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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
    
| You are currently on overload. If you take the view given on women in the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" books, you have been doing what most women do. The more inadequate we feel, the more we take on and end up burning out. You are burnt out. (Men can do this too, but most tend to draw their focus down to one thing they CAN control or accomplish).
Give yourself a break! You have gone through a lot. You have accomplished a lot. You don't HAVE to ride or run barrels. Pare down your expectations of yourself. If finishing your arena or round pen is a priority, just so you feel like you have accomplished something, then focus on that and worry about the "want to" later.
Take a mental vacation and just let yourself do the minimum required to get through a day, so that can recharge. THEN try to remember back to when and why you loved to ride. Call some friends and maybe go trail riding. Just enjoy your ponies for a little while. The most important thing right now is to take the pressure and expectations of what you "should" accomplish. Chances are many of those pressures either come from others of are something we "perceive" as HAVING to happen. ENJOY your ponies again, and if you find you can't then it is time to re-evaluate whether or not you need to continue the struggle to keep them.
I myself have found myself with a lot less "want to" these days and am struggling with that being OK. I still crave the competition but struggle with the everyday riding....and the seemingly never ending nursing (LOL)..... One thing that helps me is to help someone else who is still thirsty for horse knowledge, barrel racing knowledge. Having them come over or making plans to ride with and help them helps motivate ME. I have been helping a girl who has trained her own horse, who wants to compete but just doesn't think she can. Another friend and I have basically given her the same pointers as to some simple things she could do differently, she tried them and wow, what a difference! Her joy and enthusiasm at seeing such a big change are SO INFFECTIOUS!
I am not saying that you need to take on MORE but if you can find someone who, say, wants more riding experience or some help with riding, running barrels, then perhaps they can help you get some miles on your horses through that help and YOU get some help too. i.e. you GET some support by GIVING some support. Just a thought. Or maybe some help building your arena or putting up hay, mowing the yard, etc in exchange for some of your experience or supervised riding of your horses that you just don't want to do right now. Just a thought.....
Hugs and give yourself some credit and some room to breathe. ( I am betting that you are on the perfectionist side...give yourself permission for everything Not to be perfect, settle for functional right now). | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 460
| Thank you for posting on here to seek advice! Love this big family. That's very strong of you, even anonymously, to ask for advice and help. I know it seems like you have absolutely NO energy or desire to do things...but if you can manage to workout, get your heart rate up just for 15 minutes a day, it can make a world of difference. We are all struggling with different things, and that has been the best advice I have gotten so far. I did not have the energy to do anything...but I forced myself to do some cardio, and it just releases all those negative toxins you have in your body, it really does help alleviate that pain and stress! Also, getting a good book can be very helpful also <3 There are some great books in the self-help section at barns and noble. Pick anything that stands out to you, The Secret to Happiness, Saying Goodbye to Negativity, anyone that sparks your interest. Getting lost in a book that someone has written from being in your shoes. Both of these are wonderful stress relievers and energy boosters <3 best of luck to you! We're all here for you. | |
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  Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | I am in the process of making some life changes. I still ride every day but just don't haul as much as I used to. I have a really nice horse, but was only getting to go once a month or so due to other obligations with kiddos and their activities. I put so much pressure on myself when I was able to go that it took all of the fun out of it for me and I dreaded even entering a barrel race. It was a silly, vicous cycle, yet one only I could put a stop to.
I recently decided to send my open horse to a friend to haul as a backup to the rodeos this summer and to sell him. He's young and very talented, but he and I just weren't doing each other any justice and it wasn't fun for either of us. I have also posted my trailer for sale and am selling a young gelding that is also very nice. I have felt so much pressure to get 3 horses exercised daily after I get home from work after 6. I was overwhelmed and consumed with getting it all done. I felt guilty for not hauling and found it eating away at me, which is most definitely unhealthy.
The only horse i'm keeping is a young mare that I purchased last fall. She's almost ready to go exhibition, but I don't feel obligated to take her and don't feel the pressure to go try to win something right now. Once again, riding is fun. It's relaxing. I don't have to hurry. If I miss a day, who cares.
