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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
   
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | T turning 3 - 2014-09-10 7:02 PM Following are the signs to look for before you get too caught up in a narcissist’s serving of egocentricity:Narcissistic Personality Disorder Checklist:___ They talk about themself and monopolizes the conversation.___ They never asks about me, or never listens when they do.___ They exaggerates achievements or talents; acts boastful or conceited. ___ They expects constant praise or adoration. ___ They disregard or diminishes my feelings.___ They are demanding of me but isn’t there for me.___ They always puts tthemself first.___ They has a sense of entitlement and becomes angry if not treated specially.___ They easily hurt and easily feels rejected; and can’t handle criticism.___ They have a fragile self-esteem but high self-confidence. ___ They think others are jealous of them.___ They envies others who are successful, attractive, or stylish.___They take advantage of others for his own gain.___ They wants to have the best of everything and is materialistic.If you can check off five or more statements above, you are dating a narcissistic personality.
They are very charming at first. They like suck you in. You can't stay married to someone like that... they will destroy you.
OBTW the womans multimillionaire boyfriend (Robert Stansworth Sandy Utah) comitted suicide a month after I met her. Then her current boyfriend (Mathew Judd Carter, Salt lake City) when I was loaning her money comitted suicide January 30 2014.
In laymans turns for Narcissistic they think their Sheet doesn't stink!
Edited by Douglas J Gordon 2014-09-11 7:48 AM
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | After doing divorces for almost 15 years now, all I can say is everybody usually has "their something" that was just the final straw for them and ultimately made up their mind. I don't think that people easily walk away from marriages today because I see how long it takes most of them to make that call to an attorney or even just come in for an initial appointment. I think that people fall too easily into incompatible relationships more than they walk away from them. Some things just can't be fixed and some people just don't work well together. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| Nateracer - 2014-09-10 4:25 PM
I'm not divorced, nor do I want to be, nor do I think my hubby wants to leave, but I will say this.
I think LOTS of people give up because the euphoric feeling of being "in love" leaves them. You have to work at it.  I'm not saying that people should have butterflies and giddyness their entire relationship, because the feeling of love changes. It becomes comfortable, like a good sweatshirt.  But sometimes that comfortable becomes too comfy, so you stop doing the little things and that's when the fire dies. When you ignore each other, of course the feelings die and then the resentment starts because you forgot what it feels like to work together, you feel like you are doing it all. You begin to hate having to ask, but you hate doing chores yourself too. Then you get too mad to even think about the bedroom. He's mad because you dried up. Downward sprial commences.
(I took Marriage 101 (seriously) psychology course in college. BEST class I think I ever had because SO much of it made sense! Â
I agree. Marriages are not easy. It requires maintenance. When that flame is low, its your job (on both sides) to put in 100%. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | When they constantly put you down especially when they start telling kids negative things about you. Physically abusive and preventing you from leaving your room. |
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 Wishing I were a Wildcat
Location: 'Hawk Country | T turning 3 - 2014-09-10 7:02 PM Following are the signs to look for before you get too caught up in a narcissist’s serving of egocentricity:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Checklist:
___ They talk about themself and monopolizes the conversation.
___ They never asks about me, or never listens when they do.
___ They exaggerates achievements or talents; acts boastful or conceited.
___ They expects constant praise or adoration.
___ They disregard or diminishes my feelings.
___ They are demanding of me but isn’t there for me.
___ They always puts tthemself first.
___ They has a sense of entitlement and becomes angry if not treated specially.
___ They easily hurt and easily feels rejected; and can’t handle criticism.
___ They have a fragile self-esteem but high self-confidence.
___ They think others are jealous of them.
___ They envies others who are successful, attractive, or stylish.
___They take advantage of others for his own gain.
___ They wants to have the best of everything and is materialistic.
If you can check off five or more statements above, you are dating a narcissistic personality.
They are very charming at first. They like suck you in. You can't stay married to someone like that... they will destroy you.
Dang! I can put a check by every one of these about my ex.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 507
Location: Lost in the corn of Iowa. | I was married for 9 years. The first half was great. But then he started not wanting to work and became just an ugly, bitter personality to be around. Never had a nice thing to say about anything. The day I knew it was over is when I walked in on him beating the kids. Beat me, belittle me but don't beat up a 9 yr old while her sister cries in the corner. I'm a firm believer in trying to the point of exhaustion but abuse is intolerable. To this day I don't think I'd stop to help him if he needed it.
