|
|
 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
 
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-30 11:26 AM ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 2:23 PM casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
OP, this is just getting worse. Stop while you're ahead. |
|
| |
|
 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 11:21 AM people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
I'm not really going to leave him over this.
But I have tried to communicate with him about this sort of thing before. I constantly talk about how I hate when random people show up at the barn, & just go & play with my mini pigs & in this instance go & mess around with my horses.
He literally does NOT want to hear it... I tried to communicate calmy & he just continues with "this conversation is over" & that's all he has to say.
I'm 24, hes 25. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 372
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:39 PM
So yesterday, I got off work at 4:00, I had been house sitting at my moms house, but it was the last day so I was cleaning up my stuff. I picked up dinner for myself & my fiance on the other side of town (30-40 min drive home).
Anyway, as I am driving home, a friend of mine sent me a screen shot from Instagram of a random girl riding MY HORSE. It was in her paddock with a random rope around her face, not even her halter!
Then ANOTHER girl posted a picture while riding my horse. I DO NOT KNOW EITHER OF THESE GIRLS!
Turns out my fiance decided it was okay to pony them around on my horse (which mind you, I have asked him NOT to do MULTIPLE times)
My horse is NOT toy, my animals are NOT a zoo, and I just really don't appreciate the fact he DID NOT ASK ME, DID NOT TELL ME when I got home, until I brought it up.
I am feeling very disrespected. My fiance knows about horses, my horse is NOT beginner broke. I have been able to give lessons on her in the past, but with MY SUPERVISION. I know my horse, he doesn't. He says that I am being psycho & overly dramatic, but I feel as though I have been violated.
Dump him.
life is to short for disrespectin
|
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
More RED flags here.
Why do people settle for less than wonderful? It's out there. Wait for it. I wish I had...but at least I found it eventually. My problem was...I thought it didn't exist and settled for something so much less. Don't make that mistake. |
|
| |
|
 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 10:49 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
That makes sense. It also sounds quite different from your previous post. |
|
| |
|
 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:29 PM
hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 11:21 AM people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
I'm not really going to leave him over this.
But I have tried to communicate with him about this sort of thing before. I constantly talk about how I hate when random people show up at the barn, & just go & play with my mini pigs & in this instance go & mess around with my horses.
He literally does NOT want to hear it... I tried to communicate calmy & he just continues with "this conversation is over" & that's all he has to say.
I'm 24, hes 25.
So here's a question..
Do y'all live together? Are all of your animals where you live? If they are there, and it's his place too.. it's hard to tell him not to bring people over.
Likewise, when y'all do get married, if you aren't living together now, you will be once you get married. What happens then when he wants company over and all your animals are at your shared place? |
|
| |
|
 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | TXBO - 2015-10-29 11:31 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 10:49 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
How so? Because I said I'd be pis$ed? Because I said it "better not happen again"? Things can be said without being rude. But I will make sure my point is taken seriously. |
|
| |
|
 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12704
| I would definitely have a discussion with many points:
Legal responsibility/liability - even tho most states have passed equine liability laws to favor the horse owner, it does not stop lawsuits from being filed and having to respond to them, which can be nearly as expensive as, say, a broken leg or two. Point out to him that if you are not there to supervise the use/riding of your horse then has assumed that responsibility if anything untoward should happen.
Respect for your property - no matter if animated or not, your property is yours and not his to share as he sees fit. One layer deeper is that this is animate property known to have the capability of great harm and damage to humans (see above).
And also - Your horse can also be hurt if mishandled, creating bills that you would have to pay to heal the horse. Another part your dude needs to know he's accepting responsibility for if he disrespects you by using your horse without your supervision.
My hubb will let people pet my horses over a fence if I'm not there and that's it. He has seen the damage a horse can do to both people and property and knows how fast a horse can go from asleep to raging horse monster. I never have even had to talk to him about this. We own a horse that is so bomb proof that I will let anyone willing to hop on him. He rides to a riders ability - including just standing still if the rider can't tell him to move or turn. Even with that horse he wouldn't have someone ride without me there to supervise. Even the Boy could accidentally trip or fall, or some outrageously out-of-the-blue thing could happen to finally rattle him.
|
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 12:53 PM
Hold on.........I think some people need to stop and reconsider telling the OP to look for a different fiancee.
While it was wrong of him to allow it....doesn't mean she needs to leave him for it!!! I would just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know in a respectable manner how you feel about it.
