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 Porta Potty Pants
Posts: 2600
  
| my 2 cents .. for what its worth … and I didn't read all the comments:
He's stil somewhat emotionally vested in this girl - even if "just for fun". Two things about the arrest a friend or whatever its called - by having her arrested - what message is he sending her? If she's still attached to him and calling/texting - he's telling her she's still important to him in some manner. SHe may interpret this as there still being a chance. Second, what is he telling you … the same thing. If he can't see that, then there is a problem IMHO. He should be respectful of his new relationship with you and not do anything that might be perceived by anyone outside the relationship (like your board buddies) as inappropriate.
They may have to work together and requires professional courtesy and nothing more. They don't need to have contact outside work or contact at work for other than work reasons.
Are you jealous - maybe - do you need professional help? I don't know … it could be your female intuition in play here. |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
 
Location: Texas | If I were you, I would walk away and not look back. It's been a month. You don't have enough invested to worry and stress this much. And if you do that in a relationship, it's NOT a healthy relationship.
They've been on and off for 3 years. Their pattern is established. They called it quits about 3.5 months ago. The two of them calling/texting/arresting stuff tells me that it is NOT over. To me, it sounds more like they are in the part of their cycle when it's "off". By maintaining the communication, the door is still open for the cycle to go back to them being "on."
If your family is suspicious, that is just another reason to walk away. They don't like to see their loved ones mistreated and that is what they are seeing. It may not be in their faces, but there are enough red flags pointing to inappropriate behavior that they don't need physical proof.
Until this guy and his ex have broken the cycle, you're setting yourself up to be hurt and used. Their relationship isn't over. I'd bet a lot of money that they'll get back together again.
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | TessBelle - 2015-04-12 11:37 PM We have had some long talks yesterday and today. After reading y'all's post and talking to him. It comes down more to me being jealous and over reacting. He admired he shouldn't have done what he did but he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it and he realizes that it didn't look good but he said he didn't think about that at the time. Were not going to give up yet. And I'm going to work on my jealousy issues. It has nothing to do with him. I've always been jealious about everything not just this.
What a nice job he did convincing you that it was your fault....... and if you believe this.......you are being "played"......
he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it |
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What Name?
Posts: 1994
| aggiejudger - 2015-04-13 2:26 PM If I were you, I would walk away and not look back. It's been a month. You don't have enough invested to worry and stress this much. And if you do that in a relationship, it's NOT a healthy relationship.
They've been on and off for 3 years. Their pattern is established. They called it quits about 3.5 months ago. The two of them calling/texting/arresting stuff tells me that it is NOT over. To me, it sounds more like they are in the part of their cycle when it's "off". By maintaining the communication, the door is still open for the cycle to go back to them being "on."
If your family is suspicious, that is just another reason to walk away. They don't like to see their loved ones mistreated and that is what they are seeing. It may not be in their faces, but there are enough red flags pointing to inappropriate behavior that they don't need physical proof.
Until this guy and his ex have broken the cycle, you're setting yourself up to be hurt and used. Their relationship isn't over. I'd bet a lot of money that they'll get back together again.
Agree 100%.
Let me tell you something about human instincts. Even when emotions are involved they're normally accurate. DO NOT let him twist this to make you feel bad. If you have to ask for an outside opinion then you are not okay with it, and it will continue to bother you. Also... I personaly don't think being jealous is a bad thing when it's minor like this. But then, it's normally my first red flag. If I feel jealous, then I don't trust him, if I don't trust him... adios. |
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| NJJ - 2015-04-13 2:53 PM
TessBelle - 2015-04-12 11:37 PM We have had some long talks yesterday and today. After reading y'all's post and talking to him. It comes down more to me being jealous and over reacting. He admired he shouldn't have done what he did but he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it and he realizes that it didn't look good but he said he didn't think about that at the time. Were not going to give up yet. And I'm going to work on my jealousy issues. It has nothing to do with him. I've always been jealious about everything not just this.