ETA: That was my 2nd marriage. My first was when I was a teenager. Me and the father of both my girls decided that after 6 months it just wasn't meant to be. We were both 17 yrs old when we married. We fought at the end. So he wanted to split what little we had in half. I proceeded to take a chainsaw to EVERYTHING and then asked him what half was it that he exactly wanted?? He got to see the crazy that day. LOL!!! 
Edited by Girls_Gotta_Jet 2014-09-12 12:47 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 529
| T turning 3 - 2014-09-10 6:02 PM
Following are the signs to look for before you get too caught up in a narcissist’s serving of egocentricity:Narcissistic Personality Disorder Checklist:___ They talk about themself and monopolizes the conversation.___ They never asks about me, or never listens when they do.___ They exaggerates achievements or talents; acts boastful or conceited. ___ They expects constant praise or adoration. ___ They disregard or diminishes my feelings.___ They are demanding of me but isn’t there for me.___ They always puts tthemself first.___ They has a sense of entitlement and becomes angry if not treated specially.___ They easily hurt and easily feels rejected; and can’t handle criticism.___ They have a fragile self-esteem but high self-confidence. ___ They think others are jealous of them.___ They envies others who are successful, attractive, or stylish.___They take advantage of others for his own gain.___ They wants to have the best of everything and is materialistic.If you can check off five or more statements above, you are dating a narcissistic personality.
They are very charming at first. They like suck you in. You can't stay married to someone like that... they will destroy you. Â
Wow...I know a few barrel racers that fit this ....  |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 554
| I was with one for 15 years and he was everything on the list. I supported him which that type expect/demands and when the jerk left he told me I owed him 150k. I said heck no and go to H *LL. So he inherited daddy's money and blew 100k on a phat bimbo that cleaned him out in 3 months and gave a gift that keeps on giving of an STD. The sucker begged me to come back and I was like, "if I ever see you again in this lifetime or anyother lifetime it will be too soon" he belives in the reincarnation stuff. Been single ever since and happy and one narcissistc relationship is enough for me and it can and will mess u up. |
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 Wishing on a star
Posts: 7935
Location: Where if you don't like the weather...wait 5 mins! | I was young (25, in my mind that was young!) when I got married and am thankful that I had the people on this board when I decided to leave. It wasn't one thing...it was many things. It wasn't abuse or nasty, it just didn't feel right. I felt like I needed to be someone I wasn't. I needed to be more independant and not NEED him so much. And that wasn't going to happen staying with him. So I chose to go out on my own and had to start from literally scratch. I had my truck/trailer and one weanling that I ended up selling to pay for first/last/deposit on a place with 2 roommates that I didn't even know nor like. But I wanted out and that's what I had to do to get myself back.
My daughter became the most important thing to me and she deserved it. I have never remarried and really never had anyone in my life besides one guy for a 3 year period. I left 11 years ago.
I am single again, and have been for 2 years and have to say that it's easier than dealing with someone else's bs. My daughter is my world and she loves it that way and I do too.
I am able to be selfish, self centered and spend every last extra dollar on barrel racing, my daughter and the horses and nobody gets to complain to me about it! It's HEAVEN!!
But you have to be ready to be lonely from time to time, and realize that it's not the loneliness that is what is bothering you, it's thinking you NEED someone else to complete you, I have found that is really the problem. Now it can be said that my daughter is giving me false hope that I don't NEED anyone else. And they might be right. I hope to never see it that way and be content with my life as I have chosen to live it.
Good luck!
Edited by BrlRcrMT 2014-09-12 2:24 PM
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I don't want to get married after reading this thread  |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Not all husbands are bad. Mine is funny, strong, kind and loves to spoil me. I don't go crazy with spending but he never saids no, why I bought 2 Caldwell saddles this summer and am looking at a 5th horse. He doesn't dictate what I do, I don't run every purchase by him but out of respect, if I am going to spend $$ on saddles, horses, etc, I do get his OK. I adored him just as much when we were first married and dead broke the first 10 years of our marriage as I do now. I love being with him-never a dull moment.
I appreciate him every day.
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 Expert
Posts: 2135
Location: Somewhere else | Mine cheated but I've stayed. Have no choice. We get along but it's only a matter of time. I'll never get married again. My first and only marriage.
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-09-12 2:24 PM
I don't want to get married after reading this thread Â
Husbands aren't all bad. I'm married to my absolute best friend. He's hardworking, funny, gentle, and loving. He'd never hesitate to do anything for me or our two boys (2 years and 1 month). He is encouraging with my horses, rarely and quietly complains about the money I spend on them. He isn't controlling, but if I'm making a big decision, a decision about our boys, or going to spend a good chunk of money - I run it past him out of respect, and expect the same from him. He makes me laugh daily, we still have just as much fun as we did when we first started dating, I find him as attractive now as I did then (except his stupid mustache that I'd love to shave off in his sleep), and every year it has only gotten better.
