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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
 
| Me and my daughter talked about custody yesterday on way to open arena. She said can I live with you. And I said how about living with both of us maybe every other week with me then her. She will be going to college soon. Will a judge agree to this if we do? Have joint custody and neither pay child support. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Its called a "rule 11 agreement" judges will go with what is signed and agreed upon by both parties. You will need an attorney to help you with the paperwork to ensure it is done correctly. You also mentioned being worried about filing and looking bad, if she is agreeable she can sign a "waiver of service" which means she won't be served by a process server saving you $ and her embarrassment. She will go to the attorney office and basically pick up her papers.
Edited by firewaterfuelsme 2015-01-02 12:12 PM
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  Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | You can red line my comment. That's ok with me but read all comments.you haven't a lawyer yet. Your willing to get a lawyer and go to battle that's cool. The first sentence out of your lawyers mouth will be to sell everything and split 50-50. Both of you will disagree and one lawyer will recommend the the round robbin in which who ever bloodiest the other one first looses the house.you asked how to make it easy. I told you Walk away with dignity intact and a friendship with your wife and family. Whom you married to honor and cherish till death do you part.as a man you can start over easily without having to pay lawyer fees which will be more than a down payment on better property. But what do I know I've always been a nobody. Good luck get a lawyer. KyAGB. |
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Porta Potty Pants
Posts: 2600
| Red Raider - 2015-01-02 12:00 PM
strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:55 AM I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
I've practiced family law for over 13 years now and this is what I can tell you. Nobody in that courtroom really cares who filed first and all the typical little things that envitably make up the many reasons why any normal couple seeks a divorce. You are one of many people who will file now and probably into March because you've (1) made it past the holiday season to have one last "family" get together before the big break and/or (2) your tax return is coming in and you finally have the money to file and hire someone. Barring some bad abuse, criminal acts or other atypical stuff -- you are just one of many people who have had enough and want to move on with their life and make it better for everybody involved. It's sad but reality and everybody involved in the process just really wants to help you achieve that goal.
What does the judge care about? Honestly the best divorces are the ones they hear the least about because it involves the parties pretty much working stuff out on their own and involving the court on a minimum basis. Judges love to see people work together to take care of their own business and issues.
Those are my favorite divorces too because I know those people will probably have the healthiest relationships down the road when their kids are growing up and they start having families of their own. Nasty divorces are painful for even the attorneys to deal with and honestly, we actually really hate having to deal with them because not even we win. I don't practice family law for just the money (it would never be enough) and a bad divorce even sucks away part of my own soul -- so much that now I don't take them anymore because you can't pay me enough to deal with all the drama that two people who want to "take each other to the cleaners" can cause. I made that decision when I wasted two hours of my own life trying to work with another attorney on getting two early 20-ish "kids" to agree on who would get the Christmas lights and waterhoses in their divorce. It was the only thing we couldn't agree on.
Right now you are in the most stressful part of the divorce because you are in no-man's land concerning on what's going to happen and distrust in the future between what your wife wants to do and what you want to have happen. When you don't know what the other side wants and why, it's not easy to deal with them and makes each side get up-in-arms over what might happen.
My best advice is to talk to an attorney and probably not the most expensive one out there or even the one who has the most posh law office on the corner. Find someone who really cares about their clients and helping you keep your relationships as civil as you can. Sometimes a fixed fee is better than hourly rate billing because the attorney knows they have to turn things around and get an agreement within so much work time. People laugh when I say that most divorce attorneys really work on getting people to agree and try not to rock the boat if it's not necessary. We are the ones working on a fixed fee and the more you fight, the more that eats into our bottom line and time spent on you in our office. We love it when we can get a couple to agree on the majority, if not all, of their issues.
Know what your options are and if your attorney agrees, it may be a good thing to just sit down with your wife and let her know what you want. I've seen "bad divorces" completely lose all of their steam with one conversation in which the parties actually talk instead of upping the fear factor on what they might do or could do to each other. You may have never been able to agree on things as husband and wife but start seeing and talking about each other as parents instead -- ones who can work things out because it's a whole new ballgame between you two.
You're welcome to PM me if you have any questions and think I might be able to help. Good luck.