I do have a wonderful husband who helps me with the house chores and cooking and never complains about my horses. He doesn't complain about me hauling, but I would feel guilty for the time I was spending in the barn. It's like I beat myself for riding and for not riding. We have recently decided to make a few changes and are considering buying a big chunk of land and some cattle. I can trail ride and enjoy the peace and quiet of not having the obligation to haul and go or keep up with the Jones', yet still have a horse I can go have fun on should I want to go to a barrel race.
Maybe you need to take the pressure off of yourself and simplify things. I don't have an arena, never have. I do have a roundpen and walker, but never use them. Get down to just the nitty gritty of the things that bring you joy, but that you don't also beat yourself up if you aren't utilizing them to their full potential. I, like you, have a full time job that can be stressful. I also drive about an hour to and from work. Our time outside with our horses should be fun, relaxing, enjoyable. It's not our job. If it isn't those things, I would recommend making some changes in your life as well. I already feel some relief in the start of simplifying mine!
Good luck! | |
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 Ms Bling Bling Sleeze Kitty
Posts: 20904
Location: LouLouVille, OK | My suggestion.... is sell the house and 40 acres and get something more manageable... like a house and 10... with a nice practical little barn and space for a small arena or round pen... and start healing a day at a time... but if you simplify... you can do it and find time for yourself...and your horses... take it a day at a time and I promise if you allow yourself healing in this process... You will never allow a toxic person back into your life...and that's when life really starts to get good... (((HUGS))) it's not easy, but its worth it... don't focus on so and so having a husband to do this or that... celebrate you don't need one and that you can do it on your own.... refocus Go out and get a few Joyce Meyer books "Battlefield of the Mind" and "Power Thoughts" are both excellent reads... and it sounds like your priorities have changed... cause what I once thought was all I wanted, ended up not even being close to what I have.... I think most people go through these feelings at some point... I know the last year has really tested me too... hang in there... | |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12838
| My husband was not a horse person and decided that I did not need to ride. He was very controlling. He died on 2002 and I went out and bought new horses. I have NEVER had anyone encourage me when I rode and everyting I have accomplished I have done myself. I have a friend who is my traner and she encourages me, which isw pretty cool, actually Yes, it is hard to find time to ride and yes, it is hard to find the energy to ride (I am old) Yes, it is hard to take care of your own place. I have no place to ride at the house but there is a covered arena about 4 miles down the road. Decide what days you are going to ride and what days you are going to work around your place. Like Classic said make a list and pick the most pressing thengs that need to be done. Get out and go to a barrel race. Make some friends that have the same interests as you. Find people who like to laugh and not those who have more problems than you have. Find a church that you enjoy attending. Attending church on Sunday always makes me feel better. Not big on cowboy churches but they may be just what you need. There are a lot of folks that have a lot in common with you there.
This is crazy, but finding a trail ride near me and riding on those is very relaxing and your horse gets ridden. Hope this helps. | |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4627
Location: Texas | I have no advice that I'm going to offer. Just wanted to say that when God closes one door, He's going to open a better one for you. It may not be today, it might not be next week. Keep your chin up and just keep going. That's all any of us can do. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | Facebook is the absolutly biggest waste of time I have ever seen. Get off of it unless it is winter time. There are 2 ways to go thru life. You are either on a couch watching the world go by or you are the one outside having people watch you. Make your choice. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| cindyt - 2017-06-01 11:30 AM
My suggestion.... is sell the house and 40 acres and get something more manageable... like a house and 10... with a nice practical little barn and space for a small arena or round pen... and start healing a day at a time... but if you simplify... you can do it and find time for yourself...and your horses... take it a day at a time and I promise if you allow yourself healing in this process... You will never allow a toxic person back into your life...and that's when life really starts to get good... (((HUGS))) it's not easy, but its worth it... don't focus on so and so having a husband to do this or that... celebrate you don't need one and that you can do it on your own.... refocus Go out and get a few Joyce Meyer books "Battlefield of the Mind" and "Power Thoughts" are both excellent reads... and it sounds like your priorities have changed... cause what I once thought was all I wanted, ended up not even being close to what I have.... I think most people go through these feelings at some point... I know the last year has really tested me too... hang in there...
