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 Shelter Dog Lover
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| Whiteboy - 2017-06-05 10:38 AM In my opinion you are being a little unrealistic. I've had to sell horses I really didn't want to sell to pay for unexpected expenses. Its part of being an adult. Your parents don't owe you anything. Sometimes in life, we temporarily live like we have to so later on we can live like we want to. Agree, and minimal rent and free board for your horses are definitely high expenses that you currently don't have to cover so not sure you are really supporting yourself. That said, kudos to you for working full time. All of our kids were required to work thru college. When one daughter quit to go follow her boyfriend across the country, she left her cell phone and car keys on the table, she knew we would not support her. There are strings attached, our money, our rules. Just a little perspective from a parents point of view. They are definitely not "unsupportive" parents if they bought you a 40K horse. My question is at what age do you expect your parents to quit bring financially responsible for you?? If I understand your posts, you are not in school. I suggest getting another part time job to cover the unexpected. The unexpected is part of life and until you have enough savings to cover those, you really aren't making it.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-06-05 12:21 PM
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 10:30 AM It's the apartment on the property. I don't live in the house with them but yes I live under one of there roofs, for free. 1 horse isn't mine, I have a 2 yr old that is getting sent off end of this month for 30 days then coming home and being sold, then I have my open horse. The funds to care for my two and even my moms isn't the problem, the problem is I can't stand to go home or have any kinds of problems and try to vent to my parents or ask for help and I'm told 'sell the worthless horses'
I would love to hear their (the parents) point of view here, I cant picture them being the way their sounding here, you live free in a apartment on their property, you have a 40,000 dollar horse, its not fair to be calling her parents a_holes when we really dont know the story here, theres always two sides and they must have a reason they dont support having more then 2 horses.. | |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2937
 
Location: North Dakota | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-04 9:48 PM I'm sure someone has delt with supportive husband/boyfriend and or family. How'd you deal with it? In my case, my parents hate the horses, didn't so much used to but I assume they thought I'd grow out of it. I pay for all my own stuff, which btw is HARD when you wanna take care of them the right way. They are ruining horses for me, because hearing them complain just is starting to not be worth it! I'm so overwhelmed. My good horse that I just bought a yr ago is hurt, and all I hear is you ruined him, he's crippled, he sucks, he's never won you any money, sell him, you never have money, you waste all your money. My parents are very well off, very capable of helping me out. Any time I ever need something which isn't often, if ever (example my truck transmission went out it's my only vehicle, I asked to BORROW the money so I can have something to drive and was told 'no sell your horses and pay for it') the response is 'sell those worthless horses'
It was not right of them to call your horses "worthless" if they did indeed do that (and not right of them to say you crippled/ruined your other horse, etc), but I wouldn't call them unsupportive if they give you a roof over your head for free and paid for your first semester of college. That sounds extremely supportive.
And they CAN say "no" to borrowing you money if they want to. You might not like to hear that (neither would I) but they are not obligated to borrow you money.
I suppose they see you spending money on your horses and figure you can spend money on your own college expenses and other expenses. No, they don't have to be negative about the fact they clearly don't like your horses .... but on the same token, put on your big girl pants and stand up for yourself. Don't let yourself be a doormat. Speak up when they say something nasty -- do not stoop to their level and say anything nasty (take the high road), but don't just brush it off. You stated you've just "let it roll" in the past, so the comments continue.
There will always be unexpected expenses that pop up, which is why it is important to always have some money in savings. If you don't have enough money to put into savings ....... well, that's puts you into a scary position.
No one is telling you that you have to sell your horse, but you'll have to find other means to pay for your hobbies if you want to keep said horse. Adulting is hard. Horses ARE a luxury item, no matter how you slice it. And even harder while you are trying to go to college, work, and have the horses. It can be done but it is not easy.
