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 Expert
Posts: 3815
   
Location: The best kept secret in TX | I would ask for a meeting and ask someone to sit in on the meeting who is neutral so things don't get heated. I would explain to the owner what happened and ask her to treat you with the same respect as you give her and not yell at you in public. (I assume).
I would then ask her to write you a list of everything she feels you are doing wrong and ask for a second meeting next week. I would then address her concerns with you and explain why you do certain things or why certain situations happened. This will allow her to get everything off her chest she feels you are doing wrong and will allow you to make small changes in order to keep your head low and keep you off her radar until April. | |
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 8:03 AM
emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:54 AM want2chase3 - 2017-11-09 7:28 AM emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:11 AM rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 6:30 AM Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it.   I am going to go to the barn this morning to ride, and will apologize again for any misunderstanding. They don't allow you to do much there. I got in trouble the other day for using the cross ties. They said no one can use cross ties, as there are kids around and they don't want the kids getting hurt. Some of the horses at the barn rarely go out. There are a lot of adults that board there, but they focus on kids lessons. Why do they have cross ties if you aren't allowed to use them? I'd be searching high and low for a different place I wouldn't be able to handle anyone yelling at me over what I do with my horse... you pay to keep your horse there, they are providing you a service, therefore YOU are the customer. I'd have lost my $hit if a barn owner tried to berate me in front of the other boarders! I've boarded at my share of places and I can't think of anytime the bo made me feel bad or raised their voice at me and I consider myself pretty high maintenance when it comes to my horses care. I feel bad for you but I'd be looking and asking around to go somewhere else before they decide to ask you to leave! I feel if I went to the barn owner and asked a general questions, like, how many flakes do they get in the AM/PM, I feel like she would take it like I was critiquing what she does. I feel like a lot of the boarders there don't ask any questions, and as of now, I'm too scared to ask anything. I do completely understand that no boarding barn will ever be perfect, but I want to be able to ask a question if I have one. The barn owner's interest is really in the kids there. The ones who's parents have a lot of money, and can afford expensive horses get the attention, and that's fine. Maybe a smaller barn with less horses would be better for us, I don't know anymore. I guess I'm still irked that she told me my horse came with f*cking problems. I would never say that to someone, as I would not want to make them feel bad. That's exactly what she did to me. I don't have thick skin, so I guess I need to work on that.
Exactly.... it almost sounds to me like she's wanting you gone since you don't fit their typical boarders apparently. I think you'd be a lot happier at a smaller barn. I couldn't wait till April. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| want2chase3 - 2017-11-09 8:56 AM
rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 8:03 AM
emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:54 AM want2chase3 - 2017-11-09 7:28 AM emricmacy - 2017-11-09 7:11 AM rodeomom3 - 2017-11-09 6:30 AM Tilt The Kilt - 2017-11-08 7:48 PM Ok I have to ask...if the barn owner seemed to have taken the interactions one way (that you may have been accusatory towards the people and facility management) and your husband made a similar comment (about you needing to be nice and commented about your behavior getting the horse kicked out of the barn), is there a chance you are using vocabulary or a tone that doesn't seem unreasonable to your ears or mind, but comes across completely different to others? The way you wrote it here seems like a HUGE jump from how you asked to how the others are taking it.  I am going to go to the barn this morning to ride, and will apologize again for any misunderstanding. They don't allow you to do much there. I got in trouble the other day for using the cross ties. They said no one can use cross ties, as there are kids around and they don't want the kids getting hurt. Some of the horses at the barn rarely go out. There are a lot of adults that board there, but they focus on kids lessons. Why do they have cross ties if you aren't allowed to use them? I'd be searching high and low for a different place I wouldn't be able to handle anyone yelling at me over what I do with my horse... you pay to keep your horse there, they are providing you a service, therefore YOU are the customer. I'd have lost my $hit if a barn owner tried to berate me in front of the other boarders! I've boarded at my share of places and I can't think of anytime the bo made me feel bad or raised their voice at me and I consider myself pretty high maintenance when it comes to my horses care. I feel bad for you but I'd be looking and asking around to go somewhere else before they decide to ask you to leave! I feel if I went to the barn owner and asked a general questions, like, how many flakes do they get in the AM/PM, I feel like she would take it like I was critiquing what she does. I feel like a lot of the boarders there don't ask any questions, and as of now, I'm too scared to ask anything. I do completely understand that no boarding barn will ever be perfect, but I want to be able to ask a question if I have one. The barn owner's interest is really in the kids there. The ones who's parents have a lot of money, and can afford expensive horses get the attention, and that's fine. Maybe a smaller barn with less horses would be better for us, I don't know anymore. I guess I'm still irked that she told me my horse came with f*cking problems. I would never say that to someone, as I would not want to make them feel bad. That's exactly what she did to me. I don't have thick skin, so I guess I need to work on that.