I agree with this. When I found myself in this situation I found a tiny postage stamp sized place to live on a boarding facility and cleaned stalls and groomed for a trainer next door. I was laid off from my extremely stressful full time job, thus allowing me to count my blessings, not worry about the things I had no control over, and focus on those that were really important.
I think it really comes down to what makes your soul thrive. If you don't want to do X...don't. If you hate your job and your current lifestyle, change it. It is very hard, and I know easier said than done, but make some small changes for the better and you will get yourself in the right direction. Also cut out those people and things that don't make you feel fulfilled.
If you can't use your arena but like to hear the wind whistling through the trees, just go for a trail ride, it's not going to hurt anything. Glad you are here and sorting out your concerns, that's always a step in the right direction.  | |
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Veteran
Posts: 103
| You have written my story. Only here I am 15 years later and still struggling to do EVERYTHING. I am burned out and now have health challenges because of it. I have a super nice horse right now that can clock with the best, but he is VERY high maintenance and it wears me out worrying about/taking care of him. I love him very much but I have decided to let him go and get a project horse that I can ride when I want and pet when I want without the pressure of feeling like I HAVE to go to a barrel race or I am wasting my horse.
I love my place but it is high maintenance also - much more than I need. I am in the process of deciding whether or not to keep it and just let some things go or downsize. One or the other for sure.
My best advice to you is give yourself time to heal and don't make decisions in a highly emotional state. Take your time, let some things go and then figure out what brings you joy. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Oh, and don't push yourself for 15 years like I did until you are totally burned out. I wish someone would have given me this advice way back when.
Good luck! You can do it! | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Wow, there are so many great ideas and great points made in these comments. I need time to absorb and process it all. The one thing I can comment on right now though is that part of what I'm struggling with is figuring it what does make my soul thrive. It once was horses. Now..I don't know. That's a big part of my struggle.. am I ready for something new? Am I depressed and just uninterested..? This is part of what I can't figure out. Right now not much of anything excites me. I'm happy to just get home from work and do nothing. That isn't normal or healthy I don't think.
Arenas and round pens are not necessary, but I have a couple young horses to work and I've decided that it's best for my own safety to have these things. That's the only reason. I prefer barrel patches normally, but my riding area is actually right on the corner of a road too.
Selling and downsizing isn't much of an option financially. I'm sitting really good in my current place and for me to do better, it would end up being a real **** hole. Horse property around here is pricey. I know I'm far better off where I'm at. Perhaps I need to look at hiring some occasional help. I am dating a great man who will help but I don't all him too much as he has his own place to keep up on and I'm not dating him to be my slave.
I need to finish my couple projects that will help. After that, I need to decide what brings me joy. | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 5:52 PM
Wow, there are so many great ideas and great points made in these comments. I need time to absorb and process it all. The one thing I can comment on right now though is that part of what I'm struggling with is figuring it what does make my soul thrive. It once was horses. Now..I don't know. That's a big part of my struggle.. am I ready for something new? Am I depressed and just uninterested..? This is part of what I can't figure out. Right now not much of anything excites me. I'm happy to just get home from work and do nothing. That isn't normal or healthy I don't think.
Arenas and round pens are not necessary, but I have a couple young horses to work and I've decided that it's best for my own safety to have these things. That's the only reason. I prefer barrel patches normally, but my riding area is actually right on the corner of a road too.
Selling and downsizing isn't much of an option financially. I'm sitting really good in my current place and for me to do better, it would end up being a real **** hole. Horse property around here is pricey. I know I'm far better off where I'm at. Perhaps I need to look at hiring some occasional help. I am dating a great man who will help but I don't all him too much as he has his own place to keep up on and I'm not dating him to be my slave.
I need to finish my couple projects that will help. After that, I need to decide what brings me joy.