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A Somebody to Everybody
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Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | rodeomom3 - 2017-06-05 11:48 AM Whiteboy - 2017-06-05 10:38 AM In my opinion you are being a little unrealistic. I've had to sell horses I really didn't want to sell to pay for unexpected expenses. Its part of being an adult. Your parents don't owe you anything. Sometimes in life, we temporarily live like we have to so later on we can live like we want to. Agree, and free rent and free board for your horses are definitely high expenses that you currently don't have to cover so not sure you are really supporting yourself. That said, kudos to you for working full time. All of our kids were required to work through their college. When one daughter quit to go follow her boyfriend across the country, she left her cell phone and car keys on the table, she knew we would not support her. Just a little perspective Friday m a parents point of view.
Hugs Rodeomom its hard being a parent at times , all we want is whats best for out children  We as parents need to draw the line sometimes.. And believe me its not easy telling your child no.. We want what is best for them to grow into a responsible adult, and sometimes no has to be in a parents vocabulary and that hurt us too. And I dont think we are being A_holes we just want what is best for them. But of course the kids see it as being mean to them and non supportive.. But this is just part of being a good parent.. | |
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 Gotta Have a Gray
Posts: 899
Location: Tex. Panhandle | Gonna try to put this in perspective.I have a VERY supportive husband and family. My own parents are kinda wishy washy simply bc they dont have alot of experience but they are always supportive. I have had to sell sev amazing prospects over the last 6+ yrs bc things "came up". It's life, it happens. These were things completely beyond our control unfortunately. Now while I will honestly say I was NOT happy about having to sell any of these horses, it was what needed to be done for us and I had to put my big girl panties on and "deal with it". Life def doesnt always give us the cards we want, but we have to make the best of the hand and deal with it regardless.
Looking from the outside and being a parent, I think yours are trying to put things in perspective and possible teach you some responsibility. | |
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 Elite Veteran
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Location: Idaho | I know exactly how you feel. I am the only person that rides horses in my family. I started riding horses when I was 5 years old, only because I begged and pleaded my parents to let me ride. My parents were pretty well off financially, horses were my love and my passion. Yes, they supported me. However I remember the days when my dad was asked to hold a horse and he would just sit there with a scowl on his face.
I got my first horse when I was 11. She ended up passing away 3 months later because I was young and ignorant, had no one to teach me any better, and she coliced due to my not knowing any better and putting her away hot and wet in the middle of winter. Unfortunately I didn't have anyone there to tell or teach me any different.
So I learned very quickly, the hard way. I started reading and doing my research. Got my another mare at 13. She did not colic and I had her for 8 years before she passed away. I started focusing on slow work and foundation. My parents would always yell at me, telling me that the horses weren't worth my time, because they weren't winning they were going to sell them, that I should do something else with my life. At 15 when I got my license, my dads threw the keys at me and told me I was on my own. Not a lot of people understand that. It hurt at times going to shows, seeing other people's parents supporting them, giving them high fives, even just SHOWING UP to watch them run. My folks wouldn't do that no matter how much I asked.
I've been on my own since I was 19 years old. Its still a struggle. My father won't even let a saddle hang out in his house even if it's for a few days. I am beyond grateful I have had a supportive group of friends, because I wouldn't have made it this far without them. But it still hurts, because you want your parents approval. I also had 3 horses when I was in undergrad, but because I was single at the time, I worked, went home, ate dinner, rode my horses and did my homework and went ahead and did it again the next day. I rarely ever ask for money, and if I do it better not be for my horses! I am not allowed to ask for horse stuff from my dad for my birthday or Christmas (and yes, they still get me gifts), my mother has improved on this and is now more emotionally supportive.
But I totally get your struggle and it's really hard to let it go. I have accepted that that is the way that it is, and I now do have a supportive man in my life and he supports and is accepting of my riding habit, but I still pay for everything myself. We even are moving to another state next month, I have the opportunity to go to school and NOT work. But hey, I can't do that to my man. I still have my horses to pay for, those are not his responsibility. They are mine, and if there is ever a day I cannot afford them, I will not be asking someone else to pay for them either.