What a nice job he did convincing you that it was your fault....... and if you believe this.......you are being "played"......he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it
Exactly right... he convinced you its your problem. My ex husband did this to me alot.. even when we were dating, wish I knew then what I know now. On one of our "dates" he took me to a motorcycle race .. his thing, not mine but I went anyway. While I got up to go use the restroom he called his ex wife to tell her who was winning the race... I found out a few weeks after our date he did this because his ex wife told a mutual friend when I confronted him he blew up at me calling me jealous and totally ridiculous. I bought into it. Well married him anyway and after 6 years of marriage he left me and the kids for a gal at work.... found out too he had been cheating on me for 3 years. I never questioned anything because he was so manipulative he always made me feel like I was being overly paranoid... very VERY well played... that chapter of my life is behind me now 5 years and I'm happily remarried... had I paid attention and took notice of those red flags would have saved me a ton of heartache and drama! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 999
Location: Sunny So Cal | Woah! Sounds like a little bit of a hot mess going on. There is no way there should be that much drama going on in the first month. He should be crazy about you! Not still talking to his ex. Plus December is not that long since he was dating her. Sounds like he needs more time to think and you need to be young, wild and free! You can give him more time if you want but if it was me I would be long gone. I want someone I can have fun with and not worry about. Don't need one I have to babysit. What makes him so special you are sticking around? |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| want2chase3 - 2015-04-13 3:38 PM NJJ - 2015-04-13 2:53 PM TessBelle - 2015-04-12 11:37 PM We have had some long talks yesterday and today. After reading y'all's post and talking to him. It comes down more to me being jealous and over reacting. He admired he shouldn't have done what he did but he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it and he realizes that it didn't look good but he said he didn't think about that at the time. Were not going to give up yet. And I'm going to work on my jealousy issues. It has nothing to do with him. I've always been jealious about everything not just this. What a nice job he did convincing you that it was your fault....... and if you believe this.......you are being "played"......
he said it was all for fun and he seriously meant nothing by it Exactly right... he convinced you its your problem. My ex husband did this to me alot.. even when we were dating, wish I knew then what I know now. On one of our "dates" he took me to a motorcycle race .. his thing, not mine but I went anyway. While I got up to go use the restroom he called his ex wife to tell her who was winning the race... I found out a few weeks after our date he did this because his ex wife told a mutual friend when I confronted him he blew up at me calling me jealous and totally ridiculous. I bought into it. Well married him anyway and after 6 years of marriage he left me and the kids for a gal at work.... found out too he had been cheating on me for 3 years. I never questioned anything because he was so manipulative he always made me feel like I was being overly paranoid... very VERY well played... that chapter of my life is behind me now 5 years and I'm happily remarried... had I paid attention and took notice of those red flags would have saved me a ton of heartache and drama!
Kick him to the curb and don't waste time on guys like this, you will miss the good ones. With a little age and maturity you will look back and realize what a jerk he is. |
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What Name?
Posts: 1994
| Cowgirl Kat - 2015-04-13 3:46 PM Woah! Sounds like a little bit of a hot mess going on. There is no way there should be that much drama going on in the first month. He should be crazy about you! Not still talking to his ex. Plus December is not that long since he was dating her. Sounds like he needs more time to think and you need to be young, wild and free! You can give him more time if you want but if it was me I would be long gone. I want someone I can have fun with and not worry about. Don't need one I have to babysit. What makes him so special you are sticking around?
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 Roan On The Range
Posts: 7889
Location: Stephenville, TX | Girl, you bein' played! He's got you convinced that you've got jealously issues and his ex-girl is just crazy...classic player move.
I'd take a step back and tell him to resolve his issues with the other girl before going any further with him. Don't wait for him to take action, just tell him what's up and move on with your life. He'll either clean up his act and ask you back (if so, proceed with caution), take up with the ex full time, or find a new girl to replace you as the side-piece.
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | Cowgirl Kat - 2015-04-13 3:46 PM
Woah! Sounds like a little bit of a hot mess going on. There is no way there should be that much drama going on in the first month. He should be crazy about you! Not still talking to his ex. Plus December is not that long since he was dating her. Sounds like he needs more time to think and you need to be young, wild and free! You can give him more time if you want but if it was me I would be long gone. I want someone I can have fun with and not worry about. Don't need one I have to babysit. What makes him so special you are sticking around?
Sent you a PM. |
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | I didn't say this earlier. Maybe I should have. He hasn't say anything remotely close to trying to make me feel like I'm being overly jealious. My best friend is the one who started that and got me to thinking that I was just being jealious. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | MissouriJen - 2015-04-11 1:37 AM IThis is perfect for your thread and the one I just posted!
Hopefully I can get it to lad from my tablet...well shoot it won't load. It said: When a man wants to be with you, he'll be with you. Period. There won't be any excuses, shadiness, drama or uncertainty.
yep |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | TessBelle - 2015-04-13 10:13 PM I didn't say this earlier. Maybe I should have. He hasn't say anything remotely close to trying to make me feel like I'm being overly jealious. My best friend is the one who started that and got me to thinking that I was just being jealious.
