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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
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She's very much a doormat, that's why he keeps her around! He enjoys having that power. I'm not even trying to make that my business or problem, but it's so obvious, even without me hearing the things she's shared with my kid and my mom. She's either really stupid or really smart, the woman he's supposedly talking to is a horrible HORRIBLE woman, I just stopped short of getting a,restraining order against her because she harassed me so much when I found out he was cheating with her several years ago. It was a huge mess and he knows I wouldn't go easy if he tried to bring her around my kids again. So maybe there's an alterior motive ... who knows. I'm not sure how much she knows of what really happened anyway, but I know who she's very close to and that woman works in the same office building and witnessed everything. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
  
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | want2chase3 - 2018-03-21 2:11 PM She's very much a doormat, that's why he keeps her around! He enjoys having that power. I'm not even trying to make that my business or problem, but it's so obvious, even without me hearing the things she's shared with my kid and my mom. She's either really stupid or really smart, the woman he's supposedly talking to is a horrible HORRIBLE woman, I just stopped short of getting a,restraining order against her because she harassed me so much when I found out he was cheating with her several years ago. It was a huge mess and he knows I wouldn't go easy if he tried to bring her around my kids again. So maybe there's an alterior motive ... who knows. I'm not sure how much she knows of what really happened anyway, but I know who she's very close to and that woman works in the same office building and witnessed everything.
Theres alot of crazyness out there, so you got to do what you can to protect the ones you love, I feel for your girl, her dad should be ashamed of himself for putting her in this situation between himself and the GF..  | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| You're right! I know what I need to do. And I don't think he has any shame.. the gf asked how one of Jacobs treatments went last week, my daughter said he didn't have one, she said well your dad said he did and that he went to it, that's why he wasn't home all afternoon . yes, he had a scheduled appointment but I had canceled it 3 days prior to it. Shaking my head.... | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | barrelrider - 2018-03-21 1:15 PMI would speak to the ex and his girlfriend at the same time. I would tell them that she has no business telling any of this to your daughter. I wouldn't step into their business, but tell them your daughter doesn't need to hear anything about their personal relationship like that. THIS...AND HERES WHY...you don't need to be blamed for lieing by either one.face to face both of them at the same time.Then keep your eyes open for any reprocussion your daughter may get.
Edited by jake16 2018-03-21 2:54 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| That is some screwy inappropriate immature behavior on her part. Honestly I would not allow her to have contact with this girlfriend. I would talk to the girlfriend face to face and tell her to STAY AWAY. You could go so far as to petition the court and state that this woman is having a negative impact on the parent/child relationship with her father and sharing personal and inappropriate information with her that could have lasting impacts in their relationship.
Other option is a PPO but I'm not sure if they do those without proof your daughter has or could be physically harmed. | |
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 Too Skinny
Posts: 8009
Location: LA Lower Alabama | I feel like you are between the rock and hard place. Remember that whatever you do puts stress on your kid too. If you call a meeting with all three it puts her in the hot seat even if thats not the intentional target. If you speak to just GF she will says its jealousy etc. If you speak to ex he will say jealousy and be embarrassed making him harder to deal with. Personally at 13 I want my kid to tell that heifer to back off on her own then I can stand strong behind her but I am not in this situation so that is hard to suggest for you guys. Good luck! | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I'm not going to say I'm surprised... I took my daughter to school this morning and suddenly she started crying, saying how angry she is at her father. After I dropped her off I called my husband and told him, he didn't want me calling the ex because I was