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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
 
| I am saying this with respect, not ridicule. You have a man that is willing to work. You need to find happiness within yourself and not depend on him for it. Hugs. |
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 Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family. |
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  Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | Everyone has been so nice on here. I cannot be which is unusual for me. I am going to say what I think some others would like to say but just haven't.
You need to be really ashamed of yourself! You just don't get it. You need to pray and thank God everyday for all the blessings you have to include a husband most women would take in a heartbeat. I guess I have seen some of the really bad things that come in a marriage through the years and wish I could do it over with someone like your husband. You probably need to move on in your life and find somebody that is not willing to work so hard and spend more time catering to you.
I apologize for my rant but I couldn't help myself. |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time. |
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Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 7:13 PM
ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time.
why do you think the husband is paying for all that and not the wife? I wonder what the $ for the promotion is being spent on though...how do you know it isnt strip clubs? Or "boy toys"?
Honestly if I was in the same situation I would not mind at all.I think it is nice, really, that the wife is so interested in spending more time with her husband. |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | ninaom - 2014-07-13 8:07 PM
HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 7:13 PM
ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time.
why do you think the husband is paying for all that and not the wife? I wonder what the $ for the promotion is being spent on though...how do you know it isnt strip clubs? Or "boy toys"?
Honestly if I was in the same situation I would not mind at all.I think it is nice, really, that the wife is so interested in spending more time with her husband.
Pure conjecture....we don't know. It's easy to insinuate that kind of thing.
Maybe he has a drug problem? Maybe it's prostitutes? Maybe it's gambling? He is a man, after all, so many decide he's up to no good.
All I know is what the OP shared....a scenario where there's a marriage where there's already been stress and strife. A husband who decides to accept this position that is a promotion, requiring more work and stress, in return for the advancement and better pay. The guy hasn't been working long hours and has been showing signs of stress at home. My point of all of this is, as a man, from the outside looking in, on a forum frequented by 99% women, I'm a little tired of the husband-bashing, especially where I have a hard time commiserating, given the circumstances. I like what SHR ranch said....that a lot of women would give anything for a husband who is willing to work hard. I also find it refreshing to see that there are a lot of women willing to share stories about similar stories from earlier years in their marriage. What I see in those instances is a lot of gratitude and recognition that both the husband and wife suffered and sacrificed a great deal, but in the end, their marriage was strengthened because of it. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something.
You need hugs, prayers and the gumption to kick him to the curb. |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| sorrel horse ranch - 2014-07-13 4:46 PM
Everyone has been so nice on here. I cannot be which is unusual for me. I am going to say what I think some others would like to say but just haven't.
You need to be really ashamed of yourself! You just don't get it. You need to pray and thank God everyday for all the blessings you have to include a husband most women would take in a heartbeat. I guess I have seen some of the really bad things that come in a marriage through the years and wish I could do it over with someone like your husband. You probably need to move on in your life and find somebody that is not willing to work so hard and spend more time catering to you.
I apologize for my rant but I couldn't help myself.
Thank you SHR.
To the OP, new positions are hard and it sounds like your husband is giving it his all to make things better for everyone. You should be proud to have someone willing to go the extra mile in order to provide for your family.
Never be mad at your husband for working.
That is advice given to me by my mother, and now I am passing it along.
Hang in there!
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 Voice of Reason
Location: NOT at Wal Mart | Sounds to me like a certain individual (I won't mention any names) just might be a member, if not CEO, of the he man women haters club. |
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Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | I see a woman who wants to spend more time with her husband and when she asks for that, is ignored. Of course we don't know how the promotion $ are being spent; hopefully it is something that will benefit them both. Would any of you really want a husband who would spend all his time working and ignore you? I know I am as happy as i? have ever been right now with my newly retired husband. I could hassle him to work more but ?i like him home :) It seems like this is a communication and respect problem. It has nothing to do with man bashing. I think some may be personalizing this a bit too much... |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | To me marriage is a partnership so hopefully he took your concerns seriously before taking a new job. I get what some are saying about be happy he is a hard worker. But there should be a happy medium in life as well. I've known of some super hard workers in life that only worked and never got to know their kids real well. I always kind of wondered what the point was. They could have worked just as hard as a single person and just gave some stranger the money to go to college. Same thing. LOL. I had a good friend that she lived in Oregon and her husband lived on the east coast somewhere. They saw each other 3 or 4 times a year. No kids. It worked for them but how many couples would that really work for? They both made good money though.There is no right or wrong answer but you both should figure out what your priorities are and see if they are compatible with each other. |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| WOW you people are rude. Pretty sure she asked what she would do to help change the situation not weather or not you want her husband because she doesn't deserve him or how horrible of a wife she is.