QUIT making excuses for him.......even IF ( and I said IF) you are too jealous....he is "playing" you.....he KNOWS that you don't want him to have contact with his ex and HE DOES IT ANYWAY............WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES! |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Sorry but you don't need a man around to make you happy. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | He sounds like my brother!! My brother is a good young man but he is going to do what he wants at this point in his life. He dated one girl for a year BUT during this year he was also dating another girl he worked with. He got caught when the first girl friend came to his newly purchased home to surprise him with a house warming gift. The other girl was there helping decorate. He told both he is not married to either and if they didn't like it move on, they did and he is dating someone else now!! My mother gets on him but he says he is going to live his life and he is not ready to be married period! The guy you are dating sounds like he is not really ready to be serious 100%. To be honest it doesn't sound like you are ether, Live your life girl!! Being single is the best time of your life!!!!! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 623
Location: /ARKANSAS | I drive 5 0 miles to work and I have been thinking about jealousy, a horrible, unnecessary emotion...but is there anyone who doen't have it? I am eaten up with jealousy, courtesy of husband number one. I had decided to ask my peeps on BHW about this, and then magically it is already on here. I want to not be jealous!!!If a man makes me jealous I want to drop him like a hot potato...is this rational, are there men out there that are worth the trust you want to have in them. Mine is out on a trail ride 100 miles away with a bunch of old girl friends, went dancing last night with old girl friends, I am working and raising a 17 year old grandson and a runaway girl friend and working everyday, I have to work!  |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| fastwrapn3 - 2015-04-14 9:26 AM
I drive 5 0 miles to work and I have been thinking about jealousy, a horrible, unnecessary emotion...but is there anyone who doen't have it? I am eaten up with jealousy, courtesy of husband number one. I had decided to ask my peeps on BHW about this, and then magically it is already on here. I want to not be jealous!!!If a man makes me jealous I want to drop him like a hot potato...is this rational, are there men out there that are worth the trust you want to have in them. Mine is out on a trail ride 100 miles away with a bunch of old girl friends, went dancing last night with old girl friends, I am working and raising a 17 year old grandson and a runaway girl friend and working everyday, I have to work!
Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. In its original meaning, jealousy is distinct from envy, though the two terms have popularly become synonymous in the English language, with jealousy now also taking on the definition originally used for envy alone. Jealousy is a typical experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months and older.[1][2][3][4] Some claim that jealousy is seen in every culture;[5][6][7] however, others claim jealousy is a culture-specific phenomenon.[8]
I put this definition in as I haven't felt jealous in any relationship I have been in, but definitely felt insecure at times, I have felt anxiety when things started going haywire. I have felt helpless at times, as I couldn't fix certain things, and I have felt anger.
I believe if someone feels jealous, one must stop and actually figure out what emotions they are actually feeling (see above definition) then speak to a professional and develop coping skills to handle those emotions.
As for relationships, I have learned there isn't much I can do when a relationship goes south, I cannot change the other persons mind, and all I can do it prevent negativity from consuming me.
As for the person I quoted, how is the man making you jealous, you can pm me if you don't want to share.
Myself, I use each personal experience as a growing experience, what I can do differently, what went well, what didn't, I focus on the positive, even if the other person did me wrong, I try to get rid of the negative energy.
Yes having someone cheat on you, it does take time to trust someone, and the most difficult part is leaving that baggage at the door. Yes there are men that are worth the trust. I always give people the benefit of trust, until they give me a reason not to trust.
Hope this helps break down the jealousy to expose the feelings you are actually feeling, figure out why you are feeling those feelings, then develop a plan to change those negative feelings into positive ones |
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What Name?
Posts: 1994
| fastwrapn3 - 2015-04-14 9:26 AM I drive 5 0 miles to work and I have been thinking about jealousy, a horrible, unnecessary emotion...but is there anyone who doen't have it? I am eaten up with jealousy, courtesy of husband number one. I had decided to ask my peeps on BHW about this, and then magically it is already on here. I want to not be jealous!!!If a man makes me jealous I want to drop him like a hot potato...is this rational, are there men out there that are worth the trust you want to have in them. Mine is out on a trail ride 100 miles away with a bunch of old girl friends, went dancing last night with old girl friends, I am working and raising a 17 year old grandson and a runaway girl friend and working everyday, I have to work!
ETA: I'm not really the jealous type... and there are some men I would trust naked in a room full of belly dancers because they were so devoted to me. But if you doubt him... and he's on a trail ride with exes, when dancing with exes (probably drinking with exes) I'd say heck to the no on that one. He'd be out the door.
You can tell when a man will be loyal to you. You won't think about questioning it when it's real. Our moral compasses are general right where mistrust is concerned.
Edited by americanpride08 2015-04-14 10:26 AM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 623
Location: /ARKANSAS | Wow! That was great, I had thought about getting bio-feed tapes and use those to feel like I am enough. I am a nurse practitioner, revived a relationship from 10 years ago. He is a gentleman, good listener, and women tend to love him and he has more women friends than men. You did a really good job of taking the twist out of my stomach. I keep telling myself that he is the one that came looking for me, if he had other interests why look me up? |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | "A good man won't give you a reason to be jealous"
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Folks on-line