Exactly.... it almost sounds to me like she's wanting you gone since you don't fit their typical boarders apparently. I think you'd be a lot happier at a smaller barn. I couldn't wait till April.
I feel like she just wants boarders who don't ask any questions. She has 52+ horses boarding there, and I'm sure she doesn't really care if I'm there or not. I'm not one to ever rush time away, but I can't wait until April..I have a text out to a friend asking if she knows of any places until April. I think I'm the black sheep at the barn now.
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  Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | Sure sounds like she doesn't want you there. Maybe if you put your (general) location here there might be someone on here that knows of a place you can go and feel more comfortable. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 534
Location: Ohio girl moved to PA | I feel for you hunny, Ive been in your same shoes before. Dont let others walk all over you, yes you are in her barn but youre paying HER to take care of your horse. I would absolutly find somewhre else to go. Do not wait untill april. I was in the same place as you and even got accused of stealing hay!!! How that was even possible is beyond me bc i didnt even get my hay from that location. That was the last straw for me. Ask around, post on fb, ask local trainer and riders. I recently got lucky enough to have found a couple that just needs some extra help around the barn and they are letting me keep my boys there in trade for work. Its so much better, my horses are happier, and i am too. No drama!! and i found them simply by posting on fb and a friend of a friend got me in contact. I wish you the best, i really do. Pray on it. Itll come <3 | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| Well, I went to the barn this afternoon, and it was VERY awkward. No one said anything to me, let alone looked at me. Owner wasn't there, she lives on the property, but was in her house, so I texted the barn manager apologizing for what happened. No text back.
Horse was lame, so that's not good..
The only lead I have right now is a girl I have been taking lessons with (not the one I will be moving to in April). She and her fiancé are starting from scratch at their house. She has an outdoor arena, and offers a rough board. There is a run in shed in the pasture. Grain, hay, blanketing, holding for vet/farrier. There is no barn really..she uses her fiancé's garage for vet/farrier appointments. They are eventually going to build a barn, but they can only do so much at once. About 2 miles or less on her road is an older gentleman who has a really nice, big indoor arena. It's just for his use, his wife has one horse, they do not offer boarding, or anything. Anyone can use his arena for $10, unlimited time. Her board is $250.00. If the weather is really severe she said she can take them down the street to her mother in laws barn for a few days if necessary. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 277
| emricmacy - 2017-11-09 2:09 PM
Well, I went to the barn this afternoon, and it was VERY awkward. No one said anything to me, let alone looked at me. Owner wasn't there, she lives on the property, but was in her house, so I texted the barn manager apologizing for what happened. No text back.
Horse was lame, so that's not good..
The only lead I have right now is a girl I have been taking lessons with (not the one I will be moving to in April). She and her fiancé are starting from scratch at their house. She has an outdoor arena, and offers a rough board. There is a run in shed in the pasture. Grain, hay, blanketing, holding for vet/farrier. There is no barn really..she uses her fiancé's garage for vet/farrier appointments. They are eventually going to build a barn, but they can only do so much at once. About 2 miles or less on her road is an older gentleman who has a really nice, big indoor arena. It's just for his use, his wife has one horse, they do not offer boarding, or anything. Anyone can use his arena for $10, unlimited time. Her board is $250.00. If the weather is really severe she said she can take them down the street to her mother in laws barn for a few days if necessary.
