OH OH. Horses may not be the issue.   His attitude is a concern to me.  

Reading all of your responses it sounds like you are a very independent woman (which I admire). You have your life/job and take care of your horses on your own. The person you are dating seems to want you to change everything and be with him 24/7. While I think he deserves a portion of your time, this is your lifestyle. He should come meet you and maybe help you do a few things at the barn if he wants to spend time with you so bad. He should be involved with the things you like to do as well. He sounds like he may be a little clingy/jealous. I get it is hard for non horse people to understand, but if he is unwilling to compromise then.....you may re evaluate :). 

I was engaged to a non horse person before I met and married my very much horse person husband. The previous fiancee was supportive of my lifestyle. I taught him to ride and all of that and it was do able...      but the man I  married  can out ride and out horse me any day of the week, and something about that I find super attractive! LOL.   Had I married guy number 1, my child would probably be getting ready to start playing T ball. Instead, she has been practicing all week to enter her first jackpot. For me, I made the best choice for the life that most suits me..and that is with someone as equally or more horse person than I am. :)

I hate to say this but going on what you have tolded this board about him, well he sounds like hes emotionally immature.

I would part ways. There is no way he's going to change if he feels this way now. You guys arent even living together..could you imagine how worse it would be if you did? 

You don't want to be tip toeing around him, and it sounds like you already feel like to have to in a way. It's not going to get any better. 

My husband had lots of horses growing up, and we have one right now. He doesn't ride anymore (he likes to cool our horse out after I make a run)..but he is very supportive. Comes to quite a bit of the races I go to, is financially supportive, and loves to hear about my day with our horse, and how his training is going. If he can't go to a barrel race, he is texting me and calling to see how it went, etc.

I don't want to walk on egghsells. 

I havent read all the posts and disclaimer, I am single at 30.

I have a lot of friends with non-horse men, i do think it can work but I do think its CRUCIAL for them to have a hobby too. I dont think they understand passion and dedication like horse folks if they dont have that to some degree... whether it is hunting, fishing, sports, etc.

I also have dated guys and explained my horse habit and they claim to understand and also claim to love independent women until they actually date one, i think the idea of one is appealing. A man has to be super secure to let us do what we love IMO.

From your posts, he sounds much too needy, i think a hard conversation needs to had about your lifestyle and his expectations, see if they work together.

From what you stated in this post I'd say the writing is on the wall.  He isn't going to like you having a life that doesn't center around him and his daughter.  Move on before you become to vested in him

How old is his daughter,and is her mother in the picture at all with her?

I was wondering the same thing

Run away fast. VERY fast! 

She is 13 months. Mother passed away from childbirth complications. Very sad. 

Oh my gosh how horrible for the daddy and baby, this man has his plate full..

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since he has been through so much but as the poster above said.. I walk on eggshells.

I think you're a good person for trying so hard, but sometimes its not in the cards. Hugs to ya

Thank you to you and everyone else that's given me their opinions. I obviously have a lot to think about. 

I apologize that I haven't read all the replies. But. I've been with my non horsey husband for more than a decade now. At first he tried to get into it but that was definitely during the honeymoon phase. Now he doesn't want to come to races, hang out at the barn, ride, etc. And I'm totally and completely ok with it. He feeds 3 mornings a week bc I'm going to work those mornings too and I have kids to shuffle around, he fed for months while I was in the midst of post partum depression with both kids. It was all I could do to get to the barn during that time just to brush them and check them over daily. So he's definitely stepped up when I needed him. I get my ride time in without my kids bc he readily takes them. He has his own stuff he's into (guns, cows, a good cigar) and we do just fine each having our own interests and just enjoying our mutual interests together instead of forcing eachother to like things we are just not into. 

As long as I work part time to help pay for my very expensive hobby and feed most of the time, he's willing to hang out with the kids regularly while I go to a race or ride. It works. I guess long story short I realized a long time ago I couldn't make him love it and he realized it was my lifestyle and it works out really well that he's not into it but is supportive and I still get to be a little weekend warrior. He has no idea what he's watching on videos of my runs so there's never any criticism or unsolicited advice, if I come home with a smile on my face he's glad I had a nice time. That part is nice. 

Hopefully y'all will find that happy medium too :)

I've been with my non horsey guy for 20 years. He cares absolutly zero about them. Doesn't ride. Doesn't care if I have zero or 50. We have a deal. I don't have to get in the deer stand/bass boat and he doesn't have to go to shows. As long as what he catches has fur,feathers or scales, and all my studs are 4 legged - we are good. It all boils down to the fact that we want each other to be happy and understand that what makes us happy seperatly doesn't take away from our happiness together - it actually enhances it. I know he loves me just as i am- just as he knows the same. Sometimes he tells me "You really need to go to the barn".  He does help on the farm- fencing, mowing, feeding if I'm out of town, and he even helps unload hay (he doesn't mind a bit since I fould a supplier that bands it and he can unload with the tractor).  I watch fishing shows and go to Bass Pro Shop to spend time with him. I don't mind going in the woods with him, but I don't hunt. I want him to go on the guys trips. I think we both appreciate the freedoms we have. His generosity and understanding make me want to be around him more. Are we perfect? Lord no- we are human. But as long as at the core we support/ attempt to understand what the other enjoys- we are good..   I think that at the root of the issue- its not about the horses. It's about the kind of relationship you have. 

A 13 month old baby,baby's mom died,I highly doubt this single father has time to think about much,besides trying his best with his baby.

I think for the fathers sake,and the baby girl,you should walk away.The longer you stay,the more it will hurt the baby when you do leave. I can't even imagine what his emotions are going through.Selfish?? Maybe,but I believe he could be selfish for all the right reasons,like his baby girl perhaps?

I have not read all the replies.....My current husband is not necessarily a horse person but he is an animal lover. I made it perfectly clear to him when we first met (this is my second marriage) that my horses took up a lot of my time and he needed to be ok with that. Early on he went almost everywhere with me. Now, almost 14 years later, he is still very supportive but he doesn't come along. He never gets angry because I spend alot of time with my horses. I do, however, make an effort at least one weekday to just feed and go home (I do self care boarding) so I can spend some time with him.

I've been married to a non-horse guy for 14 years.  We do have separate accounts, so that helps. lol  But he doesn't travel with me, he doesn't do chores, but also doesn't get grumpy when I have to do those things, or buy stuff (but he does ask how many saddles, bits, etc, do 2 horses need! )   But he does his thing when I'm barrel racing and doesn't get too worked up about it.  He also doesn't get worked up when I have to go give equine massages (2nd business).  I told my husband on our first date almost 18 years ago that my horses were #1.  He understood that, although sometimes I don't think he believed me...but he learned. lol 

That being said, your fellow sounds like he wants to be pretty controlling.  I wonder if it's not because he just wants someone to wait on him hand and foot and take care of the kid so he doesn't have to.  He doesn't sound like he's real nice about making you feel bad about doing the one thing you love either.   The fear part may be genuine for himself, but he's trying to use it on you to make you change your mind about horses.  

I'd move on. There are many more fish out there that are supportive and nice. 

Edit to add, I didn't read far enough to see he had a 13mo and a dead SO.  That's very, very sad, but I'm guessing what I stated was true, he wants help caring for a baby.  He also probably has an innate fear of losing another SO to an accident.  So while leaving may be hard, I would...or enter into counseling with him so that he gets some help dealing with his life situation. 

Move on Sister.  Too many red flags.  He will not support your passion, in the end you dont want to hear "Its me or the horses"  My Ex said that to me.  Notice I said "EX" lesson learned.  When you find the right guy you wont have the red flags.  Horsey person or not.