrown out over and over. And though your not wanting your girls to suffer, they're figuring it out, if they take things back they know they won't get to keep them, so they'll learn to leave them. Guess there's no way I would continue to do this, but absolutely agree with them having the neccesitis at your house for back up. We did this when she was littLe 1 and 2. She came with a bag and we set that bag home. Her mom might send her in flip flops each time so we learned to have a pair of shoes or boots. She had a few jackets and a coat and if it was chilI she wore it home bUT her mom always sent it back. Eventually it was just easier to have everything at our house but bc my step daughter learned from her mom that things stayed at her house I assumed that's why she never acted interested in taking things from our house. This was not a mold made by us. The socks are insignificant to her. She wore a pair from our house home not even knowing they were some I bought. She notice the ones in the laundry from weeks ago, that they were from her other house. And like I said I did not make a big deal about it, she chose to sneak them back when she had no reason to sneak. And now as I think about it maybe she wasn't sneaking them but more embarrassed about it, not wanting to ask, which I want her to feel like she can ask anything, but if it was more the fact that her mom has told her over and over to bring things back. I should have been thinking more along these lines before. After your responses I feel much better about it as I don't feel like this sort of behavior is bc of us, I feel like she gets this from the other house, feeling like everything must be taken back....we were asked to make sure she wears the same clothes home?!? So I will use this as a lesson, and plan to sit her down and have a nice conversation with her about how things can come and go, but this doesnt mean the same rule will apply at the other house. As a new mother to a 6 month old, I honestly don't know how mothers bear to watch their kids go somewhere else every other week/ weekend either. It would break my heart. And I know all situations are different some didn't have a choice, but some do. I'm not going to get into my husband situation bc I have on here before but he didn't choose this, this was her choice. And no he was not married to this woman nor in a relationship with her for a long period of time. But we made the best of the situation and I have very little respect for her mom, I will never tell her that or make her think I do not like her. I shouldn't even type it out as it's something we try to only think, but you can all take it how you want bc some will understand and some won't bc there on the other side. And I believe she has a great mom bc she is a wonderful little girl, but she has been a horrible co parent and still is. Communication is almost nonexisting, which we found is actually best for our situation but thankfully have a nice parenting plan to follow. And I actually love being a step mom, and I think she is more than ready to come to our house when the weekend comes, and she's an amazing big sister. But we have also been getting her regularly since she was about 2 or 3, so this is all she knows. I can't change the things that happen at the other house. And for the most part I feel like she has a good situation but there has been a time or two she was forced to do something an activity she didn't want and told me that her step dad told her it wasn't a choice....well I just told her when she was here that it was a choice she wasn't going to get forced to do something she didn't want to do min us chores and picking up after herself which she does a great job of. Thanks again for the input. I agree and disagree but like one said we all have to find what works. And I can only do my part to make her feel comfortable with us and I will make an effort to let he know she can take things, but will also make her aware if she runs out that she will have to figure it out. Good advice.
I hope you know that no one implied you to be a bad co-parent. I hope you know that it's the hardest job in the world and that you are doing a wonderful job. I hope you know that as long as you stay you and stay humble and stay truthful to that little girl, she'll love you regardless.
Parenting is hard. Parenting someone elses child is even harder.
You keep your head up and keep on keeping on.
Congratulations on your new baby and good luck with the Mom situation. It's tough.