Sounds perfect. Honestly you do not need a barn. Most of my horses don't even have a run in shed, as long as there is wind break they are fine. | |
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 The One
Posts: 7998
Location: South Georgia | emricmacy - 2017-11-09 3:09 PM Well, I went to the barn this afternoon, and it was VERY awkward. No one said anything to me, let alone looked at me. Owner wasn't there, she lives on the property, but was in her house, so I texted the barn manager apologizing for what happened. No text back. Horse was lame, so that's not good.. The only lead I have right now is a girl I have been taking lessons with (not the one I will be moving to in April). She and her fiancé are starting from scratch at their house. She has an outdoor arena, and offers a rough board. There is a run in shed in the pasture. Grain, hay, blanketing, holding for vet/farrier. There is no barn really..she uses her fiancé's garage for vet/farrier appointments. They are eventually going to build a barn, but they can only do so much at once. About 2 miles or less on her road is an older gentleman who has a really nice, big indoor arena. It's just for his use, his wife has one horse, they do not offer boarding, or anything. Anyone can use his arena for $10, unlimited time. Her board is $250.00. If the weather is really severe she said she can take them down the street to her mother in laws barn for a few days if necessary.
Do it. My mare is on 100% pasture board with only trees as shelter and shes perfectly fine and totally comfortable. Plus, your horse needs turnout! | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
Location: MN | After reading this entire thread...I agree. Get out as quickly as possible. Sounds like it would be the best for your horse too! | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| Now, it's just convincing my husband. Long story short, my MIL boards at the barn, and is best friends with the owner, and my husband grew up riding there. I don't care about any of the above, I only want what is best for my horse.
VT winters are brutal, so I know my husband will not like that he doesn't have a stall, but I think he would be much better. And, I just started learning to drive the truck with/trailer so the practice will be good! The indoor is literally less than 2 miles away, and $10 is not bad at all! It's only for 4 months. This girl takes great care of her horses. She barrel races on the NY circuit, and I don't for see any problems with her, we get along great. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| emricmacy - 2017-11-09 2:27 PM
Now, it's just convincing my husband. Long story short, my MIL boards at the barn, and is best friends with the owner, and my husband grew up riding there. I don't care about any of the above, I only want what is best for my horse.
VT winters are brutal, so I know my husband will not like that he doesn't have a stall, but I think he would be much better. And, I just started learning to drive the truck with/trailer so the practice will be good! The indoor is literally less than 2 miles away, and $10 is not bad at all! It's only for 4 months. This girl takes great care of her horses. She barrel races on the NY circuit, and I don't for see any problems with her, we get along great.
He said he didn't want any horse drama, so he shouldn't care where you board as long as he doesn't have to hear about it. I am a MIL and I would never expect my DIL to board, or even do as I do for her horses if she had any. It is none of my business and its none of your MIL's business, so it may not bother your MIL if you leave. Your husband needs to grow up if he lets his mommy try to tell you where to board your horse. I feel for you and am sorry you have to deal with this. I know how stressful it is when we have to worry about our furry babies. Hugs to you. (My momma instincts have kicked in so I apologize if I have offended you.)  | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| GLP - 2017-11-09 2:39 PM
emricmacy - 2017-11-09 2:27 PM
Now, it's just convincing my husband. Long story short, my MIL boards at the barn, and is best friends with the owner, and my husband grew up riding there. I don't care about any of the above, I only want what is best for my horse.
VT winters are brutal, so I know my husband will not like that he doesn't have a stall, but I think he would be much better. And, I just started learning to drive the truck with/trailer so the practice will be good! The indoor is literally less than 2 miles away, and $10 is not bad at all! It's only for 4 months. This girl takes great care of her horses. She barrel races on the NY circuit, and I don't for see any problems with her, we get along great.
He said he didn't want any horse drama, so he shouldn't care where you board as long as he doesn't have to hear about it. I am a MIL and I would never expect my DIL to board, or even do as I do for her horses if she had any. It is none of my business and its none of your MIL's business, so it may not bother your MIL if you leave. Your husband needs to grow up if he lets his mommy try to tell you where to board your horse. I feel for you and am sorry you have to deal with this. I know how stressful it is when we have to worry about our furry babies. Hugs to you. (My momma instincts have kicked in so I apologize if I have offended you. )
No, thank you! I need a mom right now..my mom is great, but not a horse person, and lives hours and hours away..
Your right, he said he didn't want any drama, and he said it's my horse so I can do what I want. I just always wonder how I know I'm making the right decision about something. When I think about it, of course I like having a stall, but does my horse care? Probably not, he loves it outside. And it will be better for his arthritis. These amenities are really for me, and I don't care about a heated tack room, a stall, a wash rack anymore! I just am learning to not care about those things anymore. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1599
| Boarding sucks. The longer I have been in the horse business the more I realize that 90% of people who own boarding facilities (NOT ALL) are wanna be horse trainers that think Pat Parelli is God.
