I for one could NOT hold it in knowing what he did. So with that being said, I would confront his a** .

I pray that your biopsy comes out good, but holding this in and dealing with your health, will take a toll on you. JMO

Prayers 

I've been married 34 yrs & I guess I'm old school it would have or would just kill me if my husband cheated on me. You better Dig Two by band Perry is my song on the subject.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I hope you can come through this and work things out. I can tell I just couldn't ever get over it. I hope you are a more forgiving thea I and that things work out for you & your kids for the best what ever that maybe. Prayers for you to be able to see what you need to do & prayers for your health

As tempting as it might be, I would be very careful about weaponizing social media.  It might feel good, but overall I think it could lead to more headaches than you bargained for.  These things have a way of getting out there anyway.  He’s going to squirm enough as it is, knowing full well you are armed with the video.  Doing nothing to deliberately hurt him will serve you well.  People who know about the video will respect you all the more for using restraint.  Above all, remember he’s the father of your kids.  You will always have some kind of relationship with him forever.  Do what you need to do, but try to think of it almost like a “ business decision”, in which case you are usually better off keeping your emotions out of any decision making. How he treats you and how you treat him, going forward, will effect the kids.  

I just said post it on social media tongue n cheek, obviously the husband didnt think twice or even care how this would effect HER or his.childrens future he only thought about his stupid self and his desires. I dont care who you are, you will always think about his infidelity even if you move past it and work it out... every time he doesnt answer the phone right away or hes texting from across the room you'll be wondering if hes talking to another woman. Find an attorney,  a good one. I have zero tolerance for cheating. I wish you well OP  it's a terrible thing to have to deal with, I know exactly how it feels. Mine did it when our son was 3 months old. I'm sure there was a lot more before that but that's when I found out. 

Oh, how I remember. Your ex was a sorry, narcissistic, POS.  I'm so happy you have moved on with someone who values you (and your children). 

Well since the OP said this.....{ Making things even worse,several people in the industry I work in have seen the video and these are men I see every day at work.. } So my thinking issss its already on social media.. 

I'm just so curious WHO video them, and put it out there for others to see? 

My ex was probably a serial cheater. I saw a lawyer when our youngest was just a baby. Her advice to me was to stay and spend his money.  It was hard to do.  Maybe I could've done it if he'd quit lying and doing the same old stuff.  

To the OP, you just have to weigh your options.  Don't do anything just yet.  Without knowing more about your husband and your situation, we can't really advise you.  Best thing I did was see a counselor.  If the counselor doesn't help you, find another.  

Best wishes to you.  I know you are in a lot of pain right now.  

pray   and if you have a good pastor  talk with him  but lots of prayers

Make it work, however that is, until the children are 18 and gone.  Then see ya later alligator dont let the door hit you on the way out!  My 2 cents.

I dont see how it helps the children by sticking it out for the children.  Once a member of the relationship checks out, its over.  My opinion having been there...confront him.  You will be able to tell really fast how invested he is.  Then you make your decision on what to do from there.  

Prayers for you -- the only advice I have is:  take a deep breath.  see a counselor for guidance to sort out your thoughts/feelings/plan.

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate all the well thought out responses.

I would never put it on social media because of my kids and his job. I know I'm angry but I just couldn't do it. Plus, she is a professional in this industry also and I am not sinking to that level with her either.

He cheated before we knew about needing the second mammogram and ultimately the biopsy. He has been kinder to me these last few weeks then he has in months, possibly years. I keep hoping his guilt will eat at him enough to make him fess up, that would make me feel so much better.

The video was taken by a co-worker of the woman who saw hubbs truck at her place and went to check it out since she had been doing him too. Apparently she is a whore with daddy issues and has been busy notching up her bedpost. Anyway, it was shown to me because I am one of very few women where I work, try to be super kind, and am liked and respected enough that they thought I should know. The guys that saw the video didn't come by this decision easily, it took a couple weeks. I am so thankful for them having my back even though it hurts and I don't think they are judging me although they might if I let it slide.