Get that skin tougher and let it all roll off. The only thing that matters is that baby girl's happiness. As long as she's happy, who cares what Mom does.   | |
| | |
Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | classicpotatochip - 2017-03-14 2:05 PM IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 1:57 PM classicpotatochip - 2017-03-14 9:45 AM IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth. You and I should start a club. We're on exactly the same page. I'm lucky and don't have to deal with a Mom that is a jerk about things that belong to her kid. We've got a pretty good dual citizenship worked out. It would not have worked without BOTH parties being willing to exhale and remember that once you've handed it to the child, it belongs to the CHILD. I just send the Mom a FB message letting her know what kind of activities and weather we're looking at, and she makes sure Brin packs accordingly. If kidlet needs something extra to be comfortable, we go buy it. If she wants it to stay, great. If she packs it, who cares? It does not belong to me any longer. As for child support not being used for the child, ummm, as long as the kiddo has a warm, safe place to live, and enough to eat, who the hell cares??? It's money you legally have to pay, to the woman that is literally raising a child or multiple children. That's a huge job in itself, and the money is a tiny fraction of the resources she would have if she weren't divorced. Sorry but if she goes and gets her nails done after she gets her support check, the chick probably deserves it. I literally get a full body shudder thinking about having baby girl with me full time (she's got her mama's attitude and her daddy's stubborn streak, poor thing ), and I cheerfully transfer the money every month. That money is also a fraction of what said baby girl would be imbibing (read this in a funny tone here ), if she were here full time. I'm a way better stepmom than I am a Mom. Some Moms need to get over themselves and remember that this is their kids here, and their jealousy and hate just don't count. There's stepmoms out there that need to remember the same thing. Being a stepmom is awful, don't get me wrong, but my husband is worth it and the kid herself makes me laugh whenever we've got her. Wouldn't miss it, but it takes oodles of communication and shelved emotion.
I agree. Once the money is given I don't care if she uses it on herself or not. I am a Mom as well with a baby girl of my own that stays with me 24/7. I sometimes need an extra $20 or $30 for a massage or pedicure or even a bottle of bubble bath etc just to keep my sanity.
As long as the girls have clothes at their mom's, food, water, etc I can't complain about her being a bad Mom. She's doing what she feels is best. I can't judge her for that. Is she right in what she is doing? Probably not. But it isn't my place to tell her how to parent. It is my job to help my SO parent at our own house and to be an ecouraging person in both his life and in their life. I help my SO parent by sticking to his rules he's given them to follow. Helping them follow those rules; That is my only job. Kids are smart. They pick up on little things. Especially when a parent says one thing and does another. Their Mom is very vocal in hating both my SO and I and our little one. My SO and I never say anything bad about their Mom in front of them. Once the girls are gone we may talk about what happened, but we usually let it go.
Maybe one day they can look back and remember me as always telling them the truth, always working hard for them, and always being the same person behind closed doors as I am in front of people and in front of them. I love my girls. All three of them. They're each a hoot and a half in their own special way. And that's all that matters to me. Clothes can be replaced, the relationship we all have can't. You're awesome!!
I don't know about all that. I know most days I get so stressed I just want to cry. LOL
It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. But it is so worth it! | |
| | |
A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 2:10 PM classicpotatochip - 2017-03-14 2:05 PM IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 1:57 PM classicpotatochip - 2017-03-14 9:45 AM IRunOnFaith - 2017-03-14 9:00 AM My two girls leave to go to their moms with whatever they want. We keep extras here in case their mom forgets to send clothes (Which is often). Last time we picked them up, they were in summer clothes with stains and shoes that were too small. It's winter. She sent them without coats or clothes that fit because those items were hers and stayed at her house.
I immedietly took them to Walmart and bought them clothes and they were so excited to take them home and show their mom. Shirts, pants, leggings, boots, socks, undies, coats, and a small stuffed animal and blanket to sleep with. All went on the credit card....
Mom called my SO not even an hour after she picked them up and informed him that everything I just bought was going in the garbage because everything was bought from Walmart and those clothese just weren't good enough for her girls. This happens almost every time we get the girls. We pick them up, take them shopping, let them take or wear whatever they feel pretty in and if it comes back, it comes back. if it doesn't it doesn't. We buy more if their mom doesn't send anything. They always come back and say their mom threw everything away... It's heart breaking.
No, we don't have the extra money to spend on clothes each time but you can bet I'm not telling those two girls they can't take home new things just because I know I won't see them again. Especially when they get so excited about it. Toys included. They have started to leave stuffed animals and blankets here. They have caught on to their mothers ways to an extent. But it's still hard for them to not be excited to show their mom their new things.