ETA: I will also say, now that I read the rest of these posts. Yes, adulting is hard. Yes, your boyfriend pays for the rent. What would happen if your boyfriend suddenly is not paying the rent? I have had to sell some nice horses because I got in a bind, it is a part of growing up. Things happen. You mention that you don't want to drop everything to go to school for a year.. well, then maybe pick a different profession and degree that will make you more money? Plus you're young right now, when I was your age I dropped out of college to go be a professional horse trainer. Made it all the way to the big top working for a World Champion, riding multi million dollar horses, and a ton of benefits to boot. But after seeing what they put their horses through to get those nice pretty paychecks, by the age of 25 I decided that it wasn't for me anymore, that I wanted to do something else. Went back home and spent 4 years of my life getting a Bachelor's degree, now I am working on my Masters so I can earn those big paychecks to support my habit. So you may feel this way now, you may be struggling with your decision, but I think with a little more time and age, you will learn from your experiences and your priorities may change.
Edited by DashNDustem 2017-06-05 4:17 PM
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Location: Not Where I Want to Be | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 12:33 PM FLITASTIC - 2017-06-05 11:03 AM The way I read it, its NOT the OP is asking for money or handouts,its the fact that the parents are being NEGATIVE when it comes to horses by calling them worthless and other things. I am not against a parent teaching someone a lesson, but you don't have to be an A$$-H doing it!!! You can advise someone that horses may not be a good financial choice WITHOUT making it a personal insult. THANK YOU!!! This is my entire point! My boyfriend pays rent for the apartment, granted it's not $800 but we still have the responsibility of paying! I'm sorry if I'm not willing to sell my 40k horse, when I KNOW I will NEVER be able to afford and have paid off a horse of that price and caliber. I'm not trying to sound bratty but I've dreamed of having this barrel horse my entire life! Why would I give that up to go to college for a year to be a vet tech and still scrub by, and wish of having the open horse I have now?? I only have one other horse to sell, which I already planned on selling to make some money but I'm sorry if it's selfish of me to want to keep my once in a life time horse. I do everything else on my own I don't see why I can't have ONE thing for me?? Just one!! That's all I ask!
That part confuses me.
And like someone said earlier, Adulting is hard. If you want to be growd up, act growd up.
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-05 11:50 AM Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 10:30 AM It's the apartment on the property. I don't live in the house with them but yes I live under one of there roofs, for free. 1 horse isn't mine, I have a 2 yr old that is getting sent off end of this month for 30 days then coming home and being sold, then I have my open horse. The funds to care for my two and even my moms isn't the problem, the problem is I can't stand to go home or have any kinds of problems and try to vent to my parents or ask for help and I'm told 'sell the worthless horses' I would love to hear their (the parents) point of view here, I cant picture them being the way their sounding here, you live free in a apartment on their property, you have a 40,000 dollar horse, its not fair to be calling her parents a_holes when we really dont know the story here, theres always two sides and they must have a reason they dont support having more then 2 horses..
^^^^ THIS ..... who paid for that 40K horse? IF you don't pay the full rent on that apartment then I say they ARE being supportive of you! I don't mean to be harsh but I think they have probably supported as long as they want and are trying to get you to "man up" and take responsibility for your life including college. We ALL have had to sacrifice our "dreams" through the years. Some day, you have to realize that this is the REAL world. Calling your horses worthless is a little snarky and overboard but is this the same horse that was a 1D but now only runs 2D?
Edited by NJJ 2017-06-05 2:44 PM
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Extreme Veteran
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| Where there is a will there is a way,I've always made it work I wouldn't sell the horse either! May never get a good one | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Did you work and buy the 40k horse or your parents? If you did, good for you for working hard, saving and making that happen. Unfortunately, owning horses is a constant drain on the finances and if you can't afford that you may have bit off more than you can chew.t You stated you don't want to go to school, Ok, quit, get a second job and quit looking to your parents to bail you out. Let go of them calling the horses "worthless", definitely unkind but substitute the word luxury for worthless. Horses are a luxury, a very expensive one.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-06-05 12:53 PM
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| Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-05 11:50 AM
Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 10:30 AM It's the apartment on the property. I don't live in the house with them but yes I live under one of there roofs, for free. 1 horse isn't mine, I have a 2 yr old that is getting sent off end of this month for 30 days then coming home and being sold, then I have my open horse. The funds to care for my two and even my moms isn't the problem, the problem is I can't stand to go home or have any kinds of problems and try to vent to my parents or ask for help and I'm told 'sell the worthless horses'
I would love to hear their (the parents) point of view here, I cant picture them being the way their sounding here, you live free in a apartment on their property, you have a 40,000 dollar horse, its not fair to be calling her parents a_holes when we really dont know the story here, theres always two sides and they must have a reason they dont support having more then 2 horses..