obviously heated, so he made the call to talk to him "man to man" he explained to him everything that had happened. My ex accused my daughter of lying! It makes me sick to my stomach. He also blamed me and said I'm pinning his kids against him and that his children haven't been to his house in 4 months.. well, Jacobs been going thru cancer and the dr said it'd be best if he stayed in 1 home instead of being shuffled back n forth plus his Dr's are closer to my home. Unbelievable this guy is.. so I'm waiting for his call now so we can "hash " this out once and for all. Ugh I'm sorry for venting on here, I'm not a,perfect parent or person for that matter, but my ex is being completely unrealistic and blaming the wrong people! My husband told him he needs to talk with his gf and deal with her, this is the 2nd time we've had to go to him about her overstepping on our daughter. He then said that my husband is just a stepdad and has no say and that he will be dealing with just me on this... I say, bring it on, I'm waiting. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | want2chase3 - 2018-03-22 9:33 AM I'm not going to say I'm surprised... I took my daughter to school this morning and suddenly she started crying, saying how angry she is at her father. After I dropped her off I called my husband and told him, he didn't want me calling the ex because I was obviously heated, so he made the call to talk to him "man to man" he explained to him everything that had happened. My ex accused my daughter of lying! It makes me sick to my stomach. He also blamed me and said I'm pinning his kids against him and that his children haven't been to his house in 4 months.. well, Jacobs been going thru cancer and the dr said it'd be best if he stayed in 1 home instead of being shuffled back n forth plus his Dr's are closer to my home. Unbelievable this guy is.. so I'm waiting for his call now so we can "hash " this out once and for all. Ugh I'm sorry for venting on here, I'm not a,perfect parent or person for that matter, but my ex is being completely unrealistic and blaming the wrong people! My husband told him he needs to talk with his gf and deal with her, this is the 2nd time we've had to go to him about her overstepping on our daughter. He then said that my husband is just a stepdad and has no say and that he will be dealing with just me on this... I say, bring it on, I'm waiting.
I can see that he said his own daughter was lying since hes never really worked on a father daughter relationship with her, hes just a real peach of a dad {eye roll here} How long has he been with this jewel of a grilfriend {eye roll again} Why would he think having a GF telling his 13 year old daughter everything about his love life is ok? Makes no sence!! | |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Southtxponygirl - 2018-03-22 9:48 AM
want2chase3 - 2018-03-22 9:33 AM I'm not going to say I'm surprised... I took my daughter to school this morning and suddenly she started crying, saying how angry she is at her father. After I dropped her off I called my husband and told him, he didn't want me calling the ex because I was obviously heated, so he made the call to talk to him "man to man" he explained to him everything that had happened. My ex accused my daughter of lying! It makes me sick to my stomach. He also blamed me and said I'm pinning his kids against him and that his children haven't been to his house in 4 months.. well, Jacobs been going thru cancer and the dr said it'd be best if he stayed in 1 home instead of being shuffled back n forth plus his Dr's are closer to my home. Unbelievable this guy is.. so I'm waiting for his call now so we can "hash " this out once and for all. Ugh I'm sorry for venting on here, I'm not a,perfect parent or person for that matter, but my ex is being completely unrealistic and blaming the wrong people! My husband told him he needs to talk with his gf and deal with her, this is the 2nd time we've had to go to him about her overstepping on our daughter. He then said that my husband is just a stepdad and has no say and that he will be dealing with just me on this... I say, bring it on, I'm waiting.
I can see that he said his own daughter was lying since hes never really worked on a father daughter relationship with her, hes just a real peach of a dad {eye roll here} How long has he been with this jewel of a grilfriend {eye roll again} Why would he think having a GF telling his 13 year old daughter everything about his love life is ok? Makes no sence!!
It does not surprise me at all that the ex husband is accusing the daughter of lying...remember the discussion the GF had with the daughter was about her dad being a real swell guy... so he’s got it coming from all angles now and he now knows the GF knows he’s got a side thing.