Don't give up on the good men because of some unruly boys. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Too true, not all husbands are bad. My husband is perfect for me. Yes, I do need him- to be completely happy. If something were to happen to that man I would be devastated. My life would not be nearly as good without him. I do realize how unbelievably blessed I am. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| When he got Dengue Fever and I couldn't muster any feelings of worry. That sign came right after I took the kids to a family funeral trip without him. My grandpa (who raised me) had passed and my ex wasn't interested in going. In fact, he forbade me to go because the travel was too expensive. I went anyway and was gone for a month. I didn't miss him a bit.
Of course, there were obviously issues prior, but those were my lightbulb moments.
ETA: I am remarried for 7 years now. I miss him when he's gone for 15 minutes.
Edited by HorseMommyFiveO 2014-09-12 4:07 PM
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| farmer's tan - 2014-09-12 3:51 PM rowdy256 - 2014-09-12 2:12 PM I was with one for 15 years and he was everything on the list. I supported him which that type expect/demands and when the jerk left he told me I owed him 150k. I said heck no and go to H *LL. So he inherited daddy's money and blew 100k on a phat bimbo that cleaned him out in 3 months and gave a gift that keeps on giving of an STD. Been single ever since and happy and one narcissistc relationship is enough for me and it can and will mess u up. My Ex blew over a $million on his new "ride" (her horse, trailer, pickup, entry fees, diesel etc ) but it took her a little over 3 years to go through it. And I could only hope that she gave him a "gift" like yours got. They are BOTH narcissists--he loved that he was responsible for her rise to fame-and she definately took advantage of it!! She now keeps him on a leash, and has two more Daddy Warbucks as well. GOOD RIDDANCE -- and nope, I will NEVER go down the aisle again. No, I don't think all men/husbands are bad, I know some good ones. I just think I'm too exhausted after the last one to try--as rowdy said once is enough!
Men can be so stupid. |
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boon
Posts: 2
| hoofs_in_motion - 2014-09-12 2:24 PM
I don't want to get married after reading this thread Â
Just because someone else's marriage didn't work out doesn't mean they all won't work.
I was dead set I was going to marry the love of my life in he was everything i wanted...& then, He started ignoring phone calls, stayed out all night, had me convinced horses & rodeo was nothing but an out for Wh*res to be Wh*ores on the road & had a real big problem verbally abusing me. I sold my horses, trailer & moved into a fancy house away from my family. He had a piece of chit phone & left it laying on the table. It went off and came back on with the photo gallery open...boy was that a surprise. I started slowly planning on how i was going to leave. . One morning i left for work & by 6pm that night I had all my stuff packed & I was gone before he ever knew what hit him. Not sure whatever became of his side jobs....didn't even get their names. lol
At first, I had it in my mind that man robbed me of everything I was made my life H3LL. BUT after being alone for YEARS. I met a guy in 2009 through a mutual friend...ran from him for few years lol i didn't want to go through that crap again. Finally gave in & went on a date with him. made it official in 2012. 2013 he asked me to marry him at a rodeo. got married 5 months later. I have horses coming out of my ears, he's my biggest fan, Rodeo is OUR life. We have a BEAUTIFUL child (not biologically his) but he claims her & loves her more than life itself. God is so good & he sent me my loving man I just had to weed through the crappy ones first.
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | How do you just find a job and a place to live? I have 2 young boys. And put up with a HELL of a lot of $hit because I am just not sure how to make it work. Had my own job, loved it, but it was never enough. If I could just find that job that would cover the cost of living and a fixer upper... |
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| When your husband is seen at a Wal-mart with another woman, in the middle of the day when you think hes at would be a good warning sign. |
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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| When his jabs and lack of attention no longer hurt me and I realized that I had been the only one actually in the marriage for 25 years.....he had spent all of his time pushing me away and waiting for me to leave. He finally shouted at me that he was moving out and wanted a divorce. I quietly replied "OK, your stuff will be here when you are ready for it." No tears, no begging, I was done.
He then shouted "Do you want to go to counseling!!!" and I quietly replied "yes". (we had actually been a couple of times over the years where he sat with folded arms and never said a word). This time he was ready to participate...I think that me NOT fighting scared him (we did not fight until the 2 of those 25 years).
That was over 10 years ago. While our marriage is not perfect, it is MUCH better than it was.
Sometimes not giving up after you have given up works. |
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