Yes they bought the horse, I was more than thankful for it!! I still am. But just because they paid for him doesn't mean I deserve to hear crap about it every single day. If they didn't want me to have horses they shouldn't have bought me one in the first place.
I make good grades, I don't drink I don't smoke, I don't party, I'm not pregnant. I literally do nothing besides ride my horse(s)
I don't ask them to buy feed, I don't ask them to put gas in my truck I don't ask them for vet bill money, I don't ask for new tires.
my boyfriend or I pays for everything, we pay $200 rent for the apartment, I pay my board for my horses and HER horse which I don't complain to my mom about feeding because we only pay 200 in rent.
I PAY FOR EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! How is that not spamming on my own two feet??? God forbid I ACTUALLY need some help. Everything else includes, insurance, horses, clothes, food, phone, everything.
My parents don't like horses because they say all horse people are trash, it's not a way to make a living and it's expensive to make no money back. It's a hobby and as they say "your brothers have grown out of their hobbies it's time for you to sell your horses"
They think the entire horse Industry is all crooks, they haven't been to a rodeo or show in YEARS. Don't care to hear how i did, don't wanna hear if something went wrong. There's no money in it and it's pointless.
Even when I was 15-16 they HATED when I'd ask for horse stuff for birthdays or Christmas. It's just the way they have always been | |
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-04 9:14 PM jake16 - 2017-06-04 10:05 PM Do you live with your parents?do you work?do you make enough to support yourself?how old are you? Yes I live in our apartment, I'm 21, I have a full time job making enough to support myself and my 3 horses very well. But when things pop up like my transmission blowing up $2800 rebuild I don't have the money on hand. I don't ask for favors, I don't need hand outs but it would be nice if when I needed help I could count on my parents. Without a truck I have no way to work, no way to barn etc. OH AND HERES A KICKER! my mom currently keeps her horse (trail horse pasture ornament ) here that I take care FOR HER with no help from her at all, says she doesn't need too, even though when she boarded it she paid $500 a month. We moved January from a house with pastures to no house with pasture so luckily my boyfriend parents were nice enough to let me build a barn and keep my horses in their pastures.
Get a loan. That's what I would have to do. Once I moved out, I took on 100% of the finacial responsibility of myself and my animals. $hit happens but my dad raised me to stand on my own two feet. Need money? Sell something, get a 2nd job, ride a bike until the money is saved for the tranny. I was raised on tough love and am better off for it...and I am raising my 2 boys the same. Over 70 yrs ago men were fighting in a foreign country in conditions that would make today's 18yr olds die in, some had never been off the family farm. They were TOUGH and could handle any adversity thrown at them. Be TOUGH and don't be upset with your parents for not giving you any more handouts. You will be proud when you accomplish it on your own. | |
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Yes they bought the horse, I was more than thankful for it!! I still am. But just because they paid for him doesn't mean I deserve to hear crap about it every single day. If they didn't want me to have horses they shouldn't have bought me one in the first place.
I make good grades, I don't drink I don't smoke, I don't party, I'm not pregnant. I literally do nothing besides ride my horse(s)
I don't ask them to buy feed, I don't ask them to put gas in my truck I don't ask them for vet bill money, I don't ask for new tires.
my boyfriend or I pays for everything, we pay $200 rent for the apartment, I pay my board for my horses and HER horse which I don't complain to my mom about feeding because we only pay 200 in rent.
I PAY FOR EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! How is that not spamming on my own two feet??? God forbid I ACTUALLY need some help. Everything else includes, insurance, horses, clothes, food, phone, everything.