I don't monitor what goes in or out. I just make sure they're happy. Their mother never sends them with much of anything anyway. And if she does, it never fits.
I think it's time to stop monitoring. She's 9. She's old enough to know what to pack and what to bring back. Don't put it into her head that these things are this house's and these things are this house's. Those are all her things. She's scared of getting in trouble over socks for Christ's sake! Have you ever thought she liked the socks you chose better and felt prettier in them? I know it's a stretch but come on. If what you buy her makes her happier, feel prettier, more confident, why deny her that?? So what if she doesn't come back with them. She'll remember them next time when she has no socks to wear. She will remember, OH! I need socks, and grab a pair.
She should have the freedom and joy of sharing between the houses, Just like you share her.
My two cents for what it's worth. You and I should start a club. We're on exactly the same page. I'm lucky and don't have to deal with a Mom that is a jerk about things that belong to her kid. We've got a pretty good dual citizenship worked out. It would not have worked without BOTH parties being willing to exhale and remember that once you've handed it to the child, it belongs to the CHILD. I just send the Mom a FB message letting her know what kind of activities and weather we're looking at, and she makes sure Brin packs accordingly. If kidlet needs something extra to be comfortable, we go buy it. If she wants it to stay, great. If she packs it, who cares? It does not belong to me any longer. As for child support not being used for the child, ummm, as long as the kiddo has a warm, safe place to live, and enough to eat, who the hell cares??? It's money you legally have to pay, to the woman that is literally raising a child or multiple children. That's a huge job in itself, and the money is a tiny fraction of the resources she would have if she weren't divorced. Sorry but if she goes and gets her nails done after she gets her support check, the chick probably deserves it. I literally get a full body shudder thinking about having baby girl with me full time (she's got her mama's attitude and her daddy's stubborn streak, poor thing ), and I cheerfully transfer the money every month. That money is also a fraction of what said baby girl would be imbibing (read this in a funny tone here ), if she were here full time. I'm a way better stepmom than I am a Mom. Some Moms need to get over themselves and remember that this is their kids here, and their jealousy and hate just don't count. There's stepmoms out there that need to remember the same thing. Being a stepmom is awful, don't get me wrong, but my husband is worth it and the kid herself makes me laugh whenever we've got her. Wouldn't miss it, but it takes oodles of communication and shelved emotion.
I agree. Once the money is given I don't care if she uses it on herself or not. I am a Mom as well with a baby girl of my own that stays with me 24/7. I sometimes need an extra $20 or $30 for a massage or pedicure or even a bottle of bubble bath etc just to keep my sanity.
As long as the girls have clothes at their mom's, food, water, etc I can't complain about her being a bad Mom. She's doing what she feels is best. I can't judge her for that. Is she right in what she is doing? Probably not. But it isn't my place to tell her how to parent. It is my job to help my SO parent at our own house and to be an ecouraging person in both his life and in their life. I help my SO parent by sticking to his rules he's given them to follow. Helping them follow those rules; That is my only job. Kids are smart. They pick up on little things. Especially when a parent says one thing and does another. Their Mom is very vocal in hating both my SO and I and our little one. My SO and I never say anything bad about their Mom in front of them. Once the girls are gone we may talk about what happened, but we usually let it go.
Maybe one day they can look back and remember me as always telling them the truth, always working hard for them, and always being the same person behind closed doors as I am in front of people and in front of them. I love my girls. All three of them. They're each a hoot and a half in their own special way. And that's all that matters to me. Clothes can be replaced, the relationship we all have can't. You're awesome!!
It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. But it is so worth it!
It takes a special person to beable to help raise another woman/mans child..  | |
| | |
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Thank you. I think it sounds like your doing a great job. And this is why I came to this board hoping at least one person could put it into perspective and make me look at it differently before I talked to my step daughter, and though there were several, I really appreciate your input as another step mom dealing with a sometimes difficult situation.
I feel like we're doing the best we can with the situation we've been given. | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line