I am sure I am somewhat to blame because I've been a little distant lately, I just can't get over his addiction to social media and the fact he falls asleep on the couch every night scrolling through his phone. He doesn't really join in the evening chores, dinner or anything, then gets mad because I don't wake him up when I go to bed. He literally drives down the road scrolling through Facebook, I just don't get it.  One of the reasons I was so angry about him spending time with this woman is that I was shocked he put down his phone for so long.

I am going to wait for the results to come in before I do anything, hopefully that will be tomorrow, other wise it won't be until next week. At first I wanted to pack his **** and drop it off at her house but I think I need a better plan, possibly talk to a counselor on my own and maybe a few attorneys too.  What really has surprised me is that I haven't shed a single tear about this whole thing.  Maybe it's coming, who knows? 

I really appreciate all the responses and support, thank you so much!

I agree I know a couple of people whose parents got divorced after their children were adults I think it was harder on their children then. They took it really really hard & never got overit. Kids seem to bounce back.

Dont ever blame yourself for his infidelity. My ex tried to convince me it was my fault he had to stray because I wasnt the same woman he met blah blah blah... divorce me first then go get your willies...  cowards do it this way and then try to blame the wife. Just please dont blame yourself for his indiscretion. 

     Prayers ,hugs ,and good thoughts for you.I hope your test results come back with good news.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, my prayers are with you.  It's so hard to know what to do in a situation like this especially when children are involved.  I know when I was younger I had a long term like 4 yrs boyfriend cheat on me with a cough, cough friend... well vengeful younger me knew that he loved his cars the 86 Tbird died in '88 to bad it didn't have an oil gauge, just a dummy light. And the other car lets just say a well placed small holes in all 4 new eagle Goodyear tires will go flat in the same day @ different times. Now that I'm older with kids I honestly can't say what I would do, I would definitely make him sweat, but I would keep my cards very close to my vest and have all my ducks in a row, and think long and hard.  Me personally I don't think I could stay with someone that cheated, because of the respect issue. They don't respect you if they are willing to cheat on you.  He has risked everything you, your kids, his health, your health that tells me he doesn't respect himself either. Talk to a counselor, a good friend that you know will not run to him and tell what you are saying because that happens, learned that one the hard way, an attorney to see what your options are in your state. 

You will be in my prayers, be strong, pray, pray some more and you will come out stronger 

C 

I went thru a terrible divorce because of this same thing.  With alcohol thrown in for good measure.   I pray for you to have strength and a clear head to deal with it.   I tempered everything I WANTED to do with what I NEEDED to do for Chandler.  Chris and I may have ended up at a point of no return, but I tried so hard to not affect/damage his and Chan's relationship.   I hope your biopsy comes back good, and that you find the way that works for you to deal with all this. Please pm if you ever want to talk.  

Praying for you. I can’t imagjne dealing with a plate like that!

Some work it out, but as the others said and I totally agree with Bear’s thoughts, there is no excuse for cheating and being disrespected. I would definitely want answers, but remember that you have a video and don’t NEED to hear his explanations and excuses. You know what you know and his excuses aren’t going to change it.

As for the STD check, some take 3 months to appear in an antibody test. Some can take longer than that so I just had to throw that out there..make sure you follow up in at least 3 months preferably with a blood test.

YOU pave the path of your own future; don’t let him make the decisions for you. You’re not something that can be committed to one minute and betrayed the next. 

I wouldn’t suffer in silence, but since you have kids, I wouldn’t play all your cards yet. Definitely document anything and everything. If you leave, have a plan.

Hugs to you; I pray your biopsy comes out okay!

ETA: if you have questions about some of what I’m talking about, you can PM me. Figured I wouldn’t give everyone on here a sex-ed lesson 

I just want to know where and how you got the videos. 

I hate a cheater. Dirty lying scum who has zero respect for themsleves, their kids or their spouse.

Sorry you are going thru all of this! Repect yourself and maybe find someone who respects you back.