No advice just hugs. | |
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 The Peaceful One
Posts: 1415
Location: Only a stones throw away!! | Here is just my opinion.....I am the Liam Nelson kinda parent, " I have a special set of skills and I will use them" when it comes to MY KIDS and someone harming them...I will use those skills. I don't care who it is. she is way to young and dealing with her own issues to have a "stranger" throw crap at her. Given it is her dad and she will love him unconditionally but she will be reminded (by him) how a guy is suppose to treat a girl (and it is not starting out good). I would not have wasted a new York moment in letting the GF know my position in this relationship. I WOULD NOT involve the daughter ...this is a situation to be handled by adults. the husband has got his wiener caught between a rock and a hard place and of course he is going to point fingers.....what coward doesn't want the easy way out. he will point a blame until the heat is off him. As far as him telling you not to contact her...BS..he has not proven himself to be a worthy individual yet....so yes I would handle it and not look back. Neither one of these people owe you anything....the daughter holds your world. JMHO | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I've been working on controlling my emotions and my temper when it comes to difficult people that I'm unfortunately around, really really working on controlling me and how I feel and how far I let things I cannot control push me... all I'm going to say about him is an innocent man or person, would not act that way. He's caught, he now knows he's caught and he lashes out.. been there done that, he got furious at me when I caught him cheating... it was my fault. He also told my husband that I was the one who divorced him.. Hmmm grasping for straws much bub??? Wow... | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Well, good luck to you, unfortunately no matter what you did he was going to be an ass. I feel bad for you and your daughter. Y'all both deserve a heck of a lot better than him. Thank goodness your husband is such a good man and loves her. Hugs and prayers for you both. | |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | want2chase3 - 2018-03-22 9:33 AM I'm not going to say I'm surprised... I took my daughter to school this morning and suddenly she started crying, saying how angry she is at her father. After I dropped her off I called my husband and told him, he didn't want me calling the ex because I was obviously heated, so he made the call to talk to him "man to man" he explained to him everything that had happened. My ex accused my daughter of lying! It makes me sick to my stomach. He also blamed me and said I'm pinning his kids against him and that his children haven't been to his house in 4 months.. well, Jacobs been going thru cancer and the dr said it'd be best if he stayed in 1 home instead of being shuffled back n forth plus his Dr's are closer to my home. Unbelievable this guy is.. so I'm waiting for his call now so we can "hash " this out once and for all. Ugh I'm sorry for venting on here, I'm not a,perfect parent or person for that matter, but my ex is being completely unrealistic and blaming the wrong people! My husband told him he needs to talk with his gf and deal with her, this is the 2nd time we've had to go to him about her overstepping on our daughter. He then said that my husband is just a stepdad and has no say and that he will be dealing with just me on this... I say, bring it on, I'm waiting.
Doesn't surprise me that he is putting blame on everywhere it should be...HIM. That may sound harsh, but it is what it is. That is what those kinds of people do. Lay blame everywhere but where it belongs. I'm sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with this. Bless her heart, she really is upset over all this and shouldn't be having to deal with things like this at her young age. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| If you can, go have coffee or something face to face to her. Let her know where you stand. She needs to know boundaries. Keep it short and civil. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | want2chase3 - 2018-03-21 10:25 AM
horsegirl - 2018-03-21 10:14 AM
That's a tough one. I think I'd speak to the girlfriend and just explain that your daughter is going through a lot already and it is not beneficial to speak to the daughter about her father's misdoings. As long as it is a civil conversation, maybe it will help, since she seems to be cognicant of her boundaries a little (she stopped texting when you made comment about it). ????
I've gone back n forth on calling her. Honestly, I do feel a tad sorry for her, I too was on the receiving end of his antics way back when... my own mother had to block her, because she was confiding in her about their relationship as well! My mother, obviously, his ex mother in law, isn't the one to vent to about the guy. I feel like if I tell my ex, he will either get really angry at her and/or my daughter for telling me. I don't have much of a relationship with this woman, we don't talk, like, at all.