I'm in the same boat. I don't think I'm depressed - I just feel lost though. My entire life I have LOVED horses - I mean, feel butterflies when I see them, love everything about them. Now, I could care less, my pony died in Feb and I sent my mare to a guy to sell and I'm not sure I want another. I wonder too, if I need a new hobby or maybe just time off - but I've HAD time off from hauling - 3 years - and honestly, I don't miss it. I'm trying like HELL to sell my custom living quarters trailer (have an ad on here), don't think I can part with my saddles just yet - I keep thinking maybe the right horse will come along - one that I enjoy, one that doesn't seem like just more WORK. Maybe I need a Harley!
Thank you for making this post, I've enjoyed the responses. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| I'm glad my post is helping some of you as well. But it also saddens me to see several of us feeling so burnt out on something we all loved so much. I really have to wonder why. | |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-02 6:25 AM
I'm glad my post is helping some of you as well. But it also saddens me to see several of us feeling so burnt out on something we all loved so much. I really have to wonder why.
We get burned out because we pour our hearts and our effort and our money into something, and then don't succeed. It's pure frustration.
The only way to keep going is to change the perception of failure. If failure gets turned into a challenge to keep changing until you find a combination that works, as a puzzle, or a challenge, it's easier to keep going.
In my case, my horses are my structure in my overloaded, stress packed life. If I didn't have stalls to clean, and horses to think about throughout the day, and the physical exercise with endorphin release that is riding, I wouldn't make it. I need the high that I get when I make a run. I need that challenges of keeping one sound. They are basically my alternate reality, the one that I'm really actually supposed to be in. I look forward all day to getting in so that I can go see my loves.
Maybe just a change of perspective is all you need! | |
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 5:52 PM Wow, there are so many great ideas and great points made in these comments. I need time to absorb and process it all. The one thing I can comment on right now though is that part of what I'm struggling with is figuring it what does make my soul thrive. It once was horses. Now..I don't know. That's a big part of my struggle.. am I ready for something new? Am I depressed and just uninterested..? This is part of what I can't figure out. Right now not much of anything excites me. I'm happy to just get home from work and do nothing. That isn't normal or healthy I don't think. Arenas and round pens are not necessary, but I have a couple young horses to work and I've decided that it's best for my own safety to have these things. That's the only reason. I prefer barrel patches normally, but my riding area is actually right on the corner of a road too. Selling and downsizing isn't much of an option financially. I'm sitting really good in my current place and for me to do better, it would end up being a real **** hole. Horse property around here is pricey. I know I'm far better off where I'm at. Perhaps I need to look at hiring some occasional help. I am dating a great man who will help but I don't all him too much as he has his own place to keep up on and I'm not dating him to be my slave. I need to finish my couple projects that will help. After that, I need to decide what brings me joy.
I know what you mean when you say that you don't even know what feeds your soul. I didn't either. I questioned if the whole horse thing was just something I enjoyed doing in my past. These are the questions that I prayed over and asked GOD for guidance. I don't know if you believe in GOD, but he truly was my saving grace. Once I started praying and handing the reins to him things started happening. Great things. Passion for MY LIFE and horse came back to me.
Taking that moment to decide that I am worth it was the biggest hurdle I had to jump. I started small... literally nourishing my body better. I know that may sound odd but, you wouldn't believe how what you put in your mouth affects your brain function. That one thing has changed so many aspects of my life you wouldn't believe it.
You can make changes you just have to have the courage to do it. Knowing that your not feeling how you want to feel is the first step. The second is figuring out what you want to change and then setting your plan in action.
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | classicpotatochip - 2017-06-02 7:27 AM Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-02 6:25 AM I'm glad my post is helping some of you as well. But it also saddens me to see several of us feeling so burnt out on something we all loved so much. I really have to wonder why. We get burned out because we pour our hearts and our effort and our money into something, and then don't succeed. It's pure frustration. The only way to keep going is to change the perception of failure. If failure gets turned into a challenge to keep changing until you find a combination that works, as a puzzle, or a challenge, it's easier to keep going. In my case, my horses are my structure in my overloaded, stress packed life. If I didn't have stalls to clean, and horses to think about throughout the day, and the physical exercise with endorphin release that is riding, I wouldn't make it. I need the high that I get when I make a run. I need that challenges of keeping one sound. They are basically my alternate reality, the one that I'm really actually supposed to be in. I look forward all day to getting in so that I can go see my loves. Maybe just a change of perspective is all you need!