There are still good places around, just pick yourself up and remember you are doing what's best for your horse, and its the barn owner with a problem, not you. Take action to move to another barn. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| emricmacy - 2017-11-09 2:48 PM
GLP - 2017-11-09 2:39 PM
emricmacy - 2017-11-09 2:27 PM
Now, it's just convincing my husband. Long story short, my MIL boards at the barn, and is best friends with the owner, and my husband grew up riding there. I don't care about any of the above, I only want what is best for my horse.
VT winters are brutal, so I know my husband will not like that he doesn't have a stall, but I think he would be much better. And, I just started learning to drive the truck with/trailer so the practice will be good! The indoor is literally less than 2 miles away, and $10 is not bad at all! It's only for 4 months. This girl takes great care of her horses. She barrel races on the NY circuit, and I don't for see any problems with her, we get along great.
He said he didn't want any horse drama, so he shouldn't care where you board as long as he doesn't have to hear about it. I am a MIL and I would never expect my DIL to board, or even do as I do for her horses if she had any. It is none of my business and its none of your MIL's business, so it may not bother your MIL if you leave. Your husband needs to grow up if he lets his mommy try to tell you where to board your horse. I feel for you and am sorry you have to deal with this. I know how stressful it is when we have to worry about our furry babies. Hugs to you. (My momma instincts have kicked in so I apologize if I have offended you. )
No, thank you! I need a mom right now..my mom is great, but not a horse person, and lives hours and hours away..
Your right, he said he didn't want any drama, and he said it's my horse so I can do what I want. I just always wonder how I know I'm making the right decision about something. When I think about it, of course I like having a stall, but does my horse care? Probably not, he loves it outside. And it will be better for his arthritis. These amenities are really for me, and I don't care about a heated tack room, a stall, a wash rack anymore! I just am learning to not care about those things anymore.
Well, kiddo, then I say move. I think your horse will be happier being able to move about to keep his arthritis from making him miserable. I know with my arthritis, I prefer to move around. The weather doesn't seem to bother the horses like it does us. Good luck and keep us posted on how things work out.
And this is what I would tell my daughter who lives on the Ridgeway/Montrose area in Colorado if she were in your shoes. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Go for it!!! Sounds like the ideal escape! Who cares if your mil boards there, obviously she's probably aware of what happened if she's buddies with the owner. It's truly none of her beeswax! | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| I love my MIL but all drama. And maybe the 52+ stall barn is just too much for us, too many people, too much drama. I don't care what other people think, I just know his family is going to grill me, so what should I say to people asking me why I'm moving? I don't want to bad mouth the place but I also don't want to have to explain myself over and over. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| emricmacy - 2017-11-09 3:49 PM
I love my MIL but all drama. And maybe the 52+ stall barn is just too much for us, too many people, too much drama. I don't care what other people think, I just know his family is going to grill me, so what should I say to people asking me why I'm moving? I don't want to bad mouth the place but I also don't want to have to explain myself over and over.
Just say it wasn't the place for you. And then if they just get really nosy and won't let up, tell them you felt like your horse needs to be outside where he can move around at will for his arthritis. Or my favorite explanation, it is " well, bless your heart it is nunya- none of your business. Said with a smile of course and maybe a little drawl thrown in for effect. | |
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Member
Posts: 41
| Just politely say you moved to a barn that seemed like a better fit for your horse's needs. You don't owe anyone an explanation. If someone really pushes you and you feel like you need to say something further, tell them that 24/7 turnout is exactly what the doctor ordered for your gelding's arthritis.
I would advise you NOT to share your experiences with the barn owner yelling, trouble with turnout, etc unless someone specifically asks your opinion on the boarding barn (if they are considering moving there, etc). Even if it is 100% justified, airing dirty laundry never looks good for either party. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Just explain you want your horse to be pasture boarded because of his arthritis... that's all you need to say. 52 horses is a lot. You need a smaller environment..less drama! | |
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Veteran
Posts: 277
| Winters don't get much worse than where I live, believe me, and my horses are just fine | |
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