Oh, we’d be talking about this, if it was me. I would ask her to meet me for coffee or somewhere we could talk face to face and tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you make it a point not to bad mouth your ex in front of the kids and if she can’t follow that same rule, she needs to avoid all conversation with your children. You need to let her know where and what the boundaries are, she obviously doesn’t have the background to know the difference. | |
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 Ms Bling Bling Sleeze Kitty
Posts: 20917
Location: LouLouVille, OK | want2chase3 - 2018-03-21 2:38 PM You're right! I know what I need to do. And I don't think he has any shame.. the gf asked how one of Jacobs treatments went last week, my daughter said he didn't have one, she said well your dad said he did and that he went to it, that's why he wasn't home all afternoon . yes, he had a scheduled appointment but I had canceled it 3 days prior to it. Shaking my head....
Leopards don't change their spots, he's a POC ...
I would tell them both, she is 13... Get a clue and stop involving her in adult situations... she doesn't need to see it or hear about it... He should put his daughter before his pecker and realize that bringing multiple women in her life isn't going to win her over...
Not sure about the state you live in or if it's the case in every state, but at 13... she can choose not to go here... (correct me if I am wrong) Im sure she loves her dad flaws and all, you would think that alone would make him want to step up. (((HUGS))) | |
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Ms Bling Bling Sleeze Kitty
Posts: 20917
Location: LouLouVille, OK | total performance - 2018-03-22 10:35 AM want2chase3 - 2018-03-22 9:33 AM I'm not going to say I'm surprised... I took my daughter to school this morning and suddenly she started crying, saying how angry she is at her father. After I dropped her off I called my husband and told him, he didn't want me calling the ex because I was obviously heated, so he made the call to talk to him "man to man" he explained to him everything that had happened. My ex accused my daughter of lying! It makes me sick to my stomach. He also blamed me and said I'm pinning his kids against him and that his children haven't been to his house in 4 months.. well, Jacobs been going thru cancer and the dr said it'd be best if he stayed in 1 home instead of being shuffled back n forth plus his Dr's are closer to my home. Unbelievable this guy is.. so I'm waiting for his call now so we can "hash " this out once and for all. Ugh I'm sorry for venting on here, I'm not a,perfect parent or person for that matter, but my ex is being completely unrealistic and blaming the wrong people! My husband told him he needs to talk with his gf and deal with her, this is the 2nd time we've had to go to him about her overstepping on our daughter. He then said that my husband is just a stepdad and has no say and that he will be dealing with just me on this... I say, bring it on, I'm waiting. Doesn't surprise me that he is putting blame on everywhere it should be...HIM. That may sound harsh, but it is what it is. That is what those kinds of people do. Lay blame everywhere but where it belongs. I'm sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with this. Bless her heart, she really is upset over all this and shouldn't be having to deal with things like this at her young age.
Edited by cindyt 2018-03-22 12:03 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
| That is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. I'd definitely say something to BOTH of them. Your ex as her father brought this woman into her life, he bears responsibility for her behavior. HE should be upset about it bc of the disgusting nature of it regardless if he's the subject or not.
I'd be honest with your daughter and tell her you're doing it and prepare her for possible fallout and reassure her it's not her responsibility to preserve a perverse relationship w/her dad's gf. If her father gets mad at her you're gonna have to really step up your momma game and she may even get mad at you but no way do you let this go. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | In Texas, at the age of 12 I think it is that kids are allowed to choose who they live with and how often they want to see either parent. You might see if that's the case where you are at. I can't remember if visitation is still required at that point though. Your daughter may choose to live with you and only see her dad girlfriend free a few times a year or something. | |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| want2chase3 - 2018-03-22 11:22 AM
I've been working on controlling my emotions and my temper when it comes to difficult people that I'm unfortunately around, really really working on controlling me and how I feel and how far I let things I cannot control push me... all I'm going to say about him is an innocent man or person, would not act that way. He's caught, he now knows he's caught and he lashes out.. been there done that, he got furious at me when I caught him cheating... it was my fault. He also told my husband that I was the one who divorced him.. Hmmm grasping for straws much bub??? Wow...
No matter how you decide to deal with your ex and his gf, keep reminding your daughter that NONE of these ADULT problems are her fault. | |
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