^Horses are the same way for me. They keep me sane. I work & I ride - and that's pretty much how I want it. Cleaning stalls gives me time to think. Working out and eating decently is also critical. Divorce takes a tough tough toll mentally. There's more of us than you think that take care of places on our own. After finding out my husband had a 20yo gf in Dec, I kicked him out...............and then it took everything I had to function at work and ride my horses for a couple of months. 6 months down the road, life is 1000x times better than it's been in years, but it was overwhelming to figure out how I would take care of things without him. Maybe just do a round pen and don't worry about an arena? It doesn't matter if I'm getting to haul or not - I need to ride and spend time outdoors everyday for my mental health. | |
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I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| I know why I burned out.....a difficult marriage and having to keep 8 horses legged up...talk about a job! That was on top of many times 16 hour days in a semi , then having to manage to business of 7 more trucks AND do pretty much everything around the house, inside and out...and I HAVE a husband. Add to that a wreck that took my courage
My drive to ride may have seriously, but HAVING to go out and do chores has been sanity in itself. Dragging myself to the barn even when I just don't want to, finds me still enjoying my ponies. It is my therapy (though I have told my husband that I should stop because picking up poop somehow starts that negative tape that should NOT be playing in my head). I am slowly MAKING myself ride, because rodeo season is upon us and that really is my therapy. If I did not rodeo I would never get out of here and the need to compete still burns bright, I just have to keep force feeding the one where I have to go out and do the work before I can "play".
If you find any kind of spark within you, feed THAT, whatever it is. | |
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 Veteran
Posts: 173
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow | Time to back up and take inventory. Inventory your circumstances, just list the facts. Then think about each of the circumstances independent from each other, one at a time. Make note of the emotion that is produced as you think about each circumstance. That's where your answers lie. Once you have a chance to identify the emotion surrounding each circumstance you will be able take action and see some results.
Circumstances+Thoughts+Feelings+Actions&Results
When you get to the emotions part, don't be surprised if you feel grieve, sadness and lots of pain. Unfortunately, this will be uncomfortable and difficult. But on the other side is the new and better version of you! One that knows what she wants and will take steps to go get it. The new version of you is in there. Go get her! | |
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Veteran
Posts: 173
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow | One more comment for anyone...don't be afraid to seek out a life coach. We spend tons of money keeping our horse healthy and fit. A little spent on helping you through a tough time is money well spent. I don't mean a Dr., I mean someone who can help you learn how to think about things differently so that you can get back to living. | |
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Ms Bling Bling Sleeze Kitty
Posts: 20904
Location: LouLouVille, OK | At any given time, life and priorities can change... I HATE change, but I have learned to except it and try to move forward in a positive light. Change can be a good thing... 1 barn burner, blow your doors off win every time you put the horse in the trailer is what I wanted years ago... now, I just want a horse that wants to work, that loves a job and trys for me and BRINGS THE FUN BACK INTO IT FOR ME... I think everyone gets the fun sucked out of it at some point in their life... it's ok to take time off... Hell, I haven't hauled in pretty much 13 years! and guess what... after getting my guts kicked in for the last year, I have a horse, that I love, he loves me, he has brought the fun back in it, and he gives me no pressure and I don't pressure myself.. sure I want to do right by him, but I am going to have fun in the process... take a breath, like someone else said, go on a trail ride, take up knitting or water skiing... do something... day by day, you get stronger and better, then week by week, month by month and please...SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE ENCOURAGING PEOPLE!!!! They make you want to be a better person and how much better can it be then?! :) | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1141
Location: Somewhere across the SABINE | I too feel the same thing your talking about....like theres no purpose to it all anymore. I just go to work, come home and try to exercise what horses I can and then be Mom the rest of the evening. I feel like I have collected all of the horses/ tack ect for nothing anymore. Im slowly starting to want to haul a little....Ill be praying for you | |
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