I think him calling her a psycho and telling her she was over dramatic is a red flag. He should have consulted her and should have apologized. |
|
| |
|
| It sounds as if he is very immature, (and not respectful of you) and really the more you say the worse the whole relationship thing sounds. I'm not saying dump him but I hope you give him some time to do some growing up before you totally hook your wagon to him.
Good luck. |
|
| |
|
 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | How horse savy is he?
The fact that this has happened before, and he ignored your wishes......BIG RED FLAG! No way would I tolerate that kind of lack of respect. It points to so many other issues, he would be gone.
If you do decide to marry him, just remember that everything will be both of yours....not 'mine' & 'his'. Do you live together? |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | Yes, we live together. We live on his family's property & that's where my horses are as well. I guess I just grew up with the "don't touch anything" type of thing. I just don't get how they think because I have the animals there, that they are a free for all. After I went off my fiancé told me he will completely ignore my horses 100%, they do not exist anymore to him. I guess that's how it has to be then since he can't just agree to the simply no one rides them. |
|
| |
|
 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | ndcowgirl - 2015-10-29 1:39 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 12:53 PM Hold on.........I think some people need to stop and reconsider telling the OP to look for a different fiancee.
While it was wrong of him to allow it....doesn't mean she needs to leave him for it!!! I would just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know in a respectable manner how you feel about it.
I think him calling her a psycho and telling her she was over dramatic is a red flag. He should have consulted her and should have apologized.
We don't. We are getting one side coming from her. I think they both need to grow up and learn a bit more respect for each other. I don't agree with the fact that he is allowing people to ride her horses, but I wouldn't cause a huge scene over it with my SO. But i'm a completely different person
Edited by hoofs_in_motion 2015-10-29 1:56 PM
|
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1037
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:53 PM
Yes, we live together. We live on his family's property & that's where my horses are as well. I guess I just grew up with the "don't touch anything" type of thing. I just don't get how they think because I have the animals there, that they are a free for all. After I went off my fiancé told me he will completely ignore my horses 100%, they do not exist anymore to him. I guess that's how it has to be then since he can't just agree to the simply no one rides them.
Your going to have alot more problems down the road now if he says he is going to "ignore" an aspect of your life that seems VERY important to you. I would dig deeper into your issues as a couple. Sounds like theres alot more going on. Lots of red flags in your posts. |
|
| |
|
You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:53 PM
Yes, we live together. We live on his family's property & that's where my horses are as well. I guess I just grew up with the "don't touch anything" type of thing. I just don't get how they think because I have the animals there, that they are a free for all. After I went off my fiancé told me he will completely ignore my horses 100%, they do not exist anymore to him. I guess that's how it has to be then since he can't just agree to the simply no one rides them.
do you pay for board to keep them there? |
|
| |
|
The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | After reading all the posts... It sounds like two teenage girls getting a pony ride is the least of your problems.... |
|
| |
|
 "Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals. If I was dating someone who mistreated my horse, drunk or sober, I'd be GONE! It is a window into the soul and I personally think that's a huge red flag. |
|
| |
|
Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | svincent - 2015-10-29 2:13 PM After reading all the posts... It sounds like two teenage girls getting a pony ride is the least of your problems....
yes, I agree |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 628
Location: Missouri | Like everyone else has said, there are a couple red flags.
I think if he is ignoring your requests already about something that can, 1. potentially hurt someone if not handle right and 2. Would hurt you emotionally if something ever happened to it, is a HUGE red flag.
The next issue is the whole mis-treating an animal while drunk/any time. That is a huge no no no no HELL no for me! I do NOT take lightly to mistreating of any of my animals drunk or sober. I consider my animals as my children and would never beat or abuse my child.
I think going to a marriage counselor or church leader to talk about your needs and wants would really help. Some times having someone unbiased to hear both of you out helps. Your both SUPER young. I'm 25 and understand how childish I can still be in my relationship. I think if he is not listening to you and you are mis-communicating to him, that is sort of the root to a lot of your issues.
I wouldn't say leave him without at least attempting to work through it, no one is perfect after all, but I do say that is counseling and trying to work through it doesn't work, it may be time to reconsider your choices. Who and what do you love more? Would you give up your animals to be with him at the end of the day? It's a tough choice but I think having someone outside the picture will really help, after all, we are all going to side with you on this since our horses are our world.
Good luck  |
|
| |
|
 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | What do you like about the guy? |
|
| |
Folks on-line