My parents don't like horses because they say all horse people are trash, it's not a way to make a living and it's expensive to make no money back. It's a hobby and as they say "your brothers have grown out of their hobbies it's time for you to sell your horses"
They think the entire horse Industry is all crooks, they haven't been to a rodeo or show in YEARS. Don't care to hear how i did, don't wanna hear if something went wrong. There's no money in it and it's pointless.
Even when I was 15-16 they HATED when I'd ask for horse stuff for birthdays or Christmas. It's just the way they have always been
its not that I can't afford my horses I get by fine, but it's the fact they are ruining jorses
for me in general it's not worth hearing them say the things they do! I'd much rather them not say anything and not go to the races instead of complain and go out of their way to say the horses are using all my money and that's why I can't 'buy a new transmission' or whatever other reason
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Shelter Dog Lover
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| Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 12:54 PM Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-05 11:50 AM Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 10:30 AM It's the apartment on the property. I don't live in the house with them but yes I live under one of there roofs, for free. 1 horse isn't mine, I have a 2 yr old that is getting sent off end of this month for 30 days then coming home and being sold, then I have my open horse. The funds to care for my two and even my moms isn't the problem, the problem is I can't stand to go home or have any kinds of problems and try to vent to my parents or ask for help and I'm told 'sell the worthless horses' I would love to hear their (the parents) point of view here, I cant picture them being the way their sounding here, you live free in a apartment on their property, you have a 40,000 dollar horse, its not fair to be calling her parents a_holes when we really dont know the story here, theres always two sides and they must have a reason they dont support having more then 2 horses.. Yes they bought the horse, I was more than thankful for it!! I still am. But just because they paid for him doesn't mean I deserve to hear crap about it every single day. If they didn't want me to have horses they shouldn't have bought me one in the first place. I make good grades, I don't drink I don't smoke, I don't party, I'm not pregnant. I literally do nothing besides ride my horse (s ) I don't ask them to buy feed, I don't ask them to put gas in my truck I don't ask them for vet bill money, I don't ask for new tires. my boyfriend or I pays for everything, we pay $200 rent for the apartment, I pay my board for my horses and HER horse which I don't complain to my mom about feeding because we only pay 200 in rent. I PAY FOR EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! How is that not spamming on my own two feet??? God forbid I ACTUALLY need some help. Everything else includes, insurance, horses, clothes, food, phone, everything. My parents don't like horses because they say all horse people are trash, it's not a way to make a living and it's expensive to make no money back. It's a hobby and as they say "your brothers have grown out of their hobbies it's time for you to sell your horses" They think the entire horse Industry is all crooks, they haven't been to a rodeo or show in YEARS. Don't care to hear how i did, don't wanna hear if something went wrong. There's no money in it and it's pointless. Even when I was 15-16 they HATED when I'd ask for horse stuff for birthdays or Christmas. It's just the way they have always been
Well then, they have made their point of view quite clear. They won't give you "crap" about it if you don't give them the opportunity. You are far better off than many on this site who will never have the opportunity to own a 40K finished horse. Horses are a luxury, a want, not a need, they are not wanting to continue to fund it, you are going to have to do it on your own. Get a second job. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Well for parents to spend 40,000 on a horse for their daughter to run on sounds like pretty supported parents at one time, what changed their minds? Sounds like they just bought this horse for you a year ago. | |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | rodeomom3 - 2017-06-05 1:01 PM Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 12:54 PM Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-05 11:50 AM Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 10:30 AM It's the apartment on the property. I don't live in the house with them but yes I live under one of there roofs, for free. 1 horse isn't mine, I have a 2 yr old that is getting sent off end of this month for 30 days then coming home and being sold, then I have my open horse. The funds to care for my two and even my moms isn't the problem, the problem is I can't stand to go home or have any kinds of problems and try to vent to my parents or ask for help and I'm told 'sell the worthless horses' I would love to hear their (the parents) point of view here, I cant picture them being the way their sounding here, you live free in a apartment on their property, you