What Red Raider said … and that is also why I don't practice family law anymore either … it can be heartbreaking to have a client insist on something you've advised them they are not going to get! Try try try to work things out and when you come to something you can't work out - ask yourself if you are fighting just to fight or if there is truly something there. I've seen people fight over Wal-Mart silverware! Seriously.
Edited by azsun 2015-01-02 12:44 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split. |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
 
Location: Where I am happiest | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
Or if you want to keep the house and stay there, you can offer to "Buy her half out" . Get an appraisel done and take a loan out for 1/2 the value. Then she gets her "half" and you can keep your property and place for your daughter and her horses. |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
I thought that Cow Pie was your wife for a second. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I think it would be best to sell and move. That would be fair for everyone.
LRQHS that was funny I needed a laugh. Thanks |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | You're welcome :)
I would want to sell and move on too. I'd even go so far as to buy a piece of land and live in the LQ of a trailer if I had to for a bit. The rebuilding could be very good for your soul. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | ThreeCorners - 2015-01-02 1:06 PM
strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
Or if you want to keep the house and stay there, you can offer to "Buy her half out" . Get an appraisel done and take a loan out for 1/2 the value. Then she gets her "half" and you can keep your property and place for your daughter and her horses.
Consult an Attorney!!!!!!
What state you live in has a lot to do with the outcome!!!!
I would not want to have to start over with a new place, as it has taken this long to
get what I have (to enjoy) because if it takes me this long again, I will be too old to enjoy it!!!!! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL |
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL
 I like your daughter already! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL
Well, I felt it was premature to mention, but when you're ready, we'd be happy to write up your profile and screen potential dates for you  |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | DO NOT trade 'stuff' for freedom and custody. Be fair to her but BE FAIR TO YOURSELF also. Call three lawyers today and set up initial meetings, then decide which one fits you best. File as quickly as you can, it starts the clock and sets the evaluation date for bank accounts that mysteriously disappear when divorce happens. Move 1/2 the money into a separate account now. Don't trust a future ex-wife that has told others she is getting a divorce, especially since she told your daughter. Get it over with a quick as you can. Dragging it on will hurt everyone, especially the daughter who will be put in the middle, whether she really is or she just feels that way.
My point of view here comes from being the same teenage daughter and the divorced one later on in life. I love both my parents but my dad let my mom steamroll him because he thought she would be fair. I also chose to live with my dad and it was TOUGH to keep what was left even with both of us working. My dad was like most men and just wanted what was easiest and didn't fight over the material things.
My adult POV comes from believing we were having an amicable divorce and custody agreement, the one we had been talking about for a year just waiting for him to find a place to move.......... right up until he got mad about something insignificant and then he went full combat on me, hired an additional lawyer (the nasty one here in this twon), and blindsided me. He cleaned the bank accounts out the day after he filed, got phony appraisals filed with the court, devalued 'his' assets, inflated 'my' assets, got a court order for me to move in 10 days and yet still pay all the household bills. (I earned 2x more than he.) The list goes on. I don't care how 'amicable' the divorce is, protect yourself enough to keep things equal.
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| LRQHS - 2015-01-02 1:07 PM
strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
I thought that Cow Pie was your wife for a second.
OMGawd you are funny |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | LRQHS - 2015-01-02 1:32 PM strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL Well, I felt it was premature to mention, but when you're ready, we'd be happy to write up your profile and screen potential dates for you
Oh...NOOOOOOO....Run, Strawfly......RUN ! ! ! ! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I REALLY, REALLY APRECIATE all the advice, it's not everyday you get steamrolled with this kind of news.
LRQHS let's wait a little while on the dating profile LOL |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:42 PM I REALLY, REALLY APRECIATE all the advice, it's not everyday you get steamrolled with this kind of news. LRQHS let's wait a little while on the dating profile LOL
Rats :( |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | ACEINTHEHOLE - 2015-01-02 1:31 PM strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL I like your daughter already!
Me too!!!  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| LRQHS when I do decide to date again you will be the 1st to know so you can screen dates for me LOL
I garuntee you they will love and ride horses as much as I do or it's a deal breaker. Lol |
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