To the OP. Please skip a lot of these responses. I wish I could say I was surprised at what you got. I am sorry you are in this situation. It sounds like you want your happy together time back and stress from the new job has taken that away from him. I know it is hard to put a smile on your face when all you want to do is yell at him because he hurts your feelings. I have been there. Believe me. Honestly, I recommend finding out when he'll be off one evening and set up a date night of some sort where you don't leave the house but set something up out of the ordinary that is up his alley (dinner and beer outside just hanging out or fancy dressy dinner with the dining room all fancy) and get him home and enjoy and relax with him and sometime during the night after he has began to relax and enjoy tell him you want more nights like that and you miss having y'alls time. Don't gripe about the job because I think that might strike a cord. Make it about wanting to spend more time with him and relax and have fun again.
Best of luck. Sorry your thread went south. Some people just don't have very open minds. I do realize your not bashing him. |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| There should be more to life than being someone's husband/wife. What about what he wants? Maybe he desires to make a name for himself? Maybe this is the road to something bigger and better that will allow for more free time later?
I'd be snappy too if when I got home all I came home to was a pouty and whinny partner.
(I'm not bashing OP, I'm trying to help her see this in a different perspective.)
If he's burning the candle at both ends, it won't last long anyway.
I'm serious here, put a smile on your face and see how you can make this easier or one day all his hard work and money is going to go with him right out the door and not come back.
Food for thought. |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash. |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| LRQHS - 2014-07-15 4:06 AM I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash.
Dammit. HOT.COFFEE.EVERYWHERE. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | RidenFly - 2014-07-14 6:12 AM LRQHS - 2014-07-15 4:06 AM I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash. Dammit. HOT.COFFEE.EVERYWHERE.
"Back massage" |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | RidenFly - 2014-07-14 6:12 AM LRQHS - 2014-07-15 4:06 AM I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash. Dammit. HOT.COFFEE.EVERYWHERE.
Sorry :) |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | It may be the new position is more than he was told, or he may be adjusting to the workload.
Either way, it's important to try to shine it on when the other spouse is having a hard time. Try being nice. I bet he will be more understanding. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | DLV - 2014-07-12 5:41 PM we had our problems before this but now I totally resent him and find it very hard to even try to be positive or nice to him...... I need advice for those of you that have gone through similar situations as I am definitely not making any progress and find my self wanting to be away from him as much as possible.
Sorry, folks but I think "some" of you have missed this vital part of her original post......IMO, this present scenario is just the "icing on the cake"...... her statements give me the impression that she doesn't REALLY "want" to fix this problem or get over being mad and resentful about it....... |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 7:13 PM
ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time.
Funny you say that as I have actually sold my trailer, my horse and our truck just recently. I was sick of it being such a burden and wanted to have time to do other things and we wanted to pay off student loans which we did and not have a fair amount of money in the bank.... I have gone to about 5 shows in the past few months. We are remodeling our house and wanted to pay off loans so that was my sacrifice because he has also sacrified by not getting things he wants so I wanted it to be fair. I am not a spoiled person who does not appreciate my husband as you think. I have always worked very hard myself having a full time job since I was 13yrs old and all through college. I'd just rather have my husband then the extra money and I hate seeing him stressed. We'll get through it though I'm sure, just hard adjusting. I'm pretty low maintenance and do not require much money to survive. |
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