have a 40,000 dollar horse, its not fair to be calling her parents a_holes when we really dont know the story here, theres always two sides and they must have a reason they dont support having more then 2 horses.. Yes they bought the horse, I was more than thankful for it!! I still am. But just because they paid for him doesn't mean I deserve to hear crap about it every single day. If they didn't want me to have horses they shouldn't have bought me one in the first place. I make good grades, I don't drink I don't smoke, I don't party, I'm not pregnant. I literally do nothing besides ride my horse (s ) I don't ask them to buy feed, I don't ask them to put gas in my truck I don't ask them for vet bill money, I don't ask for new tires. my boyfriend or I pays for everything, we pay $200 rent for the apartment, I pay my board for my horses and HER horse which I don't complain to my mom about feeding because we only pay 200 in rent. I PAY FOR EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! How is that not spamming on my own two feet??? God forbid I ACTUALLY need some help. Everything else includes, insurance, horses, clothes, food, phone, everything. My parents don't like horses because they say all horse people are trash, it's not a way to make a living and it's expensive to make no money back. It's a hobby and as they say "your brothers have grown out of their hobbies it's time for you to sell your horses" They think the entire horse Industry is all crooks, they haven't been to a rodeo or show in YEARS. Don't care to hear how i did, don't wanna hear if something went wrong. There's no money in it and it's pointless. Even when I was 15-16 they HATED when I'd ask for horse stuff for birthdays or Christmas. It's just the way they have always been
^^^^ THIS ..... I don't think you are going to get the sympathy that you are seeking. I would bet that almost EVERY person on this forum has worked their butt off to get where they are today and didn't have parents to buy them a 40K horse..... simple solution....MOVE! and don't ASK for anything from them. If my parents had shelled out 40K for a horse for me, there would have been no way on God's green earth that I would have EVER even asked them to pay for my college or pay for anything for me! | |
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| Sorry. I may be the odd man out here but aren't we there to help our kids out when we can?
I'm a mom of 3. My oldest is 21. She went for 2 years and graduated with an associates in accounting, works full time, rents of home of her own, drives a new to her car and .....she has a horse..... GASP! 
I'm very proud of her for being the person she is. She is trying and if she is being responsible and needs some help from time to time I am there for her. No, I will not let her sell her horse. We all go through tough times and lord knows my parents have helped me out enough, and it's my job to help mine when they need it.
To the OP, please try to understand your parents view a little. I do agree with some of the others in that if they bought you that expensive of a horse they can not be completely against what you are doing. Maybe you can sit and have a good heart to heart with them and find out if there is some reason why they feel they need to take a stand at this time. | |
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| Years and years and of nagging and begging! They never wanted the buy the horse but I guess they just got tired of hearing it. All I heard was this will be the last time, the last time! And now all I hear is, why'd I do that? That was the stupidest thing I could have done'
My mom is pregnant with another girl I have 5 brothers, I'm the only girl until now and I'm not kidding when we went to find out the sex the first thing out of munch dads mouth when the doctor said it was a girl was "and I'll make sure this one hates horses"
Exact. Words.
This isn't about the money spent or anything like that. It's about me wanting parents who support me even if I suck or my horses suck. It makes me so unbelievably happy, adult or not. If they don't support it the least they can do is keep it to themselves. I know horses are expensive they don't have to tell me everyday | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | If you're sick of hearing your parents complain, move. I'm a few years older than you and I pay for absolutely everything myself, along with my daughter and my horses. Personally, if I were you I would go ask the bank for a loan, get a second job, or sell that 40K horse you seem to rub in everyone's face lol. | |
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| hoofs_in_motion - 2017-06-05 1:27 PM
If you're sick of hearing your parents complain, move. I'm a few years older than you and I pay for absolutely everything myself, along with my daughter and my horses. Personally, if I were you I would go ask the bank for a loan, get a second job, or sell that 40K horse you seem to rub in everyone's face lol.
I'd love to know how I'm rubbing my horse in everyone's face?? Lmao. I busted my ASS through high school for this horse, I made ALL A's. I worked a job and did everything that was asked of me with 110% effort to have this horse. I'm sorry, actually I'm not, but your wrong.
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